Summary: Who is Julien Tanner and why does he look so much like Gambit? Find out here in part four of my Twilight series!
Notes: Sorry for the delay in getting this part up and running. I could run through my list of excuses – I've been feeling crappy, I had a computer down for a while, I was distracted by watching season 2 of Dexter on DVD — but you really aren't interested in all that, are you? LOL. Time to read! :)
Art for this is up at my website if anyone is interested in looking at it.
Updated 11-5-13 to add (break)s as needed and to make repairs. Have to laugh reading the above notes. The final season of Dexter comes out next week. How time does fly, lol...
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(One)
Julien Tanner, a young man bound with rope and gagged with silver duct tape, glared at Wolverine, watching the older man pace. They hadn't known each other long, but the hatred between them had been instantly mutual.
Only an hour or so ago, back in Twilight, he had been startled awake in the middle of the night by a loud explosion. He thought at first it was one of the other kids setting off a trap but it wasn't long before he figured out that it was worse than that. They were being invaded by an outside force. His first concern was for his precious Kiden, his girl, his life. Frost had his men to protect him, but Julien knew there would be no one to help her. He dressed quicky and snuck outside, doing his best not to be seen, and went to Frost's now empty cabin hoping to find the keys to her shed but couldn't. It was loud outside and only getting worse. Time was running out so he ran to her shed anyway in the hopes he could just bust her out before anyone saw them. It was a vain hope – he had been seen and taken into custody by whoever these strange invaders were.
Once he had been captured, Aiden and Max had then covertly brought him and Kiden through Simone's door from Twilight to the Dragon 2 as Logan had ordered. For Julien it had been a jarring transition from Twilight to here, from the middle of night to early morning. Fury had not detected them as they passed and now Julien was here awaiting his fate. While it had been true that Logan was keeping his promise not to turn Julien over to SHIELD, there had been little kind treatment. Not that that had come as any surprise, Jason Frost had been a fine teacher and Julien had been his best student.
"Never trust another mutant," Frost had frequently advised him in their many talks. "Mutants are all sinners, even yourself. They are all evil and corrupt. But you, you my son, you can redeem yourself by never giving in to them. Deny yourself, deny your powers, for they are from the Devil. Keep yourself apart for the greater good and all the blessings of the Lord will be upon you."
What Julien had experienced just in the short time he had been in the care of the X-men had done little to change that view. He had been attacked by some black winged freak at the sheds, harassed by Logan, and had watched as Kyle had consumed another human being. It was shocking, horrifying, and almost more than he could take. He was being overloaded and wanted nothing more than to be back at his cabin, knees down and head bent in prayer. He had been safe there, back in that other life.
He had been returned now to the real world, a world that he had been away from for so long now it was like reliving a dream, a return to a nightmare he had hoped never to see again. Six months ago, in this world, he had been only weeks shy of his fourteenth birthday. Scared and afraid. Weak. He was so much older than that now, and not just in years. He wasn't the child who had left here, not even close. He had hardly been back long enough to be nauseated by the sheer stink of Dockside before he had been taken into some weird spaceship and dumped into a seat.
Kyle had followed Julien and Aiden up the ramp, stumbling sleepily on his hands and feet like a dog. Kyle was still bloodied and rumpled from his own busy day, his torn clothes hung on him in rags and tatters. Julien shrank back from him, not wanting to be his next meal, but Kyle ignored him. The feral young man flopped down onto the floor next to Julien's feet with a grunt and crawled under the seats. Kyle fell asleep almost instantly, his belly had been so full and he had been hardly awake even as he had come up the ramp. He was all done.
Julien tried to shift away, moving further down the row of seats. He didn't like the idea of Kyle being so close. Would the feral man try to bite his ankles from under the seats? The snoring that soon followed should have been answer enough, but Julien was still afraid.
Grace had come up behind Kyle and she stood now to one side, unsure of what was expected of her. There had been few instructions after she went through Simone's magic door so she just stayed with the same group as they made their way to the ship. She wasn't really afraid by her new surroundings in spite of their strangeness - how many alien ships does one see in their lifetime? - only merely curious. She had seen much in her short life and had learned to adapt quickly. She was flexible when it came to her circumstances, something that allowed her to keep her head even when stressed. It was cool now in the air conditioned ship and she closed Logan's black leather jacket a bit more tightly around her. She liked the way it smelled – of cigars, cologne and the smell of a man. Logan was right, she had no intentions of giving it back.
