Sun and Earth

by sscrivener

First fic warning: fanon cliche tsunami. But admit it, you wanted to see Kasumi in a fuku, right? M for panda bashing. Also some Tenchi crossover goodness. I will update it as my muse allows.

A/N: First post f/f. This was mostly intended to keep me sane (or what passed for it) during a recent hospitalization; you may be able to tell when the meds were working. :)

To put it together, I grabbed large handfuls of every fanon cliche I could think of and started throwing them at a wall. Whatever stuck to the wall is what I kept. I prefer manga characterizations, especially for Akane, because the dubbed anime version of Akane would be in a straitjacket or dead in a less-slapstick universe. Ranma Nibbunnoichi is slapstick, when it comes down to it. I can't help but think Ranma would have a lot of fun with the Keystone Kops, the Three Stooges, or Buster Keaton.

Rated M for language because Ranko really, really, really hates the panda. The line about the rusty spoon she has for him is not a joke.

[Chinese] "Japanese"

Sun and Earth

The woman who privately called herself Athena was not having a good day.

She could, at least, say that the six -- make that five -- Musk warriors trying to kill her weren't having a much better day, though their ultimate prospects for a good day were far better than hers. Killing a hated enemy ranked almost as high as sex with a dog among the Musk, she'd heard, though she didn't know for sure -- nor did she want to know. Ewwwww.

Maybe dumping those two Musk princes into the Spring of Drowned Rat wasn't such a good idea, after all.

Of course, Xian Pu, youngest-ever Warmistress of the Joketsuzoku, wasn't exactly known for her sense of moderation. Besides, they're Musk. It's not as if they don't deserve it. For that, if nothing else, her name would live forever among her people, even if she herself did not. They honored Champions of the tribe, but they adored and idolized anyone who could score off their ancient enemies in such a resounding way. Mark one to the demure-looking brunette. Heh.

Not that it was going to do her any -- a war cudgel slammed into the base of her skull from behind. Stunned, she felt herself being lifted and carried a short distance. With a splash, Athena Helios, unawakened last princess of the Sun Kingdom, sank to the bottom of a pool in a remote region of what the locals called the Middle Kingdom.

Her dying vision was of a magnificent blonde in a short sky-blue seifuku skirt with cherry-red bows and ribbons.

Dell.

Setsuna Meiou, last princess and Senshi of Pluto, was horrified.... which was not something she often felt.

She'd been disturbed that some of the Senshi had never reawakened; she now knew why, and she cringed at the thought of telling the others what had happened to their friends and teammates.

Sailor Sun's reincarnation, for instance, had gone terribly awry. Instead of awakening with the others, Princess Athena had found herself alone and unsupported more than a millennium earlier. Her death, though glorious and inspiring to her adopted people, was lonely and futile in Setsuna's opinion.

Setsuna knew enough about Jusenkyo curses to think that Sun's soul was retrievable, but Sun's personality and memories were a very different story. If her curse had been imprinted on a strong-enough person, the odds were very good that Sun could rejoin them -- but Pluto didn't know of any living victims of Spring of Drowned Warmistress, let alone any strong ones.

Fortunately, the Joketsuzoku had representatives far closer than China. The news they gave her when she called them, however, was startling.

Hmmmmm. Perhaps Usagi and Ami can visit their cousins and just happen to have the Mercury Computer on silent scan mode. It's worth trying.

Too bad I can't get drunk.

As was usual after a visit to their cousins, Usagi and Ami came to the Senshi meeting loaded down with baked goods. Cookies, brownies and cupcakes were stacked on a number of plates on the low table, and everyone present was in a state of sugar bliss.

Almost everyone. Makoto was still mildly frustrated that she'd missed out on a chance to visit her new sensei in the cooking arts, but she would be spending all of the next weekend with Mistress Kasumi. That, she supposed, was good enough for now.

She would have been tempted to accept Nabiki's offer to move into the Tendo Dojo as a formal student of Anything Goes Culinary Arts, but none of her friends wanted to transfer to Furinkan, none of them wanted to be anywhere near Happosai, and none of them really wanted to deal with the NWC. For now, she could live with visiting on weekends for cooking lessons with Kasumi, bookkeeping lessons with Nabiki, and sparring with Ranma and Akane.

"It was quiet, for once," Ami said. "Ukyo and the Amazons are in Nagasaki for a restaurant convention, and no one has seen Ryoga for more than a week." She tilted her head in consideration. "I suppose that means he's due to show up soon, from what Akane-chan told me about him. The Kunos were in town, but they didn't do anything this time." She pulled out the Mercury Computer and handed it to Setsuna. "Here's the information you wanted. Why did you want a reading on magical signatures? The only active magic we've ever seen there, apart from the contents of Master Happosai's toy box, is Ranma-kun's curse."

Setsuna gave her a somber look. "It has to do with some missing teammates, one in particular, and it has everything to do with Ranma-kun's curse." She looked around the room. "Back in the Silver Millennium, there were four more of us. I doubt that you remember any of them."

Hotaru began to cry. "I remember them, Setsuna-mama. They were my best friends after I became Sailor Saturn." Michiru put an arm around her and gave her a hug.

"And mine," Setsuna admitted. "They were, in fact, very good friends to all of us, which was a good thing, because two of them were more powerful than the rest of us combined."

That got the others' attention. "Who the heck were they?" Haruka demanded.

"Princess Athena of the Sun Kingdom," Setsuna replied, "was Sailor Sun. Her strongest attack, the Corona Wave, tapped the power of the sun's corona, which is exponentially hotter than its surface. Anything hit by that, up to and including a planet, was vaporized." She smiled. "She only used it once, against Beryl's forces out in the Kuyper Belt." The smile faded. "She still lost.

"Her lover and partner was Sailor Earth, Endymion's sister Adela. She was a year older than Endymion but stepped aside in his favor because the bluenoses didn't approve of her life with Athena."

"I - I think I remember her," Mamoru said. "Tall, blonde, and opinionated, right?"

Setsuna smirked. "Very opinionated. Both of them had a very strong sense of justice and anything that set that off would set them off. The fireworks could be fun to watch, if you weren't their target." She gave Hotaru a gentle smile. "The strongest reaction I ever saw from them was at the first Royal Ball after Hotaru was named Sailor Saturn. Even though she was the guest of honor, she was shunned by nearly everyone.

"The three glaring exceptions to this were Athena, Adela, and Nemesis. They stood with her in the middle of the floor and literally dared anyone and everyone in the Royal Court to so much as look at Hotaru cross-eyed. No one took them up on that. The rest of us went out to join them, and the Princess made a special point to hug Hotaru in full view of everyone there."

Hotaru smiled through her tears. "Athena-neechan said something I've always cherished. 'You're one of us now, Squirt. That makes you family, and family sticks together.'"

"I remember that," Usagi said in a soft voice. "'Thena-chan and Dell-chan had the biggest hearts in the system. I wish, now, that all of the marriage plans had gone through before Beryl attacked. We were sisters in our hearts, and I would have loved being able to call them sisters for real." She wiped her eyes.

"Nemesis?" Minako asked.

"Prince Thanos of Nemesis," Setsuna said. "Very kind, easygoing to a fault, and the next-most powerful Senshi. His order powers were for healing and spiritualism. His chaos powers could shatter a planet, much as Nemesis itself was shattered. He was everyone's big brother, and most of your parents thought he could do no wrong. In fact, Hotaru's parents, the king and queen of Saturn, wanted to adopt him after that incident at the ball. He was best friends with Athena and Adela, and could have been much more, but he was rather dense where romance was concerned."

"Wait," Makoto said. "Prince Thanos?"

"Indeed. He was the only male Senshi," Setsuna told them. "It had to do with the chaos powers that Nemesis commanded. Unfortunately, his Senshi mantle was destroyed with the planet. Some of his powers might be recoverable, but if we find him, he will never be as powerful as he was."

She sighed. "Finding any of them is the problem. Without his magic signature, we have no way to know whether he was even reincarnated. I'm certain Adela was sent forward, but something interfered with her reincarnation -- as near as I can tell, she currently resembles Ami more than anyone else. Picking her out from the other 90% of Japanese women she resembles will be a challenge."

She held up the Mercury Computer. "Athena's reincarnation went terribly wrong. She returned to life, alone and unsupported, more than a millennium ago. Her death was lonely and futile, but her memory is revered by the people she lived with." She glanced at the others. "Believe it or not, she was reincarnated in the Byankala region of China, and became the youngest Warmistress ever of the Joketsuzoku Amazons. Elder Kho Lon was very eloquent about her."

"How did she die?" Usagi asked in a quiet voice.

"She was ambushed by a Musk war party and was dropped into a pool at Jusenkyo by the five survivors. She's the 'too, too tragic story' behind Nyannichuan."

"Does Ranma-kun know?"

"No, but he will, today." Setsuna smiled. "The other half of the 'too, too tragic story' is that a cursed individual of sufficient strength can be used as a template to recover a cursed pool's soul. Ranma-kun is the strongest Ki-master of anyone we know. With his help, Sailor Sun will live again."

"What about the others?" Usagi asked.

"Charon died long before Serenity could cast her spell. She wasn't sent forward." Setsuna sighed. "Unfortunately, my ties to the Time Gates prevent me from using the Charon Computer, and Ami would need Charon's ties to the Gates to even play a video game on it. I think I've found a suitable replacement, however.

"As to Earth and Nemesis, finding them is going to be more of the luck of the draw." With that, she activated the Mercury Computer, took one look at Ami's scans of the Dojo, and grinned. "And we just hit an inside straight." She pressed a key, and a holographic symbol appeared above the computer, rotating slowly. A circle, divided into four parts.

The symbol of Earth.

Ranma Saotome was, for once in his life, having a good day. If that meant that he'd end up being swarmed by a horde of rabid mutant ninja wombats at the end of it, he was willing to accept the trade-off.

First off, there was Akane. Something -- or someone, Ranma refused to speculate which -- had finally clued her in to just why he treated her the way he did when they sparred. She had her anger mostly under control, he had his Saotome shoe-factory-in-mouth disease mostly under control, and sparring with the girl he now publicly called "my cute tomboy" had become a thing of joy for both of them.

When Ukyo tried to reclaim the "cute fiancee" title, Ranma countered that attempt by calling her an "uncute bomber" for what she'd helped the other former fiancees accomplish at the failed wedding and the destruction of his mother's house. What Ukyo hated most about the name was that it stuck.

Ranma didn't know what his mother had said to the Amazons, and he really didn't want to know. Anything that could make the old ghoul that nervous in the space of an hour was not something he wanted to screw around with; he supposed, though, that he should eventually ask her about it, lest it bite him on the ass like everything else in his life did.

He was certain that Akane knew about it. The last time Shampoo glomped him, instead of going to Mallet City, Akane merely shook her head and smiled at the confused Amazon. Shampoo blinked twice, let go of Ranma, and rode off on the Bicycle of Doom. When Ranma asked what happened, Akane just smiled.

