Engagement Rings and Guardian Angels
The baby inside me kicked and I gasped, my hands flying to my stomach, the round bump there moving in small quick jerks under my hands. I smiled. "Only three more months, D.J." I murmured to myself and the baby. I named the baby D.J for my close friend Devon, who was in a car accident and didn't survive, and ever since I was young, I have always loved the name Jacob. So I would name my son Devon Jacob 'D.J' Crawford.
I stood up to and walked over to my mirror to find out how big the baby bump was. Looking at my stomach, I turned to my profile, and it looked like there was a small round defined bump under my jacket. I cradled the bump and swayed my body softly, thinking of what he will look like when he was born, any signs of his father, myself or anyone else? The doctor said that he would be due on January 7th, so it was late August, and soon people will notice that I was pregnant when I got into my Sophomore year.
I know, you're thinking, "You're 16?" Yeah, I did some pretty stupid things without thinking, but hey, I got to suffer the consequences. I'd take it and be grateful… Let's just hope that Erik will be a man and suffer with me. Erik is the father and I am head over heels in love with him. We have been together ever since 9th grade and September 6th was our 3rd year anniversary. He's 17 and started seeing me when it was the first day of school a few years ago. I remember that day like it was yesterday…
I stared at the building, the look of it gave me the chills. The gate was over eight feet tall and the metal bars looked like they were from jail and wouldn't let anyone out as much as they screamed, cried, and suffered to even get a breath of fresh air. On the other side of the jailed poles, was the main building that looked like a shack and could easily be torn down if someone even kicked it. I smiled as I thought of it like a cartoon. Me walking up to the building and barely kicking it, and a huge CRASH! Then the building falls and looks like a huge pile of smashed sticks. My smirked faded and I took a deep breath. "Well, here's to a new school." And I took my first step to my future four years of hell.
It wasn't that I tried, I gave my sweat, blood and tears into school and homework, I just didn't get the stuff that the teachers said. The only that I was good at was music, it was everything to me. Piano, singing, guitar, tabs, keys, vibrato, everything about it made me feel like I had a meaning in the world…
After I got my schedule, I went to my first class, which was English, and it was my second favorite subject -besides free period- but it was also one of my hardest. I mean, why did they have to do all that grammar crap, with the semi colons, periods, commas, all that jazz? It only confused the hell out of me.
Ms. Minish was okay, small, round, kind hearted and treated each student like they were her own children… We could even swear in her class! Second period was boring, Mr. Lehane was a bald, blue eyed man, chubby and once in a while with his lectures about history he would become monotone. He gave us an index card that we had to fill out so we could give to him if we were good, bad, or just reminders for projects, blah, blah, blah, you get what I mean.
Third period was the subject that I dreaded the most. Math… oh how I loathed that subject with a passion. But when I got into the classroom, the teacher Mr. Daniels was tough, and had tricks up his sleeves to let us get it better. He didn't care that we would fool around in class, we just had to sit down, shut up, and learn when he said.
Fourth period was my free period, so I asked a chubby man who happened to be coming down the hallway, and I asked where the music room was, and apparently it was the music teacher, Mr. Doyle. He was enthusiastic and recommended that I got into band, but I politely refused. I walked down the hallway, the door in my sight, when the door next to me swung open quickly.
In mere seconds, the corner of the door made contact with my temple. I staggered back and fell on the ground as my consciousness grew thinner by the second. "Oh my god, I'm sorry!" a voice said as I looked up to see the most beautiful golden brown orbs before the darkness consumed me.
All I could see was darkness, and I suddenly felt some minor senses creeping back into my mind. I could barely hear whispers from a distance.
"Is she okay?"
"I don't know, you hit her with the door."
The whispers died and my head was throbbing like crazy and it felt like it was hit with a baseball bat. I moaned and I opened my eyes to find the nurse put an ice pack on my head. I moved my head from the cold, but that made my head throb more. "You got to stay still, honey, you got hit pretty hard."
I moved my eyes around the room to find what was a regular nurses office, but the person next to me made me gasp softly. The boy sitting next to me was the same golden brown eyed angel, but his nose was pointing to the floor. His long shaggy curly hair was covering his face and his shoulders slumped in defeat and shame. His strong jaw flexed as if he was swallowing a lump in his throat. His strong chin quivered as he bit his lip. His hands were clasped together- whoa… His hands were flawlessly gorgeous. He seemed to realize that I was staring, and he started stammering. "Oh, my god, I-I am so sorry that I hit you with the-the door, I wasn't paying attention. I-" I interrupted him by clearing my throat, the throbbing in my head gone and I looked up at the nurse.
