Jack knew he would have to do this eventually. Gwen had offered to help, but she had the baby to look after. He had been gone 50 years for him, six months Earth time. He had stopped running. He had to do this right.

Ianto's flat. Everything left the way it had been, before... Jack knew he had to sort Ianto's stuff. His diary. He couldn't read it, but Jack would keep that for himself. His clothes, so neatly folded, so Ianto... Jack sorted them all for storage, keeping only one other thing, a red tie.

Ianto had been so neat, everything was easy to find. That flat had too many memories, Jack was glad to be done and out of there. He walked to the SUV as calmly as he could, but broke down in the front seat the second the door closed.

After 50 years, Jack still had not got over Ianto. His overly smart dress sense. His sarcastic, witty remarks. His coffee. The way his eyebrow loved when he raised it. His music taste that seemed so strange for someone who looked like him. Remembering that, Jack scrabbled around in the dashboard for a CD. He and Ianto had that in common, they both used music to get away. Inserting the first one he found, Jack caught his breath and waited for the music to start before he drove off.

It was one of Ianto's CDs. Jack knew it from the second the first track started. Bullet For My Valentine, this was one of Ianto's favourite songs.

"You're dead, you're dead"

You think I don't know? Jack thought.

"Your body's cold..."

Remembering waking up next to Ianto, them both in body bags. Ianto's eyebrows slightly raised as if he found it quite amusing. Frozen like that, forever. But Jack still had to get up and carry on.

"I wish I'd died on that night right by your side

So just kill me now and let the good times roll"

Jack had died with Ianto. But all the times he'd tried to die and stay dead to be with him, he always had to wake up.

"I never said goodbye"

And when Ianto said he loved him, all Jack could say was "Don't". Jack hated himself for not telling Ianto how he felt.

"I'm wasting away in my own misery"

Jack wished he could waste away. It was all his fault. Steven's death. Alice losing her son. And Ianto. Poor sweet Ianto. The awkward tea boy, finally fitting in, no thanks to Jack. Practically ignoring him, murdering his girlfriend, treating him like a plaything, not showing that he cared they were a couple, then denying him the one thing he wanted. For Jack to say he loved him. 50 years could not take the shame away. Jack doubted 50 billion could either. He missed Ianto so much, but he didn't deserve him.

"I hope you've finally gone to a place where you belong"