Disclaimer: I don't own JAG, its characters or anything else. No infringement of any rights intended.
A/N: This is how I would have liked to see the season 9 episode "Take it Like a Man". Picks up right after Mac storms out of Webb's place when he refuses her advances and goes on from there in a totally AU angle.
Thanks goes out to Colie for all her wonderful comments and corrections. You da best, missy!
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8 months. Webb said it had taken them 8 months to get to this point. Where was this point anyways? What shot at happiness was he talking about? They were never really happy together. It was sex and it was fighting; neither was very good.
Mac had been driving around, trying to out-drive her mind. She was spinning out of control fast and she didn't know what to do. Both Chegwidden and Webb said she should see a shrink. The former ordered it so she would have to make an appointment... but she knew it wouldn't do any good; she was beyond fixing.
She came to a stop on a street corner and realized she was practically at Harm's place. Harm. The second Webb mentioned Harm that night it hit her like a bucket of cold water to the face. It was like she suddenly realized what she had been doing lately and it made her recoil in disgust. She'd meant what she'd said – Webb just didn't have what it took to make her happy. Thing is, she didn't know what it took to actually make her happy.
Next thing she knew, she was knocking on Harm's door. She knocked once, then realizing where she was and what she'd done, started backing away but the door opened.
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The knock on his door had been expected. Mattie kinda stormed out after the mess of a dinner, but he hoped she'd calm down and come back to talk things over. Her parting line sent his heart crashing to the floor. "You know something, Harm, sometimes I think I was happier before I met you."
He opened the door wide, without even checking who it was.
Instead of Mattie, he found Mac standing outside his door, slightly fidgety. Her mouth twitched like it was torn between smiling and frowning and just couldn't decide which. He really didn't have the energy to deal with her barbs right now but he would never close the door to her face.
At his motion, she walked inside and immediately away from him. She walked the floor like it was her first time in his apartment. Her gaze drifted along the walls, eyes darting everywhere, focusing on anything but him.
Harm sighed deeply and Mac suddenly honed in on him and started walking back in his direction.
"Is Mattie around?" She asked without preamble. Why did he suddenly feel like a trapped animal?
His senses kick-started his brain in response to the sweet scent of her perfume, and he found the wherewithal to shake his head no. She was close. Very close. And getting closer. He was getting somewhat agitated.
"What do you want, Mac?" He sounded tired to his own ears. And he was. He felt like grabbing her and shaking her till the Mac he knew and loved emerged from this woman who'd taken over her form.
Harm had no time to react as Mac planted her lips on his.
Shock was the first emotion he experienced, but also the shortest. Anger and frustration took over with a fierceness that threatened to drown him.
Anger at Mac for her behavior in and since Paraguay clashed and melded with frustration over Mattie and the botched dinner with Tom. With those two emotions strongly in control, he all but crashed Mac's body against his and gave beyond what he got for quite a while before any stray thoughts made it to the forefront of his mind.
He had one hand in Mac's hair, while the other clutched her waist, anchoring her to him.
Mac was beyond thinking; had been for a while, which is what had gotten her into the current situation to begin with. Her fingers begged for skin and quickly found their way under Harm's shirt, alternately clawing and caressing the warm skin in response to his actions.
His large hands moving down, settling on her six and squeezing earned him 8 long fingernail marks along the landscape of his back.
When his left hand journeyed further down to slowly and sensually bring her leg up to a 90 degree angle, her hands drew up to his strong shoulders for support as she pressed harder against him.
The first deep breath of air since she entered his apartment was granted her when Harm's questing mouth left hers in favor of her throat.
Throwing her head back, Mac stared unseeingly at the ceiling above her.
She was fighting to force more oxygen down; his every touch took her breath away time and time again.
This is what she had come for; his lips on her skin and the passion igniting her was all that her dreams had been about for weeks and all that her mind kept coming back to since her encounter with Sadiq. She needed him. Harm was what Clay couldn't give her.
His urgent yet loving touch took her heart on a speeding bullet from tearing apart to contracting with emotion in struggling beats.
Mac's force of mind was still trying to deal with all the actions and emotions being sent and received. Thoughts came in flashes.
She had forced herself on him.
He was reacting in the best way she could have possibly imagined.
She hoped it wouldn't be just sex.
The last thought imparted words from her lips in a strangled plea. "Harm... Love me."
A mumble that sounded strangely like "Oh, I do" caused the skin below her collar bone to vibrate and started a wave that made her entire body tremble. A short anguished cry, she never would've guessed had been in her, escaped her lips moments before he claimed them once again.
Clothes disappeared and they somehow managed to make it to his bed before completely losing touch with the outside world.
They made love furiously; giving and taking with a need that surpassed reason. His name erupted from her lips. Her name shook the walls moments later.
He rolled off of her and onto his back with a deep sigh. Almost as an afterthought he pulled her to him and she followed willingly; wrapping herself around him.
She didn't know when he had started, but she gradually became aware of his warm touch. His open palm moved slowly from the nape of her neck, along her back and down the side of her thigh, which rested on top of his. From the endpoint at the back of her knee, his hand climbed up her skin and back to the base of her skull to start over.
His loving had stopped her spinning and now his strokes were forging a path straight to her heart.
