Hi! So I am completely broken over Allegiant, as most people are. But I am not unhappy with the ending. I think it's a breath of fresh air for an author to have the guts to do something realistic. Okay. I'll stop before I start ranting.

I've been writing this really really long one-shot all day because I can't get it out of my mind. In a way, this is a happy ending. I hope you like it. I may or may not have cried writing this. Okay fine I did. So, enjoy!

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy

I feel my mother's warm arms lift me up. I obey, and as I do I feel my body lose its weight. I feel light as air and I'm standing, hugging my mother.

She pulls away, her eyes shining with tears. "You did so well," she repeats.

I've always wanted one thing, especially after my parents' death. I wanted them to be proud of me. My eyes well up as I smile. I've made her proud.

"Beatrice!" I hear a voice screaming, hopeful and fearful at the same time. Caleb runs through the door and looks around frantically. His eyes rest at my feet and widen in horror.

I follow his eyes down and take a sharp intake of breath. I realize what he's looking at. My body.

Tears roll down his face in a steady stream. He's shaking his head and running to me, and all at once it's too much. I step away from my body and look away. It's odd, watching yourself. I'm lying on the ground, blood pooling beneath me. My eyes are closed and my lips parted. My chest doesn't move.

Caleb crumples to his knees and puts two fingers to my neck. He jerks it back when he feels nothing, and breaks.

Matthew comes in running, breathless.

"Caleb?" he asks in confusion, probably because he's not wearing the clean suit, and because he's alive.

His eyes shift to my body and his eyes widen as he takes small steps towards my body and Caleb.

"I thought... What happened?" he asks. His voice is numb, but he seems like he's about to faint. I never truly knew how Matthew perceived me, or how he felt about me as a friend. I have left more scars than I thought.

"She-," Caleb chokes and is reduced into heaving sobs. He reaches out, as if to touch me, but drops his hand and just puts his face in his hands.

"I want to hug her. I want to hug my baby sister one last time," he hiccups between tears, "But I don't deserve it." He reaches out again and this time, he takes my hand and cries into it. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't blame you if you don't forgive me. I don't think I can ever really forgive myself either, Beatrice," he admits, his tears falling on my body.

I feel a sliver of guilt. He has to live with it now. He wanted to go so he could leave all his guilt and wrongdoings behind. But now that I'm gone, my death just adds on to that list. I look away from the scene. When I turn, I see David in his wheelchair. He seems unconscious, and I feel a burning hatred inside me. I lived through the serum. I didn't die because of the serum. I died because someone shot me. To be precise, he shot me. But now he will never know what he did. He will never bear the guilt.

All of a sudden I feel suffocated and I walk away from the room. From my body, from my killer, from my crying brother, from my grieving friend. I think I'm walking aimlessly, but soon I know where I'm headed. I go to the room with the bronze plates with all our names.

I go to my name and touch the blank spot beside it. It could've been Tobias' name. It would've been, definitely. I feel anger and guilt and sadness and longing brewing inside me. I could've had children with him and we could've had our happy ending. But I don't cry. I don't know why. I can't cry.

I don't know how long I'm in there until I walk out and once again wander aimlessly. As I'm passing one of the corridors, I hear shouting.

"... what happened?"

Christina.

I sprint towards her voice, just in time to see her crumple to the ground in screaming sobs. Cara holds her tightly, as if she was trying to keep her together. But Christina is already broken. All she's doing is making sure those pieces stay in place and they don't spill out.

Part of me doesn't want to look away, because I know who my eyes will rest on if I do. Unable to resist, I look away. Like magnets, my eyes immediately find Tobias. He is standing still, so perfectly still I wonder if he's turned into a statue. His eyes are empty, unseeing. His expression is blank and slack. He doesn't seem to hear or see anything, and I immediately look away. Any kind of reaction would be welcome, but not this. Not emptiness. That is not Tobias. I put my face in my hands. What have I done?

After a while, I hear footsteps. They're going somewhere. I look up and follow them. Christina and Four stand next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, and I hope they will be there for each other in my absence. I know Tobias hates the Candor, but he seems to have softened for her over time. It's probably partly because she's my best friend, and so he's been around her a lot. Tears threaten to spill and I look up at the lights, hoping they will stop.