She smiled as Aiden rooted around in one of the large storage cabinets and handed her some clean sweats to put on. He was returning her smiles and being gracious, letting her know she was perfectly welcome to be there even if he was too busy to talk at the moment.
Max had come up last of them all and he had busied himself by laying Kiden out carefully on the floor in front of the small lavatory. She was still limp and lifeless, her eyes half open but sightless, a blonde haired rag doll still swaddled in Logan's bloody shirt. Because the lav was so small - it was little more than the kind one might find on a airplane, with just a toilet and sink - there was no way he could lay her down in there. He looked at Aiden with authority and ordered, "She needs to be cleaned up and dressed."
Aiden nodded and got right to work, taking care of her. Max was not his boss, but as long as he was being asked to do what he would have done on his own anyway, Aiden wasn't going to argue.
Julien stood, wanting to be with her, but Max moved quickly, rudely shoving him back down into his seat. With Kiden in Aiden's hands, Max was free now to keep watch on the one he thought would be the most trouble. As with Logan, there was no love there for the lad, only a distrust and hate that Julien didn't feel he had earned. "Stay put!" Max ordered, his large body and piercing eyes accepting no argument.
"Aiden will szee to ze girl, me," the strange blonde one said to Julien reassuringly, the only one here to look at him without any animosity. Julien thought he sounded funny, like something that had been broken. True to his word, Aiden was taking charge of Kiden as he had Grace, finding some more spare clothing and beginning to wash her down. Julien watched him work, his eyes only for the girl. His lovely Kiden, it had been years since she had spoken to him but he still loved her. It should be him taking care of her, not these monsters.
Julien tried to settle down, feeling time slip away. He was afraid and all alone now, unsure of what would happen to him next. In a matter of an hour or so his whole world had been turned upside down. Frost, his only anchor, was now gone. He was on his own.
Wolverine came into the ship a short while later, his dealings with Fury were done, and there were those steel grey eyes glaring at him again with all the contempt a single look could hold. No amount of words could have reinforced so well what Frost had told him than those eyes alone.
Julien was sniffed at and the gruff man said, "Yer bleeding. Where are you injured?"
Julien steeled his resolve as best he could and did not reply. He was determined not to speak to any of them. He was their prisoner and they were not his friends, especially this one who looked at him with so much anger and hate. Julien would be damned if they would have the pleasure of listening to him spill his guts. He would give them no such pleasure.
Logan's brow crinkled with renewed impatience. "Max? The little punk's been hurt. I think it's his leg. Gimme a hand, will ya?"
Julien's eyes went wide with fright and he tried to flee towards the open hatchway, not wanting their hands on him. Frost had told him that the X-men, like most mutant factions, were bullies and tortured their victims. They would want to hurt him because of his purity and beauty of heart, Frost had said. They would try to break him in any way they could.
Julien had done no more than rise to his feet before they were on him. He snarled curses at them but was manhandled easily down to the floor. He was too much of a lightweight to offer any real resistance to these well trained men of combat, but he was squirming with all of his might as he felt someone's hands release the snaps of his coveralls.
"How bad could he be if he's fighting like this?" the one named Max complained. Julien was wearing layers of clothing – a hoodie, the cross marked smock and then the coveralls over a thin white T-shirt. It was quite a chore just getting him undressed.
"Bad enough ta bleed. Mind yer hands," the gruff one ordered, not the least bit amused.
There was a rush of cool air as Julien's pants were suddenly gone and he screamed in absolute terror, he couldn't help it. He had wanted to be brave, he had wanted to show how strong he was but then he let his fear take him. He couldn't have stopped it. He was a mutant, frail and weak, unclean. They would rape him, make him even more foul than he already was.
"What the hell...?" Logan said next, freezing.
Julien paused momentarily in his thrashing, looking at the feral man's eyes as a complicated mix of emotions crossed his face. There was confusion and anger, but most of all misunderstanding. Those steel grey eyes met his own once more. "Did Frost do this to you?"
