this is not the perp you are looking for; a modern cs au
inspired by this prompt I saw on the tumblr: "you're supposed to be on a blind date with someone but you sat down at the wrong table and i haven't been able to get a word in edgewise to tell you that and it's been thirty minutes" au
I'm such a nerd and I don't even care.
So many people skipping bail, so little time. Or at least, that's what Emma Swan thought every time she went on one of these 'dates'. This particular date presented a larger challenge because she could only find a grainy photo of this guy, named Arthur Pend. All she knew about this guy is that he had blue eyes, dark black hair, and was British. Emma was meeting him at a nice restaurant in downtown Boston, the same one she used for all her fake dates.
"Are you sure you don't want David and me to go as well? I just get nervous every time you do this Emma." Her roommate Mary Margaret Blanchard gave her the same speech with each date.
"I'm sure Mary Margaret, I appreciate your concern, but I think after God knows how many of these, I've got this whole bail bonds thing under control." Mary Margaret was sitting on Emma's bed as the blonde put the finishing touches on her outfit. The tight pink dress had become her go to perp catching dress – nobody expects the woman in pink to take them off to jail.
Mary Margaret decided to bring up the police interview again, hoping to keep her friend from going. "Obviously I'll still be nervous about you working in the force, but it's a great opportunity! And you'd be fantastic!" Emma had to hand it to her roommate, she really had a one track mind because this was the fourth time today she'd brought this up. To put it in better context, David had offered the interview to her three hours ago.
"I said I'll think about it, but first I have a date with a perp and I still need money." Emma bid her friend goodbye and headed out.
The restaurant was packed but Emma found her guy with ease. Tall, dark, blue eyes – bingo.
"Hi, I'm Emma, I think I'm meeting you here tonight?" The man looked temporarily confused, but went with it.
"Oh, yes!" Emma was relieved when she heard the accent, good, this was the right one. He pulled her chair out. "Wow, I didn't know you'd be this beautiful."
Killian was glad Emma had found him sitting at the table. His mate Smee had set him up on this date, a girl he's known for a while, Emma Garish. He thought Smee had told him she was a red head, but for all he knew she had dyed her hair.
Emma tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Thanks, it's nice to meet you."
"The feeling is mutual. So, um, have you lived in Boston your whole life?" Killian started their conversation and it flowed so easily, Emma almost forgot that he was a criminal who was skipping on bail and that she might consider asking his name.
It was only when the 'date' was over and they had walked to Emma's parked car did Killian start to notice something very odd. Why is she pulling out handcuffs?
Emma grabbed his hands and cuffed him. "Alright Arthur, you're going down to the station," despite everything that told Killian to keep from squirming, his instincts took over and he tried to break free – but then was tackled by the blonde.
"I'm not Arthur! My name is Killian Jones and I'm never even stolen a piece of fruit to try it from the grocery store!" Emma was straddling him in the middle of a parking garage and she was pretty sure her night couldn't get worse.
"What do you mean you're not Arthur? I said I'm Emma and you were expecting a date named Emma!" She was furious and had possibly botched her assignment.
Killian sighed, "I was waiting for a girl named Emma Garish, I was set up on a blind date and I was told you were a red head but you seemed confident enough I was the person you were looking for that I just went with it. I figured it was possible you dyed your hair or something."
"Well that's just excellent Killian. I'm a bail bonds person and I was on a fake date with someone and all I knew was that I was looking for a dark haired, blue eyed, British man – and you fit the bill." Emma helped Killian up and took his handcuffs off.
"I hope it's not entirely inappropriate to say but, 'this is not the perp you are looking for,'" Killian raised his hand – complete with the Jedi mind trick motion.
She wasn't sure if her eyes could have rolled further into her head. "Star Wars? Really, you think now is the time for Star Wars references? He might have gotten away by now. Damnit."
"I'm sorry lass, it might be moot at this point, but I had lovely time on our date, even if it was a fluke. Though I feel bad for the real Emma Garish," He handed her his card, his last feeble attempt at another shot, maybe it would come off as adorkable. She smiled half-heartedly and Emma couldn't deny that it was a good date.
"I'll tell you what, you wait here for like ten minutes and I'll get the perp to come back here, drop him at the station and we can talk about something more." It seemed like a decent compromise.
The tall Brit sauntered over to her, "Well that sounds smashing love," his true flirting colors shining through. She walked out of the parking, hips swinging, not the worst date ever.
Honestly, getting the actual Arthur Pend to follow her out of the restaurant was even easier than she hoped. "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was a mix up – you don't need all of the details." She sat down at the table, "My appetite is kind of gone, but I'd be up for something a little more, well, you know." Her hand slid across the table and she smiled coyly. It's almost too easy.
The perp coughed, "Well, would you want to share a night cap? A bar isn't far from here." He's trying so hard I almost feel bad.
"Great, do you mind if we stop by my car though, I need to grab something, it's just in the garage?" They walked out with his arm snaked around her waist, this guy is really hoping to get lucky.
From there, the rest of the arrest was simple. "Nice to see you Emma," Killian stood waiting, leaning on the hood of her yellow VW Bug, swinging the handcuffs, "and back in 7 minutes."
Before Arthur could make a run for, Emma had him on the ground, cuffed. "Nice to see you too Killian."
"Is it bad I find this situation very attractive?" Killian looked her up and down, smirking with confident appreciation.
As Emma put Arthur in the back seat of her car, she responded with less enthusiasm, "Don't get too cocky, I could drop you at the station too." Driving out of the garage and into the streets of Boston, Emma couldn't help but consider what a strange twist of fate this night was turning out to be.
"Hey David, I've got him!" Her friend stood at the station with his arms crossed, looking very impressed. Emma never failed to get a feeling of pride when David appeared impressed by her work, he was practically an older brother to her.
"There was a bit of a mix up but it's -," Emma started to explain her night, holding on to Arthur, but David cut her off.
"Killian, hey man I thought you were off tonight!" David shook the hand of her date and Emma just stood there, still griping the perp, confused. "How come you're here? Did you miss me that much?"
Killian chuckled, "No, I actually ended up on a date with the lovely Emma – I'm sorry love, I never got your last name."
"It's Swan, and does someone want to actually arrest this guy since we're on the topic of me?" Arthur glared at Emma as he was taken back to be booked and charged for kidnapping. "Thanks, and you're a cop? You could have said something when I was handcuffing you! Or sometime during the meal!"
"I'm sorry Swan, but remember, I thought you already knew this about me, my friend Smee told me that Emma Garish knew my profession. I am curious though, how do you know David over here?" Killian was far too amused with the situation for Emma's liking.
"Emma and I go way back! Honestly I'm surprised you two haven't met before, but I'm currently trying to persuade her to interview for a spot here, she's already been through the Academy but decided to go a different way." David put an arm around Emma while she was still trying to take in the strange series of coincidences that seemed to keep happening tonight.
"Why Swan I think you should interview here! After what I've seen tonight, you'd fit right in. But, if it's all the same to you David, Emma and I were going to finish our date, so I'll see you tomorrow for drinks at the Rabbit Hole?" The dark haired cop took her hand and they started to leave after biding goodbye to David.
Once they reached her car, Killian turned and decided to try and push his luck. Leaning in slowly, he put a hand to her cheek and smiled, "It's been a lovely evening Swan, I think I'd like to make it even more pleasant." That's when Emma finished the deed and brought her lips to his.
They stayed there for a moment before Emma broke it off, "I don't want to give away all of my secrets yet." Killian smirked back and her before climbing into her Bug and driving off together in only the most clichéd of ways, (the sun was setting in the distance.)