Let Me Go

Platinum Pair

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, let me go

"Hiroshi" he said from the bed where he was laying.
"Yes, Niou-kun" I answer in my usual distant, cold manor. He sighs and stands up walking over to me. I continue dressing ignoring the things he's saying to me.

"Hiroshi are you listening?" He asks I don't answer. He keeps talking, I don't listen. He sighs again and leans on my shoulders nipping at my neck slightly.

"You're so cold Hiroshi. How many times have I told you to call me Masaharu?" I sigh and face him looking normal and unwrinkled. He stands there with his dirty sheets wrapped around his waist and hair messily hanging on his shoulders.

"You didn't get what you wanted Masaharu?" I ask he mutters something incomprehensible and crosses the room no longer looking at me.

"Have a good day Niou-kun, I will see you tomorrow." I think he nods in response but I am already gone. I just need to get out of there. I have no set destination I just the need to be far away from anything that reminds me of Niou. I'm desperately in love with him but he sees me as an easy fuck, a friend with benefits. I find myself in a deserted park I sit on a bench and the tears start and they will not stop. They're running down my face and I cannot stop them. When they finally stop I feel two familiar presences near me.

"Renji, Akaya, sorry about interrupting your date." I am still sitting and they are standing in front of me but I cannot look at them.

"Yagyuu-senpai, your in pain it's alright that your interrupting" Akaya mummers sitting next to me and rubbing comforting circles on my back. This is strange for Akaya the demon baby of Rikkaki.

"Yes Hiroshi, Akaya is right your feelings are laid out before you. It's entirely unusual, meaning this has something to do with Masaharu." I cringe at Renji's words. He notices I know he notices everything.

"Yagyuu-senpai tell us what happened" I nod and take a shaky breath and begin my story. I tell them how we, Niou and I, started, everything the weekly and sometimes daily meetings. I told them how much I love him because I do, I love him so much. When I finish I wipe my eyes for the hundredth time this afternoon.

"Interesting, I figured you too had some kind of relationship but I did not calculate it that it could have been this complicated. You have my most sincere condolences Hiroshi." Renji said writing in his notebook. It almost made me laugh hearing Renji talk like that it seemed so familiar and comforting. He wrote muttering things under his breath I only caught "Unrequited love" though. It was getting fairly late so I bid them both farewell and goodnight and went on my way home.

Later that night I received a call from Renji. It was not an entirely infrequent phenomena seeing as we are in the same class and club but the topic of conversation was the truly portentous entity.

"Are you sure your parents won't mind Renji?" I asked for what must have been the fifth time in ten minutes. Static signaling that Renji had sighed was my immediate answer.

"Yes, Hiroshi I'm completely positive. You can borrow our summer home for a few days to relax and clear your head. My parents were more than will to do this for you because the believe you to be a positive influence over my social functioning." He sounded slightly irritated but continued "Trust me it will help."

"I will then" I answer "Thank you" We continued to chat mindlessly about homework and tennis for a few hours before saying goodnight and hanging up. I should have been happy so why do I want to cry so badly? I start to pack I would be leaving tomorrow before practice. Renji said he would Tell Seichi and Genchirou but I would have to tell Masaharu.

I sighed and sat at my desk looking at the blank paper. Writing a letter was harder that I though. I picked up the pen and tried again to make the words come out, but not too harsh. After a while of writing I set my pen down. It was done; I ran a hand through my hair. Picking the letter up I read it out loud.

My dear Niou,

This has been along time coming, I'm sure we both know it. Our relationship is no longer healthy. We are wrapped up in the sexual aspect of it and not he mental. I know you love me but you don't know who I am so let me go. I will be away for a while if you truly need me Renji knows where I will be.

Love always,

Yagyuu Hiroshi.


I was ready for this. Or was I. The tears slipping unbidden down my face were each little question ringing through my head. Finally I drifted off to sleep still crying.

"Uhh..." I woke up groggily. Rubbing my eyes I realize they are puffy from crying. I look at my clock it's too early but still, I get up and begin to get ready for the hardest day in my life. I try my best to make sure as though I wasn't crying. I sit down to a slow breakfast and then get my stuff to head off. My usual routine like nothing is wrong but so many things are. This is what I need though some time to relax and examine what had happened. I dress slowly for morning practice. Practice is routine too just like the rest of the morning. Afterwards I change but unlike routine I made sure to slip the note into Niou's locker a small tear slipping down my face.

"Hiroshi, come on." Niou-kun called, impatient as ever. I followed without a single word.

Classes passed slowly it took forever to get to lunch. Lunch seemed even longer because I had to look at Niou the whole time and pretend everything was alright. I wanted to scream or cry but I was silent. I wanted to throw myself at him and kiss him breathless but I could not move. I sat, I ate, and I was silent. The bell that signaled the end of afternoon classes end finally rang. Normally it made me breathe easy but today it seemed to make me more anxious.

I could not handle going to practice, I'm sure Yukimura would make me run laps next practice. Driving to the train station made me relax a little, there was nothing I could do now so, I put the thoughts aside. I had a while before my train left so I sat and waited, reading a book. I lost myself in it's pages for once today completely relaxed. About an hour later, still before my train got there. I stood up to stretch and get a drink when I saw him. Standing there with tears running down his face was Masaharu.

"Too cruel." He grabbed the front of my shirt "You're too cruel. To break it off like this. Not even to my face. Where has the gentleman gone?" He was shaking me lightly, tears running freely down his face. To show such emotion was very unlike Niou he was usually very reserved about his true emotions.

"Masaharu, you know what I said rings true why do you persist in pushing it forwards." I am holding tight onto his face and he is staring at me afraid or something else.

"You mistake me I do love you I want only to be with you. Always and forever." He is shaking me again but this time I can't take it anymore and I kiss him. It was hurting me to see his pain and I still loved him.

"All I ever wanted was to hear those words" I say and he buries his face in my chest. Not saying anything just shaking with his sobs. I rub his back in small slow circles. "Come on Haru. Let's go for a little vacation." He smiles and I know everything is alright. We walk hand in hand to my car and then before he gets in I kiss him on the lips once more for good measure.