Julien blinked in confusion at first, but then he realized Logan was talking about The Purifier. The Purifier was a strap that Julien wore on his scrawny upper left thigh. It was made of leather and had barbs on the inside sharp enough to cause bruising or, if he had been especially sinful, bleeding. The tighter the strap, the deeper the barbs went in, piercing the flesh. Julien had worn it for so long, he barely thought about it any more. Frost had given it to him back in the beginning, it was a cornerstone of his conditioning, an irreplaceable part of the Path. Julien had accepted the device willingly, he was not forced to wear it. With all of the rough handling he had been given this day, the barbs had done their gruesome work, the strap was soaked with blood and the bruising was dark and ugly. Fearing for his life, the pain of it had meant nothing to him until now.
Julien didn't answer Logan's question, he wouldn't dignify this man's lack of faith. He was clearly too much of a sinner to comprehend true cleansing, it was there in those eyes. This man was a slave to wrath and deep emotion, a deadly sin. Julien felt the filth of his moral corruption coming off of him like a sickness.
"Didn't some guy use one of those in a movie once?" Max asked, as unintelligent as the other, Julien could see. These uncouth soldiers had no concept of cleansing, of salvation. "He was some kind of priest, right?"
"Frost has no sense of imagination," Logan complained and unbuckled the strap, tossing it aside with a grunt of disgust. He could tell by the smell of old blood in the leather and the extent of the scarring on the boy's leg that the kid had been wearing this thing for months, maybe even longer. The thought of it made him sick.
Julien continued to fight him the whole way though he was tiring. His underfed frame simply couldn't handle this much strain. When he felt Logan's hands on him again, he squirmed and rolled with renewed vigor, trying to at least get to his knees. The open door wasn't that far away.
Wolverine didn't let him. He held him down with just one hand, powerful in spite of being a small man. "Quit yer squirmin', kid. We're just tryin' to get you bandaged up, for Pete's sake!"
Julien was having none of it. There was only one reason they would have his pants down and he was sure it had nothing to do with bandages. He fought as best as his frail little body would allow which was, of course, far too little to get him where he wanted to go. He was soon breathless and wheezing, all panic and fear. Spots were dancing across his vision. He was too weak for them.
"Easzy, leetle one," came that odd broken voice and Julien felt warm hands at his face. He shuddered as he felt a blast of heat from those hands and was instantly intoxicated as some strange magic coursed now through his body. It robbed him of his anger and fear and made him numb, leaving him limp and helpless, relaxed in this man's spell. For a moment he felt such a love for him rip through his mind that it brought his mother's face to his mind. His mother had been a disease ridden whore, the one who had broken his poor tiny heart most, but some small part of him loved her still. He sobbed then, breathing her name.
"Not you mudder, me," the voice whispered to him again, the sound so close that Julien could feel Aiden's breath in his ear. Aiden hadn't used the glitter, he understood just what Julien had been afraid of and hadn't wanted the sexual side effects, though Julien didn't know that. His touch was gentle, reassuring as he said, "But not you enemy. Zere isz no reaszon for you to fear. No one will 'urt you 'ere, not in disz way you fear moszt."
Julien, sure that he had been drugged, was unable to resist that gentle, reassuring voice so full of tenderness and love. It made him feel safe and for another moment, his mother's face returned to him again. It brought back things he had forgotten, memories of another life.
(break)
The earliest memory Julien had was one of warmth and love, of the golden hair of his mother brushing his face as he nursed from her breast. He didn't know why this particular memory should have stayed with him for so long, perhaps it was just that he had so few other good memories to cling to.
Kathy was blonde and vivacious, in her youth quick to laugh and to smile, traits that slowly faded over time. Jerry Tanner had a lot to do with that. Jerry was a large man, foul tempered and quick to use his fists to get his point across. He was much older than Kathy and already balding at the time of his death, his belly huge from too much beer and an unhealthy heroin addiction.
Just as Julien had always known that Kathy was his mother, he had also known that Jerry Tanner, the man who had always lived with them, had not been his real father. He had known it even before the taunting and ridicule had begun, it was in the way the man had looked at him, so full of suspicion and hate.
Kathy didn't speak much of her past to her young son, but she had told him that she had known Jerry a long time. The truth was, she had known Jerry before she and Remy had had their little fling. Jerry had known what Kathy did for a living and he hadn't minded it one bit, not when her steady earnings kept him well supplied with drugs. She was young and pretty then and she made very good money at what she did, enough that he was willing to look the other way, so long as it benefitted him of course.
