Ronan didn't want sweet, he wanted dark and gritty and disposable. He like it hard and fast and anonymous, preferably in an alley he didn't know the name of where he had to avoid stepping on used condoms and broken needles.
Adam wasn't good for this. He was soft and delicate and wholesome and well, not Kavinsky. Adam didn't know the demons raging around inside Ronan's head. He didn't know what it felt like to be eaten alive. He didn't know what it felt like to want to be destroyed. K did. Adam was pure... good. He didn't deserve what Ronan and K got up to at 3 am on a Thursday.
He knew Ronan was a snake but he didn't know the depths Ronan sunk too- continued to sink too. Would lower himself too willingly. Until he was completely immersed in the bile of the underworld. No longer deserving of love or affection or good-will.
Ronan told himself he hated every moment of K's mouth on his dick. He focused on the grime under his nails he was scraping off the walls. He heard the sound of glass being ground under his boots as K's greedy hands pulled at his legs over the smaller boys wanton panting as he offered his ass and a filthy look.
It was dark and nasty and cleaner than most of the things in Kavinsky's life. He craved the way Ronan would look away after they were done. He adored the little kiss the thicker boy would press to his lips before he slipped away.
K felt emptier then usual when they finished one of their late-night-fucks. He would crawl back to his mansion in his too loud car and fall into bed where his dream pack would be waiting. Carefully he'd tangle himself in sleep-deadened limbs and close his eyes and pray for quiet.
Quiet from the voices telling him to grow up. Quiet from the voices telling him death was around the corner. Quiet from the voices saying Ronan was the worst kind of thing to want because he was in love with someone else and K knew better than anyone how infatuation messed with the head.
The only time the voices were silenced to white noise was when Ronan kissed him goodbye. When his pills worked too well. When Proko and Skov helped him clean out his stash of candy from under his pillow.
When darkness fell and everything else was quiet, Kavinsky's head was a mess of violence and screaming. It's why he first opened his eyes at 2:30 am. It's why he wiggled his phone out from under Jiang's bare leg. Its why he texted Ronan.
2:34 am
me: jak's bar. half hour. slip the collar and leave the pride
3:01 am
Ronan: I'm out back. Don't make me wait