Höher, by FeatherGreen
A/N: Höher will be a series of drabbles in the Xenosaga universe, spanning all three games and from the POV of multiple characters. Most will probably focus on Jr. and the other U.R.T.V.s, as they're my favorite (for some reason I simply cannot comprehend). There may be some about other characters, though. If I ever feel like writing some. Now, chapter info:
Pairings: possible AlbedoxJr and UnknownNarratorxJr
Word Count: 468
Genre: general, with a dash of angst and something I refuse to call romance
Warnings: spoilers for Episode II
Notes on Chapter: I've left the narrator anonymous, so feel free to make him/her whomever you'd like
Disclaimer: I do not own Xenosaga or anything else you may recognize in this drabble.
Abwarten
I watched him.
I watched him as he laughed and as he smiled and as he acted as if everything was fine. I watched and I waited, but he never once cried.
He hasn't cried since it happened, even as he dug the empty hole in the park that serves as his brother's grave. I saw him dig that hole, even though he thought he was alone. But I couldn't leave him alone – I was too afraid of what he might do. After all, you can never tell his real emotions by what you see on his face. Another hurt to blame on his wicked twin.
I saw them as children. I saw that every time he was upset, his brother would become murderous. Every time he felt joy with someone else, his brother would ache with jealousy. Every time he loved away from his family, his brother's heart would shatter and die just a little more.
So he closed off. He stopped expressing extreme emotion. He broadcast only general happiness and contentedness, and his twin was happy and content with him. Meanwhile, he could not show sadness or joy or love (the very sentiments that define humanity) until the point that I feared he could not actually feel anything. So he rose above those feelings and became more than human. For the sake of his other half.
I know all these things, and though I cannot relate I try to understand. I try not to show my own opinion of the mad brother he loves so much, if only to spare him the pain of hiding his emotions from me as he hides them from his own heart. For he does feel them on some level, if not consciously. He merely keeps them locked away, as I lock away my resentment, my rage, and my fear of his crazed double. But most of all I hide my own bitter jealousy. For I love this boy/man with all of my being, and that is one emotion that I cannot fool myself about. He is kinder, gentler, better than any human I know, and I cherish him among the greatest treasures made by man. And this I must hide from him as well.
I only watch and wait and know. Know that he will never cry for his dead twin, for along with the loss of his brother he has also lost his heart. He cannot cry for him or his other lost siblings. But he wants to. He wants to with all the heart he doesn't have and cannot find.
I know because I've seen it in how he smiles and how he laughs and how he pretends he isn't thinking of his other half every second of every hour of every day.
But I know.
So I watch.
A/N: That's it, for now. I'll update this whenever I write another drabble, but who knows when I'll be inspired. And just so you know, this is my first ever story and it hasn't been beta'd, so if it sucks you know why.
TBC