That Kathy eventually ended up pregnant was no real surprise, considering her profession, but Julien's odd appearance was a bit of a shock. At least to Jerry. Kathy took one look at Julien's red on black eyes and knew who the father had been. She was quick to hide the photograph she had kept as a souvenir of the experience – the necklace had long since been sold – and let Jerry think the child was his. It was safer that way, she knew that Jerry didn't like mutants. Jerry hated a lot of people – homosexuals, blacks, old people. Mutants were just another name on his extensive bitch list. Kathy was hoping that as long as Jerry thought the boy might belong to him, Julien would be allowed to stay.
It was true that Jerry didn't like mutants and even though he had at first believed Julien was his, he still held the boy at arm's length. He wanted to keep the kid hidden, their sorry little mistake. Julien wasn't allowed to go to school and he never saw a doctor. It was a miracle that he never ended up so sick that he might have died. He could play outside their ratty little trailer as much as he liked and so long as he was quiet. He was only allowed to play by himself, not that there were many kids around in that tiny trailer park anyhow.
Julien didn't have a lot of toys but he had inherited his real father's cleverness. He watched Jerry at his tools and quickly learned what a hammer was for. A few nails and some borrowed bits of discarded wood later and he had a small train, a tiny boat. They weren't the best looking toys, but with his healthy imagination, they suited him just fine.
There was a small field of tall grass behind the trailer and he would often lie on his back, looking up at the sky, dreaming of far away places. He would tell himself stories, whiling the hours away. He was always the hero of the tale, someone so powerful that no one would ever intimidate him or push him around ever again. He loved his stories and they helped to pass the time. It wasn't like he had any incentive to stay inside the trailer, not with Jerry there ready to criticize him for just being alive.
The best times were the few times that Jerry had found actual work. The man was in construction and when he was hired, was away for long hours. Then Julien was free to come and go as he pleased, but mostly he loved lying in bed with his drowsy mother, snuggling up close. She would hold him close and tell him how much he was loved.
The years passed this way and he grew older day by day. He knew he was different because of his eyes. He understood that neither of his parents looked this way, nor did anyone on the television, but he didn't not understand this word 'mutant', not just yet. He was different in another way as well – no matter how much he ate, he was always bone thin and frail, always hungry. There wasn't much food to go around and Kathy gave him what she could, but it wasn't enough for him to fill out or gain any real size. The boney thinness Remy had seen in his stolen photos had not come from deliberate neglect, the boy simply had a high metabolism.
It was in his eighth year that Julien learned the truth about Jerry not being his real father. Because Kathy was so reluctant to give up her small trophy photo of her and Gambit, it was only a matter of time before Jerry found it. Enraged, Jerry went off on Kathy and her bastard son, beating them both without mercy.
Julien had been outside playing at the time, right outside the front door. Because he didn't go to school, his only education had come from experience and an episode or two of Sesame Street. At eight years old, he could barely read and write, but he was going to learn some new things this day.
There was a smash of glass from inside the trailer and Julien froze, looking up at the front door. It was early summer so the screen door was in place, letting him hear everything.
"You lied to me!" Jerry howled. "Letting me think that freak was my son!"
"He is your son! You're the only father he has ever known!" she said to her own defense, her voice already beginning to shake with fear.
"You bitch! You lying little whore!"
There was a loud smack and a crash and Julien was in the house before he knew it, both hands fisted. "You leave my momma alone!"
Jerry was standing there, holding Kathy up by her wrists. Her face was bloodied and she was hardly conscious. The blow he had given her had been a hard one. She was slim of build, lucky if she was half Jerry's size, and in no position now to defend herself. This wasn't the first time their fights had gotten physical and it looked as though Jerry was just getting warmed up. The kitchen table was toppled and what was left of lunch had spilled out onto the floor.
Julien, small though he was himself, flung himself at his tormentor. He had been teased and sneered at by this man long enough, and now this insult to his mother was more than he could stand. His mind, though young, was quick. He was hoping that since Jerry had his hands full with his mother it would make him an easier target.
He thought wrong.
Jerry used the nearly dead weight of his mother to slam Julien aside. The boy went flying face first into the refrigerator with painful force, the door popping open and spilling some of the contents out, adding to the mess. Julien burst into choking, mewling sobs - his poor little nose had been broken from the impact.
Jerry tossed Kathy aside and went for Julien, ready to punish him for his impudence, for simply being alive. He grabbed the lad by the hair and threw him across the room and into the wall like a bull tossing a rodeo clown. Julien hit hard and cried out with renewed pain as he felt something smash and break inside. He slid to the floor, unable to catch his breath and his mouth was filled with the coppery taste of blood.
