note: So it would appear that this fic may end up being a look at the gang's eventful junior year. Maybe it'll go in to their senior year, I don't know yet. We'll see eventually, I suppose. As for the title, it's kind of taken from The Strokes' song "80's Comedown Machine." In my head, I'm saying the title as "Noughties Comedown Machine" because, ha, "noughties" and that the 2000s supposedly are called the "noughties." So, yeah, it's "Noughties Comedown Machine."

00's Comedown Machine
by, the ultimateSora

Chapter One
Total Sploosh

Monday, August 25, 2003
Walkerville High School
Walkerville, Rhode Island

The west parking lot of Walkerville High was the unofficial "juniors' lot," so the gang parked their vehicles as close to each other as they could. All but Phoebe and Carlos, the former having not showed up yet and the latter having his driving privileges taken away when he was caught sneaking back inside the house after going to a party he wasn't supposed to (as he was grounded for sneaking out to go to another party he wasn't supposed to). Keesha had her Mini's trunk door open so she and Dorothy Ann could sit down, and the guys and Wanda remained standing as they killed time before the ten-minute warning bell.

"First day of junior year!" Carlos said.

Keesha rolled her eyes. "Yes, Carlos, we are aware."

"But we're upperclassmen now! We have power!"

"Power to do what, exactly?" Dorothy Ann asked. "Pick on the poor freshman who are already scared? Or the jaded sophomores who don't care?"

Wanda snorted. "If we pick on anyone, how about that dork riding in on a moped?" When the person on the red and white '82 Honda Passport came closer, she sighed. "Oh, of course it's our own little dork."

"'Little'?" Keesha laughed. "Your head barely comes to her shoulder."

Wanda only shot her a look. Phoebe rode past them and parked in the smaller motorcycle spaces closer to the side doors. Ralphie shook his head. "Ma tells her 'You're getting a vehicle for your birthday so you and Ralphie won't fight over who needs the car.' And what does she pick? The first piece of junk she sees at the Reynolds' garage." He looked at Tim. "Yeah, thanks, man."

Tim shrugged. "Hey, I only helped restore the bike. Your mother bought it."

Ralphie's mother, Suzette, married Phoebe's father, Mark, in early 1997. Since then, the others took to calling Ralphie and Phoebe "the Ternelli Step-Twins," despite the two-month age difference between the two. The Ternelli house was also the designated gang hang out spot.

Ralphie shook his head. "It was bound to happen. Riding a motorbike of some kind is in her blood. Apparently, the first Mrs. T was something of a biker chick when Mr. T met her."

They all looked over at their lanky, lady friend, all but Ralphie and Arnold still in shock that the ungainly Phoebe rode a motorbike with ease. They watched for a moment as she struggled a little bit to get her helmet off, which Ralphie knew would take her a couple of tries. Her helmet was "the classic, open-faced moped style," as Tim put it. She bought two helmets from the Reynolds' garage and custom shop, and her main one Tim customized for her. It was a sparkly red with a blue stripe down the middle. On each side was a silver colored trout for House Tully, the Westeros house Phoebe put herself in. She had to explain her helmet a couple of times to the others before sighing and suggesting (for the billionth time) they just read the A Song of Ice and Fire series. Her goggles Tim called "the Red Barons." They had a old aviator style to them, which Phoebe loved. They were also the least bulky of the goggles she tried, which she also loved.

Arnold took off his messenger bag so he could take his blue letter jacket off. He folded the jacket over his arm and put his messenger bag back on. "I will see you all later. I am going to go say hello to my," he started smiling big, "girlfriend." He and Phoebe had been together since mid-July.

"Oh, don't act like she's your first girlfriend!" Wanda snapped at him. He ignored her and walked away. Wanda shook her head. "Such a sploosh-worthy piece of ass with glorious hair, chiseled abs, and a perfect sense of style, being wasted on a bony hippie dork with a dorky little Pee-Wee Herman bike."

Carlos laughed. "Oh, my God, it does look like Pee-Wee's bike."

"Watch it," Ralphie said to Wanda. "That's my step-sister you're talking about."

"But they're such a mismatch!" Wanda argued.

