This is another fic written rather late at night. I seem to be making a habit of it.
Disclaimer: I only own my idea
Contrary to popular opinion, Steve is not a prude. Not even a little bit.
The people who know him now seem to fixate on the fact that he lived in the 1940's and ignore the part of his life where he was a soldier. Even back then, soldiers were rude, dirty minded, and mischievous. Many a night passed when he raucously prowled bars for women with his fellow men, especially Bucky and especially post serum.
He was quite the ladies man.
So when Pepper censors herself because she fears offending his 'delicate sensibilities', he gets a bit annoyed. He doesn't tell her, because his mother raised him to be a gentleman. But he sulks a bit, in his room that night.
But then Bruce does it as well. And he wonders, when did the Hulk become afraid of a man out of time?
Slowly, he becomes more irate with the amount of people that alter their language or choice of topic around him. The only people that don't pull their punches, both figuratively and literally, are Natasha and Clint. So he spends most of his spare time with them.
At the moment, they are sparring in the gym. Clint is tag teaming Natasha with Steve, and she is still winning.
"You are one powerful dame Nat." He tells her, grinning, as he picks his bruised ass up off the floor. She smirks, kicks Clint in the chest and agrees, cleaning her nails with a knife, a habit he used to find disturbing, but now amuses him. It scares the shit out of the junior agents and he gets a kick out of it. They aren't scared of him, just awestruck.
Suddenly, the door to the gym is flung open and a busty, panting brunette barrels in, slamming the door behind her and locking it.
"Hey Darce." Steve greets her.
"Don't tell Jane I'm in here! She threw three poptarts at me this morning, and just tried to throw one of Tony's gloves when I asked her if she wanted lunch!"
Clint frowns.
"One of the ones from his suit?" The girl nods. Clint winces.
"Damn, girl. Did she miss?"
"Me." Steve frowns, confused.
"Who'd she hit instead?" Natasha asks, still fiddling with her knife. Darcy chuckles, smirks, and steps further into the room. Ah. Doctor Foster hit someone else.
"Tony." Clint and Natasha high five, Natasha throws the knife at a target and hits it dead on, and then both do a victory dance. They then perch on the edge of the boxing ring. Leaning forward eagerly, they gleefully await the rest of the story.
"Well, I asked her if she wanted soup or more poptarts, and she muttered something about astronomical aphids and threw the glove. Except I ducked, and it hit Tony in the ear. He was out cold for a good few minutes I would imagine." Darcy giggled and slouched against the door.
Steve snickered, images of an unconscious Tony floating through his mind.
"You mean you didn't see?" Natasha sounded disappointed and Darcy threw her head back and laughed loudly.
"Nah, I high tailed it out of there. Ever had an angry, forgetful astrophysicist throw a technologically advanced, metal glove at your face? It ain't fun, that's for sure."
"Any idea why she was so pissed?" Clint puzzled for a minute.
Steve answered for him.
"Probably 'cos she isn't getting any at the moment, Thor had to go back to Asgard yesterday."
They all spluttered for a bit, making various jokes about "alien dicks" and "I'm surprised Jane can walk, Thor isn't shy at bath time" and one from Steve that had them all in hysterics, "I wonder if it's green?", to which Darcy replied, "No, that's Bruce!"
The man in question wandered in from another door at that moment, sending them off into another round of full on silent laughter.
Darcy wheezed, trying to catch her breath for the joke she had in mind.
"Hey, Doc green." Clint is on the floor now, and Natasha isn't much better.
But to Bruce, it is Steve that is the surprise. He is lying on the floor, tears streaming down his face, kicking his legs weakly and clutching his ribs.
Bruce gestures, opens his mouth, stops, put the pieces together, and grins ruefully. A wicked glint enters his eyes, and leaves them with a parting gift.
"Did you know that everything turns green?" He announces casually, and swans out of the room.
They are lost.