Julien lay there, wheezing, his dazed mind trying to remember just how he had gotten there. It had all been so quick, the brawl had lasted less than a minute. The pain was making everything a blur. He did however, manage to get a quick glimpse of what had started the whole argument in the first place. – a battered Polaroid lay on the floor just to his right. It was a picture of a much younger version of his mother with another man. One with eyes like his own. Julien barely had enough time to register that startling fact before Jerry towered over him and began to kick him. The photo was forgotten as new pain bloomed and blackness threatened. The nightmare was happening at a distance now, like it was happening to someone else. Someone far away.
"You useless waste of a human life!" Jerry shouted at him from that great distance. The man had come to his knees, all the better to shout right in his face. Up close now Julien reeled even more from the sick stench of the man's horrible breath. Beer and onions, what a treat, not that Julien was thinking all that much. Still he managed to hear Jerry say, "Your mother is a fucking whore who fucks mutant freaks like you for money! Are you proud of your momma now?"
Julien was just conscious enough to think to look for her, but she was gone. Had she fled? He hoped so. He hoped she was gone from here where Jerry could never hurt her again.
Jerry was unaware that his wife wasn't where he had left her. He leaned down over the boy, really close as he continued to shout his insults. "She can watch now as I show her what needs to be done to sick freaks like you - dogs that need putting down!"
Julien was so far gone now he hardly cared. He couldn't breathe and there was a huge ache in his side. So no one was more surprised than he was when Jerry suddenly cried out and fell over. Kathy stood behind him, a baseball bat in her hand. She had clubbed him and clubbed him hard. Blood flowed from her nose and she was shaking, but she had come to the defense of her offspring, gaining strength from his need for her. She gave Jerry another whack for good measure and the then she was there holding him close.
"We're leaving," she said. "And he'll never hurt us again."
It was the first of her lies, the ones he knew of anyhow, but it had been the worst.
(break)
"Finish cleanin' up the girl," Wolverine said to Aiden, startling Julien awake from his lazy dream of unwanted memories.
Julien, still on the floor of the Dragon 2 and pleasantly dazed from the Siskan's sweet magic, watched as Aiden left him and went back to Kiden. For a moment there, Julien hadn't wanted him to go, this kind person who had been so gentle. It had been so long since he had been touched without hurt, but then he remembered where he was. He was still a prisoner on this strange ship, still awaiting his fate.
Logan wasn't bossing Aiden around for the fun of it, he hadn't liked Aiden's use of the empathy but Julien hadn't known that. It had been a help regardless – Julien offered little resistance now as his leg was roughly bandaged. Aiden was as good as his word, Julien was redressed and lifted, but left unmolested as he was set back in his seat. He had put up enough of a fight that they had dressed him sloppily, his smock lay discarded off to one side, his hoodie was twisted and riding up his back. He sat forward, adjusting his clothing and trying to sober up though he had to admit this gentle buzz was quite sweet. He was blissful, serene even, as Logan was right up against him, binding him with rope so he wouldn't be able to run again.
"You got anything to say fer yerself?" Logan asked gruffly, looking the boy in the eyes. "Why would a kid like you want to work fer Frost anyhow?"
Julien just stared back into that fearsome gaze, into the empty abyss of all that hate. It was so like Jerry's, that look. All it held was contempt for him and a merciless anger that honestly wasn't interested in any excuses, in anything he might actually have to say. Julien had no answer for it and so Logan stuck a big fat piece of duct tape on his mouth, just like that.
Julien slumped a little in his seat, defeated now. He was bruised and sore all over, exhausted. Through the long shag of his bangs, he could see that Aiden was working on Kiden, but still glancing at him, checking to make sure he was okay. They were so different, Logan and Aiden. Julien could sense there was something different about Aiden, something not quite human, but then they were all mutants here now, weren't they? Julien hadn't known a man like Aiden, all he really knew from men were bastards like Logan, like Jerry had been.
The only real tenderness and concern Julien had known in his life had come from women. Kathy had taken him from Jerry that night as promised and brought him to a safe place. It hadn't been a hospital though that was where he really needed to go. She had brought him instead to Yolanda's, another prostitute who had a lesbian lover that was a nurse in the local free clinic nearby.