Keesha held up her hand. "Not that I just love talking about the Perlsteins, but personality-wise, they are perfect together. I think they're the only ones who can put up with each other's nauseating niceness."

Carlos looked over at Arnold and Phoebe, who were sharing a kiss by her Honda. "Hey, Perlstein! Are you checking her tonsils with your tongue?"

Arnold gave him the finger without breaking the kiss as Ralphie smacked him on the back of the head. Phoebe laughed against Arnold's lips, and she slowly pulled back. "Oh, Carlos is just jealous because you actually made a move on me," she said.

Arnold cocked a brow. "I know you two have that close, kind of odd, more-than-platonic-but-not-romantic relationship, but..."

She put her hand on his stomach and slid it across his oxford shirt to his hip. "I prefer my boys over six-feet in height, orange haired, and that wear glasses." Phoebe had stopped growing at five-ten, and she was happy Arnold had grown another three inches more than her, putting him at six-one. Their height difference was perfect to her, but most things about him were perfect to her. "Carlos and I just get one another on some weird level neither of us really understands, and we happen to have no physical attraction to each other. Plus, we're not only good for each other but also terrible for each other."

Arnold understood what she meant. No one else could always cheer her up and bring her to her breaking point within a short time span. After all, Carlos was the reason for the whole "S.A.D.S. incident," as Phoebe never let him forget. While he would never say it to her, he likened her relationship with Carlos to his with Wanda, minus the attraction (which he no longer had to Wanda, but he knew she did to him). Phoebe was the only one Carlos really listened to, just as he was the only one Wanda really listened to.

"So you prefer Jewish gingers to short Hispanics?" he asked.

"Technically Carlos and I are the same height, but..." She winked and kissed his cheek. "Walk me to my locker?"

He handed her his letter jacket. "Only if you take this off my hands," he said. "As my girlfriend, I would hope you would like wearing it."

Phoebe set her helmet down and put her goggles in her backpack before setting it down, too. She put the jacket on. It was a little big for her, which was no surprise. "Now everyone will think I'm Arnold Perlstein."

"That's the plan."

Phoebe laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She picked up her helmet, shouldered her backpack, and they walked hand-in-hand towards the doors. Phoebe took her schedule out from her pocket and looked for her locker number. The "W" next to the number indicated it was in the west wing (which was good, as most of her classes were in the west wing), and she managed to find it. Before she put in the combination, Arnold pointed to the name on the paper.

"You're not 'Peggy Thomson,'" he said.

Phoebe sighed when she noticed the name. "Dang it." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You better go to your locker. I'm going to the counselors office."

He nodded. "Good luck."

They shared one more kiss before he went to his locker and she to the counselors office. A tall, thin girl with light brown hair was standing at one of the two receptionists' desks when she walked in.

"I got Phoebe Terese's schedule," the girl said.

"It's actually 'Ter-ez,'" Phoebe said, as Peggy had pronounced it "Ter-ees." She held out the schedule. "I assume this is yours?"

Peggy shot her a hard look before snatching the schedule and shoving Phoebe's against her chest. "I'm going to be late now, no thanks to you."

She rushed out, and Phoebe looked at the receptionist in shock. The receptionist shook her head and scribbled a note. "Here, take this. It'll excuse you for being late."

Phoebe nodded. "Thanks. What about her?"

The receptionist winked. "She's from Eagleton."

Eagleton was the rival town that bordered Walkerville to the west. It was not a friendly rivalry either. The sign on the town border read: NOW LEAVING WALKERVILLE Come Back Soon! on the Walkerville side; on the Eagleton side, the sign read: NOW ENTERING WALKERVILLE Good Luck With That. The town founding folklore was that the wealthiest and most prominent townsfolk of Walkerville found the smell too unpleasant, so they went west and founded Eagleton. Old Walker Vale was the "old money" neighborhood of Walkerville, but even the Vale paled in comparison to the wealth and luxury Eagletonians lived in.

Phoebe took the note from her and walked out. Unfortunately, Peggy's locker was next to hers. Phoebe knew Ralphie's locker would be on her other side, as "Tennelli" came before "Terese," and their lockers had been side-by-side since sixth grade. Peggy didn't say anything as she got her books. She slammed her locker shut and hurried away. Phoebe got the books she needed, and she hung her helmet inside. After closing her locker, she walked to the science halls to her first period physics class. She smiled when she saw Ralphie at a table, and she hurried to sit next to him.

