"shit", that was all he could say. had just realized he had made possibly the biggest mistake of his life and all he could manage was a mild profanity . Maybe he really was as pathetic as his dad had told him he was, countless times.

Shit , a simple four letter word

But to him ,in this moment in time , it had three meanings .

To even begin to understand the strange thoughts and feelings in Blaine Anderson's head right now you have to backtrack about eight and a half months...

He was sitting in his room staring wide-eyed at his phone that was resting in his left words 'I need to be free to explore New York without being tied down .I hope you understand." Blaring at him from the screen of his iPhone .He did understand ,he really did but these were words that he never thought Kurt would say to him, never-mind text him. Kurt was supposed to be different ,Kurt was supposed to love him and to never let new york get betweeen there relationship .Kurt's graduation was this afternoon and he'd 'helped' Blaine pick an outfit and had said "strictly no bow ties" , but that was when they were dating and now they clearly weren't so that rule no longer applied to Blaine, even though he didn't attend the ceremony anyway, not even for all his other because Kurt would be there.

He'd recieved the text at ten am just before he was supposed to meet his 'boyfriend' for coffee and it was approaching eight pm .He still couldn't bring himself to reply , because that would make it real and making it real would make him cry and he wouldn't let himself cry. Rachel was coming round at quater to nine, probably to gush about the kiss she and finn had shared at graduation, well she'd said so on Friday and since her and kurt are BFFs that's probably not happening anymore.

He'd set his phone down on his bed and practically ran down the stairs of his three story house , this was one of the very few times he was glad his parents were never home. He grabbed a tub of ben&jerry's from the freezer and sat on the bottom of the stairs, after about a hour he finally willed himself to let the tears fall .He sat there crying and eating ice cream like a tween girl who fell out with her friend for nearly two hours when the doorbell rung. Oh no , not now, not when he was looking like sobbing child wearing a tracksuit . Yes blaine secretly owned a tracksuit , not a Sue Sylvester style one but a gray jersey tracksuit that he kept in a drawer marked "sports stuff" knowing that kurt's prying eyes would never look there. what if it was Kurt? what would he want? maybe to get back together? No if anything kurt would be there for the coat that he'd left there on Thursday. He then realised that that bell had rung twice more now , no one did that but Rachel , or Brittany (he knew the latter because she'd came to his house once under the intention to make out with him ,but that's a story for another time) .wait why would rachel want to see him ? Wasn't she supposed to be watching a romantic musical with kurt and finn or something, yea it wouldn't be her. He rubbed his hands through his hair, stood up ,took a gulp of air and opened the door to...

...A crying rachel?

To be honest he'd rather have had it been brittany babbling on about how lord tubbington is having an affair with the nieghbour's beagle, and he REALLY wouldn't enjoy that .He is really bad with tears, like terrible and when it's a girl doing the crying it breaks his heart a little and he was pretty sure right now his heart was broken enough and it wasn't just any girl .It was Rachel . He stared at her slack jawed for a while when he realized she was wearing a very reaveling red dress and was without her engagement ring, before she enveloped him in a tight , warm , meaningful hug.

"he was ..was...he...her...kiss...how...why , WHY HER?" , rachel's words didn't make much sense but he got the gist of it,Quinn Fabray was the implied problem , "shush , calm down , it'll be fine", he lied

He'd genually thought finn and her were a forever thing , but then again he thought kurt and him would never break up and boy was he wrong about that.

After they'd been hugging for quite a while rachel pulled back and muttered "i know about Kurt... that was sorta mean", then she sniffled and hugged him quickly once more before standing up and brushing her dress down. He nodded ,then frowned a little when a half-assed smile appeared on her face "i know your only a junior , but what do ya say we hit one of the many grad parties tonight and get hammered until we forget those jerks?", his face light up and he agreed instantly with her ,but still didn't think that kurt was a jerk , finn was but kurt wasn't. Yet.

It only took him ten to get changed into kurt's least favourite outfit and to put his hair the way kurt hated it and even less time for rachel to use his mom's makeup and borrow her shoes .

"we look hot!" , he giggled at Rachel's statement and told her she sounded like Santana and then they erupted into a fit of giggles.

The car journey was extremely short as they just went to the first party they saw , which happened to be at a cheerio's house as her semi-wealthy parents were off having affairs or something.

They ignored the greet and questions/statements like " where's the pillsbury dough-boy?", "Dude! you totally forgot ladyface!", and headed straight to the obviously spiked punch .The first hour or so was spent solely drinking the punch and bitching .Then they took shots..

The rest of that night was and still is a blur , but there are a couple of things he is sure happened - he made the first move 'cause rachel looked real cute leaning on that fridge' and he is nearly certain that it was her that dragged them up some stairs even if it was him to bring things to the next level ,unprotected .Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was going to regret this tomorrow but to be honest he didn't give a fuck...

Rpov

Rachels head was killing her , why was it so bright?

Wait!

why was it so bright!

she never left the curtains open, she shot up like a bullet. This wasn't Finn's bed , Finn's didn't look like that , she was pretty sure Puck didn't have curly hair and Jesse wasn't that short. What had she done last night? Then it hit her like a ton of metaphorical bricks ,she'd done Blaine last night , innuendo implied .