Forever and Always

by TimeWarpContest

Before her mother passes, she gives Renesmee a gift that will offer surprising comfort when she thought all was lost.

Title: Forever and Always

Summary: Before her mother passes, she gives Renesmee a gift that will offer surprising comfort when she thought all was lost.

Pairing: Bella-Edward, Renesmee-Jacob

Disclaimer: The characters in which I use belong to none other than the wonderfully talented Mrs. Stephenie Meyers. I do not own them . . . I just like to play with them. Everything else, however, is my own.

Forever and Always

Summer of 1944

The sun was shining and there was a light crisp breeze in the air. The laundry hanging on the line flapped gently as Bella reached into the basket at her feet to pull out a damp white linen sheet. Draping it over the cord, she pulled two clothes-pins out of the apron she wore and pinned them to the sheet to keep it in place. As she moved on, the sheet began to billow out just as lazily in the breeze as the rest of the clothes. Despite the beautiful day, however, Bella wore a frown; her brow furrowed. It had been too long. Far too long. Reaching into the apron once more, she pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at the back of her neck, sighing. Hopefully it wouldn't be much longer. To her left, a baby in a small wicker basinet on the ground cooed softly and Bella stopped her tedious work to smile down at the baby.

"Don't worry little one," she whispered softly, kneeling down to caress the baby's smooth cheek. "It shouldn't be much longer."

The baby delighted at the feel of her mother's finger on her skin and reached up to grab it. Bella smiled down at her child, wiggling the finger she held in her tiny fist. Renesmee was a very good baby for being only one year of age. She seldom ever cried and fussed, but was very quick to smile. She looked so much like her father it made Bella's stomach twist just to look at her at times. The tiny ringlet's crowning her head were brown like Bella's but that was as far as it went. Everything else was him. Please don't let it be too much longer, Bella thought smiling down at her child. Please.

But Bella couldn't let herself think about that. Sighing, she gently took back her finger and got to her feet, preparing to finish hanging the laundry. She had just picked up a cloth diaper when she looked up to see a tall lean figure near the front gate walking slowly toward her. He had a slight limp about him. Her heart stopped. She held the clean white cloth in her hands as though trying to gain support from it before she dropped it back in the basket.

She knew who it was.

Jasper stopped in front of her, his head hung. He was wearing his military dress attire, which even Bella could admit looked very handsome on him. She had seen her husband wearing that same attire so many times it made her heart ache for him. Bella looked past Jasper toward the front gate expectantly, but no one else was there. Looking back up at Jasper, her breath caught in her throat. He had been the best man at their wedding and they had named him Renesmee's God father. His wife, Alice, was her best friend and her daughters God mother. But even more importantly, Jasper was in the military with her husband . . . she felt that they should have returned at the same time. So where was he?

Jasper still said nothing, and for the first time Bella realized that his eyes were bloodshot.

"Where's . . . Where's Edward, Jasper?" Bella asked through the lump forming in her throat. She tried fighting away the voices that were screaming what they already knew to be true.

Jasper could only shake his head.

"Where is he?" Bella was becoming frantic, staring past him at the gate once more as though hoping that any moment Edward would come walking through it, wearing his crooked grin and apologizing for keeping her waiting. But Edward never made her wait. Not like this. "Where's my husband?"

"His plane was shot down, Bella." Jasper didn't sound like himself. His voice was hollow. "There . . . there were no survivors."

"No." She whispered defiantly, taking a step back from him. She wouldn't believe him.

"Bella," he began, moving forward slowly.

But Bella couldn't hear anymore. A sorrow so painful, so powerful, was ripping her apart. She wanted to scream, but she had no voice. She was being overwhelmed by darkness and it was threatening to suffocate her. This couldn't be happening. No! She refused to believe it. Her mouth hung open, her head shaking profusely, as she stared at Jasper - willing him to take back his words. Willing him to go away so that she could go back . . . .

She was angry that he wouldn't go away. That he continued standing there, fresh tears escaping his eyes - mocking her wants with his reality. Her fists clenched into tight balls as the last ten years of her life flashed before her eyes. Edward had been her high school sweetheart. They had broken up and made up more times than she could count. He had charmed her into marrying him, and they had had such a wonderful life together. Ten years of bliss. But the guilt . . . the guilt was overbearing. Regardless of what had been said afterwards, she couldn't help but to revisit his last night here. She had screamed at him. Begged him. Pleaded with him not to go back. He was supposed to have been done, but then Pearl Harbor had been attacked and they called for every man they could. She had hated him for going back and leaving her alone pregnant.