We open the door and I realize where we are. The morgue. My body rests on a table and I pause a moment, looking at myself. In death, all my worry has gone. I look peaceful, like I'm sleeping. I look at Tobias as he takes my hand and I know he's thinking the same thing. Don't, I think. Because I'm not waking up, and it's just going to hurt more.

After staring at my face for a while with a sliver of hope in his eyes, I see his face distort. He crumples down and starts screaming, tears pouring down his face. I sink to the ground and kneel across from him. I have never seen Tobias cry like this. I have never seen him in such pain. Not even in the Erudite Headquarters, when he was being tortured. I feel wet streaks on my cheeks and know that there is no use keeping the tears in. I reach out a hand to touch him, but I stop short, afraid. I don't know what I'm afraid of. That my hand will just go through him and I won't feel his warm skin ever again? That I can touch him and feel him but he won't even know? I retract my hand and hold it against my chest.

"No," I whisper. I stand up to my body and scream at her. "Wake up, you idiot! You're hurting people! You're hurting the ones you love most and all you're doing is lying down there!"

I pinch my skin so hard it hurts, hoping it will send me back. I'm surprised I can still feel pain. But I need it. I need to it to fill the space which is now full of guilt and regret and loss. There must be a way to go back. I turn around and see my mother through the blur of my tears. She looks at me sadly.

"Please, Mom," I plead. "I have to go back. They're suffering. I can't just watch this," I sob.

She hugs me tightly. "I know," she whispers to the top of my head. "I had to watch you, and the pain was almost unbearable. But I was glad I died the way I did. I saved you," she said, and I can feel her lips stretch to a smile on my head. "As I said, they will care for each other. Your friends were there for you, and ultimately you were there for Caleb. Humans will continue to love and help each other grow and get better. It's in our nature," she adds.

I pull away and see that her eyes are shining. "You know about Caleb then?"

She nods, her eyes softening into sadness. "But I believe that he knows his mistake. And you saw that too. Right before he went to sacrifice himself."

I start crying again, and I suck in a breath and wipe my cheeks with my sleeve hastily. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying so much. I'm not the one in pain anymore. I'm done. They have to keep going," I say, gesturing to the others in the room.

She gives me a sad smile. "That's not true. If you're not in pain, then why are you crying?"

I stare at her for a while. My mother, who had seen so much and been through so much in her life. My mother, who had trimmed my hair and told me that she loved me no matter what. Who had visited me in the Dauntlesss compound despite the memories it brought her. Who had died trying save me and protect me.

I nod and she takes my hand. Together, we walk out of the room. I don't look back, because it will just give me pain in knowing that even in my death I hurt those I love.

We walk out to the hallway and I stop, hesitant. I don't know what to do now.

"You could stay," my mother tells me. I turn to her.

"What?" I ask, breathless, even though I'm not tired.

"You could stay with your friends here, on Earth," she replies, her voice soft and comforting.

"Or...?"

She smiles a bit, almost nervously. "You can come with me."

"To where? Heaven?" I almost snort, but I'm too nervous. At this point, that's a huge possibility.

She just smiles at me.

"I can't possible go there. I've murdered people," I say, shaking my head.

"You saved hundreds of lives. You only murdered people in self-defense. Sometimes, doing so much good can right the wrong. Not everyone can be completely innocent, Beatrice," she says softly. "I've killed people, too," she adds so quietly I barely hear her. Of course, I remember. She killed that man in the fringe, and she killed people to save me from my death in the water tank.

"If I go with you," I start, choking on tears that have suddenly appeared, "Can I visit them here?"

"Yes," she replies after a moment of silence. "But not all the time."

I look back to where we came from. Suddenly, I'm desperate for Tobias, for Christina, for Caleb. I want to see their faces again. There's a hunger inside me that makes me want to stay and just be with them. I want to see them one last time. But I know that if I do, I will never go in the end. And I needed that closure.

I turn back to my mom and swallow. "I'll come with you," I say, my voice distant.

