Lily is tired of James harrassing and practically stalking her so she comes up with a list of ways to stop it. But does it work?
WARNING: This is my first fic so I hope you like it. Beware of extreme sarcasm and a lot of Lily talking to herself.
Getting Rid of Potter Part 1
I, Lily Evans and sick. Yes I am also tired. I am sick and tired. Of what you ask? James Potter. He has got to be the most annoyingly arrogant thing to ever walk on this planet. I often wonder how his head can be so big. Is it really possible for someone's head to weigh fifty pounds? Because I seriously think that his head comes close. He thinks he is so cool with his unruly black hair and his stupid glasses. I, however think he looks ridiculous. I mean who in their right mind tries to make their hair look even stupider by messing it up more than it already is? Potter. That's who.
I am just a fifteen year old girl. I am in my fifth year at Hogwarts. By the way this school is way cooler than my muggle school. I am so glad that I'm a witch. When I found out it was a huge eye opener. I think that was the best day of my life. I finally got to get away from my sister who insists on gossiping on every single thing. Now don't get me wrong, I gossip too. But when it becomes an obsession and you end up getting night goggles to spy on the neighbors, I have to draw the line there. I have fun and exciting friends. I'm just an average teenage girl. I love to hang out with my friends and do well in my studies. I think the only thing that sets me apart from anyone else is that I am a prefect this year. But that is not something that you would think that Potter would seem interested in. He likes to break all the rules and play pranks on anyone and everyone. Oh and he likes to hex anyone who looks at him funny. So why does Potter always seem to pop up and insist on asking me out every five minutes? I honestly do not know. But I for one am sick and tired of it. And I have come up with the perfect solution. I am going to make a list of ways to get rid of James once and for all. Now where's that parchment...
Getting Rid of Potter:
1. Ignore him.
2. Hex him everytime he asks me out or when he makes suggestive comments.
3. Kiss his best friend.
4. Agreeing to go out with him and then say I was just kidding.
5. Pretend he has lost his memory and I'm really his sister.
6. Yell at him and make a huge scene.
I have to inform you that that list was difficult to come up with. Not that it was hard to think of ways to get rid of Potter. I just think that Avada Kedavra wouldn't really work to well. I mean it would get rid of him, but spending the rest of my life in Azkaban does not seem too appealing.
Okay, tomorrow I'll start phase one: ignoring Potter. Maybe if I don't say anything to him, he'll just leave me alone once and for all. With that I drew the curtains around my bed and went to sleep anticipating finally getting rid of Potter.
The next day I woke up and couldn't wait to start my day. I was excited about my full proof plan. Practically jumping for joy, my roommates couldn't help but notice my change in attitude from yesterday when I was so mad at James for setting my robes on fire.
"Why are you so chipper this morning?" Sally asked. She is my best friend. She had dark brown hair that reached just above her shoulders and brown eyes. It was a big contrast to my auburn red curly hair that reached the small of my back and my emerald green eyes.
"I have found out how to get rid of James Potter once and for all. Well short of murder that is." I stated happily.
"And what do you plan to do?" I handed Sally the list and watched as she read it. "Are you doing all of these today?"
"No I am doing one at a time but hopefully I will be able to pull it off before having to do all ten." I said happily. I was finally going to get rid of him.
"Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean what if one day you actually find that you like him but you drove him away because of this?"
"Sally, me falling for James would be like me giving birth to a child that survives the killing curse. It's never going to happen."
I walked out the door of our dormitory and proceeded down the steps with Sally hot at my heals trying to convince me to leave it alone. I decided to practice ignoring James by ignoring her, so I went on to breakfast.
James Potter came gallivanting into the Great Hall about ten minutes after I had started eating. I, being a slow eating unlike some people who inhale their food coughSiriuscough, had only begun to eat my eggs when he plopped down next to me.
"Hey Evans! How's it going?"
"..." Just ignore him Lily and he will go away. Hmmm...I wonder how many other people talk to themselves? It can't just be me.
"That looks like some good food. Does it taste as good as it looks?"
