Finding The Way Home
Author: Jag-Fel
Genre: Drama/Romance
Era/Setting: post-"Ties That Bind"
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: The song is "Home" by Michael Buble. I don't own that either.
Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
A deep frown scarred the expression of Seth Cohen as he stared out over the expanse of the Pacific Ocean. He'd been gone for what felt like months. The Summer Breeze was docked at another anonymous harbor, but Seth couldn't find it within himself to return after all that had happened. Ryan gone back to Chino. Seth had left Summer...
God, he left Summer. For the millionth time, Seth swore to himself and tried to fight the onslaught of tears that had plagued him for the month he'd been gone.
"Alright," he said quietly, mostly to himself, as no one else was present. "Someone tell me what to do."
Maybe part of him was expecting an answer, but only silence reigned after Seth's quiet words. A pang of tumultuous guilt tore through Seth's chest, finally breaking the damn holding back his flood of tears. Seth buried his face in his hands, climatically letting his tears fall unchecked.
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
Even more than his parents, Seth missed that one girl, his Summer, more than anything. He'd traveled to several ports and harbors on his way along the Pacific coast, but he'd never felt more alone. Even more than his childhood, when he'd had no one. But he'd always had no one. Now he'd left everything good in his life behind.
Another sob brought Seth back into reality, summoning his courage to try and soldier on, like the characters in his comic books would have.
"Spiderman wouldn't have sailed away," Seth remarked sadly, tying his boat off in the cold morning harbor. "No, he would have confronted what had happened. Then again, I'm no Spiderman."
No, he was just Seth Cohen, teenager, trying to figure out how the hell he'd managed to get into this predicament.
And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Seth dried his tears and laid back on the Summer Breeze, a pile of folded papers resting on his stomach. With great effort, he cracked one open, reading its contents. Another one of his unfinished letters to Summer, the kind he'd written every day since leaving and never taken the chance to finish and send.
He wanted to tell her everything, to explain why he'd left, but every time he tried to explain it, he'd collapsed. No small amount of writing could fix what he'd done, no paper could properly explain Seth's emotions.
The way he'd left her... God, the way he'd left her. With just a damned note, not even man enough to explain the way he was feeling to Summer in person. What kind of person does that? Seth Cohen did, apparently.
"Summer deserves better than that," he murmured to no one again. "Deserves better than me, anyway."
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home
Sailing the coast of the Pacific had been monotonous. Everywhere he went, more of the same. More sunny, superficial coastline, more spoiled rich people lining the shores. Seth knew perfectly well that he'd lived on that same sunny and superficial coastline, had been a spoiled rich person lining those shores himself. But that didn't change his own personal outrage.
Seth supposed it really had little to do with the climates and people, but more to do with coping with what he'd done. Leaving his family, Summer, everything he knew...
Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
The sun was rising now, replacing the dull purples and pinks of sunrise with an equally dull orange just minutes before that sphere of warmth and brightness ushered its mighty entourage into the sky, bringing another day with its rays.
"Another day away from home," Seth chanted, almost lyrical, dipping his bare feet in the cool water. "Another day from Summer."
Or another day of summer, the season. Taking into account the bullying and teasing of his earlier years, Seth felt his tears well up again as he could definitively consider this summer the worst summer ever. Ever.
Leaning back and reaching for his backpack, Seth dug deep and pulled out an object that held great significance. Even with his vague plastic horse expression, even Captain Oats seemed to frown at Seth, voicing his displeasure.
"I know, man, you want to be here just as badly as I do. Not at all."
And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me
When the realization that Ryan was leaving, completely stepping out of Seth's life, had occurred to him, Seth felt like he'd entered an alternate dimension. Like he was walking in someone else's shoes. Everything had been perfect. He had a friend – no, a brother – a host of friends... a girlfriend, even, and he loved her. Damn, he loved her.
Sailing away was like he'd just stepped outside of his problems for a moment, a second, a brief inhalation. Part of Seth, no all of Seth, wished he'd asked Summer to come with him, to work this out between them. Maybe together there would have been an answer.
But not now. Not after Seth had left. Not after he'd been gone for a month.
Summer had meant everything to Seth. She'd been the center of his galaxy, his universe. She'd stabilized his eccentricities and idiosyncrasies. She'd been the Robin to his Batman. Wait, bad analogy.
"How about the Princess Sparkle to my Captain Oats?" he asked himself, nodding in approval instantly.
Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
It seemed like every day longer he was gone, the days grew shorter and the weather cooler. He awoke in the mornings shivering, wanting to return home, to sleep in his own bed, to be embarrassed by his parents, to hold Summer in his arms... Hell, he'd even deal with Marissa's problems if it meant returning home.
Seth had realized early on that no place could possibly replace Newport as home, but he'd still been incapacitated in his valiant attempts to return. That morning, Seth wiped the dry tears from his cheek. His cold, callused fingers gripped the ropes that commanded his catamaran's sails. Seth hauled himself to his knees, securing the sail for another voyage.
He was leaving that anonymous port.
And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
As he set the Summer Breeze slicing through the Pacific waters, Seth frowned at the hosts of people clamoring to their own boats as morning grew upon them. Not unlike him, they found at peace with the water, enjoying the peace of morning sailing.
Even with others following his calling, Seth felt alone. Still no family, no friends, no Summer. He needed to return. He had to return home and beg forgiveness from everyone. He needed to see Ryan, to tell his family he'd never run away again, to tell Summer he loved her... he really, really loved her.
There was no question about it, Seth was sailing home that day.
Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home
Newport Beach looked so much smaller when you approach it from the ocean. Smaller even more when you've been gone for a month. Seth coasted his boat into the harbor, docking at his usual berth. The dock workers glanced at him nervously, as if they recognized him and were considering their options. Seth hoped they wouldn't call the police.
Putting one foot in front of the other, he began walking. The streets flew by. Like he'd never left, the Cohen house looked as quiet as it always had before Ryan. It wasn't time to return to an empty home.
No, Seth's destination was another home. Feeling out of place and guilty, Seth shouldered his backpack and walked toward the door of the Roberts' mansion. He set the pack beside a tall pillar and wished he was as tall and strong as that pillar, but he'd have to be.
Taking a deep breath, Seth reached for the doorbell.
No matter what happened, Seth Cohen was home.
The door opened, replacing the monotonous white door with the small form of Summer Roberts, a face Seth would have recognized anywhere. Her eyes glazed over and she stepped back, covering her mouth with a hand.
"Seth?" she asked, suddenly shy and quiet.
"It's me," he whispered, suddenly unable to find his own voice. "Hi Summer."
Tears formed in her gorgeous brown eyes. Seth felt his heart breaking, so he met her halfway and hugged her tightly, tossing all cares to the wind.
"I missed you so damn much, Summer," he cried. "I love you and I'm not leaving you again."
"I missed you to, Seth," she murmured into his shoulder.
To possibly be continued maybe.
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