She reaches out a hand for me to take and guides me to a door, seemingly random. She opens it, and bright white light spills out, forcing me to cover my eyes. I keep walking forward, not letting go of my mother's hand. She stops.

"Open your eyes, Beatrice," she says softly.

I slowly force my suddenly heavy eyelids to open, allowing my eyes to see what's beyond.

It looks like home. It looks like the Abnegation sector. I widen my eyes before realizing that, no, it's not Abnegation. It's just one of the places that is home to me. My mother starts walking again, and I automatically go with her. We go into one of the houses and I see him. My father, still in the bloody clothes from when he died. He smiles and I run into his arms. I have learned so much about my father to have put aside all my bad opinions of him for a moment. We hug each other tightly, and when we pull away he whispers, "I'm so proud of you."

My heart swells in joy. I've done it. Both of my parents are proud of me. I saved the city and the people that I love, even though it meant hurting them. I look around, not knowing exactly what I'm looking for, but my father just says, "Go to your room. See what's there."

I go hesitantly, but when I open my bedroom door, the impossible happens. I am looking at the inside of the Dauntless compound. Someone nudges my back.

"It's okay, Beatrice. Go and be with your friends," my mother says softly. "You can visit us whenever you want and we'll be right here."

I hug both my parents again and feel overwhelming joy. I've done it, I've done it, I've done it. I am happy.

I walk through the door and as I enter the compound, two familiar faces greet me.

"Lynn! Marlene!" I screech.

We all hug each other so tightly I'm suffocating, but it's okay. My friends are here, and they will help me to wait for Tobias and Christina and Caleb and maybe even Matthew. I pull away.

"How'd you guys know I was coming?"

Lynn snorts. "Oh please, we knew you were gonna die young. Just didn't know when exactly."

I flinch a little and Marlene punches Lynn in the arm, hard.

"Your mother told us. I'm sorry, Tris," Marlene says, suddenly serious.

I don't want to talk about it and they don't ask questions, so we all walk down to the Pit.

"So…" I begin, "Who else is here?"

"A lot of people. You know, a lot of the Dauntless die young," Marlene replies, creasing her forehead in thought.

"I wonder why," Lynn comments, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, we saw Tori come in a few months ago," Marlene adds, ignoring Lynn's comment.

My head perks up. I have to tell her about Georgie. But first, I need to settle in.

"So… where do you guys stay?" I ask.

"We have our own apartments, obviously," Lynn points out.

"How are there enough apartments for everyone?" I ask again.

"I don't know," Marlene truthfully says, "But I think this place is like infinite or something."

"Yeah, probably," I mutter.

"You want some Dauntless cake?" Marlene asks.

"Nah," I reply. "I think I just want some sleep."

"Oh, you wanna stay with me for now? While you adjust?" Marlene offers kindly.

I shake my head no. "How do you know what apartment you're in?" I ask.

Marlene explains it to me. "We get keys in our pockets. Usually a person would get their old apartment back, but since we never got the chance…" she trails off.

"So, are you coming with us to our apartments?"

"No," I reply, a small smile dancing on my lips. "I know exactly where to go."

I walk along the familiar corridors of Dauntless. It feels like it's been years, decades since I've been here.

I see his door and dig into my pocket. I feel the cool metal of a key and I smile. I open the door and see everything just the way I had last seen it. Tobias' apartment, neat and full of him. In the way he arranges his items in the bathroom. The way the bed is made, tucked in the corners like an Abnegation's. I lie down on the bed and inhale the pillows, breathing in his scent. I smile and drift off to sleep.

I come back to Earth for my annual visit on what used to be Choosing Day. I wander around Chicago a bit to see how the world us going. It's only my third time visiting since I died, and things are already changing. I see people from the fringe living in our city. Here, it's almost like paradise. There are no factions, there are no genetic differentiation. Everyone is equal and everyone is happy. I walk to where Tobias' apartment is. I go inside and find Tobias standing with Evelyn. I learned to trust her, after I learned that she had given up the city for Tobias. I guess that mothers would rather lose everything than lose their children. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a mother. I thought I would be pregnant after my last night with Tobias, but then… things got complicated. I sigh and push a stray strand of hair away from my face.