"Thank you for the ice. I think I'm okay." She nodded and she stood up to take the pack to the freezer. My head turned to the angel next to me. "It's okay, I'm clumsy sometimes." He smiled weakly, protruding the most adorable dimples. "I'm Erik." I held out my hand so he could shake it. "I'm Christine." He took my hand and smiled. "Christine." He repeated to himself.
And the rest was history.
D.J was conceived at a party at a friend's house and I had too many drinks (bad choices, remember?). Me and Erik were drunk so we went into a back room, and well, you get the picture. When I realized that I was late, I grew scared. I immediately went to a drug store to find tests, and after I took both of them, my heart dropped to find the little plus sign on both tests.
I also knew that I was pregnant because I was awfully moody and had the strangest craving for pork rinds and milk. I was so nervous to tell Erik, but he had to know, and I was anxious if he would be with me still after I tell him? Would he want to have me get rid of it? No, I could never do that, I wouldn't live with that, and giving away the baby would be more painful than an abortion. When I told him, we were outside my house on a swing talking.
"Hey sweetie, if we got married, would you want to live in a castle?" I asked, keeping the mask on but my heart was beating like a drum. I grabbed his hand and our fingers intertwined. He chuckled. "Yeah, and I would be the king and you would be the beautiful queen."
My thumb rubbed the side of his hand in small motions. "Even with little princes and princesses?" He hesitated. "Yeah, maybe." I sighed. "We need to talk about it because I have to tell you something." He looked at me confusingly. "What?" Realization crept over his face, and his skin became ashen. "Oh, god, are you pregnant?" Tears formed in my eyes. "Yeah. It's been a month since the party." He groaned softly and he ran his hands through his hair.
"What are we going to do?" He asked in a monotone voice.
I shrugged. "Are you going to break up with me?" A single tear ran down my face. He looked up at me and ran his thumb across my cheek where the tear was rolling. "Never, especially when I have you in this state." He said as he put his hand on my flat stomach. I smiled weakly. "Thank you." I said and my lips crashed onto his.
After knowing that the baby would be coming, Erik stopped partying, and did more studying. He made me so proud when he broke the news that he would be graduating early and get a get a job with the local vet, since he has a pure love for animals.
At this time I was about 3 months, and I was thankfully not showing yet, but to make sure, I would always wear loose shirts. When my friends asked I would shrug it off and say that I have been gaining weight. They would look at each other and snicker as if I was some kind of joke. Maybe I was the gossip of the school that I was some slut with an unknown father.
I talked to Erik about my paranoia and he merely smiled and kissed my forehead and laid his hands on my belly. "What would people think? How would they react?" I whispered in a shaky voice. "Christine…" Erik growled, "We've been through this before. They will think you are going to be a wonderful, strong, amazing mother, no matter what age. I'm sure of it." He kissed my head and rubbed softly.
I sighed shakily. "Who do you think he'll look like? Me or you?"
Erik shrugged. "I want him to have your eyes and-"
"Your big ass nose?" I interrupted with a giggle.
He mocked gasped, and said in a feminine tone, "Why honey, my nose ain't that big, your's is bigger!"
I laughed out loud and playfully smacked his chest. "I really wish you hadn't said that , because your nose is huge!" He chuckled. "Christine, lets just hope that D.J. will have a small, cute button nose like yours." He muffled into my hair. I pulled his face down to give him a kiss.
At that moment, D.J. kicked in my belly for the first time.
The sound of the door knocking interrupted my thoughts and I mumbled a small, "Come in." I smiled as I found Erik smiling brightly, immediately making my day and my insides turning into mush. "Hey." We both said at the same time, and I walked up to him and planted a kiss on his lips. "What's up?" I asked and his expression changed into tranquility. I realized that his clothes looked nice, dress pants and a Hawaiian shirt. "Nothing, I just wanted to see my girlfriend and son." he said as one of his hands crept to my stomach. I giggled. "D.J was kicking a few minutes earlier. Feel." I lifted my shirt so he could feel my belly. D.J. kicked and Erik gasped. "Wow, he must be kicking hard, I felt that one."