She was falling as the agonizing scream finally left her lips, but she never hit the ground. Jasper had moved forward with reflexes that only a military man would have and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest.

"NO!" Bella screamed, shoving him away. "NO! Don't you tell me that my husband is dead, Jasper! Don't you DARE tell me he's . . . he's . . . Take it back! TAKE IT BACK! Please God, take it back . . ."

Jasper didn't loosen his grip, however, and continued holding her. Bella fought hard against him, pounding her angry fists against his chest. She didn't want his sympathy or support. She didn't care for his sadness or guilt. She just wanted her husband. She wanted Edward. Alive and whole. She wanted it to be his arms around her.

"GET OFF ME!" Bella screamed, pushing him hard. But he wouldn't let her go. The tears poured in currents down her face as she once more relived that last night she had with Edward. "EDWARD!" She cried out. "EDWARD!"

Bella screamed his name over and over again as she slumped to her knees; Jasper still holding to her till he too was sitting on the ground. She couldn't fight him anymore. The agony was too intense. Never before had she felt such grief, such excruciating heartbreak, that she was sure it would kill her. She entertained the thought briefly. She would be with Edward again and everything would be right. She could hear Jasper whispering his apologies to her, but couldn't bring herself to respond. Her whole body was cold, despite the increasingly warm day. Never before in her life had she felt so helpless. So . . . lost.

Together with Jasper, she cried.

It wasn't until she heard the anguished cry of her daughter that she looked up from Jasper's shoulder. Renesmee was sitting in the wicker basket, watching her mother with doleful eyes. It was as if, even at the age of one, she knew that she would never meet her father. Bella didn't have the strength to get up, but watched as Renesmee crawled over the sides of the basket and made her way to her mom. Bella had to be strong. She could feel the chagrin at her thoughts of giving up to join Edward in the afterlife when she had so much to live for here. Leaving Jasper behind, she crawled toward Renesmee, meeting her in the middle. Scooping the child up in her arms, a fresh wave of tears trailed down the worn paths on her cheeks.

"I'm here, baby girl." Bella said softly, rocking her baby in her lap. "I'm here."

Summer of 1994

Renesmee walked slowly down the corridors, tears trailing silently down her cheeks and the package her mother had given her tucked tightly under her arm. The woman she loved and respected more than anyone in the world had finally let out her last breath of life, falling into the peaceful sleep of eternity. But only after making sure that Renesme was ready for her to move on. Renesmee had, of course, lied and said she was. She wasn't. Nothing could prepare her for losing her mom, but she couldn't stand to see her in anymore pain. The cancer had spread like a wildfire, and after the realization that there was no stopping it, they had learned to make peace with it. Renesmee had spent every waking moment that she could at the hospital with her mom, trying to get in those last few weeks of time together.

Renesmee's husband, Jacob, was immediately by her side and she fell against him, allowing him to comfort her, as tears streamed down her face. Her mother had always been so strong. Nothing had ever seemed to faze her. Not when she was raising a child on her own. Not when she was working two jobs to make ends meet. And not when Renesmee had reached her rebellious teenage years. She would only smile and tell Renesmee that she reminded her of herself. When she had let her mother know that Jake, a Marine, had proposed to her, her mother had nearly burst into tears; warning Renesmee of the hard painful truths of what could happen. She also had said she wasn't surprised that she would fall for a military man, just as she had.

Renesmee felt truly lost without her.

She allowed Jacob to lead her out to the car and help her into her seat. She felt numb. But even so, she knew her mother was happy now. In less pain. And finally with her husband, Renesmee's father, Edward. Her mother had never remarried after the untimely death of her husband, stating she just never fell in love with anyone else. That she would forever and always be in love with her Renesmee's father. Even though she had never known her father, he had been a big part of Renesmee's life. Her mother had always spoken about him as though he were merely on a very long trip and would be back soon.