Julien was not afraid here, Yolanda had babysat for him before. He felt safe here and offered no fight as he was looked over and carefully prodded even though it hurt. He was still in shock and only wanted to sleep.
There was discussion from the fog behind him. Yolanda's girlfriend was saying, "I think he has broken ribs. I can tape them up but he might be bleeding internally. His nose is broken and he had a concussion. He should see a real doctor."
"I can't take him to a hospital, you know that," Kathy was pleading. She was crying, her own face black now. One eye was swollen shut and her lips were cracked and bloody. Her hands were shaking with emotion. "His eyes!"
"That's the least of your problems, honey," Yolanda said ominously. "They might take him from you. They'll see he was abused and think it was from you."
"He has to stay here."
The decision made, Julien was tended where he was and left to his fate. His ribs were taped up and he was given some morphine for the pain. He slept a lot over the next few days, getting some much needed rest. He lived through his injuries, enjoying the quiet at least. He had some vague memory of some pictures being taken of his wounds, though it was lost in the fog of medication and sleep. There was talk of courts and money all that. But it didn't last.
In his mostly drug induced sleep, he had some vague dreams of a man with red and black eyes coming to save him. This fine warrior was here to take out his revenge on Jerry and free him, but then Julien would wake and he knew that these dreams were just fantasy and not real. He knew this because they were still at Yolanda's and he could hear his mother crying. Something was wrong again.
"You have to get rid of it," Yolanda was saying. "You can't go back to that man."
"I won't kill my baby," Kathy sobbed. "I didn't kill Julien and I won't kill this one either. Besides this time will be different. I haven't been working the guys. Jerry will know it's his."
"Fine, keep the baby. But don't go back."
"Who will take care of us?" Kathy sobbed. "I can't work like this and I can't stay here forever..."
It was a couple of days later when the knock came on the door. It was Jerry, all apologies and smiles. He had recovered from the beating Kathy had given him and seemed happy enough. He even had flowers in his hand, trying to show that he had missed her as much as she had missed him.
Julien waited for his mother to toss Jerry out, to keep her promise, but something had changed. She told Jerry that she was pregnant. Julien wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it changed Jerry's face. Kathy had been trying her hand at waitressing and this time there would be no mistake. This time, the child would be Jerry's. He was ecstatic, all hugs and smiles and laughter.
Yolanda wasn't happy. She knew the real score – Jerry needed Kathy's money to survive, just as much as Kathy thought she needed him. They deserved each other and so she had tossed up her hands, leaving poor Julien to his fate.
They came back home and Julien braced for the worst. Kathy had broken her promise and they were returning to hell. How could it be any better than before? But he soon saw that things had changed, at least for now. Kathy had made Jerry promise to leave Julien alone and he did just that – he flat out ignored the boy entirely, like he never existed. That didn't mean it was all roses for the lad, Julien's room was given up for the new baby. He was given the dog bed and made to sleep in the kitchen. Julien waited for Kathy to protest, but she didn't, Jerry wasn't beating the boy after all. But Julien never forgot.
As Julien finished healing from the assault, strange things began to happen to him. As much as his mother's body was changing, so was his own. He had recovered from the physical damage, but the trauma of the event must have done something to him, he reasoned, because he was never the same again. He grew three inches taller in that nine months, shooting up and getting well on his way to inheriting his real father's height. His body demanded much for that growth and he was still always hungry. Trouble was, there was very little extra food in the house, especially now with the baby soon on its way. Kathy fed him what she could but it wasn't nearly enough. Where Julien had been a bit undernourished before he was starved now, ragged, and refusing to fill out.
It worried Kathy but Jerry simply didn't care. He protested every extra feeding he caught her giving the lad and put a stop to it as much as he could. Perhaps he was hoping the boy would simply become too frail and die. That didn't happen. Julien was practically living on hate alone now.
Julien had grown distant from his mother now that she hadn't kept her promise. When they were alone, they would still cuddle from time to time, but when Jerry was home, it was like Julien never existed. Then, when his sister was finally born, Kathy had her hands full and had no time for him at all. It didn't help that she got pregnant again almost right away, and then there was another new baby in the house.
With all these kids to feed and care for, Kathy couldn't make enough money as a waitress and so she went back to prostitution to supplement their income. It hadn't been an easy choice and she was deeply depressed and sad most of the time. Life, it seemed, had finally caught up with her. She was weighed down by the bad decision to return to her husband, but it was too late now. In an attempt to cheer her, or at the very least cement her to his side, Jerry offered her an escape with heroin and she finally accepted.