I laughed. "I love you, Erik." He kissed me tenderly and looked straight into my eyes.
"I have a gift for you. Close your eyes." My eyes snapped shut and I felt his hand leave my stomach and he shuffled around a bit. "Open them."
My eyes opened and I gasped. Erik was on one knee with a small velvet box opened with a small ring in it. "Christine Rhiannon Warner, I will love you forever and I will never leave you. Will you marry me?"
My eyes were wet with tears. "Yes." I choked. He laughed and he hugged me tightly and kissed me fiercely yet gently. I deepened the kiss and ran my fingers through his hair to bring his face closer. He smiled against my lips and broke it to look at me, he was crying too.
"Aw why are you crying?" I blubbered. "Because you are going to be my fiancé." Wow, Mrs. Erik Crawford. Has a ring to it. "Hey honey, we got to find a castle now." I laughed. Erik laughed along with me and told me to wash my face as he was wiping the tears off of his face, because we were going out to dinner to celebrate. That's why he was wearing nice clothes.
"Why don't I just get ready like we are going on a date?" He nodded and pulled out his MP3 player and stuck his headphones in. "I'll be waiting." And he played the music was blasting in his headphones. I smiled and turned to go into my bathroom.
The shower was quick, but it felt like I was in there for an hour. I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out of the mist. I looked at myself in the mirror, My eyes were red from crying, but my brown irises were black. My pupils dilate when my mood changes if I am happy, sad, or irritated.
My clear skin was mildly pale, but it was glowing from happiness. My belly was more defined because of the towel around my body. My brown hair was damp, but my short spiky hair sprayed water all over the place when I ran my hand through it, kinda like how water is flicked when you run your finger through the bristles of a wet toothbrush. I walked out of the bathroom to find Erik laying on my bed, his foot moving to the beat of the music and his eyes closed. I smiled and I went into my closet to find a dress.
I came out of the closet to show Erik the black and white strapless dress that flowed from the bust down, which made my bump stand out immediately. He looked at me dumfounded and smiled. "You look gorgeous." And he stood up to take my hand and pulled me to the door. We walked down the stairs, and passed by the living room to find my mom with a bottle of alcohol and her eyes glued to the TV.
I rolled my eyes and growled under my breath. My parents are divorced and my mom never got over it, so she would drink alcohol to 'Wash away the pain' as she said a while ago. "Come on. Let's go." I whispered and I pulled his hand to lead me through the back door.
We went to a sushi restaurant called Fujiya in downtown Minneapolis and started talking about the wedding, and he told me that he went to my dad's apartment to get his blessing so he wouldn't get in trouble if he proposed to me without asking.
"He was a little confused at first and then gave me a lecture on how it was a big step in life and I might be a little too young to get married. But then he got all nice and told me that I was welcomed into the family. So I got on one knee and here we are!" I smiled. "Man, we are going to be so happy…" I rested my head on his shoulder. His hand flew to my stomach and rubbed softly.
When I was stuffed with chicken and rice, (pregnant women can't have sushi.) and Erik got his Washington roll, we headed out to walk by the lake on the sidewalk. Holding hands and talking, we laughed our butts off by talking about our fantasies in our kingdom.
It was about 10 o' clock when I got home, giving Erik a kiss goodbye and walked up to the house. The lights were on, so my mom was still awake, but hopefully she wasn't drunk. I crept up the stairs and into my room. I flicked on the lights and gasped to find my mom sitting on my bed. Her eyes were dilated and her hair was a messy black disarray. She was drunk.
"Where were you?" She slurred. I gulped. "I went out to dinner with Erik."
She scoffed. "You are always with that stupid boy, all he ever did was knock you up." The hormones kicked in and I started getting angry.
"Don't you dare talk about my f-boyfriend or my son like that, mother!" I snarled. She stood up and grabbed my left hand and stared at the ring furiously. "What the hell is this?" She screamed in my face, her breath smelled like alcohol and my gag reflexes started churning.
"It's nothing." I looked away. "Why are you getting married?" I looked at her with annoyance. "Because I love him, Mother." I seethed. "Watch how you talk to me, or you will be in a world of pain." She threatened. "I dare you, you wouldn't do that to your grandson, would you?" I challenged.