Absentmindedly, she traced her fingers back and forth along his chest and almost didn't notice the warm, wet trail of a tear that drew across the bridge of her nose and fell onto Harm.
He had hit oil when he struck her heart and suddenly all that she had buried soul deep burst out of her with burning tears and jagged breaths, as her body wracked with the pain of it all.
She wept for lost lives and tortured bodies. She cried for harsh words thrown at the worst times and for another piece of her soul which was now lost forever.
Through it all, his comforting caress never stopped, and was now interlaced with soft kisses to the crown of her head.
"I'm so sorry, Harm..." She managed to get out. "I don't know... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Mac couldn't explain things, not even to herself, but she'd been wanting to apologize to him for months. Harm said nothing, but didn't stop his revealing actions.
Finally, there were no more tears to cry. Mac could feel the nervousness building; the need to move and cover up, for her heart was completely bare. That particular need was soon smothered as she once again focused on him and tried to regain control of her breathing.
His fingers were now anchored in the space behind her knee, as his thumb traced the skin above it. Deliberately, he was drawing her leg up his body.
With a sharp breath, she lifted her head up to see his face and was shocked to find wet trails on his cheeks. In one fluid move she covered his body and reached up to kiss the moistness away.
A full, loving kiss to his mouth was next on her agenda. She kept her face close to his, her lips just resting against his. She drew strength from him to utter what had been weighing down her heart for the longest time.
"I love you, Harm."
She had barely managed to say his name when he flipped them over and kissed her with all that he had. And then some.
"I love you more than anything. God, Mac, the way you make me feel..."
She kissed him with the same ardor he showed her minutes before and they spent most of that night proving those words to each other.
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Morning found Mac warmly enveloped in Harm's arms. She felt the smile building inside before it took place on her lips. She was still broken and there were many pieces still left to pick up, but as opposed to before, she now knew she'd be able to mend and heal.
She felt Harm start to stir next to her. She didn't want him to wake up; she wanted to indulge some more in his wonderful embrace.
"Don't get up." She whispered in his ear.
That, of course, had the exact opposite affect. His eyes opened to look at her as a small grin lifted the corners of his mouth. His gaze shifted down to his own body, and the grin grew right before it melted into her lips.
"Too late, honey." His rough whisper reached her ear.
Laughter bubbled up inside her. "You really are getting into this whole suburbia scene, aren't you, flyboy?" Harm just grinned at her and raised a brow in typical Harm fashion.
"Speaking of which, a teenage girl is gonna come traipsing through that door in about 30 minutes. Unless she decided to run away last night..." The last sentence made him sober up a bit, as he remembered again Mattie's statement.
Mac's soft fingers at his cheek brought him back to the present. "What happened, Harm?" her eyes were full of compassion, and a burden lifted from his chest. She was coming back to him; his Mac was breaking through. He took her fingers and kissed them lightly.
"I invited Tom for dinner last night. Mattie didn't enjoy it very much."
"I'm guessing that's an understatement." He huffed and Mac could picture him like this after a day of chasing his own kids around the back yard. "You're doing the right thing, Harm. I know how she's feeling and it's much better than regrets."
Harm nodded and touched his lips to her forehead. "She reminds me of you."
Mac ducked her head and quickly wiped away a stray tear. "She's so much better than I ever was." The past year rolled through her head in great big waves. Getting sea-sick, she started to move away but strong arms kept her still.
"Don't, Mac." His voice was quiet, but trembling with emotion. "You're not perfect. None of us are. That's why we forgive and forget. If we didn't, we'd all be hypocrites."
"I'm so messed up..." she refused to look up at him.
"I seem to remember a few times when I was not quite myself and a certain someone helped me pull through..." He uttered mostly to himself and got no response.
"Tell you what..." Harm waited till he had Mac's attention, and went on when she finally raised her head to see his smile. "If you stick with me and tolerate one teenage girl, I promise we'll work through it all together."
Mac sniffed and smiled at him through the tears. "Don't make a promise you can't keep." She could practically smell the air outside JAG Ops, her memory of his other promise to her was so clear in her mind.
Slowly, his body covered hers and his lips trailed to her ear to complete the recollection. "Haven't yet."
Free from some of its binds, her mind started running a mile a minute. She had to break it off cleanly with Webb, whatever it was. She had to make that appointment at Bethesda, as soon as possible. She had to clean her apartment. Millions of things to do, suddenly she had something to get out of bed for!
Harm must have heard the wheels turning, for he raised his head from her neck to search her face. "Still with me, Marine?"
She smiled brilliantly for the first time in a very long time, and brought him in for a kiss.
"Always and forever, Harm." His returned smile brightened the room considerably. "But according to your assessment, we have about 15 minutes and your blinds don't do much in the way of hiding..." Mac breathed deeply. "I don't want to go back to the real world just now."
"I know how you feel..." He moved to kiss her once more, but at the last minute diverted his mouth to her nose. 'mission accomplished', he thought when she giggled. "But you know... this," he motioned to the two of them, "is part of the real world now..."
His statement took a moment to sink in, but when it did something clicked into place. On second thought, the real world still had so much to offer!
A mischievous expression stole over her features and in seconds she was out of bed and in his shower. "C'mon, dad, 12 minutes and counting!"
Awe and astonishment were chased away by a deeply satisfied grin, and Harm didn't waste a second. He was going to like this new real world.
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The End.