On the home front, Nabiki's business plan for the family was beginning to show fruit, and the middle sister was the happiest that Ranma had ever seen her. It started when Happosai named Ranma as his direct heir as Grandmaster, and a Master of the original Anything Goes School, thus bypassing the old farts entirely. As Masters of their respective family schools, Genma and Soun were now as outranked as they were outclassed by the pigtailed martial artist. Ranma then rubbed salt into their wounds by proposing that Akane be trained and tested for mastery in the combined, original school, since the offshoot family schools were inactive and for all intents dead. The Saotome School, after all, had only ever trained one student in the current generation, and the Tendo School was not being taught at all -- what training the Tendo heir received was from a (now) master of the combined school and incorporated at least as many moves from the Saotome School, Amazonian wu-shu, Sylvan War Lore, Jeet Kune Do, Coup de Vitesse, and Juraian War Forms as it did from the Tendo School.

The speed with which Happi agreed to Ranma's suggestion shocked everyone except Ranma, and the loss of master status sent the two idiots into a catatonic tailspin. Nabiki's suggestions, made while Waterworks and the Fatguy were off swilling sake and asking themselves what had just hit them, made eminent sense to the Grandmaster and his heir, and were promptly approved.

First: Reopening the Dojo with a select few students until the instructors gained enough experience and confidence to handle larger classes.

Second: Naming Kasumi a Master of Anything Goes Culinary Arts, and giving her a license to teach those arts to a select few students. In this she would be assisted by Nodoka, between the classes that the Saotome matriarch would be teaching in her own specialty. Kasumi would also be giving classes in wa maintenance and arbitration -- it had been a surprise to the rest of the family that the people of Nerima valued Kasumi as a source of wisdom and judgment worth far beyond her years.

Nabiki had suspected that Kasumi's shopping trips took far longer than were absolutely necessary, but she'd thought that Kasumi was merely chatting with friends. As it turned out, she was, but the chatting was far more serious than Nabiki had assumed. Of them all, Ranma was the only one who had already known about it; he'd happened across one of the arguments that Kasumi was involved with, noted that the two parties were getting more upset by the moment, dropped to the pavement next to Kasumi, flared his battle aura, and asked Kasumi if she needed any help. Kasumi smiled, assured Ranma that the now-very-quiet arguers would behave, and that she could handle anything that came up. Ranma cracked his knuckles, glowered at the arguers, smiled at Kasumi, nodded, and went on his way.

At dinner that evening, Ranma got a double helping of all of his favorite dishes. It really does pay to be on Kasumi's good list.

Third: Naming Nabiki herself a Master of Anything Goes Business Arts, and giving her a license to teach those arts to a select few students. The former Ice Queen of Furinkan had turned over a new leaf after the debacle of the failed wedding, and was now running perhaps the most successful small business in all of Nerima: keeping the books for nearly all of the other small businesses in Nerima.

The business owners were happy because they knew where they stood at any time and the tax people were happy with their books. After hiring Nabiki, the merchants and tradesmen she served found that their tax audits were usually short, sweet, and painless. Nabiki was beginning to receive inquiries from businesses in other parts of suburban Tokyo.

Nodoka was happy because, while she was already a Master of her family's sword art, she had to ask her father for permission to teach. This gave her an ironclad excuse to take Ranma to Okayama to visit her family. Ranma's impression of his grandfather Katsuhito Masaki was that he was a very nice guy, but he was also a sneaky old coot who could probably take out both Happosai and Cologne, together, without breaking a sweat.

Whatever Ranma might think of his cousin Tenchi, he wouldn't trade his own problems for Tenchi's if his life depended on it.

When Ranma contacted his other cousin for the first time, she asked if she could bring a few friends with her on her visit. After carefully ascertaining that none of them were fiancees, Ranma told her to bring them over.

In all, ten people showed up. His cousin, Usagi Tsukino, was a bright and bubbly blonde who spent most of her time maintaining a tourniquet-level glomp on the arm of her fiance Mamoru Chiba. Ranma felt nothing but sympathy for the man; he knew from painful experience with a certain Amazon just how much one of those glomps could hurt. Her best friend, Ami Mizuno, turned out to be Soun Tendo's niece, one that the Tendo sisters hadn't seen in quite some while.

He tried to keep his distance from the other three younger girls -- the look of hunger they gave him almost matched that in the eyes of Kodachi Kuno. He was very careful to let them know he was already engaged and had his arm around Akane when he made that announcement to them.

The oldest of the ten, a very classy woman with long green hair, struck it off immediately with Kasumi and Nodoka, and the trio spent most of their visit chatting about nearly everything under the sun. It was very clear to the martial artist that the three women were forming a very deep friendship.... one that he envied, since his best friends were the ones who only wanted to maim him.

He thought he might be able to find that kind of friendship with the other three of Usagi's friends: a short-haired blonde tomboy, an elegant woman with shoulder-length blue-green hair, and their adopted daughter. The daughter, Hotaru, was painfully shy and apparently had bully problems at school. Ranma and Akane spent the rest of their visit trying to bring Hotaru out of her shell, and resolved between them to... deal with... Hotaru's bully problem.

The next morning, Ranma and Akane roof-hopped to Juuban to deal with Hotaru's bullies. After doing their best to scare the crap out of the bullies without hurting them too much, the martial artists stopped off at a ramen stand for lunch. Strolling through the district after lunch -- Akane was looking for new and interesting shops and Ranma was looking for new and interesting snacks -- they happened across the daily Monster Attack. This time, however, the monster seemed to be winning. Employing the Saotome School's most effective technique, Ranma opened his attack with his patented "Hey, Ugly!" A Kijin Rashu Dan quickly disposed of the monster. After taking in Sailor Moon's victory speech, Ranma traded a dry glance with Akane and asked, "What's with the cheesy poses, Usagi-chan?"

The visiting Nerimites learned four things that day: the Senshi really did exist, their ability to stop magic-resistant youma sucked, magic-resistant youma are not necessarily ki-resistant, and the Senshi turned out to be Usagi, Ami, and their friends -- the disguise magic didn't work for their auras.

Akane wanted to bet Ranma that Kasumi also knew about the identities of the Senshi, but Ranma didn't bite. He'd seen the wa mistress at work far too often to doubt her abilities. He was, however, willing to bet that Nabiki knew -- even as a legitimate businesswoman, she still had the best sources of information in metropolitan Tokyo.

Akane passed on the bet. She knew her sister.

"Of course I'll do it," Ranma said.

Akane frowned. "Ranma?"

Ranma shrugged. "You heard Pluto, 'Kane," he replied. "Their friend has been stuck in Limbo for the last fifteen hundred years. 'Too, too tragic story,' remember? She deserves another chance, and the first rule of a martial artist is one of the few things the baka panda got right."

"We deeply appreciate your willingness to help our teammate, Ranma-kun," Sailor Moon said in full Serenity mode.

"Not a problem," Ranma told the Senshi sitting next to him. Ranma and the Tendo sisters occupied one side of a large circle in the middle of the dojo; Moon and Pluto sat next to Ranma and Mercury and Saturn sat next to Kasumi. Ranma's mother was busy keeping the fathers out of the dojo. "What do you want me to do?"

"You should switch to your female aspect and disrobe," Pluto said. "From what I've seen and been told about the spell we're using, she will use your body as a template." She smirked. "As much as some of the girls admire your male aspect, I don't think she'd be happy wearing a fuku as a 'manly man.' Also, anything you're wearing will be shredded."

Ranma gave Pluto a crooked smile as the others laughed or giggled. "Sure, laugh it up," he said. He stood and trotted to the changing rooms at the rear of the dojo. "Be right back."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "What you've 'seen and been told'? Who told you?"

"My future self," Pluto told her. Nabiki's evident knowledge of her powers and duties didn't surprise her. "She didn't say, precisely, how it would go, but she did say that it would be... complicated."

Nabiki gave the Time Mistress a dubious look. "Complicated situations and Ranma-kun almost never go well together," she commented.

"That's what she said," Pluto smirked. "Her suggestion was that we all sit back and enjoy the floor show."

"Story of my life," Ranma grumped as she rejoined the circle. She had a blanket wrapped around herself and set the clothes she'd been wearing in front of her.

"Oh, my," Kasumi said. "Your friend will want something to wear as well. I'll be right back." With that, she stood and walked toward the connecting corridor to the house.

"Ya know, you don't have to," Uranus called. "Ow!"

Neptune pulled her hand back from slapping Uranus in the back of the head. "Are you related to Happosai?" she hissed.

Ranma winced. "Please don't mention his name," she begged. "At least not until I can get dressed again."

Neptune winced in turn. "Sorry, Ranma-kun. It's just that Uranus can be such a pervert."

Akane giggled. "We noticed."

Uranus pouted. "You usually enjoy it," she grumped at Neptune.

Neptune gave her a sweet smile. "How long did you want to spend on the couch? You're working on three days. Want to try for a week?"

Kasumi re-entered the dojo with Nodoka in tow. She carried a blue tang (contrasting with the red tang Ranma had been wearing), black silk trousers, and a sports bra and panties. At Ranma's look, Kasumi explained, "She's a girl, little sister. Even you've been admitting your back hurts sometimes."

"Yeah, but will she know what she's wearing?"

"She should," Pluto told her. "She'll have some knowledge of the current world from your memories. How much, we don't know yet."

"She's in trouble," Ranma, Akane and Nabiki chorused.

"Now, then, Ranma-kun," Pluto replied, "Remember, I've seen your actual transcript."

"So has Washu-chan," Nodoka said. "Considering your spotty school attendance, she was very impressed. Something else for which Genma must answer," she groused. "Had you been able to attend school with any regularity, she thinks you'd have grades comparable to Ami-chan's."

"Now I'm really in trouble," Ranma groaned. "Speaking of which, Mom, where are Mr. Tendo and the panda?"

"They went out to a bar," Nodoka said. "Thank the Kami we have enough of an income to support those two."

"The Kami and Nabiki, I'd think," Ranma said.

Nabiki flushed. "Don't sell yourself short, Ranma-kun," she said. "The rewards you and Akane have been earning from the merchants in Nerima and Juuban are more than enough to keep us afloat, even with the fathers trying to drink all of the sake in Japan. They like that you're that much cheaper than the Yakuza's protection racket and that you keep the Yakuza and the monsters away."

"Yeah, well, it still doesn't feel right to take their money, but you won that argument," Ranma replied. She turned to Pluto. "Where do you want me?"

"Sit in the center of the circle," Pluto told her. "Moon will cast her spell, and we'll see what happens."

"Great, just great," Ranma grumped. "Enjoy the floor show." Before she could take two more steps, Saturn gave her a creditable imitation of an Amazon Glomp.

"Thank you, big brother," Saturn wept. "I've missed her so much."

Ranma blinked. Someone was thanking her? For something she hadn't even done yet? She slowly reached up and returned Saturn's hug.

"Awwwwwwwwwwww...." was heard as everyone smiled at the sight. Ranma blinked again and glanced around. Even her mother and the tomboy were smiling? Was she surrounded by pod people?

Pluto leaned over and whispered, "There are no pod people here, Ranma-kun. They're just amazed that your father actually did something right -- though it's much more likely you turned out this well in spite of him. Just enjoy it."

Saturn giggled and released the Glomp, settling back into her place between Mercury and Neptune. Ranma shrugged and took her place in the middle of the circle, sitting seiza so she wouldn't give the perverted blonde tomboy in the blue and gold fuku a free show.

