Still Beating
Kate may have told him to give her space until she called, but that didn't mean Rick was just going to forgot about her.
She was his… everything.
With her all the songs made sense.
Always.
He quietly stepped out of the hospital room, content that Kate was okay - no. She wasn't okay. But she was alive.
He hovered at the door, glancing back to see her beautiful face one more time. She was perfect even in this state. He couldn't believe Kate thought he was staring at her because she looked any less than perfect. She was Kate. She was perfect since the day he met her.
He leaned his head back against the disinfectant-smelling walls of the corridor.
She doesn't remember. His eyes fluttered shut.
He'd lost count of the amount of times his fingers had naturally hovered over his phone on the number 3 on the keypad. She was on his speed dial naturally. 1 and 2 were Alexis and Martha. The two other most important women in his life. But what would he say? What could he say? Kate told her not to call; she'd call when she was ready. But what if she was never ready?
He yearned for her voice.
Before the new Captain kicked him out of the precinct, Iron Gates, he felt like he was intruding on Kate's personal space without her there. Whenever he'd sit down and work it would always be at his chair, the one next to Kate's – he couldn't bear to use hers even though it was probably a lot more comfortable. Every morning he would glance over at the coffee mug next to his on the tray, his fingers brushing over the handle.
"You done yet bro?" Esposito would call from the doorway of the break room.
"Yeah… yeah I'll be there," he'd reply feebly.
He did keep sending her flowers though. In fact he put an order for the florist to deliver a new bunch of flowers every week indefinitely. He'd call to cancel once he'd hear she was discharged. But then he changed his mind later, and redirected the flowers to be sent to her house instead after she was released from hospital.
He also went to her apartment two days later the – the shooting. It still hurt to voice it aloud in his head. Her doorman thankfully recognised him and let him in. He knew where she hid her spare key after all. He also knew it was an invasion of privacy and he probably should have let Lanie do it but he just felt so helpless, like he couldn't do anything to help her. The case wasn't going anywhere and there were no new leads on the caretaker. In a way he felt like he had failed her.
He packed a few loose shirts and sweats, picked out some clean underwear – whatever was on the top – it just didn't feel right to look any further. Then he went to her bookshelf and chose a few novels for her to read in hospital. He deliberately avoided the mystery or crime genre – she'd had enough of that for now. He did allow himself a smile though when he saw his books stacked neatly on a pile. He always knew she loved his books long before they met.
He also went into her bathroom and picked out the first body wash he could find. Cherry flavoured. It figured. She always smelled like cherries. He was in hospital a few years ago with laryngitis, he was only there for a few days but he remembered how he hated the gunk the nurse had handed him to wash himself in the bathroom. Sometimes you just needed those little things to make you feel more comfortable.
Happy that he had gotten everything he slipped out of her apartment and into his car, telling Ernie to take him to the hospital. Since he knew she didn't want to see him yet, he simply told the nurse to hand it to Kate Beckett. He didn't even leave his name.
On the way exiting the hospital he bumped into Josh in the elevator.
"Hey Castle."
"Josh," he nodded back in acknowledgement.
There was a tense pause between them.
"Take care of her. She needs it."
Josh's words confused him, but he let it pass. "I will." Then a second later he added, "Is she doing okay?"
"She will be."
He didn't know then that they'd just broke up.
When she was well enough to leave the hospital, Lanie had told him and Kate didn't want anyone to stay with her. He wanted to be there for her so badly, but he also respected her wishes. Instead, he rang up her favourite Chinese takeaway place, Indian takeaway place, Italian pizza place and any of her other favourite restaurants to deliver meals to her apartment every night. He paid for them in advance as well, and tipped them generously.
Seeing her face for the first time in months was like a long drink of water after being stranded in a desert. (Yes that was a cheesy metaphor but Rick no longer cared.)
"Kate. You can make it out to Kate."
That was what slapped him out of his reverie. Before the world around him was a blur, nothing made sense without her there. It was like he was underwater, muffled voices and foggy vision, going through each day like there was something holding him back – her.
She was his… everything.
With her all the songs made sense.
Always.
A/N: Rise was so flawless this fic doesn't do it justice one bit.