It starts with a lonely hearts ad for the 'thing(s) seeking thing(s)' section of the seasonal edition of Ship Weekly the number one (that is only) e-paper on the Enterprise. It was at times like this Uhura was thankful to have Spock as a boyfriend (even if he was a bit irritating at times) for with New Years Eve coming up the number of lonely officers trying to find a partner had more than doubled. While it dramatically increased her workload Uhura didn't begrudge the desperate souls looking for love. Though a part of her can't help but feel annoyed at every fake application she finds herself flicking through. For there were always a few lads that had nothing better to do then spend their time trying to come up with something funny at the expense of another crewmember.

Often it doesn't take a genius like herself to figure out which ones are sincere and which ones are pure shazbot. Application 34 for example invites a certain young Russian ensign to meet with the captain after hours ( Kirks lust for anything that moves is undeniable and Uhura might have bought it had the Captain not apparently sent every other crewmember including herself an identical invitation). Determined to avoid another incident, like the valentine disaster which set up Chapel with McCoy only for it to turn out that he was already in a relationship with Gaila, Uhura checks every application herself rather than just relying on the computers obscenity parameters.

Therefore when she reads the words Tall, skinny, balding Scottish bloke seeks dissimilar only one thought springs to mind. "This has to be a joke" thinks Uhura feeling a little disgusted with the sender. "Surely this is akin to bullying" she thinks for there is only one Scottish member of crew. "How dare they belittle him!" she thinks looking over the harsh words as she begins to type a furious message to the captain. She thinks better of sending the message though, for it might only make things worse. Deciding not to include the terrible hurtful message and for now to do nothing but wait Uhura returns to her task.

A few days after the latest edition has been posted Uhura is still looking for the delinquents responsible when she is visited by Scotty himself. He looks somewhat embarrassed when he tells her that he wants to talk to her confidentially about something of a private nature. Her initial thought is that he may know about the application she was sent but she shakes it off. Scotty is after all not one to listen to ship gossip, preferring instead to play with his dinosaurs down in engineering.

So when he asks if she received his lonely hearts letter she nearly dies for only one failed application makes her think of the engineer.

"Uh I don't suppose ya remember it what with all the other applications ya received an all, but um well it was a funny wee thing, kinda short but well I thought it might interest those with a sense of humour." He tells her, nervously fiddling with his hands. Uhura goes pale as she realises the mistake she has made. There is even less time remaining till new years and by now most of the ship is sorted for midnight. Guilt surges through her as she debates pretending to know nothing or admit her horrible mistake.

Somehow Uhura feels horrible about crushing Scotty's dreams and before she knows it she's telling him that she had been meaning to speak with him for as a special surprise she has arranged a New Years blind date. Though she has no idea how she's going to manage it nor who to invite the smile Scotty gives her seems well worth the arduous task.

When asking her friends proves futile Uhura decides to let the computer choose Scotty's date. It rapidly sorts through all active personnel for the most suitable date possible while simultaneously halting all but the most basic of ship functions including the tea making functions. Thankfully the computer manages to produce a result before any real damage is caused. Staring at the chosen candidate in surprise Uhura is forced to remind herself of Spock's words about the superiority and efficiency of computers. After all while Keenser may not have been Uhura's choice of date that doesn't mean the same can be said about Scotty, a man who is after all a peculiar mix of innocence, eccentricity and a rather large dash of genius.

Convincing Keenser to go on the date proves trickier than Uhura had anticipated.

"No" Says Keenser huffily "Don't wanna" he says folding his arms.

"But I thought the two of you got on" "Argued Uhura.

"Not speaking to him."

"Oh come on!"

"Well..." he says unfolding his arms. "I suppose it was stupid fight, after all Bruce Wane is Batman so either way he still technically wins the fight..."

"Sure" Says Uhura without the slightest clue as to what she is agreeing with. "So will you go?" She asks hopefully.

After cashing in a few favours here and there Uhura manages to set up a romantic dinner for two in one of the larger Jefferies tubes. With Keenser waiting with a bottle of Scotch generously donated by Doctor McCoy and a feast of the finest replicated food, Uhura helps Scotty with his final preparations. Scotty takes just one look at his date

"Ya canne be serious! Keenser is me date?" asks Scotty "Why on earth are ya setting me up with me ex on New Years Eve? Wait your trying to reconcile us ain't ya!" Utterly confused by Scotty's revelation Uhura just nods and hopes for the best. Straitening his bowtie Scotty makes his way over to Keenser with a smile. Uhura watches them from afar momentarily before slipping away to meet up with Spock.

And that is why Uhura is given the role of godmother to Scotty and Keenser's first child instead of Captain Kirk.

I must admit that I have taken some artistic license with this story in making Keenser female and such (though as I don't specify this in the story so if you want he can remain male- its up to you). I'm sorry if in doing so I've upset any readers but this story is meant to be funny... so please feel free to ignore this story if you wish or simply put it down to the inexperience of the writer.