Moon stood in front of Ranma, touching her locket. The locket opened and the brilliance of the Ginzuishou illuminated the room. Feeling the power radiating from the Crystal, Ranma could only be grateful that most of the NWC were out of town. That much power, here, would be an irresistable wacko magnet to the maniacs of the Nerima Wrecking Crew.

Moon cried, "MOON..... HEALING..... RETURN!" A blinding burst of light struck the redhead.

Ranma screamed.

Moments later, the scream became a duet.

The light snuffed out. When everyone had recovered the ability to see what had happened, they saw two identical girls with loose red hair laying together on the dojo floor under the smoking and tattered remnants of the blanket Ranma had been wearing.

"Which one is which?" Uranus asked.

Akane took a closer look at the pair. Indicating the one on the right, she said, "This one's Ranma. Her hair has been braided."

Mercury examined the pair behind the blue visor of her computer and agreed. "She's right. The one on the left is saturated with Silver energy."

Kasumi gathered up the clothes she'd brought and stepped forward. "Well, let's get them dressed before they wake up."

Akane busied herself with retying Ranma's trademark pigtail as she listened to the Senshi discuss the other redhead. Saturn was currently giving the new redhead a Level Two glomp. In Akane's admittedly jaded opinion, it was at least as good -- if "good" was the word she really wanted -- as anything Shampoo had ever done to Ranma.

"Saturn-chan," Akane said, "you might want to let up on her a bit. The last time Ranma got a glomp like that, it took him two minutes to be able to breathe again."

Saturn blushed, but didn't loosen her grip. "It's just that I've missed my big sister so much," she admitted.

Pluto smiled. "When she wakes up, we'll find out if we're dealing with Athena or Ranko, or a bit of both. I don't doubt that whoever she may be now, she'll still love you as the big sister you remember."

[Jeez, you'd think the damn Musk would wait until a decent hour to attack,] the redhead groaned. [All right, already, go to the wall, I'll meet you there as soon as I wake up. Their dogs must've said no last night -- Wait a minute.] The redhead smiled. "I know that hug." Blue eyes opened. "Hiya, Squirt. I missed you."

Saturn redoubled her glomp and began to cry. "Athena-neechan!"

Carefully not dislodging Saturn, Athena kipped to her feet and looked around. "Hey, Set-chan. Still got the same gig?"

Pluto gave the redhead the first truly genuine smile the other Senshi had ever seen on her face. "You know me, I just couldn't pass up the whole love and justice thing."

Athena snickered. "Keep practicing that line and maybe you'll convince me that you mean it," she snarked. Her smiling glance continued across the now standing Senshi until - "What in Hell?" Her eyes squeezed shut in pain. "Set-chan, please tell me I didn't see what I just saw." Recognizing the symptoms, Saturn released her glomp and backed away from the redhead.

"I don't know," Pluto said. "What did you just see?"

Athena cracked an eye open and peeked. Yep, there it was. "Sere-chan, what in the sweet name of Kami-sama are you wearing? Who are you supposed to be, Sailor freaking Moon?"

Moon flushed. "Actually, 'Thena-chan, that's exactly who I am, and I've been doing it ever since I met Luna again when I was fourteen. It was her idea, actually."

"That sounds like something the little furball would do," the redhead groused. "Damn it, you were never a front-line fighter! The whole idea of the Senshi was to keep you and your mother safe!" She snorted and shook her head. "Fat lot of good that did -- Endymion? Is that you?"

"Hi, Athena," Tuxedo Kamen said.

"Endymion, what are you wearing?"

"It's a tuxedo."

"Why are you wearing a tuxedo? Where's your armor?"

"I can only manifest the armor when Moon manifests her princess form. It's a higher transformation. Until then, I fight along with the Senshi as Tuxedo Kamen."

"Tuxedo... Kamen." Pinching the bridge of her nose, she muttered, [I know I'm going to regret asking this.] "What kind of sword do you fight with? A rapier? Something tells me it's not a katana."

"If I'm not in the armor, I don't have a sword. I use a cane."

[I knew it.] "A.... cane." She sighed. "Well, that explains the spats, the cape, the top hat and that dorky mask, I suppose. You're puttin' on the Ritz for love and justice." She looked around the circle to the other Senshi. Most were smirking, at her and at each other. She then refocused, not that she wanted to, on the ballroom dancer for love and justice, Tuxedo Holy-Kami-sama-on-a-stick-who-came-up-with-that-one-with-a-straight-face Kamen.

".... Do you have any useful attacks?"

"Exploding roses."

".... Roses?"

"Roses."

The Senshi were grinning at each other. Sailor Sun was back and about to explode in a classic rant. Even Kamen and Moon were enjoying the floor show, despite being its focus.

[Kami-Sama above and Daimakaicho below, give me strength!] "Dear, dear brother-in-law, just what do you think Dell would say if she saw you throwing roses?"

"You know, I don't think I want to know."

"I know you don't want to know. Who the fuck do you think you are, Tatewaki fucking Kuno? Look at what little good he did throwing roses at Akane-chan and Ranma --"

Athena's eyes glazed over as she froze in mid-rant.

Kamen frowned. "Athena?"

"Memory dump," Pluto said. "I don't know where this is going --"

"Ranma," Athena whispered, stopping all conversation in the dojo. Eyes filling, her gaze fell on the still-comatose martial artist whose head rested in Akane's lap. Athena stumbled over to her twin, dropped to her knees, tenderly gathered Ranma into her arms, and cried her eyes out.

Akane reached across Ranma's comatose body and caressed Athena's cheek. Pluto and Moon settled on either side of Athena and stroked her shoulders and back. The other Senshi, Nodoka, and Akane's sisters sat as close to Athena as they could.

"How, Set-chan?" Athena wailed. "How can he even be alive, much less sane?"

"Pure strength of will," Pluto replied. "He is the strongest person I've ever known. I don't think he'd give his father the satisfaction of seeing him collapse."

"His father," Athena spat. "That rat bastard panda doesn't deserve the title. Not after what he did on that [thrice-damned receptacle for a Musk's love] training trip."

"What did happen on the training trip?" Akane asked in a quiet voice. "Ranma has never told us the whole story about it. He always changes the subject."

Athena gave Akane a wet, bleary-eyed look, then tapped a series of pressure points on Ranma's neck and upper back. "I don't want him waking up for a bit," she explained. "There are things that need to be said, but if he knew I said them to you, much less to his mother or the whole group, he'd be mortified. A mortified Ran-kun might do something terribly desperate and final, the last thing any of us needs right now.

"There are precisely two things that he fears the most, other than cats," Athena continued. "Nodoka, his greatest fear is that he will disappoint you. It may not be rational, but the [needle-dicked bug fucker] panda taught him all too well to fear you. This will take a bit of time to cure, but the cure will happen. I have to say, though, that you have done admirably well reassuring him of your love, in spite of what the [pox-ridden imitation of a human] panda did to him."

"With Ranma-chan, that is something remarkably easy to do," Nodoka admitted.

"Akane-chan," Athena said, "he fears that you don't feel about him the way he feels about you. Remember, he was raised by the [sodomized by sheep] panda. He never received any proper information about social interactions or his mother's love. Sex, yes -- Ran-kun was hired on as a bouncer at certain brothels in return for the panda's pleasures despite being far too young to even enter the places legally, and he got a far better look than he ever wanted about that side of life. The girls and mama-sans treated him like a little brother -- a lethal little brother, mind you, who could kick a Yak's ass at lightspeed. The better half of the reputation Ran-kun has with the Yakuza about being someone to avoid at all costs comes from his dealings with the Yaks, Sicilian Mafia and Triads during his late childhood and early teens. Needless to say, he has a standing invitation to return to all of those houses, from the girls and mama-sans.... for exactly what you'd expect, for free. First and foremost among all of the houses inviting him to return was, of course, the Jade Palace." Nabiki's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, but she didn't interrupt the story. Athena continued, "You'll notice, though, that he's never gone back." She grinned. "Shampi-Pu Barbie would have wanted him to get as much experience as possible, but it didn't happen. Her greatest fear, which is slowly being realized, is that he's acting like a very faithful husband, rather than the hormone-laden boy she would prefer. He has an ironclad sense of honor, Akane-chan, and he is faithful -- to you and you only. She envies and resents you for that."

She glanced at Nodoka. "If the panda has been 'manly' with you since his return, [which I would doubt since he probably can't be 'manly' with anything larger than a gerbil,] you may want to visit Dr. Tofu for extensive STD screening."

Nabiki smirked, [Going to give idea you don't like panda much.]

"Gee, ya think?" Athena snarked. "Mercenary Girl too, too right about that. Unfortunately, Ran-kun doesn't want anything permanent done to the old fart. Yet. Were it not for that, I have a dull and rusty spoon with the panda's name on it. [Shithead.]"

Athena sniffed and shifted Ranma so that she could cradle her twin's head against her not-inconsiderable bosom, and told the others new details about the Neko-Ken, the speed training involving a railroad, the endurance training involving wolves and raw meat, the food fights, the hideous pain and hunger, the terrible loneliness, and the utter lack of love or mercy in his life. The story took more than an hour to tell, and made most of the listeners physically ill to hear it.

"His soul is so bright," Athena continued. "It burns with the light of a thousand stars, but he hides it. He never shows his true worth. The [fellator of a beagle] panda beat him -- literally beat him, often causing serious trauma -- when Ran-kun showed any interest, much less ability or pride, in anything that didn't include martial arts." She gave Akane a watery half-smile. "The one thing that the [recipient of wild monkey love from dominant gorillas] panda did right was to leave Ran-kun at various dojos and monasteries and shrines during the trip while he went out and drank, whored, cheated, and stole. The monks and priests and sensei instilled a love of knowledge into him and taught him how to hide it from the [submissive to demons] panda." She gave Akane a genuine smile. "It probably won't surprise you just how many of those sensei and monks have given Ran-kun a standing invitation to return and train, or even teach, while promising the panda a short lifetime of pain if they ever see him again." She glanced at Mars. "You may want to know that Hikawa Shrine is very high on that list. Hino-sensei and his wife were very kind to a lonely child a few years ago." Mars sat up a bit straighter, but the startlement on her face was evident to all.

The tears began to fall again. "Cherish him, Akane-chan. Love him and cherish him for as long as he's with us, which I greatly fear will not be long."

Nabiki gave the redhead a concerned look. "What makes you say that?"

"Nabiki-chan, Ran-kun is suicidally generous. You saw it today," Athena replied. "Without question or hesitation, he put his own life on the line for someone he's never met, a woman whose very existence has caused him nothing but pain, simply because it was the right thing to do." She glanced at Moon. "I'd think, Sere-chan, that nasty little habit of his would make him a true Senshi, not just a friend. Maybe you should make one of your damned speeches about him."

Moon flushed. "Just so you'll know, we've already made that decision. Ranma-kun and Akane-chan have helped us almost more times than we can count, and they've offered to train us. We just haven't announced it yet."

"You should announce it soon," Athena countered. "Ran-kun deserves positive attention for once, and I'm sure that it would help Nabiki's bottom line, as well." She turned her gaze back to the twin in her arms and stroked Ranma's hair. "It's just that.... One of these days, Ran-kun is going to go tilting at dragons again, and he won't come back. We need to avert that day as long as we can."

"How can that be?" Saturn asked. "Big brother is the best."

