Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to Where the Wild Things Are
Feedback: Um... YES!
Disclaimers: It's not mine! It's not mine!
Distribution: My site, slayerette.org, any all who ask
Notes: Takes place directly after "WtWTA"
I really don't like living in Sunnydale sometimes. This town is not exactly ready to win the "Best Place In America" Award. Ever. I had just made up from my first major fight with my boyfriend, Xander, had some of the most incredible sex imaginable, and then it came. Or it was more like he came. D'Hoffryn, my former demon master, was invading my dreams. The nerve of some beings. Well, D'Hoffryn was smiling at me, which is never a good sign, when it started.
"So, Anyanka, it is official. You're in love with a mortal!" That jerk laughed at me. I can't believe I was ever stupid enough to follow him. I had to have been on something when I joined him. He let my shock roll across my face before he continued. "You have survived the first test of your love, the first sign that you're enjoying your new-found mortality. We can't let that go unnoticed, can we? So you think you love this boy, this Xander, maybe you would like to see just how well you punished him for his crimes against Cordelia Chase. I'm sure you'll enjoy the show, Anyanka." Before I could breathe, D'Hoffryn mumbled some words in the ancient language of my people and it was done.
I'm sure it only took a few seconds, but it was unlike anything that I've ever experienced either as a demon or as a human. As I stood there in that void that used to be my home, I began to experience the world I had created to punish Xander for cheating on Cordelia Chase as if I had been there with the others. I saw Cordelia's initial shock as I plunged her into a new reality, her first run- in with Xander and his friend Willow, whom I had made vampires, and I saw Cordelia's awful death at their hands as a helpless Giles watched. Next, I saw Xander and Willow torture Angel, and then I seen the final act of my world. In one horrific battle Angel, Xander, Willow, and Buffy all died within the space of a few mere moments of each other. Then I saw me. Well, the old me. Demon me. Giles had summoned me to break the spell and I nearly strangled him before the librarian finally broke the pendant that was my power center, breaking the spell and making me mortal. Then it was all over. I was overwhelmed by the powerful vision at first, and D'Hoffryn was enjoying the show. I must have put on a good one, because the bastard looked pleased with himself and almost unbearably smug.
"I hope the information you received is of value. You truly did do a wonderful job, Anyanka. You should be proud." With that, he was gone and I was alone in the netherworld. I spent the first few moments shaking uncontrollably. Then I started to sob. No screams, no curses, no plagues. Nope. Not me. No. I had to cry. That bastard made me CRY!
I awoke to the sound of my name. "Ahn," Xander called softly, his voice in a worried tone. I could already feel the tears staining my cheeks and I couldn't talk. All I could do was reach out to the man beside me and pull him towards me. Xander didn't say anything right away; he just pulled me closer to him in a hug and began to whisper to me. "It's okay, Ahn. Whatever happened, it's okay." He tried his best to speak to me in a calm, soothing tone, but I was in no mood to be comforted.
"It's not Xander. Everything's not okay!" I began to tremble for the first time since I had become human. Before that, before Xander, it would have been impossible. I was Anyanka, patron saint of scorned women, dammit! I brought misery and justice to those who deserved it for over a millennium; I was not some trembling little girl. But that's what I was at that moment. Trembling little Anya Emerson. I'm sure D'Hoffryn got a big kick out of that, the goat face. Xander was obviously a little shaken by my actions, but my brave little soldier tried not to show it, for my sake.
"What happened, Anya?" I had to clear my throat and my head before I could speak again and tell him. Damn mortal body.
"I saw...D'Hoffryn," I squeak out. Damn voice.
"Your master demon type?" Xander was definitely curious. It was not the first time we had dealt with D'Hoffryn.
"Yes. He decided that things were going too well for me and that I was enjoying the mortal world too much, so he punished me." I think Xander didn't know if he really wanted to hear what came next at the point, but I had to say it. I couldn't lie to him; not then, not now.
"How punish?"
"I saw...what happened when I granted Cordelia's wish to get back at you." Okay, so I had finally said it. Damn truth.
"What do you mean?" I think by this point, I was honestly beginning to scare my boyfriend. D'Hoffryn should thank every ancient god he could think of that he wasn't there. I so would have eviscerated him. Or at least I would have tried, and by God it would have been messy! But, back to Xander.
"I saw what happened in the world that I created by granting that wish. I saw what happened to YOU and the others." Xander took a deep breath before he asked the next question.
"What did we do?"
"You know that I made you and Willow vampires in that reality, right?" Xander nodded his head as I went on. "Well, you killed Cordelia. As Giles watched. And you tortured Angel." Xander looked genuinely shocked, which makes his eyes do this incredibly sexy thing... oh. Back to the conversation.
"Okay, the torturing Angel stuff I'm fine with, but killing Cordy! God, that was harsh, Anya. I can't believe you did that to me! I thought the whole idea of that little scenario was to punish me and Willow for hurting her, not for me to kill her!"
