Coveting
By Princess Alexandria
Princess_alex24@hotmail.com
A/N: This makes a lot more sense if you are familiar with the New X-men storyline, especially the Assault on Weapon Plus and Planet X storylines. I borrowed some scenes and dialogue directly, along with characters, a world… all the typical fanfiction thefts. Suing me would be fruitless. My one main possession is my computer and that wouldn't pay for the lawyer.
A/N: There be femslash here as I try and fix what the writers did to the Jean/Scott/Emma triangle. Really, like he's worth all the fuss. Here is how it should have gone…
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CHAPTER ONE: Confrontation
She slept with my husband. It may have only been in their minds, but it was real. She did this right under my nose in spite of the bond I share with Scott. She'd gotten him to talk when all I was getting was silence. While all this was happening I held my tongue and kept telling myself he'd never do that to me; that my fears were paranoid nightmares. I was a fool, and she helped to make me that.
Children had to tell me what was going on with my own husband. Children I taught. I felt like the lowest, blindest fool when they contacted me and gave voice to my fears. That my own students knew of this shame before me was humiliating. I hated them both for that.
I confronted them. I don't know what was more shocking, seeing my husband doing that with another woman, or seeing Emma wearing my old outfit while they did. Most men want to forget about their wives while sleeping with their mistresses, so of course Scott goes the other way. I didn't know what to say about that, so I said nothing. He managed to find a way to punish himself with the guilt while still doing the act. Only my Scott could manage that.
My Scott. Right. I just have to shake my head at that bitter thought. He loves me, he has ever since we were young, but he never has been fully mine. He holds himself back in everything, and still manages to make me feel like he isn't. But I see it now. He always has held himself separate from me, and he's always wanted more. Maddie, Betsy, and now Emma. All men wander, that's what I've heard, but I didn't want to believe it of him. I shared my soul with him and I've been getting nothing back lately.
I'm not an idiot, in spite of my blindness. I know what's going on, but I'm helpless to stop it. It's over. I wanted to hate her, I wanted to feel like hurting her would make it better. I wanted… I wanted to blame her for this. Blame her for the awkward reactions I get from people I've known for years when I walk in the room. I wanted to blame her for the whispers behind my back, the pity as people think about what a victim I am.
It's because I wanted to hate her that I marched into that room and blocked the door. Wanting to hate her lead me to shove into her mind rougher than I normally ever do, rougher than I do to most of our enemies. I liked her fear as she trailed after me begging for mercy as I tore through her mind… I liked it until I suddenly didn't. I went in there to punish her, to terrify her, so why did I stop to reassure her I wouldn't hurt her while I continued my tour?
I finally met her, that's why, and I was stunned by what I saw, not that I let her sense that. Her mask, the one she wears around everyone sinks into her mind and I had believed the mask. I had no idea someone else was inside of there. Her skill at hiding that was remarkable. I've known Emma, mostly as an enemy, for years, but until that moment I don't think I'd ever met her. I actually felt a little ashamed of the compulsion I planted in her mind to be honest with me. To explain the scenes she was showing me of her life, because then she was. Completely honest, in both word and emotion and I felt it all.
I started to like her and that helped me hate her. How dare she be more than I thought! How dare she be… I found the hate I was looking for and it gave me the strength to hurt her. Her biggest weakness is her guilt over the death of her students and I grabbed onto that and dragged it into the light. I felt victorious as her pain grew, her helplessness grew. I felt like a sadistic child tormenting a helpless puppy, all full of power and anger.
This wasn't about Scott anymore, so it was a shock when he showed up. I had her on the ground and she was still fighting. My power is easily far beyond hers, but her determination pulled her out enough to talk back, to try and defend herself. I found more hate because I admired that about her. I shouldn't have to like anything about my husband's mistress. It wasn't right.
My angry words with Scott blended with my feelings of anger and hurt. I don't remember most of what was said by either of us. What I do remember was looking over at Emma sitting on the ground, almost cowering, with tears running down her face. I did that, and I felt ashamed. I felt like going to her and helping her up, because the White Queen shouldn't be looking like that and the impulse to help her shocked me. Brought me back to myself. I wanted to hate her, but I couldn't. This wasn't her fault. I accused her of using Scott's vulnerability but in looking at both of them, I realized it was the other way around. Scott had used her and she was so desperate for love, for affection, that she'd allowed it knowing full well what he was doing. I pitied her. I had to leave the room before I ruined my huge scene by apologizing for myself and my husband. Scott at least had the good sense to leave before I could turn on him, but at that point I was beyond anger. I'd burned it out with the Phoenix force, and my mind was clear.