"Squirt, being the best doesn't help if your enemy has numbers or luck on his side," Athena told her. "I'm proof of that. The [panda-sodomizing] Musk sent a dozen of their best warriors after me, and I didn't kill five of them. They killed me."

Pluto frowned. "What exactly was their problem with you? That seems extreme, even for them."

"Heh. The Musk have no sense of humor. They were overreacting, as usual, to a practical joke."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Practical joke?"

Athena shrugged. "I kidnapped two of their princes and dropped them into Spring of Drowned Rat. I don't think they appreciated the humor of it."

Nabiki smirked. "Oh, is that all? I thought it was something serious." At the others' confusion, she continued, "I'm sure it was something they deserved, just on g.p. They were Musk, after all."

Athena gave the middle Tendo sister a slow smile. "That's right, you've met Herb, haven't you? I hate to say it, but he's actually one of the better examples, especially after Ran-kun dropped that mountain on him." Biting her lip, she frowned for a moment, then looked at Akane. "Akane-chan, I have an idea that will remove Cologne and Shampi-Pu Barbie from the Fiancee Wars, permanently. Can you come back to the changing room with me?"

"Of course, Ko-chan -- er, I mean Athena." With that, the two rose and trotted into the rear of the dojo, leaving Ranma in Moon's and Nodoka's embrace.

"I wonder what she has in mind," Moon said.

"The floor show is about to start for real," Pluto told her in a soft voice. "I'll be right back, Princess." With that, Pluto disappeared and reappeared almost instantly with a huge bowl of popcorn.

"WHAT?" Akane screeched. "WHY?"

"Haven't heard her use that tone in quite a while," Nabiki commented, helping herself to a handful of Pluto's popcorn. "There's usually a 'Ranma no Baka' in with it, though."

Kasumi smiled. "Telling her why Ranma called her 'uncute' went a very long way toward solving her temper problems and cementing their relationship. I'm proud of you, little sister."

Nabiki glanced at Moon and smiled. "I think we should start planning some evil karma for the panda. Maybe we could ask Akane and Usagi to do all the cooking for him."

"That may be a good start, Nabiki-chan," Nodoka said. She glanced at Moon. "How do you feel about it, Usagi-chan?"

At Moon's sputtering, Nodoka gave her niece a gentle smile. "Nonsense, dear, a trained martial artist can detect auras. I thought Ranma-chan told you about that, though perhaps he didn't want to worry you. As for Kasumi-chan and Nabiki-chan knowing, there is a very good reason why they are masters of their respective schools."

"Yes, well..." Moon dithered. "Please don't tell anyone. We're not ready to tell our parents yet, and I think they'll go ballistic when they do find out."

"You will have to tell them sometime soon, Moon-chan," Kasumi said. "What if something went tragically wrong during one of your fights? If you don't tell them before that, it will be infinitely more difficult afterwards."

The Inners traded a glance and a thought: Metallia.

"You're right, of course," Mercury said in a reluctant voice, "but we need more time to prepare for it."

"I might be able to help with that," Nabiki said. "I also wanted to discuss some business plans for you girls, something that might help your operations, help the victims of your monster fights, and maybe even earn you some money for college. It'll have to wait, though, they're coming back."

Holding hands, Athena and Akane returned to the group and settled in at their previous positions flanking Ranma. Resuming her embrace of her twin, Athena took a deep breath and looked at Nodoka and the Tendo sisters.

"Mother Nodoka, Kasumi-chan, Nabiki-chan," she began, "I have proposed, and Akane-chan has accepted, that she and I become sister-wives in pursuit of Ran-kun. The Joketsuzoku have special diplomatic ceremonies where such marriages can be performed and consummated in the eyes of the tribe, in the presence of high-ranking visitors; the only requirement, apart from the presence of the clan heads, is a ki-master of Warmistress or higher rank. We happen to have one," Athena smirked. "Me." She gave Moon a sidelong look. "The clan heads are Kasumi-chan and Mother Nodoka, who -- however Japan sees these things -- are the only clan heads according to Joketsuzoku law; and I would suppose that the Moon Princess and her court would qualify for the diplomatic requirements. A plus is that Mother Nodoka and Kasumi-chan are masters of their arts, something that the fathers, for all their blustering, can no longer claim.

"As the clear winner of the fiancee wars, and Ran-kun's chosen mate, Akane-chan will as a matter of course be First Wife and head of the household. As second wife, it will be my place to provide a suitable dowry. I think I may still have such a dowry, and fortunately Ran-kun's other cousin has access to ample resources to help us retrieve it.

"In my first life, I was Athena Helios, crown princess and Senshi of the Sun Kingdom. If the satellites still exist, and unless Beryl was much more creative and competent in destruction than I know she was, they do, my dowry is in solar orbit inside the orbit of Mercury. And before you ask, Nabiki-chan, I distinctly remember a vault on the palace satellite holding a bit more than two hundred metric tons of chemically pure gold. There are more, of course, but that's the vault we used for 'mad money.'"

"Holy Kami-Sama," Nabiki breathed. The looks of utter awe on the Senshi's faces were more than enough to satisfy Athena. Even Nodoka and Kasumi could not pretend to be unaffected by the idea of such riches.

"There should be similar vaults with other metals such as silver, platinum, copper, and some radioactive isotopes. I would have to look it up -- chemistry is not Ran-kun's strongest subject -- but our Solarium is, I believe, called 'Californium' now. It's truly amazing what you can do in a natural vacuum with zero gravity," Athena smirked. "Additionally, those satellites provided power and mana to all of the planets, especially the ones outside Mars orbit. If we reopen and reactivate those satellites, we can reclaim the entire system for the Moon Kingdom and make Sere-chan the queen she was born to be.

"In my second life, I was Xian Pu, youngest Warmistress of the Joketsuzoku. As such, I know every martial arts and ki healing technique that the tribe used 1500 years ago. In many cases, I created those techniques and wrote the original scrolls. I will offer those techniques to the Anything Goes school.

"In this life, I've noticed that Set-chan is the only one of the team still using her original name. To honor the one that even the Joketsuzoku consider the most worthy man on the planet, I would be proud to bear the name of Ranko Saotome. Mother Nodoka, you set your sights far too low. You wanted a man amongst men. What you have, what we all have, is a man above all others. That is why Cologne wants him for the tribe.

"In a way, I also want him for the tribe... on his terms. He wants Akane-chan, and anything else is irrelevant. Under my plan, Akane-chan and the tribe get him, and I get a shot at him as well," she grinned. "Win-win situation.

"After the first ceremony is completed, I will awaken Ran-kun and Akane-chan and I will discuss my proposition with him. The greatest mistake that the fiancees made compounded the damage that the [filthy rat bastard fit only to be made into a rug] panda has done: Ran-kun has never, ever, been given a choice in any aspect of his life. We will not make that mistake. We will give him a choice. If he turns us down, and he may very well turn us down, we will use non-coercive, gentle persuasion and time to attempt to change his mind. In the interim, we will offer him something the fiancees never have: true friendship.

"Perhaps the saddest thing about Ran-kun is that the only true friends he has in all the world, the only people not out to kill him or marry him, are in this room."

"Kids, don't do this at home," Ranko smirked as she stood in the center of the circle. She sobered. "I mean that. Unless you truly know what you're doing, you could do untold damage to your friend or partner. If you want to do something like this, I'll be happy to help you with it."

Akane stood with her in the center of the circle. "What do you want me to do, Ko-chan?"

"Just stand there," Ranko replied. "I'll take care of everything else." She glanced around at the spectators. "The ceremony itself is remarkably simple. Registering it would be a problem in Japan, but fortunately Ran-kun's grandfather has certain... connections."

"Which connections would these be, Ranko-chan?" Pluto frowned.

Ranko's smirk widened. "Three words, Set-chan: Yosho Masaki Jurai."

Pluto's face took on a gobsmacked expression. "You have got to be kidding."

"'Fraid not, Set-chan. Mother Nodoka's full legal name is Nodoka Masaki Saotome Jurai, princess of the Juraian Empire. I figure that if Katsuhito can't do it, Washu can, though I may have to promise her access to the mana generators on the satellites." She glanced at Nodoka. "If you didn't notice, Mother Nodoka, Ran-kun has an eidetic memory when it comes to subjects that interest him, and he can focus even on subjects he hates if he has to. Listening to your discussion with your father about the marriage customs of Juraian royalty, and his realization that those customs apply in full to him, served as a wonderful focus for his attention.

"Juraian royal marriage customs have always been considered more than a little peculiar here in the Moon Kingdom," Ranko told the watching Senshi. "They allow, even encourage, polygamy and even incest. Yosho was expected to marry his half-sister, who is currently pursuing Yosho's grandson, Ran-kun's cousin. She'll likely be First Wife. Second wife will likely be Ryoko, a former space pirate. According to Ran-kun's memories, the two fight all the time, but they're very quick to close ranks around 'their Tenchi.' I'll bet that we get to meet them as soon as they learn of these ceremonies." She looked at Pluto. "Set-chan, I have five yen that say Mihoshi will be Third Wife."

Pluto blanched. "Oh, Kami, please, no."

Ranko smiled and turned back to Akane. "Sorry about that, Akane-chan, but I thought you should know how peculiar some of our in-laws are."

Akane blinked. "Ko-chan, this is Nerima. You think we do normal here?"

Ranko's smile widened. "You're absolutely right. Let's get this done and wake Ran-kun up, shall we?" At Akane's nod, Ranko took Akane into a gentle embrace. Her left hand caressed the nape of Akane's neck, and her right hand rested on the base of Akane's spine. Her hands began to glow with ki.

"Wode Airen," Ranko whispered. "Wo ai ni." She then gave Akane a thorough kiss and pulsed the ki in her hands.

Akane gave a muffled screech into Ranko's mouth as the most powerful orgasm she had ever felt rocked through her body. She felt Ranko's mouth move into a smile. The ki pulses came at rapid-fire. Akane's screech became a wail as her body reacted again and again. The pulses stopped. Breaking the kiss, Akane panted for air as her legs threatened to collapse.

The Inners stared in fascination. All of them were blushing. Saturn was also blushing; her face showed the shock that Ranko had expected. Little Hotaru wasn't quite so innocent any more.

Moon looked like she was considering something; her head was cocked to one side and she was looking at Akane with speculation in her eyes. Uranus and Neptune were watching Akane with the same speculation. Ranko was willing to bet that she'd be doing the same service at least twice more for her friends.

Kamen sat with his arm around Moon and felt very, very nervous. What would the male version of that look like to the impressionable Inners?

Kasumi smiled. "Welcome to the family, Ko-chan," she said. She stepped up and gave Ranko a hug.

Nabiki knelt next to Akane and gave her quivering little sister a gentle hug. "Congratulations, little sis."

Nodoka stroked her child's hair and smiled. Ranma was going to be in very, very good hands.

Pluto stepped up to Ranko with Luna and Artemis in tow. "Looking good, Athena," Artemis smiled.

"It's Ranko now," she replied. "Luna, what the hell is this Sailor Moon crap? Sere-chan was never trained as a fighter."

"We'll discuss it later," Luna said. "In the meantime, Pluto wants us to try mind-melding with Ranma, while he's still asleep, to see what we can do about the Neko-Ken. You have other business with Pluto and Akane."