Next thing I knew I was running down the hall to get away from her, but she was fast and my belly made me waddle instead of run.
"You stupid little witch!" She yelled as she pushed me down the stairs. Screaming in agony, I fell down the steps, turning and twisting in motions that were impossible. A step slammed into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me, and crushing D.J. in the process. The last thing I remember was Erik screaming "CHRISTINE!" before the darkness swallowed me.
As I drifted in the darkness, I could hear voices yelling in the distance.
"Get the baby out of her, he can't breathe!"
"Get me my gloves!" A man shouted. A few minutes later, the softest sound made my heart sing. The smallest little baby cry was music to my ears. Realization crept over my mind.
D.J was here.
My eyes opened and looked around the room, I felt my leg and stomach was stinging. "Christine." Someone gasped. I barely looked at who it was but I knew it was Erik. His hair was disheveled and matted from running his fingers through his hair and his eyes were half crazed and huge purple shades were in his eyes. He was wearing the same shirt on the day that he proposed to me. "Erik, where is he?" I ran my finger over my stomach. It was flatter than before. Erik didn't respond.
"Where is he? Is he okay?" Tears brimmed in my eyes. Was my baby okay? What happened? Erik started sobbing. "D.J is in the NICU, you got pushed down the stairs by your mom and you hit a step. It nearly crushed him, and you broke your leg," I strained to look down at my leg, which was wrapped in a cast.
"The doctors delivered him by an emergency C-Section. They said that he cried a few seconds and he turned blue. They said that the oxygen flow was lacking because you hit the stair so hard, it bruised the placenta and nearly severed the umbilical cord." My control was slipping through my hands and I my body racked with painful sobs.
"They said that he is on the respirator, and they said that he will be shown to you when you wake up, and you have been out for two days… I saw him and he is so beautiful, he is so small, he could fit into my hands… " My baby. My baby, I won't get to see him on his first birthday, his first steps, his first laugh, his first word, his first girlfriend, his first smile, his first day of school, his graduation, nothing… The thought of a respirator shoved down his throat made my cries grow harder and louder. He must be in so much pain . I couldn't breathe because I was sobbing so painfully. Erik said nothing as he wrapped his arms around me and I felt his body shudder with cries of pain, it was his arms that made me restrain myself screaming at the top of my lungs, both from physical and emotional pain.
A few hours passed and I found out that my mom was taken to prison for child abuse. When I was going out of the hospital I had to go to court to make my statements. That will be fun.
I had the energy to see D.J. and I got help into a wheel chair. A friendly nurse took us to the NICU and my heart was pounding in anticipation. We passed incubators filled with small babies with jaundice shades over their eyes, tubes and cords connected onto their bodies.
I saw an incubator with multiple thin tubes coming out of it and my heart dropped. We wheeled up to the little bed to find a tiny little D.J sleeping peacefully, his lips, or his foot would twitch once every few seconds, a tube was up his nose and in his mouth and a heart monitor behind his incubator was beating unevenly. I smiled weakly at him, but he was blurry because my eyes were watering. I looked up at the nurse. "Can I hold him?" She smiled.
"Of course." She said and carefully picked him up. He could fit easily in her hands. I looked back up at the incubator which had a sticker that said 'Devon Jacob Crawford. 2 lbs, 8 oz. 13 in.' She cleared her throat. "Here is Momma." She cooed to him as she set him in my hands. The soft skin was as if he had a fever. I stared at him softly, tears rolling down my face.
"Hey, baby, it's Momma. I wish you would come a bit later, but I get to see you sooner… Please be strong, never let go, please don't give up…" I sobbed softly to him. I looked up at Erik, who was crying along with me.
"Come with me, my love, to the sea… The sea of love. I want to tell you, how much… I love you." I sang softly as I ran my finger along his small red cheek. Even though his eyes were still shut, he had Erik's eyes, and my soft lips. "Do you remember when we met, that's the day, I knew you were my pet. I want to tell you how much I love you…" I kissed his forehead and looked down at him and he gave me one small little smile and his chest wasn't moving anymore.
And the small monitor gave one last beat before it went ga-lump and I slumped my head in defeat and I cried my hardest as I held my lifeless baby in my hands.