"..." I wonder how I did on my Charms essay. I hope I did okay. It is O.W.L. year after all. I need top marks so I can study with it later. Sally probably thinks I'm weird for thinking that.
"Hmmm...Are you ignoring me Evans?"
"..." I can't wait for the Hogsmeade weekend. I need to stock up on my chocolate frogs. I'm almost out of them because I...I mean Sally, NOT me, ate five bags of them when we had a girl's night.
"I guess that's a yes." James then got a michievious glint in his eye. One that Lily did not like one bit. "I guess since you are ignoring me then you won't do anything to stop me."
"..." I wonder if James will ever shut up. I wonder if he knows how to shut up. Probably not. He may have used to known how to but I think hanging around with Sirius all these years made him forget how.
"Alright then. I'm going to ask you something and if you don't protest then I am assuming that it's a positive answer. Will you go out with me?"
"..." I wonder what I should wear tomorrow. It's casual day - something that the Head Girl and Boy thought would be fun. We don't have to wear our uniforms. Maybe I'll wear my mini skirt. The red one. Oh and my black boots. That'd look nice. Wait! What did Potter ask?
"Yes! I didn't get an answer therefore you must want to go out with me somewhere in your subconscious." James jumped up and started yelling for everyone to hear. "Hey guess what! Evans and I are an item as she just did not reject me!"
At least that's what he would have said if I had not completely forgotton about Phase one of my plan and jumped up and knocked him to the ground before he could finish his sentence. Of course by doing this I lost my balance and landed right on top of him.
"Well, if you wanted to skip the dinner and get right to the dessert, why didn't you just say so?"
"ARGH! Potter! I do NOT want to go out with you. Nor will I ever want to. Most people get that when someone ignores you they don't want to talk to you. Just leave me ALONE!" With that I left the Great Hall in a bad mood. This was not going the way I wanted it to. Well at least things can't get any worse. Right? WRONG!
I had just reached the doors when Professor McGonagall met up with me. "Miss Evans. These fights with Potter have to stop. You have to be able to at least be in the same room without blowing up at each other. Tonight, you will join him in detention. Meet me in my classroom at 8 O'clock and don't be late."
I left and continued to the common room to get my books. Stupid bloody Potter and his making me get detention. He'll pay. Just wait until I start phase two: Hex him everytime he asks me out or when he makes suggestive comments.
I was on my way back to the common room. I had just finished my last class. Finally this day is almost over. My plan was not working too well. It is going to be a lot tougher to crack Potter than I thought. Well at least he hasn't asked me out since breakfast. Of course I have been taking the long way to all the classes and getting there right on time and then leaving right when the bell rang. Which is what I just did. I am a surprisingly fast walker when I want to be. I am ready for this day to be over. I am dreading tonight at detention. A whole night spent with Potter and his fat head when I could be doing something useful like twiddling my thumbs or singing in the shower. Not that I do that by the way. No really I don't. By this time I was in my dormitory putting away my stuff when Sally and Anna came bursting through the door.
Anna was another of my roommates. She has short spiked hair that is a different color every other week (today it'spurple) and blue eyes. She's the crazy one out of us.
"Lily! You won't believe what happened!" Anna screamed.
"What?" Of course I asked this very calmly and indifferent-like just to annoy her.
"You will never believe who just asked me out!" At this point I was able to get a glimpse of Sally's face and she was just as, if not more, ecstatic about this news as Anna was. So I was a little apprehensive to ask because sometimes they get excited about the wierdest guys.
"Who?"
"John Moore!" My jaw dropped. I could not believe it. That guy is so wierd. He has his hair in a mohawk, about ten tatoos, and at least four piercings. On the other hand, Anna's a little on the wierd side too. Most girls don't have purple hair and live for fishnet pantyhose. I think this could actually work out for her.
"That's great! When did he ask you out?"
"Just now. Oh no! I just left him in the common room without telling him an answer. I had to tell you. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I have to go!" And she tore out of the room and then tripped and fell down the stairs. Typical. She's such a klutz. Good thing John was there to catch her.
