Why sleeping with JJ could happen. And might.

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'So that was sex.' JJ stared straight at the ceiling.

'Yeah… I guess.' Emily shifted uncomfortably under the bed cover.

'It was...' JJ trailed off, his eyes darting round the room, still unable to look Emily in the eyes.

'Yeah it was.' Emily agreed, biting her lip.

'I mean, it was good, it was… it was sex, that means it was good, it was like, more umm.'

'Please don't say anything JJ.' Emily screwed her eyes up.

'Well at least Cook can't call me gay Jay anymore, I am a man, I am manly.'

Emily flinched slightly at the mention of 'gay jay', and shot JJ a quick glance to see if he'd noticed, he was still muttering to himself.

Oh god, he was going to tell Cook. Everyone would know.

Naomi would know.

Well maybe she wanted her to know, maybe this is what she needed to happen.

Closing her eyes, Emily thought back to how this had happened.

Cook. Naomi. Cook and Naomi.

On a desk. Naked… very naked. She could still feel the lump in her throat, when she had glimpsed them through the classroom window. She hadn't even been able to process it, the image just burned in her mind. His hands all over her.

Worse… her hands all over him.

Katie had swept along at that moment and grabbed her arm pulling her away from the door before she could even react. She wasn't listening as Katie babbled excitedly into her ear.

'Ems ? Ems ! Are you even listening ?' Katie tugged on her arm sharply.

'Um… yeah, what ?' Emily released her arm from Katie's grip and turned to face her twin, trying to hide the hurt in her face emanating in rapid waves from her heart.

'Steve likes you. Danny's gonna set us up on a double date, it'll be lots of fun, yeah? It's about time you had a boyfriend.' Katie said the last sentence quite forcefully, and Emily sensed the meaning behind it.

'I don't know Katie…' Emily was too choked up to provide Katie with a real excuse. She could feel her hurt slowly crystallising into a wall, blocking out all emotion. It was a strange sensation, the white hot tears that were pricking her eyes slowly cooled, like a lava they hardened and blackened.

'Just… please.' Katie said quietly, she took Emily's hand, 'Please Emily, just try, It'll be fun, I promise. I just want you to be happy.' Emily looked at Katie's hand holding hers, she slowly nodded.

Why not ? Why not ? Was all that echoed about her head.

Walking out of college, the slight figure of Naomi brushed past her roughly.

'Naomi.' She called out before she could stop herself, her voice more shaky than she could control.

Naomi barely glanced at her, and kept on walking, elbowing her way through the crowd. Emily pushed her way through, following her. She caught up with her at the top of the college steps, she reached out and grabbed Naomi's cardigan.

'Get the fuck off me.' Naomi growled spinning round, her blue eyes glaring with anger.

'I… I just.' Emily found she couldn't even speak, she looked at Naomi in confusion.

'Just fuck off Emily, I'm not interested. I don't want you following me and looking at me like a lost fucking puppy. FUCK OFF ! All this shit about us being friends, it's never going to happen. I don't want to know you.' Naomi spat every word, her palms clenched in a fist.

Emily felt the tears again, they welled up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall, struggling with the emotional void that threatened to consume her.

'Get over your fucking gay crush.' And with that Naomi stormed off down the steps, leaving a silent Emily to compose herself.

Effy was throwing a house party. Emily hadn't wanted to come but Katie had dragged her… well she'd been quite nice really. She'd lent Emily one of her tops, and she'd done her makeup for her, all the time chatting about how great the party was going to be.

Emily just wanted to curl up and do nothing. All she felt was total apathy, a numbness has spread through her, chasing away the aching feeling that had washed over her as soon as Naomi had finished her speech.

How funny that even her toes missed the thought of Naomi.

As soon as she was in the door, Emily grabbed a bottle of vodka. She wanted to feel something other than this emptiness, she wanted to feel like she had that day on the bouncy castle. The memory stung.

'I don't want to know you.'

She twirled about in a drug and alcohol soaked blur. She didn't care. She felt giddy and deflated all at the same time. The room was spinning and she realised she was still looking for the same person.

She slid up the stairs, the need to curl up was consuming her and all she wanted was a bed. She fell through a door into a spacious room, bare but for a desk and a double bed.

She collapsed onto the bed, rolling about on it in a moment of childish joy. She froze as she heard the door open.

'Sorry, sorry' JJ turned to leave, but Emily sat up and looked at him.

'Don't go.'

'I only came up to get away from Cook, and everywhere is full of… couples.'

'You can hang out in here with me for a bit.' Emily ventured and rolled back across the bed.

'Thankyou.' JJ sat on the bed tentatively.

Emily rolled over to him and looked at him from the side. He glanced down at her.

'You're very pretty you know.' He half whispered, his eyes searching her face for a reaction.

Sitting up Emily moved her face closer to his.

'GET OVER YOUR FUCKING GAY CRUSH.'

She could try.