I decided to write this piece after listening to Glee's version of The Scientist about a million times. This is a piece about Aria and Ezra deciding what to do when they find out about Malcom. I don't really address Maggie and Aria's interactions in this story, so let's just assume Aria didn't contact her or know she had a son before Ezra knew. Also, I know this is super angsty, but I figured might as well go for it. As for timing, present time is in normal font, the song is in bold, and the night before is in italics.
I might write an epilogue if I get a bunch of reviews. But, for now, this is a one-shot. Enjoy and as always, review!
Aria is sitting on her bed, surrounded by piles of blankets mindlessly staring out the window. Tears threaten to fall. Today, all she has been able to is cry. She carefully places her ipod earbuds in and presses play. The Scientist by Coldplay comes on and a fresh batch of tears begin to fall once again. The lyrics hold a special meaning to hear, speaking straight to her broken heart. How could they apply to her so perfectly?
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
She closes her eyes and remembers the heart-wrenching events of last evening, desperately searching for any connection with him. Even if it was difficult, painful, at least it was something.
Aria opened the door to 3b and heard the shower turning off. She dropped off her bags on the chair in the living room and made her way to sit on the bed, a force of habit when Ezra wasn't around. Today had been a long day and she knew it wasn't even close to being over. After school, Aria had received a cryptic call from Ezra asking her to come by the apartment that night, that he needed to talk to her.
"Hey," Ezra greeted her as he walked out of the bathroom wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and towel drying his hair, "I didn't expect you to be here quite yet."
"You said you wanted to talk and that isn't usually a good thing, so I figured the earlier the better..." Aria rambled as she picked some lint off of the bed, obviously avoiding Ezra's gaze.
Not quite sure how to respond to Aria's obvious nerves, Ezra tossed his towel in the hamper, pulled an old Hollis t-shirt on and claimed a seat next to Aria on the bed. He gently raised his hand to cup her face, tilting it up to meet his in a gentle kiss. "It's not what you think, well, not really I'm guessing," he stuttered as he kept Aria's face carefully cradled in his hand. "I'm glad you're here," he finished with a reassuring smile.
"Ezra, please, please just tell me what's going on, you're scaring me," Aria spoke with a hint of desperation of in her voice.
Ezra looked away once more, trying to figure out the best way to break it to her. He had a son, Malcom, and he knew deep down that it would change everything. With tears welling in his eyes and a slight smile on his face, he looked to Aria and simply said, "I have a son".
And there it was. The words Aria was fearing the most.
"Maggie called me back, asked me to talk and she told me about Malcom. Malcom, that's his name," Ezra said while shaking his head in disbelief. He still couldn't believe that he actually had a son.
"You're sure he's yours?" was all Aria could respond, silent tears flooding her eyes as she tried desperately to hold them back. If they started now, she wasn't sure they would stop.
"Yeah, I am. I mean, he looks just like me when I was a kid. It's actually kind of scary..." Ezra chuckled lightly at that last confession.
"Wow. You have a son. That's ... amazing," Aria spoke softly, struggling as every word left her mouth. A watery smile over took her face as she started to tremble, knowing what this all meant.
At the sight of his girlfriend falling apart, Ezra didn't know what he should do. Should he comfort her, would that make it worse? "I'm so sorry, Aria," was all Ezra could muster as he stared off into space.
Their world had come crashing down around him, the world that was just Aria and Ezra despite all the obstacles that had stood in front of them.
As the song finishes, Aria quickly puts it on repeat. The always emotional voice of Chris Martin begins to serenade her again, pulling her back into her daydream of the last night's events.
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
"We should talk about this, Aria" Ezra spoke softly, not wanting to upset her even more, treating her as if she were as fragile as glass.
"There's nothing to say, Ezra" Aria replied immediately, taking a deep breath before she went on. "You have a child, a son, and I... I can't compete with that. You need to focus on him and you know that," she continued, the pain evident in her voice. With unwavering conviction, she spoke again "Tell me I'm wrong, tell me we could figure out us, you and me and Malcom at the same time."
She had hoped that maybe Ezra would be able to come up with an answer, a way they could be together and Ezra could be the father Malcom needed at the same time. Instead, Ezra remained silent and moved to pull Aria into his arms. "But I love you" he whispered into her ear so softly that she almost didn't hear it.
"I know," Aria said, grasping at his arms to hold her tighter, "I love you to. And that's ... that's why I have to let you go."
