I

Kazuki had not a doubt that Jubei loved him. Yet since Jubei could fathom no greater pleasure in life than in repeating his avowals of faithfulness to his master, he, Kazuki, decided to take their relationship into his own hands. The conservative Koto player would have had reservations against such forthrightness, having been taught to behave as a demure, graceful, elegant girl since boyhood. He comforted himself nonetheless with the feminism he acquired from foxy Heaven, and excused himself for this breach of decorum, all the time forgetting that he was in fact not quite a girl and had no need for excuses of any sort.

While thus engaged in his thoughts he did not see his loyal lover appear round the bend. "Kazuki," Jubei called out, smiling sweetly and innocently as a dog. "What are you thinking about?" he added, tongue wagging – well at least so it seemed to Kazuki.

Despite his propensity to shred humans up, Kazuki never really had a masochistic streak in him. Hence he was forced to leave Jubei's question unanswered, lest the latter start twitching in mental agony over his failure to fathom the obscure depths of feminist epistemology and resort to physical expression of his inner pain, which, unhappily, often took the form of self-flagellation.

So instead, Kazuki smiled sweetly back, and, since feminist ideology decried demure feminine dithering, immediately launched, "Kiss me now or I'll rape you!" A moment's reflection cautioned him against such a demonstration of manly aggression however, and he hastily softened his threat with another sweet innocent smile.

Kazuki patiently waited for his words to travel the nerve cells connecting Jubei's ears to his brain.

… …

"Kazuki I'll give up my life to protect you!!" howled Jubei with furious ebullience.

Kazuki, ever appreciative of his beloved's uniqueness, decided to focus less on how that might be considered a response to his demand, and more on his unrestrained sincerity. "Thank you Jubei," he replied encouragingly, whereupon his most beloved could not help but grin, full-toothed and bright-eyed, thoroughly pleased with himself.

Growing up with Jubei since boyhood led Kazuki to develop superhuman patience. So he tried again, "Jubei, I request that you kiss me now."

… …

"But Kazuki," he ventured, and failed to go any further. Kazuki waited patiently…indefatigably…and waited…until a little puppy frolicked by and glanced up at him with the exact same expression of earnest contemplation that featured on Jubei's countenance.

Ever appreciative, Kazuki made himself think, "How adorable!"

But a serious task was at hand.

"Jubei!" he intoned commandingly (and how…obedient that Jubei should lean forward to stare with rapt at attention at the words presently forming round the corners of Kazuki's lips). "Jubei!" he repeated, just in case. And, taking care to enunciate his words as carefully and slowly as possible, he went on – "Kiiisssssss mmeeee!" – and ended off with his lips pursed in front of Jubei – just in case.

"Kazuki…" he valiantly restarted, voice trembling, nervous. Registering the emotion sizzling through Jubei's body, Kazuki heaved a silent sigh of relief – finally!, my precious one begins to experience something vaguely sexual.

… …

"Kazuki…I don't understand." He ended, flatly. He tried to think of something intelligent enough to say to Kazuki but, ultimately failing, settled instead with a passionate renewal of his faithfulness, "But I will protect you with my life!" so he added.

Kazuki, ever patient, finally lost patience with patience. "JUUUUUUBBBBEEEEIIIII!!!!!" he yelled, shaking his dearest one rather forcefully by the shoulders.

Rather perplexed by his master's oddities, Jubei decided to roar once more, with an augmented passion – "I will protect you!!!" – at which Kazuki was shocked back to his feminine senses and recoiled his grasping hands, leaving both of them face to face in the wake of incoherence. Jubei, feeling a little uncomfortable, decided to seal his avowal with an emphatic grunt. This having done, he was sufficiently pleased with himself. Hence he proudly crossed his arms and grinned, full-toothed, bright-eyed, waiting for Kazuki to pat him on the head.

So he waited…and waited…and finally he was struck with the revelatory notion that his master was not too happy with his performance.

"Kazuki, you don't look very happy," he said, and then added – "Why?" – which would have demonstrated great intrepidity had he actually realized how perilously close he was to being torn into shreds.

But a flash of inspiration suddenly hit Kazuki and his anger subsided as his plan began unfolding in his head: "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" – not that he was masochistic of course. But yes! He found his plan – he would wham the woodblock with the dumbbell.

"Jubei I hate you!"

Kazuki very nearly abandoned his plan upon seeing the lost, hurt and very confused look on his beloved's face. He decided however, that the hurt pained look was rather becoming on Jubei, and hence pressed on.

"Jubei you have failed to protect me!"

"No Kazuki, I'll protect you!"

"No you will fail me!"

"I'll protect you with my life!"

"I hate you!"

"Kazuki! NOO!!!!"

"My puppy died!!"

"I'll protect you and your puppy!"

"The sky is brown!!"

"Kazuki!! With my life!!"

"Bambi died!!!!!"

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

… …Kazuki underestimated the stamina of vacuous minds in his plan. After hurling accusations of how he had porridge for breakfast that morning, how he had only two arms, and how chickens can't fly, he was left rather creatively drained. The intense Socratic interrogation was taking its toll on Jubei too, who, realizing that "I'll protect you!" would no longer appease the imperial caprices of his master, ended up expressing his ardent emotions in a series of grunts, roars and bellows.

Kazuki rather enjoyed watching his lover release his amorous passions, but nevertheless decided to relieve him of his well-deserved punishment, being, of course, not too much disposed toward sadomasochism. (But oh! Just one more – "Mary lost her little lamb!!" – Aaarrgghgrrrrrwwaaaarrrrwwrggh). Therefore he (oh just another one more!), so he carefully and slowly enunciated to his beloved, presently convulsing with the cramps of passionate love, "Just kidding! I love you!"

… …

… …

Then an exquisite heavenly joy suffused his features. Tears welled up in his eyes and he leapt into Kazuki's arms roaring away the newest additions to his vocabulary – "I looooaaave you!!"

And so, holding his precious beloved in his arms, having got his way after all, Kazuki stood pondering over the mysteries of feminist ideology.