They're talking, but I'm not listening. I'm looking at Tobias, trying to memorize every line of his face and the exact shade of blue his eyes are. I stare at him intently, enough to make anyone uncomfortable, but of course he can't see me. I take my time studying the way he holds himself and the way his expressions shift from one to the other.

I snap out of my daze when I see Evelyn take out something that glints in the sunlight. It's the sculpture that she gave him as a child, before she left him. She clutches it tightly to her. "I thought you might keep it here. I intended it for you, after all," she says, smiling a little.

Tobias smiles back and nods, but I can see that he wanted to say more.

"Well," Evelyn says, setting the blue sculpture on the table, "I want to take a walk and see the city. I'll see you later," she smiles at him and walks out the door.

Tobias stares after her and then turns his attention to an urn on sitting on a chair. It was silver and simple. I realize that it is me, or what is left of me and a stone drops in my stomach. Tobias sits on the couch, and I sit next to him. We both stare at the urn.

"I miss you," he whispers, his eyes shining. I reach out a hand to touch his arm. I found out in one of my visits that I can touch him, that my hand won't go straight through him. I am still something.

I touch his arm. He continues to stare at the urn before sucking in a deep breath, blinking away the tears. Suddenly, he looks down to where my hand touches his arm. I hold my breath. I cannot think. He can't see me, he can't possibly.

"I may be going crazy, but every year on Choosing Day, I can feel you, or hear you," he whispers. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. "One time it felt like someone was staring at me for too long," he chuckles.

He gives a rueful smile and shakes his head, before leaning back on the couch. "It's official, I'm going crazy."

I decide to take a risk and whisper right in his ear. "You're not going crazy."

He jerks his head to the side, looking directly into my eyes. It takes all that I have not to kiss him. That would be too painful. To kiss him and have him not knowing. We stay like that, staring at each other, even though I doubt he can see me.

"I know you're there. I hope you're happy," he says quietly. He reaches out his hand towards me and I get up, knowing that if he reached too far he would just go through me, and I cannot bear that. I kiss his forehead and his nose and his cheek, and he closes his eyes. "Yup," he mutters, "Definitely going crazy."

He opens his eyes and grabs the urn on the chair, and walks out the door. "Come on, Six. We're spreading your ashes."

I continue to visit, each year, watching him grow old. He never married anyone. Never even had another relationship. A pang of guilt hits me hard. He can't get over me. He can't let me go. At the same time, relief floods through me, with a bit of guilt for being so selfish.

I'm having cake -Dauntless cake, of course- in the cafeteria with Lynn, Marlene, Uriah, and Will. I met Will in my first week here, and though I nearly turned away in shame, he had opened his arms -quite literally- and embraced me. I had sobbed into his shoulder as he held me tight, whispering his forgiveness. He understands why I did it, and doesn't blame me. I never truly let go of the guilt, and I don't think I ever will. But his forgiveness is what matters, and our friendship matters most.

Uriah had come in a few days after I did, and we all embraced. He and Marlene were back together, obviously, but Lynn had changed. She was starting to let go of Marlene, and she was completely fine with it now. She even supported it. They got married, though I don't know what that really means here. I don't really see the point, considering they're dead. It's just a title, but it means a lot to them, and I understand. I had always wanted to marry Tobias, and I am still waiting for him. It's been 64 years now. I still miss him. I still see him every year, and sometimes he responds to what I do. He can't see me, but to him it's enough to hear a whisper or to feel an odd touch on his arm or face once a year.

We're eating cake and laughing, when my mother walks in calmly. I immediately stand up. When she comes here, something must be going on. Someone must need picking up. She sees my hopeful face and smiles. She gives me a small nod and I literally run to her, crushing her in my embrace, tears overflowing from my eyes.

We walk together towards a door, and she opens it for me. "You know what to do," she says, a wide smile on her face. Bright light spills out the door, and I walk through it without covering my eyes.