Ranko raised a delicate red eyebrow. "Other business?"

Pluto smiled. "For one thing, here's something you may have missed." Reaching into Senshi-stuffspace, Pluto retrieved an ornate wand with a star-shaped top. Inscribed upon the gold star was a circle with a large dot in the center.

Accepting the transformation rod from Pluto, Ranko gave it a jaundiced inspection. "A star power upgrade? Gotta be something from the Department of Redundancy Department."

Pluto's smile widened. "It gets better. Give this to Akane and show her how to use it." Reaching again into Senshi-stuffspace, she retrieved another star-topped wand and gave it to Ranko.

Ranko's eyes widened. The symbol on this wand was a quartered circle. She knew that symbol far too well.

"Akane?" she whispered. Pluto nodded. "Set-chan, are you SURE?"

"Very sure," Pluto said.

Ranko grabbed the Mistress of Time into a crushing embrace, then bounced over to her sister-wife. She found herself grinning and crying at the same time. So far, her new life was turning out perfectly.

"'Kane-chan, I've got something for you," she said, handing the rod with the quartered circle to Akane. "You have something different to say, but follow my lead." Ranko brandished her own rod.

Akane noticed the difference in the symbols, and something deep inside her wanted to react to it.

Ranko stood, backed up a couple of steps, and held the pen up. "Sun Star Power, Make-Up," she said.

One twirly light show later, Sailor Sun stood revealed for the first time in fourteen thousand years. Red skirt and collar, gold bows and ribbons, and tall red boots.

Akane stared. She tilted her head and stared. ".... Wasn't your hair black?"

Sun grinned. "I was a lot smaller up top, too. I blame Ran-kun for being such a healthy girl."

Akane held the pen up as her sisters and Nodoka held their breath. "Earth Star Power, Make-Up," she whispered.

A twirly light show later, Sailor Earth was being enthusiastically hugged by Sun. She wore a sky-blue collar, skirt and boots and cherry-red bows. The other Senshi stared, then joined in the group hug with a great deal of glee.

Moon's delighted grin grew exponentially. With an abrupt flash, she became Princess Serenity, complete with long white gown. Kamen flashed and stood in Endymion's armor.

Sun and Earth looked at them, looked at each other, and flashed. Sun's fuku became an elegant orange-red off-the-shoulder gown with embroidered golden Sun symbols. Earth's gown was sky blue, halter-topped and low-backed, with a golden Earth pendant hanging from a thin gold chain around her neck.

Sun inspected Endymion with approval. "Now that's what you're supposed to look like, bro," she said.

Earth reached out and glomped Endymion. "We didn't have a brother in this life," she said. "It's so good to see you again. I wish, though, that I had more memories from back then." She dragged him over to Kasumi and Nabiki. "Kas-chan, Na-chan, meet our new little brother -- though considering he's older than we are, maybe he's our new big brother. Prince Endymion of Earth, these are our older sisters Kasumi and Nabiki Tendo. I know you've already met them, but now you're family."

Endymion smiled. "In this life, I'm an orphan with no known living relatives, so I would be proud and happy to join you. Besides, you should see the case study my journalism class at Toudai did of Nerima last semester. We concluded that you Tendo girls are the main bedrock of sanity in the middle of a maelstrom of Wrecking Crew madness. I'll bring my copy over and show you," he said.

Nabiki smirked. "Endy-baby, I'd like to see it. What conclusions did you make about the Wrecking Crew?"

"Ranma seems to be the only one who even tries to minimize the collateral damage," Endymion snorted. "It became very evident that he's the only one that any of the merchants trust to not make things worse."

Nodoka perked up at this news. If no less of an authority as Tokyo University was willing to judge that her child was the most worthy of all....

"In fact," Endymion said, "my class wants to interview Ranma about the Wrecking Crew."

"Good choice," Pluto said. "He's the focus of most of their activity, after all."

"Not always positively, either," Nabiki added. "I will give them this, though. When something goes very wrong, they'll rally around. Of course, when the problem is solved, they'll start going at each other -- and Ranma-kun -- again. We saw the best and worst of the NWC at Jusendo and the bombed wedding." She shook her head. "Granted, I wanted to postpone the ceremonies until Akane-chan and Ranma-kun were really ready, but I certainly didn't expect Shampoo and Ukyo to throw exploding food."

"Don't forget the Kunos, onee-chan."

"How could I forget them, little sis? Kuno-baka shows up with live steel, and Kodachi shows up in a black wedding gown. It doesn't get much worse than that."

The Moon cats were baring their fangs, hissing, and lashing their tails. They were very careful to avoid using their claws anywhere near Ranma, however, and Luna had been licking her face.

"Do I want to know what happened?" Ranko asked. The impromptu Senshi hug fest had ended when everyone noticed the cats' temper tantrum.

"That unutterable bastard," Artemis snarled. "He needs to die, painfully, for what he did to Ranma-kun."

"Which unutterable bastard would this be?" Nabiki asked. "There are far too many of those in Ranma-kun's life."

"Genma," Luna hissed.

"Oh, is that all?" Ranko asked in a dry voice. "What did the [enjoys being sodomized by rabid dogs] panda do this time?"

"The Neko-Ken." Artemis snarled. He stopped for a moment, blinked, then began to smile. "Have you been doing that all this time?"

"[My dear Artemis, I have no idea what you're talking about.] How'd the mind-meld go?"

"We won't know for sure until he wakes up, but it looks good," Artemis replied. "At worst, Luna and I won't scare him as much as we would have before this. Best-case would be a total cure, but that may be too much to ask for."

Ranko thought for a moment. "Maybe, maybe not. Nobody even thought of asking a couple of Mau to mind-meld with him before this, so maybe we got lucky. I'll go ahead and wake him, but I'll hit a ki-healing point that'll take most of his energy for the next hour or so just in case." She grinned. "I hope you two realize, though, that if you did get lucky, you both just won the lifetime of tuna consolation prize. Byankala isn't much for shellfish, but I know a lot of fish recipes, and what I don't know, I can learn from Kasumi, Mother Nodoka, and maybe even Sasami." She thought for a moment and smirked. "Heh. The four of us, and Makoto, may well be Ran-kun's dream kitchen crew. Nabs, have you thought about a school challenge for the Iron Chef? I bet we'd clean their clocks."

Kasumi, Nodoka, Jupiter and Nabiki gave Ranko their best deer-in-the-Shinkansen-headlights stare. Nabiki shook herself, smiled, and said, "I can call them this week. Maybe we can even get the illustrious Sailor Moon on the celebrity judge panel."

Moon was drooling. "Mako-chan's cooking was already sooooo good, and she's just gotten better and better since she met you, Kasumi-chan. I don't know who Sasami is, but if Ranma-kun likes her cooking, that's certainly good enough for me."

Ranko's smile widened. "You'll meet her tonight if I have anything to say about it, and I think I might." She gave Kasumi a glance and said, "You two should strike it off better than a house afire."

Mars perked up. "Ki healing?"

"I was planning on teaching you in any case, Mars, but I owe your grandfather a big one on Ran-kun's behalf. It'll be a lot of hard work, but the increase in your ki reserves alone will make a major difference in your fire readings. Prepare for super-mikodom," she grinned.

Ranko tenderly cradled her twin in one arm and tapped a series of pressure points on her shoulders and neck with the other hand.

The somnolent redhead groaned. "Jeez, Pops, it's the freakin' weekend," she groused. "I could have sworn you were too hung over to spar this morning." Noticing something odd, she pulsed her ki to see who was there. The Senshi... Akane and her sisters... her mother... and someone who felt like a powered-down Senshi. This last person seemed to be holding her up.

She opened her eyes and almost thought she was looking into a mirror. "Okay, this is different," she thought aloud. "I take it something actually went right for once."

The redhead grinned. "You could say that."

Ranma gave her a careful nod; something was wrong with her ki, and it was doing strange things to her sense of balance. "Nice to meet you. What do we call you?"

The grin widened. "I'm Ranko. You can call me Ko-chan if you want," she said. "'Kane-chan and I have gone over most of the things you'll need to know over the next few days. If you're feeling weak, I hit a ki-healing point when I woke you up. It should only last for about an hour or so, and we'll keep the [buggered by werewolves] panda away until you can kick his ass."

"Sounds good. I --" A red eyebrow disappeared into equally red bangs. "Werewolves? What makes you think werewolves would even touch the baka panda, much less do that? Probably catch the clap or something."

"Ranma-kun, you speak Chinese?" Moon asked.

"Well, yeah," Ranma admitted. "One of Nabs' better ideas. I get to read Amazon scrolls in the original, and I get to listen in on what the old ghoul is telling Mousse and Shampoo without them knowing I know. Win-win situation." She sighed. "Of course, with my lousy poker face, I'll likely give myself away before very much longer, and then we'll be right back at square one as far as the damn Amazons are concerned."

Ranko bit her lip. She hadn't planned on mentioning it this soon, but.... "Actually, Ran-kun, I think I have a viable plan to get their conniving asses out of your life... permanently."

"Heh. I'd love to hear about your plan. The old ghoul has so many schemes going at once I don't think even she can keep track of all of them. I'm willing to consider just about anything at this point."

Ranko smiled. Things were looking up. "The simple part of the plan is the ceremony. We use an Amazon custom, and you marry Akane-chan as first wife. I'm a ki master, and in my last life I was a warmistress of the tribe, so Cologne can't just dismiss me like she could, and would, if I were a mere warrior like her great granddaughter the puddy tat."

Ranma gave her a faint smile. "Thufferin' Thuccotash," she said. "Is there any sort of catch?"

Ranko took a deep breath. "Depends on what you might call a catch. I'd be second wife."

Ranma squinted at her. "What does 'Kane think of it, and how can it be legal? Where would we register it, and how can we keep the two idiots from screwing it up?"

"I think 'Kane-chan likes the idea -- she didn't say no when I became her sister-wife a couple of hours ago."

Ranma stared at her in confusion, then looked around for Akane. Finding her sitting next to her and glomped onto her right arm and shoulder, all Ranma could do was gape at the exceptionally cute blush on the face of his cute tomboy. Said cute tomboy, seeing Ranma staring at her, derailed any thoughts in Ranma's mind by reaching up and kissing the martial artist on the forehead.

Pluto grinned and squeezed Ranma's hand to get her attention. "Ranma-kun, remember what I said earlier. There are no pod people here. Just enjoy it."

"I notice you didn't mention Rod Serling, Set-chan," Ranko smirked.

"Serling-san wouldn't have been able to deal with Spring of Drowned Piglet, much less your spring, Ko-chan."

"What, he wasn't man enough to be a woman? Heh."

"I hate to interrupt," Ranma said, "but you were going to say something about legality, weren't you?"

"Of course, Ran-kun," Ranko said. "The ceremony is an Amazon diplomatic ceremony, fully binding in spite of everyone keeping their clothes on, darn it. We should do it with you in girlform because it's more binding that way and the Inners would be forever disappointed in any future partners after seeing you in full male glory. Getting it registered will involve your grandfather or Washu."

"What, on Jurai? How's that going to go over in Nerima?"

"I don't see them disputing your mom's grandparents' wedding," Ranko smirked.

"They wouldn't dare cross Funaho or Misaki," Ranma retorted.