Renesmee stared blankly out the window, the package nestled on her lap. She couldn't remember the drive or how she had come to suddenly be in her room. But here she was, in bed, with Jacob sitting at her feet.

"I'm so sorry, babe." He said softly.

Renesmee could only smile half-heartedly before she burst into tears again. It was some time, wrapped in Jacob's arms, before her tears dissolved into hiccups and Renesmee felt she could finally talk through the lump in her voice.

"I miss her already." Her throat felt raw.

"You will miss her forever," Jacob said sadly, kissing away the last remaining tears on her cheeks. "But she lived a good life. Seventy-Seven years of what she called the best life."

Renesmee nodded as her eyes fell on the package wrapped in brown paper. Her mother had given it to her just three hours ago. Only two hours before she passed. She had told Renesmee that what lie within was the reason she was ready to move on, even though it meant leaving so much behind. When she had asked what it was, her mother only said that most of it had come from Uncle Jasper.

Picking it up, she removed the old string and carefully removed the brown paper. At least fifty envelopes fell into her lap and onto the bed. Each one had her mother's name on it in an elegant script she didn't recognize. Some of them had post marks, others had nothing.

"What are these?" Jacob asked, picking up one and eyeing it closely.

"I . . . I don't know," Renesmee said perplexed, wiping away tears. "I've never seen these before."

"Well they're numbered. Here," he said handing her an envelope. "It's got the number one on it, so it must be the first."

Renesmee took it carefully, noting that it had been opened already. This one had a postmark, suggesting it had been sent through the mail. With care, she pulled out the yellowing paper within."

"It's a letter," she said with surprise, meeting Jacob's eyes. "They're all letters!"

She opened it gingerly, noting that it looked as though it had been folded and unfolded several times in the past years. Renesmee's throat constricted as her eyes fell to the bottom of the page. She couldn't breathe.

"What is it?" Jacob asked alarmed.

"They're . . ." Renesmee grabbed another envelope and pulled out the paper within just to make sure. "They're from my father . . . when he was overseas! Why . . . why had my mother never shown me these before?"

She was shaking as she picked back up the first letter.

"Would you like some time alone with them, Nes?"

Jacob was . . . wonderful. Always knowing what she needed, and never being put out by it. Renesmee nodded and thanked him as he smiled knowingly and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Looking down at the letter in her hands, she began to read.

My Love,

Words cannot express the sorrow I feel at our last night together. I am truly sorry that I had to leave you, but I promise that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you and our child. I know you told me not to bother writing you as you would not return the letters, but I am hoping that you were just angry, and that you will write me. I long to hear your voice and feel your skin. I miss you more than I can put into words. I am writing this as I wait for the plane to touch down in Germany, but I will hopefully get it sent out from there. Please do not be angry with me for too long. I love you and will be with you soon. I will write every chance I get. I love you.

Forever and always,

Your Husband.

Renesmee felt the fresh tears sliding down her cheek as she reached for another postmarked envelope with the number two on it.

Bella,

God I miss you. I received your letter a few nights ago, and cannot tell you how relieved I am that you were not too angry to write back. You have every right to be mad at me, darling. I never planned to leave you, but I will do everything in my power to protect you. And right now, that means that we have to be apart. But I count the days that I get to see you again. Let Alice know that Jasper is doing well. In his element as usual, though I'm pretty sure he's awake in the bunk beneath me telling her himself. We made it okay to Germany and will be getting further instructions about our operation tomorrow, but I couldn't go without reminding you first how truly, madly, and deeply in love with you I am. I left my heart with you to hold till I return. And I swear to you I will return. I guess I should get some sleep.

Until I see you again, know that I love you and that baby more than the world.

Forever and always,

Your Husband.

That baby. Renesmee had been no more than a tiny thing in her mother's womb, and her father had still loved her unconditionally. For some reason, she couldn't stop herself from re-reading that line. I love you and that baby more than the world. Renesmee had known her father had loved her. Her mother had told her so all the time, but to see it . . . in his words, filled her with a bittersweet sadness, and she felt as if she had lost both her parents today. Picking up the next post-marked envelope, she removed the letter and began to read.

