Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
AN: For DarkAngel048.
P.S. : Not all romances have a happy ending.
He had to leave. He just had to. Spike could not keep watching and waiting and hoping for Buffy to love him back. She had told him that she loved him but he was sure that she wasn't. If she was why did she always run from his embrace to Angels'? Why did she have to keep hurting him? Why did he have to be the one loving her? Why did it have to be unreciprocated?
He packed what he could and made his way to Buffy's home. He wasn't going to tell her goodbye. He just wanted to see her one last time. He wanted to say goodbye but she would never let him leave. She would find a way to weave him back around her fingers and hold on tightly until the next time Angel returned to Sunnydale.
From afar he watched Dawn throw a snowball at her sister and duck as she was being rained down upon by Buffy and the witch, Willow. It was beginning to get dark and he knew that he would have to leave before she went on her hunt for Sunnydales' monsters. But he couldn't pull himself away just yet. He wanted to memorize everything he could about her before he left.
The sound of her laughter floated to his ears and he closed his eyes to let it wash over him. He wanted to remember it for always. The way she moved her body to dodge the barrage of snowballs heading her way, he etched into his very mind. The sound of her voice when she called a time-out for hot chocolate, he engraved into his cold heart.
He couldn't help but then call out her name. It barely registered in his own ears, his voice had been so low. But it had been as if she had heard the call of her name from his lips. She had stopped going into her home and had swiveled around to look for someone. He saw her eyes graze over everything within her sight. Her eyes stopped directly on his hiding spot but she never saw him. She shrugged her shoulders and turned to go in but then stopped and turned back around.
He could see her scanning the area again. Then her lips moved. She said Spike. But the look in her eyes told him that she was only making a guess as to what she had heard and had no knowledge of whether it was him or not. That moment, the way she said his name, he encompassed it within what little soul he had remaining. He wanted to keep it with him always.
He watched her and she went in and closed the door. He could hear them all speaking and asking about who wanted marshmallows or cinnamon in their hot chocolate. He had mouthed with Buffy as she answered, marshmallows, cinnamon, and a hint of vanilla. He knew her so well and yet he didn't know her heart. Inside the home her phone rang and he saw her move about. Her posture tensed. He needed to leave, she was going on her hunt.
With one last longing look, he jumped off of the roof top and sped away into the darkness and out of Buffys' life forever. He wanted to stay so badly but even as someone that is dead, he could only take so much.