Warning: Language.
"Shut the fuck up, Darren. I don't want to hear your damn excuses anymore!"
Chris had had it. He was done, he had been pushed to his limit. He loved Darren, without a doubt, but there is just somethings that can't be forgiven or forgotten.
"Chris. No. I.. I swear. This is the last time." Darren pleaded, tears falling from his eyes.
Chris laughed, "Last time? Last time? No! Fuck you, Darren! Go to hell! That's what you said the first damn time you did this! I tried to understand when I caught you the first time. I tried to help because this was your first time with a guy and I knew it would be hard for you. This is the seventh time this month. I am not going to find you in the morning with another girl by your side because I won't be there."
"Damnit, Chris. I'm trying. I swear I'm trying. It's just… I don't know what I'm doing when I'm drunk. I kind of just loose control. And it's not like I haven't invited you to come with you to make sure I don't bring a girl home."
"Oh. Okay. So this is my fault. I'm your boyfriend Darren, not your fucking babysitter. I shouldn't have to worry about you going to another party, getting fucked up and fucking a girl because you turn straight when you're drunk."
Chris' chest was heaving up and down and his face was red with anger. This was not his fault. It was Darren's. He was the one going out and getting drunk.
Darren's tears were replaced with glaring eyes and his fists clench tightly at his sides.
"Well, I wouldn't have a reason to go fuck somebody if you would stop working so much and actually paid attention to your damn boyfriend!"
At this moment, Chris was taken back, his anger replaced with shock, "What? Your blaming this on me? Because I work too much and refuse to have sex with you more than once a week? I have a career Darren, and so do you."
Darren rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, how could he make Chris understand? He didn't know what he was doing anymore.
Chris could see the look on Darren's face, the look of worry and confusion that Chris hated so much. He still loved Darren, he did.
"Dare… I… I love you."
"God, Chris. I love you too."
"Then why? Just tell me why Darren." Chris stepped forward and was just an inch away from Darren's face.
Darren broke down right there. He was sobbing uncontrollably into Chris' arms, "Chris. I'm so sorry. I didn't know how to tell you. I think something is wrong with me Chris. I'm so fucked up it isn't even funny. I didn't want you to look at me like I'm some freak and leave me."
That look on Darren's face broke Chris's heart and was in tears too, "Darren. I think I love you too much to leave you. No matter what I threaten to do, I don't have the strength to leave you Darren. But, please, tell me what's wrong. I promise not to judge you Darren. I love you so much."
Darren drew a breath, "Okay. Okay, I'll tell you."
Chris had moved Darren into the dinning room and set him down on the chair. He got him a glass of water and placed it in front of Darren.
Darren smiled and took the water and emptied it in a matter of seconds.
Chris folded his arms across the table, "Whenever you're ready Darren. You can tell me. I can't promise you I won't get angry or upset at whatever it is. But, I will promise to listen and try to understand."
Darren nodded, looking down. Where was he to start? It's not like he even had all the answers. He was still pretty confused to begin with. I guess he should start at the beginning.
"When I met you, Chris, my whole world flipped. I had been so sure of my sexuality until you came into my life. You made me feel things I had never felt before in my life. I was so confused for a long time. Trying to make sense of it all. But, when I did, everything was perfect. For awhile at least. Then, we had sex."
Chris' eyebrow raised, "Are you saying you don't enjoy when we have sex?"
Darren's eyes widened, "Oh, Jesus, no. Not at all. Of course I do."
Chris was beyond confused by this point. Okay. So, Darren enjoyed having sex with him, that's good. But, it still had to do with the fact that they have sex?
Darren continued, "I love having sex with you Chris, I do. I love you. So I want to show you that love. God, Chris, this doesn't even make sense to me."
Chris was growing impatient, "Dare, please, just tell me."
Darren took a deep breath, "Chris, my heart belongs to you. Always. So does my body. But, when I'm drunk, I don't care who it is Chris. I just go for them. I've never told you this but… I've slept with other guys when I was drunk. It's like I'm this fucking sex machine and I can't turn it off. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me."
"You slept with other men? While you were with me?" Chris voice was hard, his glare could possibly kill.
Darren looked down, "Yes."
Chris got up out of his seat and walked around the room. He put his hands on top of his head and was trying to calm himself down. Chris had never been a violent person but all he wanted to do right now was slap Darren across the face.
"It used to be just girls, Chris. Then we had sex. It was like another world was opened. Because I enjoyed having sex with a guy. Chris, when I am drunk, I can't control myself. That's why I always asked you to come out with me. But, you never did."
Chris didn't respond. How in the hell was he supposed to even understand this? What was Darren to him now? A guy who couldn't keep it in his pants when he was drunk?
"Darren. Why couldn't you just said, hey, Chris, I'm a fucking sex machine and I cheat on you when I'm drunk so can you come with you to make sure you don't cheat on me?"
"You weren't so mad when you knew it was only girls I was sleeping with."
Chris through his arms up, "Well, of course not Darren! You are in a relationship with a guy! I don't expect you to cheat on me with a guy! Because I know you. Or I thought I did, and I thought the only guy who you were physically attracted to was me. Or at least that's what you told me."
Darren was standing up too at this point, "Because I thought I was! I had never been physically attracted to a guy until you. And when I'm sober, that's how it still is. When I woke up one morning next to a guy, I felt so fucking disgusted with myself. I didn't tell you because I thought it would never happen again. But, it did. And that's when I knew something was wrong with me."
"What's wrong with you Darren is that you can't control yourself when you are drunk. You don't know if who you're fucking is a girl or guy because you don't care." Chris's voice was cold and it hit Darren like a ton of bricks.
Darren starred at Chris, "You… you said you would try to understand."
"I didn't promise I would be angry or upset. And I am Darren. Very. You slept with other men. I don't care about the girls because I know you love me Darren. I know you wouldn't sleep with them if you knew what you were doing."
Darren's eyebrows rose in confusion, "Then why are you mad at me?"
"Because I can't have a boyfriend who is like this. Who can't control himself when he is drunk. I'm not your mom Darren. I can't tell you not to go out or get drunk because I know you wouldn't listen. So, you can go now. I'm done. This is done. Leave."
Darren nodded, "I love you, Chris. My heart will always belong to you."
Chris turned his back, "I know, Darren. Come back when your body does too."