My Darling Wife,

The baby kicked? It actually kicked? I wish I was there to feel it with you. I am missing so much by not being there, and I am sorry for that. It can't be easy for you to have to take on this burden alone, but my priority is to make sure our child, and our future children, can live in a world free of tyranny. I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. It has been busy here. We lost a couple men the other day in a ground ambush. It wasn't easy, and it made me think of you. Should something happen . . . God, I don't want to think of it. I can't think of it. Hey, remember when we were in high school, and I talked you into sneaking out of the house? That was the night I knew I had to be with you for the rest of my life. You were so beautiful in the moonlight by the lake . . . I remember it as though it were yesterday. Your mom had yelled at you for neglecting your morning chores and had grounded you for the weekend. And here I was ready to talk you into misbehaving. I'll never forget the feel of your silken skin as we made love for the first time that night. I apologize if my writing about that embarrasses you, but the thought of you and the memories we have created . . . and the many more we will make, are what keep me going. Especially when it gets hard. I just want you to know that I see your face everywhere I go. I love you and miss you terribly.

Forever and always,

Your Husband

Renesmee didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She did both. To hear about her mother through the words of her father was . . . amazing. She could feel the love he felt for her. And so it went, letter after letter she read. Laughing and crying. As she set down another letter, she couldn't help but to wish she had known him. With shaking hands, she picked up the next postmarked letter, but froze as she read the first line.

To my darling wife and beautiful baby girl,

I cannot believe we have a daughter, Bella. I am . . . at a loss for words. She is gorgeous. I take the picture that you sent me of her everywhere I go. She's so small! And the name, Renesmee, is beautiful. Thank you for giving her a piece of my mother. It means a lot to me. Jasper, on the other hand, seems to think that I'm gonna have trouble raising a girl, as I'm already overly protective of her. He mentioned future boyfriends and I nearly punched him. He is also honored that you want to name him her God Father. Something he accepted before the words were fully out of my mouth. In fact, I think I saw him wipe away a tear. And you thought he was incapable of such a thing. All the guys keep calling me 'dad' and all I can think of is how that sounds . . . scary, and unrealistic, and . . . and . . . absolutely amazing. You have given me the greatest gift of all, darling. You have made me a father. There is nothing I can give you that will ever compare to such a gift, but I intend to try when I get back. I am sorry I wasn't there for her birth. And I am sorry you had to go through that without me, but please tell Alice that I am grateful to her for being there so you were not truly alone. I cannot wait to hold her in my arms, and to kiss her tiny face. Bella, I hope you realize just how much I love you and Renesmee. With all my heart and soul. It's getting harder and harder to be away as the months pass, but knowing that you and Renesmee are waiting for me, gives me hope. Please tell my daughter how much I love her. And please know how much I love you.

Forever and always,

Your husband and Proud daddy

Renesmee had to wait until the tears subsided before she could move onto the next. It was hard to read her father's words, spouting such love for her and she never got to know him. It was unfair. Finally she was able to continue reading more of her father's letters, feeling at times that she had never truly known her mother. Reaching for yet another one, Renesmee noticed that it, as well as the rest of the remaining letters, had only her mother's name on them. No postmark. Perhaps this was what she meant by the majority of them coming from Uncle Jasper. Pulling out the paper, she began to read.

To my wife,

I am not in a place where I can send mail, but that will not stop me from writing to you. I will write whenever I have a chance, and keep them all safe until I can mail them all out at once. We got ambushed the other night and lost Emmett I don't want you to worry about me, but I know that when you don't receive any letters, you will. It hurts me knowing that there is nothing I can do to change that. I have been thinking a lot about you and Renesmee, and how much I yearn to see you both. It's not easy when you are forced to face your own mortality time and time again. The idea that something could happen before I meet her, scares me so. I want to rock our daughter to sleep and sing her lullabies. I want to hold you in my arms and caress your skin. I want to feel your body wrapped tightly around mine as I show you over and over again just how much I love, want, and need you. Please do not give up hope on me, Bella. I need you and Renesmee now more than ever. I love you.

Forever and always,

Your husband.

Renesmee didn't breathe as she pulled out the next envelope. The fact that he had continued to write her mother, even when he couldn't send them was . . . the most romantic thing she had ever heard of. If she had ever once doubted her father's love for her and her mother, it was gone. Renesmee read through who knows how many more letters, noticing that that each one was growing darker than the last, and that more and more of them had crossed out sentences, as though he had had second thoughts of just how much he wanted her mother to know.