Shaking my head and laughing I left for dinner with Sally at my side. I wonder what we are having for dinner. I'm starving. I skipped lunch so I wouldn't have to deal with Potter and now I fell like I could eat a hippogriff. Or a thestral. Or a dragon. But none of those sound to appetizing.
"Hello? Lily? Are you listening to me?" Sally said waving her hands in front of my face.
"Yeah...I am. I know exactly what you were talking about. I wasn't off in my own little world. Nope I wasn't." I wonder if she believes me.
"Okay. If you were listening then what was I talking about?" Crap. What to say what to say.
"You were talking about umm.. about how you think it's odd that Dumbledore has his beard so long." What did I just say? I cannot believe I chose that to prove I was listening to her.
"Oh. Maybe you were listening. Sorry for doubting you. Anyways, what's for dinner?"
Don't freak out Lily, don't freak out. It is only a simple little detention with Potter. Nothing to worry about. Except me trying to stay out of Azkaban from murding him. I can handle this. I do still have phase two of The Plan. It is only ten minutes until detention. I am on my way to McGonagall's classroom. I just hope she doesn't make us do something incredibly disgusting like clean the bedpans in the hospital wing. Ewww. Just keep my cool and I will be able to get through this. Maybe I'll be lucky and she'll give us separate detentions. But when has anything gone right in my life? That's right never.
I arrived at McGonagall's office right on time and Potter wasn't there. Typical. He's always late. Oh wait he's inside already. At least no one heard my thoughts. Well besides me. I went inside the office to meet my doom.
"Good evening Miss Evans. Tonight you and Mr. Potter will be cleaning the bedpans in hospital wing. Without magic that is. I will lead you down there and leave you to it." Typical. Nothing can ever go right can it?
I am now back from the worst possible detention ever! It could not have gone worse. I cannot believe Potter. Well naturally, since I am in my room where my friends are, they saw how angry I was and rushed to my rescue. I knew I had to tell them my horrifying tale.
"Me and Potter (or is it Potter and I) Well which ever one it is, followed McGonagall to the hospital wing where when we entered, I swear they brought in extra bedpans just to make me suffer. There had to be at least 3,000 there. I'm not exaggerating. Really, I'm not. She bid us goodbye and left me to have to deal with Potter - by myself I might add - for probably three or four hours. Although with these 5,000 bedpans we could be here all night. Well two things could happen. Potter could completely ignore me and my life would be bliss. Or he'll annoy the hell out of my and I'll get to hex him. And just to set things straight, I am purely going to hex him for the benefit of the plan. I will not take personal joy in it. Well, maybe a little. And our detention began.
"We started cleaning and I had about ten done by the time Potter was done with one. And then it happened. I knew it was only a matter of time before it inevitably happened. Me and Potter (or is it Potter and I) can not be in the same room with each other for an extended period of time without it happening. He asked the question. "Hey Lily. Will you go out with me?" But I did not waiver. Because I remembered Phase two of The Plan. I whipped out my wand and shouted 'furnunculus' you know the boil curse. Well, I think that shut him up. But then McGonagall came in and saw me. She gave me another detention and a lecture about how I should know better because I'm a prefect. My life is over!"
Well my friends aren't as understanding as I thought. Anna leaned over and whispered to Sally, "Hey you know Lily speak better than me. What does that really mean?"
"Well her and James followed McGonagall to the hospital wing. There were 40 bedpans that would take about an hour to clean. She was praying that he would say something so she could hex him and have an excuse. They were most likely cleaning at the same rate although it is possible that James was going faster. And then he asked for the soap and Lily hexed him probably four or five times before she realized what he had actually asked and McGonagall came in and gave her detention because James was most likely knocked unconscious at the time."
"Oh,"
Why those little traitors. "I cannot believe you would think such things. I wouldn't dare do that. Ugh. Maybe Phase Three will work better. Kiss his best friend. Aw man why did I come up with that. Now I have to kiss Sirius."
What will Lily do? Will she go through with it or chicken out. Please review! I would really like that. This is my first fic so please be nice or brutally honest. Whichever one you want. I would just like a review.