"There you go. We just have to make sure they know never to cross us," Ranko said. "As for the idiots, we can give the [dances with transvestite whores] panda to Washu for a guinea pig. We have Washu let Mr. Tendo watch what happens with the panda. That'll fix them."

"That's evil. I like it." Ranma looked at Akane. "'Kane, is this something you want? If you don't want it, we don't need to do it."

Akane held Ranma's hand, looked into Ranma's eyes, and nodded. "I want to do it, Ranma. With everyone out of town, we may never have this opportunity again." She smiled. "Besides, I can't wait to see the look on Cologne's face."

Ranma nodded. "Good point." Looking back at her twin, she said, "Sorry about that, Ko-chan, but the one thing I've learned is that major decisions hurt a lot less if 'Kane's in on them."

Ranko nodded. "Congratulations, Ran-kun, you now know as much about women as Sir Gawain. 'Each woman would have her will,' remember?" She grinned. "Keep that in mind, and you've had your last malleting."

"I doubt that, Ko-chan," Ranma replied. "I'm 'way too likely to say something stupid."

"Okay, it's official," Ranma panted. "Girls definitely have a better deal." As everyone laughed or giggled, Ranma struggled to sit up from where she was sprawled on the dojo floor. Strong arms encircled her and helped her sit up. She opened her eyes to see her.... wives.... prop her up, and supposed that she'd damn well better get used to the sensation.

The not-alone-anymore sensation was something she would eventually be accustomed to. She fully expected to take the next fifty years or so, assuming she lived that long, getting used to the idea. The happiness idea, on the other hand, would take a lot longer. Maybe if she reincarnated as many times as Ko-chan had....

Her Pavlovian-induced paranoia tried to take over, but didn't have much of a chance to penetrate her current happiness. This many people being genuinely happy for her and her new family was something that she could not remember ever happening before. Something else she would have to get used to, she supposed.

She also supposed she should have warned the Senshi about her mother's Grandbaby Victory dance, complete with a fan in each hand and a maniacal grin on her face. The only thing that would make her mother happier would be the news that both Akane and Ranko were pregnant. At the same time. With twins or even triplets.

Of course, with her luck, that would happen.

"Mom," Ranma called. Nodoka danced.

"Mom," Ranma called, louder. Nodoka danced.

"Mom!" Ranma shouted. Nodoka stopped dancing and pouted, instead.

"You didn't have to shout, Ranma-chan. I was just getting to the best part of the dance."

"Yes, I did, Mom. Have you called Gramps yet? We still have to file the paperwork."

Nodoka blinked at her child.... children.... and nearly went back to dancing. "No, I haven't. I suppose I should call him now, though. Ranko-chan mentioned asking for Ryo-Ohki's help in retrieving her dowry, and we can ask Sasami-chan to help with the wedding feast. Kasumi-chan, how many bushels of carrots do we have?"

"Ouch, that's right," Ranko winced. "Don't worry about that, Mother Nodoka, I'll make a quick shopping trip once we're done in here. I have a sneaking suspicion the Senshi have more business to conduct." At Moon's look, she said, "I know you too well, Sere-chan. Between you and Miss Sublimely Mysterious here, you've put out enough unfinished-business vibes to run the Nikkei."

"All right," Nodoka smiled. "I'll go call my father, and by now your fathers might be back from their bar crawl. If they are, I'll put them to bed -- they do far less damage there."

As Nodoka left the dojo, Moon began to speak. "You're right about the unfinished business, Ko-chan. Before we start on it, though, I think you and your partner should transform. Having my coequals ready to support the spells I am about to cast will make things much easier. Besides," she grinned, "I think your husband deserves to see you in a fuku."

Ranma squinted at Moon. "Coequals? I thought you were the princess, Princess."

Moon smiled. "No, Ranma-kun, I was the princess of the Moon Kingdom. The Sun and Earth kingdoms were separate but allied. The plans back in the Silver Millennium were to strengthen those bonds of alliance with marriages, but one of those marriages didn't happen until.... today."

"Huh?"

"You'll understand in a moment, Ran-kun," Ranko said. Producing her transformation pen, she said in a conversational tone, "Sun Star Power, Make-Up."

"Like they told me, Ranma, it gets better," Akane said as Ranma watched Sun's twirly light show. Akane then held up her own transformation pen. "Earth Star Power, Make-Up."

At the end of Earth's twirly light show, Ranma sat still with her eyes squeezed shut and a firm hand squeezing her nose shut. "Holy Kami-Sama on a stick," she gasped. "If Ryoga saw that, I think the poor guy would die from the nosebleed."

Sun grinned. "I think you're absolutely right, Ran-kun. Hey, Neptune, could you pop a low-power Deep Submerge this way?"

Neptune blinked. "Where do you want it?"

"Ran-kun's face. Something we need to deal with."

Neptune shrugged, held her hand out toward Ranma, and whispered, "Deep Submerge." A small ball of water flashed into existence and crossed the circle. Just before it reached Ranma, Sun's power flashed, and the now warm water hit Ranma in the face, triggering the change. The now-male Ranma adjusted his clothing and flared his ki to dry his hair and red tang.

"Thanks, Neptune-chan," Earth said. "Girl-type can be useful, especially when he can cadge his own weight in ice cream (Moon visibly perked at that news), but boy-type is much better for snuggling."

"I certainly agree," Sun said, emulating Earth and snuggling into Ranma's embrace. She looked at Moon. "Now, then, Fearless Leader. You said you had more business?"

Moon blinked for a moment, then gave Sun a smirk that reminded everyone present that Moon was, deep underneath, a Saotome. "Why, yes. You must redouble efforts to capture moose and squirrel. Every day they are free endangers Great Plan."

Ranma's snort triggered everyone's laughter. Fighting her own giggles, Sun asked, "And which Great Plan might this be?"

Moon gave Sun a bright smile. "Lessons from Ranma-kun about cadging my own weight in ice cream, of course!"

"Heh," Sun smirked. "You might recall, I know that technique as well. When he's not available, I can give lessons."

Moon's smile redoubled. "You're on." She looked at Kamen. "At least this way, it won't cost you nearly as much to take us out to the Crown."

Kamen grinned. "That's quite all right, Usako." He looked at Ranma, smiled, and silently mouthed, "Thank you!"

Pluto cleared her throat. "We had two other teammates during the Silver Millennium. The one that we know wasn't sent forward by Queen Serenity is Sailor Charon, the Senshi of Information and my personal assistant. She was to the Outers what Mercury has been to the Inners; Charon and Mercury also worked together on many projects that directly benefited the Moon Kingdom as a whole.

"Her primary artifact is the Charon Computer, which is tied into the Gates of Time. I can't use it because of my own ties to the Gates, and no one else can use it because it requires Charon's ties to the Gates. Mercury can't even turn it on, much less access its files. We've gotten along until now without a Sailor Charon, but there are a number of new threats coming our way that makes it imperative to recruit one. Nabiki, we would like you to take on the mantle of Charon."

Nabiki's eyes widened to the size of basketballs. "Me? A Senshi? What-- how-- why-- ?"

Sun cleared her throat. "I know for a fact that I have the clearest memory of anyone here except for you, Set-chan, and I may have you beat even at that due to normal memory drop-off. I remember Charon very clearly. She was a good friend, and I remember how devastated you were when she was killed... by some assbite working for Beryl, if I recall correctly.

"He tried to claim diplomatic immunity when I caught him. I fried him in his own rancid grease."

At the others' horrified looks, Sun explained, "We were, and are, Serenity's Agents of the Queen's Justice. What did you think a 'pretty soldier for love and justice' really is, when it comes right down to it? We had the power, and we were expected to use it." She shrugged. "Of course, if you want to be technical about it, Dell's and my situations were a bit different because of our royal status in allied kingdoms. I was crown princess of the Sun and Dell was the former crown princess of the Earth -- she stepped aside in Endymion's favor because Mrs. Grundy is such a bluenosed bitch." She took a deep breath. "That being said, I have to say that I approve wholeheartedly about Nabs becoming Charon. I can't think of anyone who would be better at it, or who I would trust more." She looked at Nabiki. "We are still on about you managing my dowry, right?"

Nabiki blinked as she slowly came out of her mental reboot. "Um, yeah, if you still want me to, Ko-chan -- I mean, Sun."

Sun smiled. "Here in private, 'Ko-chan' is fine -- I mean, the only mikes and taps in here are yours, right?" Nabiki nodded. "In public, you'll have to get used to calling us by our codenames, and answering to yours. Using our real names defeats the disguise magic. That's why Ran-kun and 'Kane-chan have been careful about the names, even though they've known about the true identities since day one. The disguise magic doesn't work on auras."

Sun tilted her head and looked at Nabiki. "Since all that metal is in ingots, what I thought I'd do is give Washu one or two of the ingots and see if she can make Earth-industry-standard coins out of them. You want to help with the design? The one thing it absolutely has to have is the Sun symbol. I'd also suggest inscriptions in English. The ingots are inscribed in Lunarian, for the same reason: that was the lingua franca."

Nabiki's eyes narrowed. "How large are these ingots?"

"They're a bit bigger than the current industry standard," Sun replied. "I'd put the street value at around 50 million yen. Each."

"What are you going to do with all that?" Kasumi asked.

"Not a lot that's visible," Sun said. "Nabs mentioned business plans to aid the team, and I think this would do very well to finance those plans. College plans for everyone in this room were also mentioned, and that does include you, Kas-chan -- in fact, I think you should be the first beneficiary for that, considering all you've done for your family over the years. You want to learn medicine, go for it." She grinned. "Maybe you could partner with Ami after your residency."

Ignoring Kasumi's blush, Sun continued, "An irrevocable trust for the house and property, I think -- we don't want the idiots selling your inheritance for sake money, if the [performs indecent acts with running industrial equipment] panda hasn't already tried. This building needs some work done to it; some of the repairs are failing. We need to counterbribe some of the people the Kunos have been bribing so that they can finally get some freakin' treatment. We also need to set up some kind of fund to compensate the merchants and tradesmen hit by collateral damage from Senshi and NWC fights."

Ranma leaned over toward Mercury. "Please tell me you've been recording what she's been saying about Pops." Mercury nodded.

"Here's something we might consider, Nab-chan," Sun said. "Set up Sun Kingdom Inc. to make money, and to fund Moon Kingdom Inc. to use the money to help people. Since we aren't a government yet, we'd qualify as NGOs. You know far more about that than I do, so as far as I'm concerned it's yours to run with. Sere-chan?"

"I agree, Ko-chan. Nabiki, you have a project to start. In the meantime, will you accept the mantle of Charon?"

"I -- yes. Princess, I, Nabiki of Clan Tendo, would be very proud to serve you as Sailor Charon."

"Excellent," Moon said. "Please kneel." In a flash, she transformed into Princess Serenity. With two corresponding flashes, Sun and Earth transformed into princess form and took up flanking positions on either side of Serenity.

Summoning the Ginzuishou, Serenity focused its power on the kneeling Nabiki. After a moment or two, the Ginzuishou was returned into Senshi-stuffspace and the three princesses powered down to their Senshi forms.

"Please stand, Nabiki," Moon said. "There is one last thing to do." Upon standing, Nabiki saw that Moon had a star-topped rod in her hand. "Please take this, hold it up, and say whatever words come to your mind."