My Bella,

It's getting harder. The constant marching and ambushes. I fall asleep in the dirt trenches, only to wake up to Nazi's shooting at us. And when it's not Nazi's, it's something else. Always something else. I see you and Renesmee in my dreams and find myself in tears when I have to wake and find that you are not really here. The time I have had to spend away from you both is killing me slowly is so very hard, Bella. So very hard. And the fact that I know not when you will get anything that I write you . . . I hope you do not fear me dead. The pain my absence and prolonged silence must be causing you . . . I would happily kill myself if it meant your happiness. I would take it all away if could. Do you remember our wedding day? You were so beautiful. You still are. That was one of the best days of my life. Not cause I was getting married, but because I was getting married to you. We spent ten wonderful years together, Bella. And then you told me you were pregnant . . . I don't think anyone could have been happier than I was at that moment. But here, in this place . . . it's like a plague that tries to suck all of that happiness away . . . no matter how hard I try to hold onto it. Even now, writing about our past seems so distant when I'm surrounded by death and decay. I love you Bella. I hope you know that. And I hope our daughter knows that. This place is changing me. I feel like I've become a broken man . . . unworthy of love. Unworthy of you. I hope to see your face soon, my darling, for I am nothing without you and Renesmee. I love you both. So very, very much.

Forever and always,
Your Husband

With trembling fingers, Renesmee picked up the next letter

My love,

I am not the same man I used to be. I don't know who I am anymore. I only hope you can still love me after all of this. That I have not jaded you. Please forgive me for leaving. I never should have left you or Renesme. What will our daughter think of me? I hope that I will see her grow, but now I don't know. I've killed people, Bella. I've killed so many men. The last man to die at my hands clutched a picture to his chest as he lay dying. I could see the blood soaked image of a woman and a little girl and . . . Bella, forgive me. What if that had been me? I took that woman's husband and that child's father. It's so easy to forget just how similar we are to our enemies in time of war. The type of parallel lives we lead. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want you and my daughter. That's all I want. If I could hear your voice, I would die a happy man. Just your voice. I love you so much my darling.

Forever and always,

Your broken Husband

Renesmee was shocked by that letter. She knew he was at war, but to hear him speak of it so. To see him put into words, his painful thoughts on the men he had killed. It made it . . . more real than she could have imagined. To her surprise, there was one letter left. It was not postmarked either. With shaking hands, she picked it up.

Bella,

Finally, our ray of hope! I received word the other day that I get to come home to you and Renesmee. I finally get to hold her. And I get to kiss you. You would never believe just how much my whole body trembles at the idea of getting to kiss you. Just to feel your lips on mine. It's almost too good to be true. Me and the boys have another mission we have to go on, and then it will be so long Germany! But if the only thing that's standing between you and I is a few Nazi's, I'd pick them all off just to get to you. You and that baby are my world, Bella. The idea that I get to touch you soon has given me a whole new life. Like the last year and a half has been just a dream, and soon . . . so very soon . . . I will wake up with you beside me. Only you will really be there this time. I miss you both so much it hurts. Jasper keeps making fun of me cause I can't shake the grin I've been wearing. He knows though, as he always has . . . how much this means to me. He's coming with me on the operation, though he's not thrilled they have him on a separate plane. He's stoked about getting to see Alice soon though. When I get there, I promise to never let you go again. I want to hold you, my darling, and kiss you, and touch you. I leave tomorrow for my last assignment, and then my flight home leaves the following week. I'm grinning so big right now, just writing it. I love you more than I can ever express, Bella. And you tell that little baby, my Renesmee, that you're probably holding in your arms, that daddy will be home soon. I swear, I'll get up every night with her, change all her diapers, and never put her down. I'll have that little girl spoiled before that first week is over. I look at her picture all the time, knowing that I missed her birth, and that I will miss her first birthday tomorrow . . . it's hard. But I just keep thinking to myself that I will be there soon! So very soon my love. And as long as you will have me, I will stay and make up for every important thing I've missed. I love you and Renesmee so much, and I will see you soon.

Forever and always,

Your Husband.