I ignored the Professor's fearful questions, marched past Logan and left. Even the Professor didn't catch the subtle push I did on Logan to keep him from rushing after his bike or me. I pushed him to stay there and comfort Emma, because I couldn't do it myself. That fool woman fell in love with my husband. Didn't she know he was poison? He sucked the life out of everything, out of both of us.
He is out there somewhere, most likely getting drunk and thinking about how this affects him and only him. I love him, and he's my best friend, but his selfishness is stunning. It was one thing when it was just me, but as I watched Henry putting the pieces of Emma's body together I knew it isn't just me anymore. She loves him, and he walked out on her when she needed him most. That's when I knew. He was poison. This link I made with him when I was young is for life, but I need to let him go. He has to grow up, and I can't do this anymore. I'll ask Warren for the name of a good attorney, but I'm sure that Scott won't make this ugly. He may be selfish, but his guilt keeps him honest in some ways.
Emma died today. The same day I realized I loved her. Bishop, if you think I killed her you just have to look into my heart and you'll know. I couldn't. I can't even cry, because she was right. I claimed she was the cold one unable to feel, but it's me.
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CHAPTER TWO: Kiss
This is where she died. I walked to the window and just stared out at the nice summer day. Regret is a powerful emotion, and apparently I'm still able to feel it. Emma was wrong, I didn't forget all my emotions.
The last thing I did to her was torture her. She died before I had a chance to apologize. With a heavy sigh I moved to open the curtain wider and let in cool air. "Emma." I spoke quietly, fully aware I wasn't supposed to be in this room. It was still a murder scene. "I'm sorry."
When I turned to leave I noticed a light from under the couch. Something shining. I moved to kneel on the ground and reached underneath to grab it. Her lips. The ache in my eyes came with a flood of tears as I held them in my hand staring at them.
I don't know what possessed me, but I carefully took those lips between two fingers and raised them to my own. A gentle kiss, the only one I'll ever get from her. "I'm so sorry." I whispered into those lips. A wave of nervous embarrassment hit me after I did that, but there were no witnesses. "We really are a mess aren't we Emma?" I moved to sit on the couch while I stared at those lips. "We could be our own soap opera." I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I'm divorcing him. It isn't your fault, you just made me realize it was time." The silence was hard to deal with in this room. It already felt like a tomb. "I would have hated it Emma, but I would have rather you lived and took my husband than this." A fresh wave of tears fell.
It took a while to clean up and walk into Henry's lab with my find. I made sure to sweep the area more carefully and found another small piece of her to go with it. He was insane to think he could put her back together and she'd breath, but I understood why he needed to try. Unfortunately we are more than just our bodies, and even if we could put her back into a whole piece, she is gone.
He was grateful, and didn't mention the hint of lipstick on her lips when I handed them over. I'd like to think he didn't notice. I moved around the table, looking at her. He'd done a miracle, she was nearly whole looking, but with painful ugly cracks that made it clear she wasn't just sleeping. I moved to stare into her eyes, into her face, and let her brokenness haunt me. It was instinct that made me try to reach her. I honestly didn't expect an answer, but I got one.
"wait a second… Emma's consciousness is still clinging here." I whispered in shock. Once again her determination astounded me. This woman was incredibly strong, and she was alive. My eyes traveled over her broken form with a new purpose. I took in the cracks, the tiny particles that hadn't been placed in a home. Maybe…
I looked up into Henry's face and remembered the conversation we'd been having. I told him about the fake memory those girls planted in him, while working on my idea in my head. I could see he was stunned by both my declaration that Emma still existed and the play.
I ignored both as I turned to Emma and prayed that I wasn't making it worse. If I couldn't fix it all her pain would be incredible. The Phoenix rose up in me as I focused on her and Henry's fear became tangible.
"I know everybody's worried about me, Hank." I glanced up at him and noticed the red glow on his fur from my fire. "Everybody thinks the Phoenix Force is turning me into some kind of destroyer, but it's not like that. I have trouble with the rushes, but I'm okay, really." I had to ease his mind so that he could help me. I had to make things up to Emma, and I couldn't do that if she remained dead.
