grief; noun. keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. usually in five stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Denial

It was the day after Axel had returned from Castle Oblivion, alone. Xemnas had ordered the remaining Nobodies to their rooms, while he dealt with it. However, two Nobodies had disobeyed his orders, one having taken shelter in the Hall of Empty Melodies, playing his sitar and trying to cheer himself up. The other was in the Proof of Existence, in front of one of the red tombstones. He was staring at the panel, glowering at it.

"I can't accept it. . .I won't!" He slammed his foot on the panel, not intending on actually damaging it, and running the memory of the one he was cursing. He continued to stomp his foot several times.

He wouldn't cry. He couldn't. He would never forgive him if he did. Or let him live it down. But still. . .

"You said you were going to be fine, damn it! You swore it! And you. . .you. . ."

He trailed off, not trusting himself to continue. He still couldn't believe it. Before he had left, he had made him promise to come back. He couldn't be dead. He was. . .he was just pretending to be. Yeah, that was it. He convinced himself that that was true, and portaled off while still in denial, wondering where he could be hiding.

Anger

"GODFUCKINGDAMNIT!"

Several Heartless soon found themselves heading back into Darkness. More joined them, until there were no more left around him. But he wasn't satisfied, leaving the area to find more.

He. Wasn't. Anywhere. He was going to kill him when he found him. Make him pay for breaking his promise to him, and then keep a damn eye on him until they both actually died. He wasn't sure if he'd ever forgive him, but right now, he just needed to release some steam. Fast.

By the time he was done releasing his anger, he had probably more than a hundred counts of kills. But he still wasn't satisfied. He wouldn't be, not until he could actually take his anger out on who he wanted the most.

Bargaining

It was a rare night in which Xemnas was absent from the Altar of Naught. Though he was missing, someone else had filled his place for him for the night, staring at the bright, heart – shaped moon.

"Bring him back. Please. See, look? I even used the word please."

He was trying to make a deal with Kingdom Hearts, to bring back his friend. He had been standing there for over an hour now, trying to come up with different ways to get Kingdom Hearts of fulfill his request. However, the moon continued to be silent, never answering him back. His shoulders slumped forward, having given up his bargaining, and returned his room.

Depression

He didn't answer whenever his name was called. He didn't answer when they pounded on his door, and ignored it when they shouted at him to come out and cheer up, or when he was threatened. He was almost determined to let himself fade away, to be with him.

He let himself get dragged out by one of the others, through a portal, and to another world for a mission. However, he wasn't concentrating, and almost let himself get killed not once, but twice. Eventually, the other realized he wasn't ever going to snap out of it, and dragged him back to his room, and left to get help.

At the next meeting, he was only half – paying attention. He caught bits and pieces, and when it ended he stumbled into a portal and down a hallway, when one of the others found him. He tried to walk past him, but the other grabbed his arm and roughly pushed him against the wall. He didn't protest.

"What do you think you're doing?" the other almost growled. He didn't answer, glancing off to the side instead. He was shaken, and he finally looked the other in the eye.

"I—"

"You're being stupid, that's what you're doing. He wouldn't want you to do that, you know."

"You don't—"

"I've known him for almost the same amount of time as you. Both of them would be pissed to know that you're acting like this. They would probably never talk to you again."

He dropped the other, and left through a portal. He stood there for a while, contemplating whether or not his depression was worth it.

Acceptance

He was standing in front of his tombstone again, only this time he wasn't in denial, and he wasn't there to curse at it. He stared at the panel, a smile that was more of a smirk on his lips.

"Hey, again. . .I'm sorry for yelling at you the last time I was here. . .I guess I've moved on now."

He paused, as if waiting for an answer. Of course, he wasn't that delusional, and knew that he wouldn't get one no matter how long he waited. Of course, he was just fine with that, just feeling better getting it off of his chest.

"Guess what? The Keyblade Master's here in the Castle. . .Axel's already gone. Killed himself for that traitor, Roxas. . ."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. . .that I never figured it out. . .not until it was too late. It's a stupid excuse, but I guess I was just blinded by who I wanted then who you did. . .and you called me your best friend." he said, trying to make amends before he left. "I don't. . .deserve your love."

And with that, Xigbar portaled off, finally accepted Vexen's death, while heading off to his own.

Crappy ending, lovely pairing. Dedicated to Xal – chan and InuYasha – chan. They know who they are and why it's dedicated to them. :)