Disclaimer : I don't own H. Potter. Rowling does.
I worry.
I worry about the upcoming war.
And to wonder if my family will actually hold through it all and if we'll survive, all of us… What are the odds?
I worry about Harry. And Hermione too.
He's a hero, not by choice, and is going to be in the front whenever the battle comes. She'll be right at his side.
There are all these other people that I worry about, other than my best friends, other than my family.
Friends and acquaintances, some I care about, some I just know… I don't want them to die, none of them.
There are the changes to come that I worry about.
Though my world is far from perfect, I wouldn't want it to change. None of it.
There are all these insecurities that make me worry too…
Will I be good enough? Won't I screw up when it's time?
….And fears…
Won't I get hurt? The death eaters, the inferis, vampires, army of the dark… And him. Won't I get hurt?
And despite it all, in the midst of it all, I still have time to worry about how I'm being taken for granted. I get jealous of Harry and mad at Hermione. I'm chaotic, make a mess out of things and make no sense at all.
I worry too much. I don't worry enough.
But up till now, all of those worries are somewhat understandable. Some more than others, granted, but still… It's normal to worry about these things. Even the jealousy part is, seeing how I've lived in the shadows for such a long time I think my skin has gotten wrinkled…
What's not normal is to worry about this.
This, being the fact that I've recently managed to make myself utterly convinced that we are being watched. And yes, by "we" I mean everybody.
Absolutely everyone.
Going back, I can't even remember when it started, this prickle at the back of my neck, this semi-certitude of being watched constantly. But it had, and since then it won't let me be. More than a feeling in my guts, more than instinct, I know.
As it is a matter of great seriousness, I decide to warn the world.
-
"We're being watched"
Harry's concerned, bless him.
"Do you think…I mean…is it Voldemort?"
"Nope. He's being watched too"
Now, he seems annoyed. He must think I'm crazy.
"I think you're crazy".
Hermione looks at me as if I've grown a second head.
"Are you sure you're okay, Ron?"
"I'm fine, except that I'm being watched. And so are you. And everybody else!"
She must think I'm just being childish.
"For heaven's sake, Ron! Stop being childish!!"
They're my best friends. If they don't believe me, then who will?
"You're not listening! Why are you not listening? I'm telling you, we're being watched."
A sigh, exasperation.
"By whom?" She asks, challenging.
"Um…Someone…Somewhere"
She throws her arms in the air.
"That, Ronald, must be the most idiotic thing I've ever heard."
Now, I'm getting mad.
"If it had been Harry, you wouldn't have doubted him, would you?"
"Leave me out of this"
So, now, he talks!
"Harry has a scar connected to you know who on his forehead, Ronald." She snarls. "And thus, if and when he says he knows something no one else does, it's rather believable since he often does."
Why is it so easy to get her riled up, anyway?
"On the other hand, the only thing tattooed to your forehead is the word: idiot."
And why is she insulting me?
Scar or not, it hits me, the difference between Harry and I in Hermione's eyes. She can't even pretend to take me seriously.
She's talking again, her voice lowered, somewhat soothing.
"It must be the stress of the upcoming NEWTS getting to your head. I've read somewhere that…"
I've already blocked her out.
-
Neville is terrified when I tell him. To a point where I actually have to fake a laugh and tell him I'm kidding. Seamus has this scary glint in his eyes and mutters "kinky"and Dean just shakes his head. "No comments" he says. What's that even supposed to mean?
When I tell Ginny, she has a laughing fit. Next thing I know, I get a howler from Fred and George:
"WE'RE WATCHING YOU, RONALD! WE ARE WATCHING!!!!"
-
Sometimes, I wonder if they're not right, all of them. If I'm not just being stupid, having illusions… But then, I feel it again, at the back of my consciousness. If I turn really fast, I'll catch foreign eyes trained on me.
-
"I believe you" says Luna.
She sneaked up on me, almost gave me a heart attack.
"Huh?"
"I believe you."
She's looking at me. Right through me, I suspect.
"You do?"
I know it's Luna. I do. But I still can't help the hope that peers through my voice. No one else said they believed me.
"Sure. I've always known we were being watched"
My heart beats fast, fast.
"And…um…do you know who's watching?"
"Sure"
I hold my breath. Wait for a bit. Let it out.
"Who?" I finally ask.
She looks at me funny.
"I can't say their name." She says as if it's obvious, as if I'm an idiot. " Unless I want to…" Insert dramatic silence. "…DIE!!!"
I can feel the beginning of a headache.
"What I can tell you, though, is that they are dark butterflies, vicious creatures that lurk in the shadows and speak words of hate into your ears. They are watching!"
Yep, definitely a headache.
"Ronald, if you hear your name called once…Do not answer!!"
Cheers, Luna.
At this point, I'm close to tears.
-
I come into the common room. Harry, Ginny, Dean, Hermione and Seamus are all sitting together in one of the further corners.
Seamus says something I can't quite catch and they all burst out laughing.
A smile tugs at my lips as I head towards them. Maybe a good laugh is all I need to feel a bit better.
But as I come closer, watching them still laughing, I frieze in my spot, ears to the ready, heart thumping with no rhythm. And I try to stop myself, I try to pretend…But I can't.
"Quiet!" I find myself whispering harshly.
They all do.
As the silence gets thicker and more awkward, Harry coughs.
"Euh…Ron?"
"Shhh!"
I'm still trying to listen.
"Someone was laughing" I finally share.
More silence, and then…
"we were" says Hermione, with a guarded voice.
I make a noise of exasperation at the back of my throat and dismiss her with a flick of the hand.
"Someone else" I tell her.
"Of course!" says Ginny before bursting into laughter, followed closely by Seamus.
Dean is sympathetic.
"God is always watching, Ron".
Harry's green eyes are trained on me with concern while Hermione mutters about "the path of madness" or something of the sort.
Suddenly, I feel alone in a room full of friends.