"I didn't know you had phys-" She stopped when the guy she thought was Ralphie looked at her. "Oh! I'm sorry. I thought you were my brother."

The guy put his hand on his chest. "If I wasn't dating the most brilliant and beautiful girl in New England, I'd be offended you thought I was your brother."

Phoebe looked at him, confused. He was dating Dorothy Ann? Dorothy Ann had a boyfriend and didn't tell her? "Wait...I'm sorry. Who're you dating?"

"Oh, her name's Anna Beth. She lives in Eagleton."

Phoebe nodded, deciding not to let her prejudice for Eagleton show. Plus, she didn't know Anna Beth , but she did know she was not the most brilliant and beautiful girl in New England. Those titles belonged to her beautiful and brilliant Knight of Flowers, her Golden Rose of Tyrell.

"Ricky Thomson," the guy said, holding out his hand for her to shake.

She shook it. "Phoebe Terese."

"Oh! I know your brother, Ralphie. I met him during football camp over the summer. I'm new here. Well, my sister and I are. Just moved from Eagleton."

Ricky was probably as tall as Ralphie, but being closer to him, Phoebe realized he wasn't as burly. Yet, he had a similar athletic build. His light brown hair was unruly, not unlike Ralphie's hair. He even had the same cheeky grin. She liked Ricky, but in a way a girl would like a guy who reminded her of her brother.

If you're not Cersei Lannister, that is, Phoebe laughed to herself.

"So, Phoebe, you any good at this physics stuff?"

She shrugged. "The only reason I'm here is like all the other juniors: Because I was good enough at seventh grade science so I got to skip eighth grade science."

Ricky laughed. "Yeah, glad I got to skip geology to take intro chem and physics in eighth grade."

"Don't let my boyfriend hear you say that. He loves geology."

Ricky pointed to her jacket. "Ah, yeah, I take it you're dating Arnold Perlstein?"

"Did the 'Arnold Matthew' printed on the front and 'Perlstein' on the back give it away?"

"Something like that."

By the end of class, Phoebe somehow made friends with Ricky Thomson. She wasn't sure how, as she rarely made friends outside of the gang. Lunch rolled around during fourth period, and by a stroke of pure luck, the eight had the same lunch schedule. Phoebe found her friends all sitting together, and she took the empty seat between Arnold and D.A. There was a folded paper sitting on the table in front of the seat that read in D.A.'s perfect handwriting:

PHOEBE MARGOT TERESE'S SEAT
(SERIOUSLY, WANDA, NOT FOR YOUR ASS)

Arnold gave Phoebe a kiss on the cheek when she sat. "How did it go in the office this morning?"

"Let's just say Peggy Thomson is not a patient person."

Keesha shook her head. "Peggy Thomson is...well, how can I say this delicately?" She took a bite of her sandwich, chewed, and swallowed. "She's a bitch. I have second period with her, and everything about her just screams 'Eagleton.'"

"Her twin brother, Ricky, is quite handsome and nice, though," D.A. said.

Wanda nodded. "Total sploosh."

"Yeah," Keesha said, "gotta give him a sploosh."

Ralphie grimaced. "Ugh, that guy makes me want to puke."

Phoebe raised her brows. "Why? He struck me as a nice fellow."

"Everyone is nice to you, Pheebs," Ralphie said. "Well, except..."

Everyone followed his gaze to the table where some of the varsity cheerleaders were sitting, and they all knew he was looking specifically at Janet.

"Phoebe's Newman," Carlos said.

"I think she's more my Sue Ellen Mischke," Phoebe said.

Carlos nodded. "Sue Ellen Mischke with Newman's pure evilness."

Dorothy Ann shook her head. "Okay, it's kind of weird hearing my mother's name twice now."

"We're talking about another tv character with your mom's name," Carlos said. "Duh."

D.A. rolled her eyes but decided to distract herself with the forms she needed to fill out to run for class president (again). She had been class president since the eighth grade, so she knew the drill when it came to running. The gang would be her campaign team again: Arnold would be her campaign manager, Wanda and Keesha her "Image Consultants," Ralphie and Carlos her "security," Tim would help make the campaign posters and help write her speeches, and Phoebe would be the moral support.