(Two days later)
I was released from the hospital, but me and Erik didn't talk much since D.J. died. I was making the cremation plans, and I spent most of my time away from society.
When I got home, my belly was sore and my cast was bugging me. Since D.J was so small, Erik could still pick me up with ease, so he carried me up to the bathroom so I could do my business.
I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was frizzy and a messy brown disarray, and my eyes had bruise-like shades under them, as if they were etched into my skin permanently and my face was red from crying.
I limped my way to my room with the crutches and my eyes never left the floor, even when I opened the door and sprawled my body on the bed. I closed my eyes to only hear the ticking of my clock and trickle of water from my little fountain. I sighed shakily, coming into a soft sitting position and looked around my room, which was the same, no clothes were on the floor, but there were some stray crumpled papers from me writing songs that never got into tune.
My bed was the same, blue circles with green and brown rings, same with the lime green pillows. The window was the same, but the sky outside was cloudy, and it felt like it was going to rain.
My eyes flashed by the bathroom and my eyes caught something in the corner.
There, in the corner of my bedroom, right by the dresser, was a small cradle with a green blanket hanging over the side.
There would never be a baby inside of it…
The lump in my throat made its way up my mouth, making a sob escape my lips. With all my strength, I walked over to the cradle without the crutches, ignoring the stinging pain in my stomach. Staples or no staples.
Yet when I made it three steps to the cradle, my legs gave out and I was on the floor, sobbing as loud I could. Why couldn't he had stayed strong and lived with his loving parents… My friend Gracie always told me that all things happened for a reason, but was there really a reason that my own son, the person that was inside of me, a part of me, gone forever?
Urgent footsteps came up the stairs and Erik kneeled down by my side and wrapped his arms around me as I hung onto him for dear life as I sobbed helplessly on the floor of my room.
The next few days were hell. It was too painful to go into my room, Erik said he could have gotten the crib removed, but I refused he would. I would just sleep in my mom's room, despite the smell of alcohol and cigarettes. Once in a while I would answer Erik's questions but we just laid together in bed or on the couch crying, sleeping, hugging, or once in a while, a small kiss.
That night I fell asleep next to Erik and I found myself in a park full of small children in my dream. No parents, just kids, there wasn't any streets, or trails, just a field with a park and a playground in it. Little kids were laughing and screaming in playful tones.
I smiled. "Momma!" I heard a small voice say. I turned around to find a small boy about four years old. He had blue eyes and long black hair and was dressed in a green shirt and overalls. "Sweetie, do I know you?" He nodded and hugged my knees. I laughed. "What's your name honey?" He giggled. "I'm D.J!" He squealed. I gasped and froze. "D.J.?" I kneeled down to his level.
He smiled, "I'm just a little older, that's all, Momma, I know I went too soon, but I am you and Daddy's guardian angel." Tears formed in my eyes. "I miss you, you know that, right? You should have stayed with Momma and Daddy." He smiled regretfully and shook his head.
"I was told by my friend Sammy that when we are here we are our parent's angels. We look over them and we protect them when they're in danger, or we make them happy when they are sad." I smiled and nodded as a tear ran down my face. D.J put his thumb on my face to wipe my tear. "Don't cry, Momma, if you ever need me, just say 'D.J., Please visit me in my dream tonight.' before you go to bed, and I will be there. I told that to Daddy too, okay? I got to go, little angels have to sleep too." He laughed.
I smiled back at him and kiss him on the forehead. "I love you D.J., never forget that…" He wrapped his small arms around my neck and I wrapped my arms around his little waist. "I love you too Momma."
And I woke up.
I nudged Erik in bed to wake him up, but he was already awake. "I had the strangest dream." He told me. "D.J is our guardian angel." We both said at the same time. I gasped. "He came to you in your sleep too?" He nodded. "He is so beautiful. He was about four years old in the dream." I agreed and nodded. I smiled. "We can see him anytime we want, he would understand, he sounds so smart…"
I hugged Erik, and my head fell into the crook of his neck. "He is going to be fine. We are going to be fine." He murmured.
And with that, we kissed and laid back in bed, knowing that hearing D.J.'s cry was the best sound in the world, and the most beautiful little smile was his, he was now a little angel, looking down at us, and that's all I could ask, even if people didn't believe that my son was my guardian angel and would protect me and Erik, standing by my side.
The End.