"I think I can make things right here." I pray I can. "This isn't the first time Emma's been disembodied. So I'm thinking I could maybe fuse the diamond molecules together telekinetically." I take a heavy breath as I sense his hope. "Maybe I'm over-reaching…" I admitted that quietly.
I had him help me by giving me his medical knowledge. I sifted through it quickly and thoroughly as I moved the last pieces of her into place and worked to fuse her back together. If she hadn't shifted to diamond form before she was hit there wouldn't be any hope. I hope this is enough.
Even as she sat up and screamed out a name in pain I continued to work on the cracks. She was moving, but I was holding her together. If I let go for a second she'd fall apart all over again. I'm not going to let her. I calmed her mind while I had Henry give her a physical. I didn't let go until he told me I could. I wanted, needed that second opinion.
"Well, Sage is going to be disappointed." I muttered stupidly as I moved to leave. When she came too she didn't need to see me. I went to go tell Bishop and Sage Emma told us who her murderer had been, actually I just went. I sent the information to them telepathically and returned to my room before anyone saw me. I needed to be alone.
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Esme got away. I could find her, hunt her down, and part of me would like that. She was the one that did this to Emma and Emma was still in pain and healing. She was also the one that thought it was a good idea to tell me about the affair, making me a suspect in the murder as well.
There's no time like the present. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open with my hip while I held onto the tray with both hands. My powers scared the others, and for this moment I'd cater to their fear. "Well, Emma… I brought you lunch." I glance over at the woman on the bed and can see some resentment. Henry must have told her why she's still alive. She didn't like that I was more powerful, not in a terrified of my power way, it was more her jealousy. At least she hadn't been terrified of my power. Time would tell if I'd changed that when I attacked her mind.
Today is the day I have to tell her that Scott left us both and isn't on his way back. Logan is missing too, and I doubt it's a coincidence, but Logan knew Emma was killed and if they are together Scott knows and didn't come back for her. She deserved better from him, but she'd never get it. I hope she can realize that before she makes a mistake and decides to take him, now that I'm making him available.
Is it too much to hope she'd notice I was available too? I sighed quietly when I turn away from her to put her tray down. It was probably way too much to hope for that she'd notice me suddenly. If I want her to consider me, I have to give her a reason. It took an effort to not chuckle at that thought. She'd take it as an insult, not realizing where my mind had taken me. I'm going to pursue the White Queen, my husband's mistress. Jerry Springer would love to hear from me.
How much of this is wanting her and how much is wanting him to be alone for what he's done to both of us? I'm ashamed to admit both come into play.
"I'll take you on a tour of the gardens when you are done eating." I smile gently at her and can sense her cautious fear. She's too weak to argue much. I deserve that suspicion, but it isn't going to help my cause. "No debating. I'll be back in a half hour." Henry glances at me when I leave. I didn't really want to have this talk with Emma when he was around. It would be awkward enough as it was.
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CHAPTER THREE: Conversation
The sun glistened off of her diamond form as I pushed the wheelchair along the path to a private part of the gardens. With summer here there were fewer students, and those few that were here I mentally encouraged to stay away. I wanted privacy for this, for both of us.
Emma was silent and I could feel she was preparing herself from another argument. Most likely my demands she stay away from my husband. She was going to be surprised.
I pulled us up to a bench and stopped the wheelchair. Emma hated using it, but she was still weak, and until we were sure the fusions I did were going to hold Henry had her on a tight leash. She couldn't even shift back to her normal form until he finished studying the xrays he took of her to make sure a vital crack hadn't escaped my attention. I made sure not to miss anything but wasn't willing to risk her life without having that second opinion.
"Emma." I spoke softly as I sat on the bench facing her.
She'd been abnormally quiet as I pushed her here, so her voice was a welcome change, even though it was laced with anger. "What, so now you've decided to attack me when I can't even stand? Didn't you do enough when you crashed through my mind? Must I listen to your judgment even now?"
My eyes hardened at her attitude. Her disregard for the fact she'd been with my husband. It took a moment for old habits of yelling back at her could be squelched before it ruined what I was planning here. This was her mask, and now that I knew it I wasn't going to let her make me fall for it.