Worn out and having very little fight left in her, Kathy offered little resistance even as their life only seemed to get worse. Jerry had a harder time finding work and with both of them dependant on heroin now, money was even tighter than before. It was no longer out of the question for Jerry to offer the drug dealers a spin with his wife as payment for what they needed. Kathy, so very tired now, didn't even fight it.
Julien, twelve now, just happened to be playing in the closet in his parents' bedroom when this happened. They had no idea he was there, the drug dealer and his mother. Julien was such a quiet child. It was his first introduction to sex and he had an eyeful. What should have been a joyous communication between two people in love, was now presented to him as an exchange of heartless exhaustion. Kathy lay as one dead while the man on top of her took what he wanted and left without a thought or care. Her eyes were glazed and distant, the same look she sometimes had when Jerry would belittle her for something. She had tuned Jerry out then just like she was tuning this man out right now. She simply did not care.
Julien had heard these same sounds before between his mother and Jerry as they made love, but now that he had been given a vision to go along with it, couldn't understand why they or anyone bothered. It certainly didn't look like any fun for his mother. It was soon finished and young Julien put it out of his mind.
There was one bright light in Julien's life – his sisters. First one and then the other, born not long after. Jerry was content to ignore the boy at first, but then, when he saw the lad's interest in his siblings, was more than happy to use the kid as a babysitter and clean up crew as much as possible. Why should Jerry change a shit filled diaper when there was someone else so very handy? It was close to slavery, but Julien didn't mind. At least, he didn't blame his sisters for it. He loved them and they loved him in return. He was happy to play with them and keep them out of trouble. What was really helping him along, of course, was the fact that his sisters not only didn't ignore that he existed, but they loved him well in return for all the care he gave them. They toddled after him wherever he went, demanding that he play with them and he was happy enough to comply.
Julien still wasn't allowed to attend school and the neighbors never asked any questions. Julien had always lived that way, school was something that happened to other kids on the few television shows he was allowed to watch. His lack of education didn't mean he wasn't smart in his own ways, he learned quickly how to care for his sisters and to make things. Jerry never saw this, if Julien were to get underfoot, he would be quick to tease, calling him moron and stupid. Anything to punish since he no longer struck the boy for fear Kathy would leave him again.
The time passed in this way, but he never forgot that last big fight – or the photograph he had seen. He searched his mother's room whenever he got the chance, trying to find the picture in the hopes of seeing it again. It took a while but he had finally discovered it – Kathy had gotten much better at hiding her things from Jerry. He recalled the first time he had finally gotten his first really good look at the photo. It had stunned him, here was a man who looked just like him, right down to the eyes. He had to have it, this picture, and so stole it for himself. If Kathy was upset about it, she never said.
A couple of times, in quiet moments when Jerry was not home, Julien dared to ask her about him, this mysterious man. She told him they had met just the one time, but her eyes had glowed just a little in a way that he had never seen before – his mother was happy remembering something that didn't have to do with Jerry.
He asked her then, being very brave, "Momma? Why does Jerry live here if he makes you so unhappy?"
"He loves me in his way," she answered dispassionately, her eyes growing sad. "The girls belong to him." He knew she meant his sisters, they looked like Jerry at least. They were never struck or yelled at. Jerry loved them and never raised his fists or his hands to them. Watching the unbalanced treatment of all the kids in the house Julien just knew he would not stay there forever. He always knew he would end up running away sooner or later, he just had nowhere else to go at the moment.
Thinking of this only made him hate the red eyed man all the more. Why hadn't he stayed? Why hadn't he come for him? That was what fathers did, right? They loved their kids the way Jerry loved his sisters.
Kathy had told him some things about this red eyed man – that his name was Gambit and he was gifted and a hero. He was on a team of people who helped to save the world. As much as Remy had speculated that Kathy knew nothing of him, he was quite mistaken. It was just that she simply knew better than to think that a man who once paid for sex would have any interest in her or their son ever again. She never once tried to contact him or tell him about Julien. Her fear was that if actually did care, he would take her son away and she would never see either of them again. She did not say this to Julien, she simply told him that the man was busy. His job was important, more important than they were in their small dirty trailer so far away. As time passed, Julien thought of him another way – Gambit was the pathetic loser who never cared enough about his mother to stay.