Phoebe let out a squeal and clapped when she saw D.A.'s papers. "Can we make campaign t-shirts again? I'll make sure to proofread them."

"Jesus Christ!" Ralphie said. "How many times I gotta say I'm sorry for that typo?"

"More like a Freudian slip," Phoebe said. "'Vote Dorothy Ann: She's the Tits!'"

"It was supposed to be 'Tops'!"

Wanda gently elbowed D.A. "Well, she is the tits. Look at how big these suckers are!"

"That's the big titted pot calling the kettle top heavy," Keesha said, laughing.

"At least I have 'em," Wanda said. "Unlike some lanky, freckled flatties at this table."

Phoebe felt her face warm, and she closed Arnold's jacket tighter around her. Arnold and D.A. both shot her a look and said, "Enough."

Lunch ended sooner then they would have liked, and Arnold walked Phoebe back to her fourth period class, since his wasn't too far. They stopped outside of her classroom, and he took her hand. "Listen, I know the idea of this makes you nervous, but your presence has been requested by my parents."

Phoebe's stomach tightened. "Oh, no. No, no, I'm not ready to formally meet your parents. Can't we just continue with you hanging out all the time at Casa de Ternelli? Suzette loves you, and Daddy...well, Daddy's still getting used to, well, you."

"I can try to stall them some more, but my mother will find a way to meet you."

She sighed. "Fine. Just give me the when and where."

"This Friday evening. The Old Walker Vale Country and Yacht Club."

"What? I don't have anything fancy enough to wear in a place like the Vale!"

Arnold shrugged. "I like that mint green cocktail dress you have. I have the perfect oxford and cardigan pairing I can wear that'll match your dress without being too matchy-matchy."

That made Phoebe smile. "Have I told you lately that I adore how fancy you are?"

Arnold took her hand and kissed her fingers. "I'm your Fancy Boy, Miss Terese. Always looking pretty and well groomed so you have the perfect arm ornament."

"My fancy, pretty, preppy nerd boy." She kissed his cheek. "Get to class before Carlos asks you any inappropriate questions as to why you're late."

"Yes, my Lady Tully."

Phoebe started walking towards the classroom door, but she stopped to say, "Remind me to bring you my copy of A Game of Thrones because you will read my favorite fantasy series, and you will love it, my direwolf of Winterfell."

He did a fancy bow. "As you wish."

She put her hand on her forehead. "Oh, now he's quoting The Princess Bride. I'm going now before you make me late, despite being a foot away from the door."

Arnold sat in the breakfast nook of his quiet house as he finished his homework. The quiet could be too much as times, and part of him wished he took the Ternelli step-twins up on their offer to go home with them. His dad wouldn't be home from work until after six, and his mother would be home around five, after spending her day shopping and having drinks at the country club and meeting with her social clubs. The only light on in the kitchen and breakfast nook was the nook light above him, so he noticed the headlights right away through the window above the sink. He turned and looked out the back door's window to see Jean Perlstein's Mercedes stop in front of the closed garage door. He went back to his homework, and he heard her walk in moments later.

"Hello, son." She turned on the kitchen light, which made Arnold's eyes hurt for a moment. "Have you eaten?"

"I had some pizza rolls, two Hot Pockets, and I brought home a Wendy's salad and Frosty." He got up and took a seat on one of the island counter stools as Jean poured herself a glass of wine. "Hey, Mom, remember when you asked about meeting Phoebe?"

"Like it was yesterday."

"It was this morning." He cleared his throat. "Well, she's available Friday evening, so we can meet you and Dad for dinner at the country club."

"This is the one that's Suzette Tennelli's step-daughter, correct?"

Arnold knew Dr. Tennelli still went by "Tennelli" professionally (something about it being, in her words, "a pain in my ass" to change her name with the state of Rhode Island medical board), though she didn't mind when people called her "Mrs. Terese."

"Yeah, she's Suzette Tennelli-Terese's step-daughter."

"And she's nothing like her oaf step-brother you call a 'best friend'?"