"Is there a way to get rid of the Happi's-wet-dream light show?" Nabiki asked, in a plaintive voice.

"Of course there is," Sun said. "All it takes is training and practice. I'll show everyone the technique after dinner tonight, and you should be able to work on it in your spare time. Keep in mind, though, that if you get distracted halfway through, your clothes will be gone and all you'll be wearing will be a dismayed look and, probably, the old letch."

"That isn't reassuring," Mars said.

"Not supposed to be," Sun told her. "Think of it as a variation of the soul of ice." She looked back at Nabiki. "In the meantime, that's why the girls look for an alley to transform and never, ever transform in public if they can help it."

"I'll take your word for it." She held the pen up and said, "Charon Star Power, Make-Up." A twirly light show later, Sailor Charon stood proudly. She wore a color-muted version of Pluto's fuku, with dusky red bows and ribbons and dark gray skirt and collar. Dark gray ankle boots left most of her legs bare. Ranma had always thought that Nabiki had excellent legs, and Charon's fuku gave them the exposure he thought they deserved. Not that he would say so while within mallet range of his wives, of course....

Pluto smiled. "Charon, tap your left earring once." Upon doing so, a gray visor formed in front of her eyes. Charon's eyes widened at the data display.

"Wow," Charon said. She looked around. "This thing is amazing. I can see the age and condition of every piece of wood in this building. You're right, Sun-chan, the wedding did a lot more damage than we noticed, and some of the fights since then have taken this place to the limit. I don't think we should dump the rebuild on Ranma-kun's shoulders, though; he's got more than enough to do already. Tomorrow, I'll get in touch with some contractors I know."

Ranma shrugged. "Should be all right, Charon," he said. "It's about time for a field trip, anyway. I'll take the class down the street to the park and give them katas and sparring on the grass. They won't damage the place, since they're not Mousse or Ryoga, and the fresh air and sunlight will do them good." He glanced at his transformed wives. "And before you say it, Sun-chan, as a master and sensei of Anything Goes, I think I would be in a state of utter bliss if you chose to teach any of the techniques you know. I'm pretty sure Earth-chan feels the same way. As a Warmistress, your knowledge of techniques probably rivals the old ghoul, you're much easier to get along with, and infinitely more attractive. Win-win-win." He grinned.

As he was glomped by both girls, Charon stared at Ranma and tilted her head. "I don't get it. What happened to the Saotome foot-in-mouth disease?"

With his arms around Earth and Sun, Ranma couldn't do much more than shrug. "I think I'm still in shock from that ceremony. I'll likely be back to normal within a week or so."

"Charon, why don't you sit with Mercury and explore your computer's capabilities?" Pluto suggested. "We do have one more item of business."

Nodoka entered the dojo and stopped for a moment. Something important had changed. New Senshi + computer like Mercury's + new Senshi's apparent familiarity with Mercury - Nabiki = Nabiki is the new Senshi.

Nodoka focused on Pluto. "Pluto-chan, since her fuku looks like yours, is she connected to you?"

Pluto smiled at her overly-diplomatic friend and thanked the kami that Ranma took after his mother in everything that really mattered. "Sailor Charon, Senshi of Information. My primary assistant. You may have noticed that she was just appointed today and is currently learning how to use her computer."

Nodoka smiled. "I'm sure she'll be a great asset to you." Her smile widened. "My father will be here with his household within 20 minutes. I gather from what I heard in the background that Ayeka and Ryoko were fighting again."

Ranma groaned. "When are they not either fighting or trying to pull Ten-chan's arms off playing tug-o'-war? At least I had the training to get out of the line of fire when the fiancees went ballistic. If he didn't have those Lighthawk Wings, I think he'd be dead ten times over."

Pluto blinked. "He can form the Wings of the Lighthawk?"

"Yeah," Ranma nodded. "Only three so far, and it took almost getting caught in a black hole to do it the first time. He says he almost has it under control. Ki attacks don't seem to work as motivation any more because he knows I won't try to kill him. I was thinking about asking Jupiter or Venus to unload on him. Maybe a Crescent Beam or a Supreme Thunder would do it."

"Is he cute?" Venus chirped.

Ranma smirked. "Sorry, V-chan, Ten-chan's about the most taken guy I know. Two Juraian princesses, a space pirate, a GP detective, the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe, and a cabbit all have dibs on him. I'm not sure how many of them will make the final cut." Venus and Jupiter visibly drooped.

"Well, we should finish our business before they get here," Pluto said. "Kasumi-chan, we told you what happened to Nemesis. Because of the planet's destruction, the Senshi's mantle for Nemesis was sundered.

"We find ourselves having to separate out the Order and Chaos powers of Nemesis, and we would like you to assume the Order mantle."

Kasumi's eyes went very wide. Charon, Earth and Sun were delighted.

"What sort of powers are they?" Kasumi asked.

"Generally, healing and spiritual. You'd be second to Saturn for magical healing and second to Moon for spiritual healing and, frankly, exorcism, which is what her Moon Healing Escalation truly is. You'd be backing them up and helping them.

"While you won't have the raw power of either, your already extensive knowledge of first aid and emergency medicine, and your experience patching Ranma-kun up, will make you far more precise in the use of your powers. That and your wa mastery will make you a highly valuable -- and very highly valued -- member of the team."

Sun raised an eyebrow. "What about the attack spells?"

Pluto smiled. "You of all people should recall that Nemesis' attack spells were all chaos-based. If and when we find him -- and, frankly, this would be far easier if he were here -- he would be limited to those chaos-based powers."

"That's a thought," Charon commented. She flashed through a series of screens, made a couple of queries, and saw an answer she didn't quite expect.

"Um, Pluto-chan, looks like Nemesis is alive... but the location seems to be iffy."

A delicate green eyebrow raised, and the other Senshi gave Charon a questioning look. "Where does it say he is?"

"Well, it says he's somewhere between Sun and Earth."

Uranus snorted. "Well, it's not as if that's not a lot of territory to cover...." She was interrupted by a paired "WHAT?" from two newlywedded young women in sky blue and red.

Charon smirked. "Didn't know you had it in you, Ranma-kun."

Sun and Earth looked at each other in absolute consternation, then stared at the man sitting between them.

Roused from his quiet meditation on how much better he had it than his cousin Tenchi, Ranma glanced around the circle and noticed that everyone was staring at him. He glanced at his wives. They were staring at him as if he'd suddenly grown a second head.

"Is it something I said?" Ranma asked, clueless.

Earth's expression softened. "You said it fourteen thousand years ago, baka, and didn't give us a chance to answer you."

Crying, Sun gave Ranma a textbook Amazon glomp-tackle and locked lips with him as he fell back. Coming up for air a few minutes later, she half-sobbed, "This was already the best day of three lives, and it just keeps getting better. This keeps up, I may die of sheer happiness sometime before midnight."

Earth reached down and gave her partner a hug. "We won't let you die, Sun-chan. You're just going to have to suffer through your happiness."

"We can work on it together, Sun-chan," Ranma said. "Kami-sama knows, I certainly don't have that much experience with happiness."

"We'll talk about it later," Earth said. "Right now, we need to get this done before your grandfather gets here."

Sun wiped her eyes and rose to her knees. "Right." Looking at Moon, she asked, "So what's Kas-chan's name going to be?"

Moon shrugged. "I don't know. Pluto?"

"I'd say, leave it to Kasumi-chan," Pluto replied, "but I do have a suggestion. The largest piece of Nemesis left is the asteroid Ceres." She looked at Kasumi. "How does 'Sailor Ceres' sound?"

Kasumi blinked and, after a moment, smiled. "I like it."

"All right, Kasumi-chan," Moon said, "come up here and kneel. Ranma-kun, come kneel next to her, and we'll take care of the power transfer."

Sun and Earth moved to flank Moon, and all three flashed and transformed into princess form. Out came the Ginzuishou, and after a moment of its power playing over Kasumi and Ranma, the crystal was dismissed. Moon then handed a transformation pen to each of them.

"I think you've seen how these work, Kasumi-chan," Moon said.

Kasumi beamed, then held the pen up and said something she'd never dared to dream. "Ceres Star Power, Make Up." After a twirly light show, Sailor Ceres stood before the group for the first time. Her skirt, collar and bows were gold, and golden sandals adorned her feet. Looking closely, the others noticed that her flawless pedicure featured metallic gold toenail polish.

"Wow," Sun commented. "Ceres, I'm jealous. You were beautiful before, but now you're far beyond that. If Tofu sees you like this, the poor man might suffer a stroke."

"I think it's part of the magic," Charon said, "but Sun's right, Ceres-chan. You are absolutely stunning."

Looking down at herself, Ceres noted the shortness of her skirt and the vast length of leg she was displaying. "I -- oh, my. This is.... I'm beyond words. Thank you for this, Moon-chan."

Moon smiled. "No more than you deserve, Ceres-chan." She looked at Ranma. "Well, Ranma-kun? We're waiting."

"Gaaa," Ranma said. "If I end up in a fuku, I'm gonna hit something. Is Kuno outside?"

Charon consulted her computer. "No, the yard is empty."

"How about the panda?"

"Two km away. Looks like Yamaguchi's."

"Figures. I think that's the only place left in town where they can run up a tab. Not as if the old fart ever intends to pay any bills he runs up." He sighed, held up the pen, and announced, "Nemesis Star Power, Make Up."

There was no twirly light show this time; his clothes shifted from the red tang he was wearing to a black tunic and trousers, tall black boots, and black leather gauntlets.

Nemesis looked around at the others, looked down at himself, then looked into the somewhat-hungry eyes of his wives. Thus, he was blindsided by Saturn's attempt at an Amazon tackle-glomp.

"Big Brother!" Saturn cried on impact.

Nemesis returned Saturn's hug and gave Sun a dry look. "Giving lessons, Sun-chan?"

Sun grinned. "No, she comes by that naturally. If I'd given her lessons, you wouldn't still be on your feet."

Ranko and Akane sat next to Nodoka and fondly watched as Uranus and Neptune took turns trying to break Nemesis' ribs. Pluto had already taken a turn at it, and she and Saturn held his arms as the other two Outers glomped him.

"I believe you said they were lesbians, Ranko-chan?" Nodoka asked.

"Half the team was, back in the Silver Millennium," Ranko replied. "Dell and I, and Uranus and Neptune, were confirmed and committed lesbians, and Pluto and Saturn turned to each other out of desperation. Everyone except the team was frightened out of their tiny skulls at Saturn's powers, and Set-chan's duties precluded any kind of normal social life. Thanos -- Nemesis -- was really the only one in all the Silver Empire, the three kingdoms, who went out of his way to befriend all of us, and after his death, we held what amounted to an Irish wake for him. It got very drunk out that night.

"When it was finally over, half a week later, we all came to one conclusion: if we ever got a second chance at him, we'd damn well take it, and tell Mrs. Grundy to go and do disgusting sexual acts with a panda."

Akane gave her mother-in-law a half smile. "I've been getting some of my old memories back this evening," she said. "If you were still on your 'manliness' crusade, Mother, he couldn't do any better in that department than attract the love of no less than three sets of lesbians." Her smile widened. "I think Ko-chan and I may well have company in the next few days, in the form of additional warm bodies in our bed. You may very well get as many grandbabies as you've been wishing for."