Renesmee set the letter on top of the rest of the pile. She knew the outcome of this story. He would die on that assignment while her mother was with her, celebrating her first birthday. And she knew now why her mother had never showed these to her just as she had said they were the reason she was ready to leave this world. They had been so private. So personal. Her father had broken down and pieced himself back together time and time again in these letters. While she missed her mother terribly, she no longer hurt like she had only hours before. Her mother was finally where she had waited years and years to be. With her husband. She had never stopped loving him. She had read and re-read these letters, God only knew how many times over the last fifty years, till she could finally be with him. It would be selfish of Renesmee to want her to stay.

Renesmee sat there, staring down at the fifty-three letters, only a portion of which had made it to her mother via mail. She could only imagine, as her father had, what her mother was feeling when she received no word from him, and then to learn he had died. Her mom and dad were finally together. She didn't know how it could end any better.

A knock on the door startled her, and she looked up as the door opened. She saw the cane and the shriveled old hand before she saw her Uncle Jasper enter the room. His hair was snow white and thinning, but his blue eyes sparkled. The only time she had ever seen them lose their shine was when Aunt Alice had passed. He was slightly hunched over from the years of work he had done, and still had the limp that the war had caused.

"I'm sorry about your mother, Ness." Uncle Jasper said, moving forward into the room. "She was a fine woman. A very fine woman."

Renesmee smiled and nodded. "She was."

"What'cha have there?" he asked, eyeing the envelopes on the bed curiously as he got closer.

Renesmee held one out to him, "Letters from my father to my mother."

He took it, his hand trembling. From old age or surprise, Renesmee wasn't sure. He didn't remove the letter however, but held the envelope to his heart instead.

"I didn't know she had kept these all this time," he said sadly. "I was the one who gave them to her. . . did she tell you that? Well, most of 'em anyway. Ya see, your dad and I were stationed in a place that could not receive nor deliver mail. But he wrote just the same. We all did. It was the only way to stay sane."

"She said you had something to do with it." Renesmee smiled sadly. "This is the first I've ever seen them though."

"Well that don't surprise me much," Jasper said, sitting on her bed and resting his cane across his lap. "You see, a man in war . . . he writes things that . . . well . . . it's bad enough for a wife to read, let alone his child."

"Did you read his letters?" Renesmee couldn't stop herself from asking.

"No." He said it with such finality that she knew it was the truth.

"Then how do you know about the things he wrote. . .?"

"Cause I was there, Ness. I wrote the same broken words to my own wife." He crossed himself and looked up at the ceiling. "Soon I'll be with her again too."

"Your daddy loved you Ness," he continued. "He loved you the moment he learned of you. And the day he died, well . . . I knew I had to be the one to tell your momma. I would be damned if some stranger with a telegram informed her that her husband was killed in an ambush. So I grabbed your daddy's effects, which included so many unsent letters that to this day I'm not sure I got them all. Then I got myself on the next flight back to the states. It's funny. . . I had hours to try and figure out the right way to tell her, but in the end . . . there really was no right way. "

Renesmee sat quietly as her God Father recounted his story. She had never heard him talk of her father's death before, and she listened attentively as though she were a school girl again.

"Your momma . . . she, um, she didn't take the news well, as you can imagine." Uncle Jasper whispered. "She loved your daddy more than any woman could love a man. And boy did he love her in return. So when she learned . . . she snapped. I think for a moment there, she was even ready to end it all. I saw something in her eyes that . . . that no one should see. But then she saw you . . . you were barely over a year Ness, and you were crawling to her. It was like a light went off inside her. She knew that she had to be strong for you. She just scooped you into her arms and rocked you. I gave her those letters that same day. I tell you what . . . us men may have been in a war, but your momma was stronger than all of us."

Renesmee wiped the tears from her eyes and hugged her God Father just as the door burst open once more and two of her grandchildren ran in, followed by her son Edward and her husband Jacob.

"Grandma!" The children cried out, running to her.

Reaching forward, she wrapped her arms around the two small children and hugged them to her. She would not be sad. Though she would always miss her mother, she was finally with the man she had to wait fifty years for.

"I love you, Grandma." They said in unison.

"And I you, babies." Looking up she beckoned to her son and husband to join them. "All of you. Forever and always."