This is what happens when I'm sick and at home. Enjoy.
Dear Mom,
Two things happened today:
You died today. In the car. Dr. Burton said it was quick and you didn't feel any pain. I hope you didn't Mom, I don't want you to feel any pain.
I stole something.
This journal. It was just sitting there in the store and I didn't want to bother Darry so I took it. Dally steals all the time, so why shouldn't I?
Remember how you always write me notes and we would write to each other even though I see you everyday?
I want to do that again Mom.
Right here.
Write here.
Johnny said he was sorry, you were like his Mom too.
Everyone's sorry.
But it wasn't their fault, so why are they sorry?
I wish you didn't leave me Mom.
I miss you.
Though you've only been gone a couple hours. I still miss you.
I fell asleep at the funeral, I didn't mean to, but I was so tired.
Dally carried me home. I guess he was feeling sorry for me cause he isn't usually that nice.
Love,
Hadley
XOXO
Dear Mom,
It was my first day back to school. All the other kids knew about you and Dad.
Andrew and Rich didn't even threaten to beat me up today! Even in your death you somehow protect me from Socs.
I felt sick during science so I left early.
I was walking home, all by myself cause Pony was still in class.
I stumbled along and dragged my feet. The weight of the world.
The grass was all growing in little shoots. It's springtime Mom.
The tulips in the yard sprung up, but you missed them.
Mom? Are you up there watching me?
Are you ashamed of us?
Dally's back in the cooler. He got real mad last night and broke the windows at Mr. Grieb's store. The police took him.
I was asleep but Pony said that Darry got real sad with Dally at the station and told him that life goes on.
Life goes on.
I don't think that Mom.
You're gone, so your life doesn't go on.
Dally's in the cooler, so life will go on outside without him.
Me? I miss you Mom. I don't know how to go on.
Why did you have to leave me, Mom?
Love,
Hadley
XOXO
Dear Mom,
It's been a year. I've grown five inches, cut my hair (a tiny bit) and got over my fear of writing in this. I think I've "come to terms" with your death. That's what the social worker said. She's wrong.
They wanted to put me in a girls' home, but the gang wouldn't let them.
I didn't say anything. I don't want to go.
Darry, Soda, and Pony are all I got left.
Besides the others that is.
I scabbed my knee the other day too. At your grave.
I cried, I don't know why. Steve called me a baby and told me to knock it off but Dally told him to stop.
I don't understand Dally. How is it such a bad character can be so nice at the same time?
I miss you Mom, you always answered all my questions.
Darry works too hard, Soda goofs too much, and Pony is-
I don't know with Pony anymore. All he does is think. Mostly about sunsets.
Remember how you and Dad would always watch the sunset with him?
I do.
Love,
Hadley
XOXO
Dear Mom,
Pony and Johnny are gone. And Darry hit him. Darry hit Pony. Darry hit Pony hard. So he ran. I would have ran too.
Love,
Hadley
XOXO
Dear Mom,
Dally knows. Dally knows where they are. I tried to talk to him but he yelled at me that I didn't understand. He's right, Mom. I don't understand. I'll I know is that a Soc is dead and my brother and friend are missing. Dally's right. I don't understand at all.
Love,
Hadley
XOXO
Dear Mom,
He's dead, they're all dead. Are they with you Mom? I can't write here anymore, it's too much. In past entries, Johnny is alive, and so is Dally. But now they're not. I love you Mom. But this is goodbye.
Love,
Hadley