Ranko gave her sister-wife a lopsided smile. "And if Ran-kun heard you say that, 'Kane-chan, he'd be looking for your pod again."

Nodoka beamed, but a resumption of the Grandbaby Victory dance was pre-empted by Ranko. "Uh-oh," she said. "Isn't your father supposed to be here any moment now?"

Nodoka's smile gave way to startlement. "Oh, my, you're right. Washu is handling the teleport, he said."

"[Panda crap on a popsicle stick.] Everybody, clear the center of the floor!" Ranko called out in her best Warmistress voice. "Get over by the walls NOW!"

Nemesis' head snapped around and he stared at Ranko for a moment. Then he blurred. The Outers found themselves standing next to Ranko, and as the blur changed from black to red, Ranma grabbed Moon and Kamen and bounced to another wall. The Inners were quick enough to get out of the center of the floor on their own. Nabiki and Kasumi, already detransformed, had been sitting with their sister.

"What's going on?" Uranus asked.

"Two words," Ranko replied. "Washu and teleport. Do the math, Set-chan."

"Ouch," Pluto said. "I think everyone's clear, though." Ranma bounced over to meet his wives and mother.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Gramps is inbound, courtesy of Washu. Do I need to explain further?" Ranko replied.

Ranma turned and scanned the dojo. "Unless someone does something stupid, like walk out into the middle of the floor, I think we're OK. Unless, of course, Washu-chan's portal takes out that ceiling beam."

Two figures burst into the dojo, looked around, and stormed toward Ranma. "What are you doing with all these floozies, boy? You know your duty to the family! Where's your sense of honor?"

"Yes!" Genma's partner in incompetence agreed. "You must marry my Akane and join the schools!"

Ranma gave them both a very cool look. "I know for a fact that Happi has already talked to you about this more than once. So has Mom. More than once. Do you two want to explain to me just what schools you're talking about? Especially since 'Kane is a student of the undivided original school, and I've already been named the next grandmaster of the same original school?"

"That doesn't matter, boy! You must join the family schools!"

Ranma glanced at where they were standing, and at the now seething Senshi. 'His floozies' were about to go postal on Panda-ass, and as much as he longed to watch the beat-down, letting Washu have them was much more appealing. Catching the Senshi's eyes, he shook his head slightly. "And which family schools are you talking about, you furry moron? Even Happosai said there are NO family schools to join!" He flared his battle aura. "You idiots might want to remember that I am a master of the school and YOU are not!"

"How dare you talk back to me, boy!"

Ranko stalked up to Genma and wrapped a hand around his throat, lifting him one-handed without visible effort. "The question is, how dare you talk back to him, you worthless excuse for a paperweight?" Her glare intensified. "You have no license to teach, you have no students to teach, you have no school to teach, and you are wasting my oxygen with your mere existence. The only reason you are still wasting my oxygen is because I haven't decided yet what kind of rug I'm going to make from your mangy hide."

"Who are you?" Soun Tendo asked, eyes wide.

"I am a warmistress of the Joketsuzoku Amazons, you male waste of skin," Ranko snarled, "and your executioner. This squirming piece of panda shit has already pissed me off beyond the point of genocide, and I'm looking forward to killing everybody who even looks like him."

The ki adepts who weren't scared out of their minds felt a large disturbance approximately two meters over the center of the dojo floor. Ranko smirked.

"Oh, by the way, Tendo, I'm also your daughter in law. I'd suggest you be nice to me," she said, and threw Genma out to the center of the floor, directly under the disturbance.

A scant few moments later, the portal opened and several people fell from it onto Genma.

Ranma smirked and bounced toward the pile, Ranko and Akane close behind him. Reaching for his grandfather's hand, he said, "Jeez, Gramps, was this a Washu thing or are dignified entrances against the law on Jurai?"

"It sometimes seems like a bit of both," Katsuhito admitted as he stood with Ranma's help. Raising an eyebrow at Ranko, he glanced between the martial artist and his redhead a few times with an open question in his eyes.

Correctly interpreting the eyebrow, Ranko told him, "The short story is that I'm not Ran-kun's girltype and he's still cursed. You'll get the long story in a few minutes; that's why Mother Nodoka wanted you to come here."

Ranma, in the meantime, was helping Washu's next victim to her feet. He had never seen this woman before, and he was certain something was going to bite him on the ass in the next few minutes, but he was very careful about helping her up. "Are you all right, Ma'am?" He smiled. "I've been on the receiving end of Washu-chan's humor, so I know what it feels like. I'd offer to help with payback, but being a kappa ain't on my to-do list." He noted as she stood that she had Setsuna's timeless beauty, very long black hair, and was dressed in what appeared to be an ornate variation of a kimono. She also had a single round dot on her forehead and an amused smile.

"Hey!" he heard Akane exclaim somewhere behind him. "Will you let go of her? She can't breathe!" Startled, he turned to see Akane trying to free another elegantly dressed lady from Mihoshi's grip. Her face was slowly turning the same light blue as her hair.

"'Scuse me a moment," he said, and bounced over to Akane. Tapping a couple of pressure points on the blonde's arms, he pulled the blue-haired lady free and stood her up. Noting that she was still having some problems breathing, he hit a couple of pressure points on the lady's upper back and then called for help. "Ko-chan, got a moment?"

"Always, Ran-kun. What's up?"

"Mihoshi had her in a stranglehold. You're better at pressure points than I am. Can you help her?"

"Piece of cake. 'Kane-chan, you might want to watch this, too." Reaching around the lady, Ranko charged her left hand with ki and then tapped a series of pressure points. "That should help. If we had an actual monitor, I think her blood oxygen would go up about 20 percent right about now, but it should be obvious in about a minute that she's breathing easier."

The black-haired lady came up and put a hand on the blue-haired lady's shoulder. "Thank you for helping my sister-wife. May I ask your names?"

Ranko smiled. "Of course. This is Akane Saotome, First Wife and head of our little household, and also First Student of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. I am Ranko Saotome, Second Wife and Warmistress of the Joketsuzoku Amazon tribe. And this most worthy male is Ranma Saotome, our husband, heir to the Anything Goes School and grandmaster of more styles than any of us can count. If you're with Ran-kun's grandfather, you'll likely hear the whole story later tonight, but those are most of the high points."

"But not all of them," Pluto injected from the side. "There is one minor relevant point about all three of them that Ranko-chan didn't mention."

The black-haired lady smiled. "Lady Pluto, good to see you again. What minor relevant point would this be?"

Pluto smirked. "Ranko is the reincarnated last princess and Senshi of the Sun Kingdom. Akane is the reincarnated last princess and Senshi of the Earth Kingdom. Ranma-kun is the reincarnated last prince and Senshi of the planet Nemesis, which you may have noticed is an asteroid belt. Ranko-chan's second incarnation is when she became a Warmistress. Because of that, she is currently the most skilled warrior in this room, and that does include you three. Ranma-kun is second only because she knows Joketsuzoku techniques that she hasn't taught him yet, but I don't think anyone sane would take a bet against either one of them in a fight."

"This is your third incarnation, Ranko-chan?" Katsuhito asked. "How did this happen?"

Ranko smiled. "Thank Ran-kun, Sere-chan, and Set-chan for that." She glomped onto Ranma's left arm. "Set-chan happened to know a spell that Sailor Moon could use to retrieve my soul from its resting place -- short version, I was the girl drowned in Nyannichuan, in Jusenkyo. They used the towering power of Ran-kun's ki to pull my soul from the pool." She gave Ranma a considering look. "Since tribal lore says the curse magic is soul magic, the pool might not work any more, since my soul's here. We'll have to check with the Council."

Ranma shuddered. "You deal with them all you want, Ko-chan. I don't even want to see those old bitches anytime soon, after the last crap they tried to pull."

"I don't think you have to worry about that any more, Ran-kun." She smirked at the "old" priest. "They wanted to lock his curse and make him the tribe's new Warmistress." She shrugged. "Thanks to the spell that brought me back, that's no longer necessary, since I already hold that rank. My memory," she smirked, "is revered in the village because of the practical jokes I played on our old enemies, the Musk. The last one got me killed, but it was still worth it."

Ranma grinned at his grandfather. "Acording to Cologne, it's the tribe's greatest achievement in the last three thousand years of Amazon history. She kidnapped two Musk princes and dumped them into the Spring of Drowned Rat." The grin became a smirk. "The consensus among the Senshi is that they deserved it for being Musk."

Ranko gave Ranma a gentle smile. "Family is always comforting, especially if they share your sense of humor," she said. "Family who have met the people who annoy you, and share your enmity for them, are pearls beyond price. Family who want to help mangle the [buggered by zombies] panda are literally priceless."

"Panda?" the black-haired lady inquired.

"My son-in-law, Genma. Ranma's father," Katsuhito told her.

Ranma smirked. "I'll admit that I've been praying that I'm illegitimate, or at least that he had to get her drunk first. There are a very few things he got right, but mostly we've been trying to clean up his messes. Mom may finally be fed up with the baka panda. I don't know if she's ready to divorce him yet."

"We can dream, though," Ranko grinned.

Akane came up behind them and put an arm around her husband and co-wife. "And what are you two up to now?" she asked in a teasing voice.

"Nothing much," Ranma replied. "Mostly, we're making sure that this nice lady didn't suffer anything permanent from Mihoshi's stranglehold. Ko-chan tapped her healing points, and her aura's pretty much back to normal, so I think she'll be all right. What do you think, Ko-chan? Should Ceres or Saturn look at her?"

Ranko took a moment to look into the blue-haired lady's eyes, noting the size of her pupils. "No, she looks fine. I think she'll be completely back to normal by dinnertime."

Akane smiled. "That, and Kas-chan just took your mother, Mako-chan, Hotaru-chan and Sasami-chan into the kitchen. I think they're going to start on dinner, and Hotaru-chan is anxious to help her new friend."

Ranko winced. "Damn. I need to get in there, Ran-kun, I promised Kas-chan and Mother Nodoka that I'd make a shopping run. I also need to get a lot of carrots for Ryo-Ohki -- if we're going to ask her to help us with my dowry, we've got to get a suitable bribe, right?"

"Yeah, a couple of bushels of carrots would be a good start," Ranma agreed. "Need help?"

"Not unless you want to go girl and help me get some extra discounts," she smirked, kissing him on the cheek. "Later. Ladies, nice to meet you." She headed down the connecting hall to the house.

"Why would Ryo-Ohki have to help with Ranko's dowry?" Katsuhito asked.

"The Sun Kingdom is a string of satellites in solar orbit inside the orbit of Mercury," Pluto said. "According to Charon, they're still there, and she detected a vast amount of chemically pure metals on some of those satellites. This includes radioactive isotopes that are fantastically expensive because of their rarity here on Earth."

"She also said something about asking Washu for help in restarting the mana generators so we can repopulate the other planets," Ranma said. "I don't have a good feeling about that."

Pluto frowned. "And why might that be?"

"You should know better than anyone. All those people were deep-frozen 12,000 years ago. What happens when they're thawed out?"

Ranma scowled at his grandfather. "You could have warned us, old coot."

Katsuhito smirked. "But you were doing so well," he said.