"No, that's not why I wanted to talk." I continued in a softer voice, not letting any anger in. "My anger should have been directed at Scott, not you. It was him that cheated on me. He's the one that betrayed my trust." But instead I'd blamed her, just like I'd blamed Betsy before her. It was so much easier if I blamed the women he wanted. "I am sorry I attacked you. You never ALLOWED anyone to die. It was ridiculous of me to say it." I had to apologize for that very low blow. It wasn't like she neglected her students and they died, she did everything she could to protect them and it wasn't enough. If it had been me I would have given up teaching long ago, but she kept going back to it. She cared that much.
Her quiet glare held more than enough hostility. "How gracious of you to apologize AFTER ripping through my mind."
"You did sneak around…" My voice started to rise with her anger. It took a lot to hold it back, but Emma's slightly startled look at the Phoenix flame in my eyes helped remind me to keep control. "I made a mistake. We both did." I didn't want to scare her, but I had to reign it in a few times already and we hadn't even gotten to the hard part of this conversation. "Emma, I'm having problems controlling the Phoenix force. Usually I'm fine, but when I get angry it gets hard. Please don't provoke me just to get me angry."
"So we all have to bow down to the great Jean, and if we don't it's our own fault we get burned? How convenient for you." Emma's voice was filled with venom and for a moment it flared my anger, but just as quickly it stopped. Only Emma wouldn't be afraid of me. I just shook my head a little and fought the small smirk that wanted to come to me. Everyone else was too scared to upset me. They walked on eggshells around me. Emma didn't.
"It's no excuse. I know that." I sighed heavily and relaxed. "Did you know this isn't the first time he's…" I glance away, towards the soft clouds in the blue sky. I felt ashamed that he cheats with his heart so easily, that he takes it so far, but this wasn't my fault either. "Nevermind."
"No, I want to hear this." Emma still sounded demanding. Maybe she did have a right to know. Maybe it would affect her decision.
"Whenever he isn't happy with his life, with himself, he starts looking at other women." I glance over at her. "I blamed Betsy, I blamed you. Really the only common denominator is him. I see that now."
"Well, there is you too." The look in her eyes made it clear she was insulting me.
"Not anymore." I returned to staring at the flowers. "He's always in charge. If it's an important decision I'm never allowed to make it. He runs away and makes me worry until he comes back and informs me how life is going to change. He's run away again Emma." I turn to see she's a bit more pale than normal. I hate to do this, but it has to be done. "He left you when you really needed him. Left you to deal with me, with being killed… if you plan to take him, get used to never being equal. He's going to come back, make a brief apology, and tell you how your life is going to change."
"Me?"
"If you want him, you can have him." It hurts to say that, knowing she could very well make that decision. "I've filed for divorce. I'm tired of it. If he doesn't leave me for you, next year he'll meet someone else and I'll have to go through this all over again." I sighed and leaned back on the bench, swiveling to that I rested on my elbows and my legs took up the rest of the room.
"So you are tossing him away and I'm supposed to be grateful?"
"No," She wasn't getting it. My voice got softer as I moved to sit up again and give her my full attention. Not that she'd had anything less, but I made it clear she had it. "Regardless of what you decide, I'm leaving him. What you should be is smart, do you want a man that would leave you here with me? Logan is missing too. Scott knows you were shot and he isn't here. I'm the one that helped you, and before that, I was the one planning your funeral. That was me."
She is such a proud woman. I turned away to stare at the sky when I noticed her jaw clenching, just to give her time to accept that Scott did that to her. She loves him, and this is new to her. My voice was very quiet, just enough for her to hear. "He does things like that to me too. He may very well love you Emma, but this is as good as it gets with him."
"I think I've had enough fresh air." Emma's voice was cold. I nodded and stood to take her back inside.
"I'll come by after breakfast tomorrow and we can take another walk." I spoke as I started towards the building with her. "You shouldn't be stuck in that medlab all day."
"Why are you doing this?" Her suspicious nature was expected. I looked down to see her looking over her shoulder at me as I pushed the wheelchair.
"I want to." I gave her a smile, and didn't react when it wasn't returned.
"And if I don't want you to?"
I let my smile grow just a bit to annoy her, petty I know. "I'll be by around nine."