"We've fought so hard for this, us. It's not fair, we've been through too much already" Ezra responded desperate to find some way to keep them together. He wanted so badly for the past year he spent fighting for his love of this beautiful woman to have worked.
Aria readjusted her position in Ezra's arms so that she might look into his eyes to convince him what he knew deep down, that this was the right thing to do. "Look at me," she said, moving his face so their eyes were locked on each other. " You have Malcom now. You need to figure out what that means to who, how it changes who you are. Being his father could change who you are, and you have to let it. For Malcom and for yourself. Maybe..." she faltered, wondering if she should say what she was about to say," maybe we'll meet again when we're older. Who knows? But for now, this is the way it has to be."
At this moment, Ezra closed the short distance between them to kiss Aria with all of the passion he could muster. After a minute, they parted, both gasping for air. "God, is this some big cosmic joke or something?" he questioned jokingly. "I mean how can something so right not work out? Who knew being your teacher wouldn't be our biggest problem?" he continued, laughing slightly at the irony of it all.
"Did you ever think it could be this hard to love someone?" Aria spoke, the sound of her heart breaking louder than the actual words.
"It's not the love that's so difficult, it's the circumstances surrounding it. Loving you has been the easiest, least complicated part of my life. Loving you is like breathing... I don't even have to try, I just do," he finished as a silence fell over both of them.
They just laid there for minutes, hours, neither of them knew how long exactly. Wrapped up in each other's arms, trying to find some sense of solace in each other's arms. Aria moved to get up, she thought it was time to let go. The longer she waited, the harder it would be to leave Ezra Fitz in the past.
"No, wait" Ezra broke the silence as his reached up to grab Aria's arm, "can we just have tonight? Please, I need to hold you in my arms for one last night." He was broken. Completely and utterly broken as was obvious by his red eyes, disheveled hair and overall weakened state, Aria couldn't say no to him now.
"Okay," she said. That was it, she laid down with him and they just held each other, both unwilling to let go.
In the morning light, Aria gently removed herself from Ezra's sleeping form to pick up her clothes that were strewn across the room. Sometime last night, Aria and Ezra took comfort in each other for the last time. It was tragic, passionate and everything they needed to say goodbye. After dressing, Aria quickly scribbled a note and left it in a place she new Ezra would immediately find it once he awoke: his old typewriter. As she moved to close the door behind her, she took one last look at the apartment that had become her second home in the past year and at the man she knew she would always love.
Later that morning, Ezra shifted, and reached out for Aria only to find cold sheets beside him. Wincing at the light peeking through the window shades, Ezra opened his eyes to find that Aria was gone. She was gone for good. He slowly arose from the bed and made his way over to the old typewriter where Aria always left notes for him. Sure enough, there was one last note from her. Only two words appeared on the page, but they cut Ezra Like a thousand knives:
Goodbye, Ezra.
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
As the memories of last night and early this morning faded with the ending of the song, Aria heard a shuffling outside of her closed door.
"Aria?" her mother called out. "Aria, come on, open your door, I'm worried about you." When she was met with nothing but silence, Ella unlocked the door and entered to find her daughter silently weeping on her bed, grasping the blankets as if they were her lifeline. As she got closer, Ella carefully removed the earbuds from Aria's ears and sat down softly beside her. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" she posed, trying to get an explanation for why her daughter was so upset.
"We're done," was all Aria could manage to get out between the silent sobs.
"What? Honey, what are you talking about?" Ella questioned as she brushed some hair out of Aria's face in a comforting manner.
Aria responded so quietly that Ella almost didn't hear her, "He has a kid. Ezra has a son, Mom."
Stunned by Aria's confession, Ella remained silent. How was she supposed to respond to that? What was really going on? While she still had so many questions, it was obvious that Aria was in no shape to answer them. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked, concerned for her daughter's well being. Clearly she was distraught and in pain. Ultimately, she knew that there was nothing she could do, she wasn't Ezra. But, she asked anyway, hoping there would be something.
"No," Aria whispered as she turned to face the wall surrounding herself with more blankets. But no matter how many blankets she covered herself with she couldn't escape the coldness she felt inside. Without Ezra's arms wrapped around her and his body flush to hers, the coldness inside was overwhelming. Moving on and letting go would come eventually, but not today. No, today she was going to lose herself in her memories, trying to keep Ezra as close as possible. So, she put her headphones in, pressed play and tried to remember everything that was she and Ezra's love.
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