I am in a sterile hospital room. The room is full of people I know, standing by his bed. Christina, now with wrinkles and white hair, sits on a chair holding his hand. Zeke stands by Shauna with their grown children. I watched them growing up from my years and years of visits. There's Matthew with his wife and their children. Amar and George's adopted children are here. Amar had died last year, and George the year before that. Cara is also here with her husband and children. She is holding Tobias' other hand. Caleb is standing with Susan and their only child, Beatrice. I cried when I first found out her name. I had been visiting them when I heard Caleb call my name. I thought he was going crazy. Or that he might have seen me. But he was talking to his newborn baby girl. They've all grown old and happy, in the company of each other. I'm glad Tobias didn't have to go through his life all alone. He had people to guide him and help him.

Tobias, despite the wrinkles and receding hairline, still looks handsome. His dark blue eyes are still bright, with the patch of light blue in the left iris. His white hair actually brings out his eyes, in my opinion. He lies there, smiling at all of them. He doesn't look sad. He looks overjoyed.

"This is it," Christina says. "You're meeting her again. Tell her I love her and miss her. And tell Will… Tell him to wait for me. I'm almost there too," she adds wistfully. She lightly squeezes Tobias' hand as tears spill out. They had become near to best friends, sharing their grief and loss of their one love. Christina had never gotten married either. Yes, she tried dating other people. But they never worked out, and in the end, Christina realized that she wasn't over Will, and never would be.

I had held her tightly then, as she cried when she realized it. It was during one of my visits, and I know she didn't even know I held her, but I had to. I had promised her that she would never lose me, and I didn't intend to let death break that promise.

Tobias' eyes shift around the room to every living person he loves. Then his eyes fall on me, and I don't see surprise, I just see tears falling onto his pillow. "Tris," he whispers, his hand reaching out for me weakly. Without a thought, I go to him and hold it tightly, lacing my fingers in his. At first gesture seems old and rusty, but then it comes naturally, like a person who rides a bike after years and years of not touching one. He smiles and tears fall all over his face. I forget about the other people in the room and bend down to kiss him on the lips. He kisses me back with all his longing, all his pain, all his love. Even though he is on the verge of death, he is still strong and gentle at the same time.

"Um… Tobias?" asks a voice.

We break apart and I see Zeke, hovering by the bed worriedly.

Everyone looks awkward. I realize how it must've looked like to them, Tobias kissing thin air.

But Tobias just smiles tiredly. "She's here."

The others nod in understanding, and one by one, they say their goodbyes to Tobias and leave the room. Christina is last to leave.

She turns around at the last second and looks into the empty air. "I miss you, Tris," she says, the tears that have been teetering finally falling down. She starts sobbing and I go to her to embrace her. She stiffens. "Tris?" she whispers.

I back up and smile at her. She smiles, her whole face brightening, and walks out.

"We're finally alone," Tobias jokes.

"Yeah, why is it that we never get to be alone," I reply, remembering how there were always other people present in the room during some of our intimate moments.

"You've been so, so brave," I whisper. He scoots to the edge of the bed and I get into the small bed, squished against him.

"I really missed you," he whispers again.

"I visit every year, you know," I smile.

"So I'm not crazy after all!" he hoarsely whispers, before coughing violently.

It's close.

"Are you ready?"

He smiles at me. "I've been ready for a long time now."

I hug him and our bodies are pressed together. We don't kiss, we just stay like that, clinging to each other.

"Did you... did you find anyone else up there?" he asks, nervous. His harsh breaths ruffle the top of my head.

"Of course not. I wouldn't. I couldn't. It's always been you. You and me," I whisper softly.

"But... I'm old now," he tells me quietly. "And you still look 16."

"You're an idiot, Tobias. Do you really think it matters to me how old you look?" I ask him. I can feel him smiling, letting go of the last of his worries.

"I love you," he whispers with what seems to be all his remaining energy.

"I love you too," I reply, looking up at him.

He closes his eyes with a smile on his lips.

Thank you for reading! I kept re-writing this because I had so many ideas of what Heaven for Tris would be like. Of course, I'm pretty sure it might be a bit disappointing for some of you but... yeah. I did my best. I also really needed a happy ending for closure. I don't know, I'm weird like that. But writing this helped me feel better. I hope you enjoyed it!

Oh and the thing about 64 years... 6 and 4, get it? sorry. i had to.

Oh and don't forget to leave a review, (if you want to, of course)! It means a lot to me :)