Aside from her intense love of baseball, football, fantasy, and sci-fi, the latter two being the reason she and Ralphie spent this past summer translating The Fellowship of the Ring in to Klingon? Oh, and not to mention that time in junior high they nearly set fire to their garage when trying to make their own lightsabers, or how they both tend to turn violent during a game of Dungeons & Dragons. Nah, she's nothing like Ralphie.

"She and Ralphie are just as alike as Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia."

Jean narrowed her eyes. "I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out." She took a drink of her wine. "This is the girl Janet doesn't like, correct?"

"Janet doesn't like any of my friends."

"She likes Wanda. Say, why didn't you ever date Wanda? You used to like her so much."

He took a deep breath. "Can we not talk about that or Wanda? I have a girlfriend who I care about very much and that means a lot to me. It would mean even more to me if you and Dad gave her a chance and liked her. She's- Phoebe is the best girl I've ever dated. She's so nice and selfless and funny and smart; she's everything I'd hope parents would want in the girl their son is dating."

Jean put her hand on his cheek before gently tugging on his curls. "Oh, my sweet, naive boy, just know that I'll know if this girl is only using you for our money."

Arnold laughed. "I highly doubt it. I've known Phoebe since we were eight, and our family wealth is the only thing about me she isn't crazy about." He stopped before he blurted out, Well, that and being related to Janet. "You'll like her." He got up and picked up his books and papers from the table. "I'm going to finish this upstairs."

He went up to his room and dropped his stuff on his neatly made bed. He sat down on the floor, leaning back on his bed, and he took out his phone. He scrolled down his contacts until he got to "PRINCESS LEIA TULLY," and he pressed "dial."

After a couple of rings, she answered, "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Would it seem weird or clingy if I said I just wanted to hear your voice?"

She laughed. "Remember who you're talking to."

He smiled. "You're not weird or clingy."

"I'm odd."

"Different."

"Which is a nicer way of saying 'odd' and 'weird.'"

"Okay, well if you're weird, then I'm- what's another word for 'fancy nerd boy with obsessive-compulsive tendencies'?"

"Hm...eccentric?"

"Meh, I'll take it."

Phoebe was quiet for a moment before she sighed. "So, Suzette said she's going to take me shopping for a new dress for our dinner with your parents. I tried to refuse, but Suzette Tennelli-Terese doth not make it easy."

Arnold smiled. "You'll let me know what color the new dress will be?"

She laughed. "So we can match without being too matchy-matchy?"

"It's like you can read my mind."

He heard a slight hiccup in the sound, and Phoebe said, "Oh, Arnold, Ricky Thomson's calling me. We're physics partners, so I know he's calling about our homework."

"Well, better than being biology partners, I suppose."

"I already have a biology partner, remember?"

He chuckled. "Miss Terese, you dirty little trout."

"Good night, my direwolf of Winterfell."

"Good night, my trout of- of, uh..."

"Riverrun," she whispered.

"Yeah, Riverrun."

note: Eagleton is taken from Parks and Recreation. It was the former neighboring town to Pawnee. From the Parks wiki: "According to Leslie Knope, Eagleton is 'the land of rich, snobby jerks.' It has a very negative reputation among most Pawneeans, and vice versa."

Those titles belonged to her beautiful and brilliant Knight of Flowers, her Golden Rose of Tyrell.
If you're not Cersei Lannister, that is, Phoebe laughed to herself.
- A Song of Ice and Fire, of course. Once again, I've made Phoebe a fangirl.

"Her twin brother, Ricky, is quite handsome, though," D.A. said.
Wanda nodded. "Total sploosh."
"Yeah," Keesha said, "gotta give him a sploosh." - Taken from Archer.

"Phoebe's Newman," Carlos said.
"I think she's more my Sue Ellen Mischke," Phoebe n
odded. "Sue Ellen Mischke with Newman's pure evilness." - Phoebe and Carlos are Seinfeld fans.

"Hey, Mom, remember when you asked about meeting Phoebe?"
"Like it was yesterday."
"It was this morning." - Taken from Arrested Development. Thanks to quirky cricket, Mrs. Perlstein is now Lucille Bluth.

...the latter two being the reason she and Ralphie spent this past summer translating The Fellowship of the Ring in to Klingon? - Reference to Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons.

"I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out." - Also taken from Arrested Development.