Author's Note: Okay, this whole story is one hundred percent dedicated to CloudxInxCrimson for being the best ever! Therefore in honor of this most wonderful person, I have titled this story based on a bizarre conversation we had. The idea was, if you could be any nonperishable item, what would you be? C.I.C. chose, obviously, Carmel Ho Ho's. Please review and tell me what you would be so that I can have some good titles for my other chapters!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything really, including the characters in this story with the exception of Mr. Creveceours.

The tall man stepped out of his trailer with an easy manner and a lighthearted air. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and was a beautiful Friday morning. Just one more day to go until the weekend and he could take a much needed break! He regretted the day he'd ever agreed to photograph this insane calendar. Every last one of the models had been high strung, imperiously demanding this or that and constantly finding faults with anything and everything.

"Good morning Mr. Creveceours, you're looking rather chipper this morning," came a voice at his side. Turning he saw a well-dressed foreign man standing patiently beside his trailer.

"Good morning Daroga, and how are you this fine morning?" he asked as he continued to stroll along.

"I am well, thank you, but I have some news which concern the days activities." At a curious glance from Mr. Creveceours, he elaborated. "Would you prefer to hear the good news or the bad news first?"

"Lets have the good first so that I can enjoy it while I can." He replied with a melancholy sigh of resignation.

"Sir Percy Blakeney called to say he is unable to be in the calendar due to some sort of difficulties in France. Apparently some British flower is causing havoc over there and he's gone to see about the problem. I have, however, managed to find a replacement for him, the Visconte de Chagney." Nadir finished proudly.

"The who?"

"A young nobleman who happens to be an acquaintance of mine." He pouted slightly because his quick fix was underappreciated.

"That's too bad, Sir Percy was a fine looking fellow. I can assume that this Visconte isn't that hard on the eyes?"

"Raoul does seem to appeal to a rather select group, but I'm confident that it won't adversely affect the sales of the calendar in any way."

"Fine, so this Raoul will do the calendar shoot just like that? How much is he asking for?"

"Two hundred…"

"Two hundred thousand dollars! There's no way we can afford that kind of expense! You'll just have to call him back and tell him it's off!"

"No sir, not two hundred thousand…"

"Just two hundred dollars? That's awful cheep for a model, what's wrong with him?" (A/N: snickering I'm trying very hard to be nice here but it really is hard…)

"He wants calendars not dollars!" Nadir shouted in frustration.

"He wants calendars? Two hundred calendars! What the heck is he going to do with two hundred calendars?"

"Apparently that is the number of copies it will take to wallpaper his bathroom." The photographer just gave him an odd look and continued on his way. "Um sir, you ought to hear the bad news as well…"

"I thought that Sir Percy leaving was the bad news?" Nadir shook his head sadly. "Oh come on, how bad could it be?"

"I'm afraid that the Viscount will not be able to make it until this afternoon and since the producers want to finish this a soon as possible…"

"No! Please no! Please don't tell me that we're going to…"

"I'm afraid so sir."

"Isn't there anyone else we could do today? Does anyone need any re-do's?"

"I'm afraid that our Mr. December is the last model left to shoot until Raoul arrives."

"If only we really could shoot him, no one would know the difference with that blasted mask of his and just think how much nicer he'd be."

"I can assure you that every last one of his phangirls would undoubtedly notice that he was dead and would exact their revenge in the worst ways imaginable. Speaking of Phangirls…"

A/N: Ha ha! A cliffhanger on an oh-so-very short chapter! Ahh, is there anything more perfect that an evil plan that succeeds? Yes there is, Carmel Ho Ho's!

Bizarre fact of the day: Creveceours is actually a beautiful but rare breed of French chicken. These moderately sized birds are all black and lay white eggs.

Don't forget to review and tell me what you would be!