POOF
Bartimeaus, nachos, court cases, illegal immigrants, Nathaniel: this story has it all!
DISCLAIMER- I do not own the Bartimeaus Trilogy, but whether or not I am currently housing any illegal immigrants remains to be seen. I also do not own the 5th, 1 ½, 28th, or the 16th amendment. Our teacher did not consent to this story or her role in it.
Chapter 1: I Plead the 5th, no, the 28th, no the 16th, no, it's the 1 ½!
"What am I doing here?" Nathaniel thought. "Who are these people? Am I dead? Whoa, that judge is hot!" But then, he remembered… FLASHBACK!
"You're under arrest punk!" said the fat, mustachioed, officer eating a jelly-filled doughnut. "You're illegal immigrant days are over!" You see, Nathaniel was on an "All Expense Paid" (yeah right) vacation to Mexico. Now, Nathaniel, being Nathaniel had left his passport in the Hyper-Active Jumping Bean Hotel, somewhere near Acapulco. Nice one, idiot. Suddenly, Nathaniel was being pushed into a police car with Bartimeaus, who he had dragged along. "No! My nachos!" Nathaniel screeched.
"Uh! I can't believe you dragged me along on this so called "vacation"."
"Come on, Barty, it was your idea!"
"Barty? You've got to be kidding me! It was your stupidity (see Nathaniel's Stupidity) that got us into this mess!" Bartimeaus scowled. END FLASHBACK!
"Oh yeah!" Nathaniel said aloud. Then, all of a sudden, music filled the court room. It can't be, it is, SMILE! The judges/authors were dancing badly along to the music.
"Oh, sorry! We didn't know. We thought the case started at 10 o'clock!" said one of the judges.
"It is 10 o'clock!" said Bartimeaus.
"Well, come on," said the other. "You interrupted our funky time! That's what you get for being rude."
"Where are my nachos?" screams another judge.
Note that Nathaniel has nacho mouth. "What are you doing with my nachos?" said the judge, now furious and red-faced which happens when she gets angry. She lunges over the judges' podium and strangles Nathaniel. He is gasping for breath in vain.
"Calm down Debbie!" says the other author/judge.
"Shut up Lorenzo, or I'll strangle you next!" was the horrifyingly angry response.
"Okay, that's enough," says the last, nameless judge.
"NEVER!" yells Debbie.
"Yeah, stay out of this, tubby!" He pulls out a mysterious stick, and both are silenced and are thrown back into their seats with a flash of red light.
"Now, why am I here? I plead the 1 ½!" said Nathaniel.
"Come on Nathaniel, everyone knows it's the 28th!" said Judge Debbie.
"Debbie," Lorenzo said, "it's the 16th amendment!"
"You're both wrong!" said Bartimeaus. "It's defiantly the 5th! Are you sure you guys went to law school?"
"What's law school?" Debbie inquired. "Can you define that Mister?"
Bartimeaus said, "That explains a lot."
"I'm the only one who can use sarcasm in this courtroom, thank you very much!"
Then, the judges' crazed history teacher bursts through the windows with an axe in her hand. "IT'S THE 5TH YOU IDIOTS! I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS FROM MY TWO BEST STUDENTS! (Note the part where she said "best students" think, if we're her best students, everyone else must be… I don't even want to think about the others) AND TO THINK, A DJINNI HAS BETTER KNOWLEDGE OF U.S. HISTORY THEN MY OWN STUDENTS!"
"Well, duh. He's a djinni. He's supposed to be smart, even though he doesn't seem it" (Bartimeaus: Hey!)
"Still, Debbie, there is no 28th amendment. And Nathaniel, there's no 1 ½ amendment. Lorenzo, the 16th amendment is Income Tax. What does that have to do with courts?" said the teacher (who will remain unnamed for her own safety).
"Can we get on with this case?" said Bartimeaus.
"Fine, Mr. Touchy." said Lorenzo. "I hereby call this case of the State against Nathaniel and his djinni Bartimeaus to order!"
BAD CLIFFHANGER!
Hello everyone, just a note from the authors. If case you haven't noticed, I am writing this with my friend. And just for the record, Lorenzo and Debbie are fake names.(in case you didn't already guess) Jambalaya rules. REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!