"It was! I made you and Willow vamps so you would pay for being unfaithful, not so that you two could murder your ex-girlfriend. That part just sort of happened." Now Xander started to look pissed. I think he also took note of the fact that I had confirmed that he and Willow had killed Cordelia together. Now there's a sickening mental picture.
"What else 'just happened' in your little world, Anya?" Okay, he was definitely pissed off. Way to go for the girlfriend!
"You died. Buffy staked you. But not before you staked Angel yourself, so you should be happy about that. Then Oz staked Willow and Buffy got a broken neck courtesy of the Master."
"God, Anya! How could you do that to me?" Xander was beginning to get very cold right about then. I could just eviscerate him sometimes. Being so cold during my pain? I've the one who had her dreams violated not him!
"I was punishing you for cheating on Cordelia with Willow. That was all! You and your chit of a girlfriend did the rest. No one was supposed to get hurt, I swear!"
"Yeah, well you did a bang up job, Anya," he said sarcastically. "I'm sure my other self appreciated it. Willow was my girlfriend," he added as an afterthought. I scoffed at the last part. I still can't believe he ever seen anything in that girl.
"First, yes, you moron. Didn't she tell you that when she seen you in our world?" Xander shook his head. "Well, she was. Second, need I remind you that I am a frigging human now! I couldn't do anything like that even if I wanted to." Xander gave me a defeated sigh. God, he's cute when he does that.
"I know that, Ahn. It's just, why now? I mean, you've been this way for over a year now. Why the sudden hankering for vengeance? Why did you have to know."
"D'Hoffryn said that I was finally proving myself mortal. That I had fallen in love with a human. It was his twisted way of trying to upset me and break us up. To give you a reason to be mad at me." Xander looked surprised by what I had said. It was the first time that I had ever admitted to anyone that I had fallen in love with him. At least my experience with D'Hoffryn was good for one thing. Neither of us spoke for some time after that.
"Does this town give anyone a break? Ever?" I knew exactly what he meant. If it wasn't a bad demon on your doorstep, it was a vamp at your side. Darn things can be classified as pests as far as I'm concerned. Well, all the evil ones. The good ones are harmless trust me. I know.
"Xander, maybe it's time I knew. I had to face up to it eventually. You can't spend a millennium avenging the wrongs of an entire sex and not have some baggage."
"Right. I know." Xander pulled me into a much calmer hug to reassure me. Then, he suddenly let me go.
"How did it happen," he said hastily, ruining our sweet moment.
"How did what happen?"
"Your mortality. If Cordy, me, Will, Buffy, and Angel were dead, who broke the spell?"
"Giles. He summoned me and I tried to fight him off, hell I nearly strangled him, but he ended up taking my powers." Yep. The old British librarian beat me. I guess he can't suck at everything. Well, that and singing.
"Giles?!! You were stripped of your powers by Giles?" Oh, yeah. Like I would make up a lie like that about that stuffy, repressed, middle-aged Watcher. As if!
"Yes. I'm not sure whether I should think him or poison him with some really horrible tea."
"Ahn, nice visual, but WHY? I thought you were okay like this. You haven't tried to regain your powers for over a year. Do you want to go back?" So Xander doesn't understand where I'm coming from. He's still a Viking in the sack. I guess that makes up for his momentary lapses in empathy.
"Xander, there were some things that were better for me when I was a demon. Of course, there wouldn't be you, so I'd guess I'd end up thanking him. After I chewed him out for hitting me." Xander smiled and gave me a hug.
"You really are quite the human, Anya. Could you just stay that way? Please?" He gave me those cute, puppy-dog eyes of his. Damn he's good. It's not the first time that I have to wonder if I was this emotional when I was human the first time around. God, I hope not. I don't really remember being that way, but it was a long time ago, and living it once is more than enough.
"I will," I said sweetly. Since when did I become sweet? For a second I thought I should maybe rethink the whole overrated gratitude thing. Then Xander kissed me. Hard. Then I was grateful again. Oh, yeah. He's good all right, and not just for sex.
"Do you think you should tell the others?" Damn interruptions. Will Xander ever learn to keep on kissing? Anyway, I gave the idea some thought. I swear.
"No," I said quickly. "Your friends already don't like me as it is. I'll tell them if they ever need to know. If not, can we just keep it between us?"
"Sure, Anya. If that's what you want." He kissed me again and I was totally on the grateful side by then. Definitely grateful.
"So we're okay? You forgive me?" Anyanka never would have said that. She never bothered with forgiveness. Yet another sign of how far I've come.
"Anya, I have done some screwed up things in my time. If I can survive almost twenty years on a Hellmouth, I can deal with this. Just don't expect me to ever forget what I heard."
"I won't," I promised him. The sex after
that was absolutely amazing, except for when Xander's uncle Roary nearly
barged in on us, the pervert. The nerve of some people. Can't two people
just have sex in peace anymore? That's what I get for having a boyfriend
who still lives with his family. I'm sure the D'Hoffryn incident won't
be the only wound Xander and I will have to deal with and share. Xander
may have forgiven me, but I'm sure he won't forget that morning, say ever.
It was bad, but the nice thing about wounds is that they can heal over
in time.