Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order SVU…sadly (pouty face).
Kathy Stabler sat in the back pew, the church eerily silent as she bowed her head in supplication. "What do I do Lord?" A single tear slid down the woman's face and hastily she swiped it away. Kathy was the wife of a cop, she knew how to hide her emotions well when the occasion called for it.
"Kathy is that you?" A low voice spoke from behind her. Startled, Kathy turned in the pew to see the parish priest, Father Xavier, standing and looking over her shoulder with concern on his face. "What seems to be the matter?"
"It's nothing Father," Kathy shook her head, causing a few strands of blonde hair to escape from her messy bun. "I just needed some air and I seemed to have found myself here."
"Well," Father Xavier hesitated, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. "People often search for God when facing a moment of crisis."
The kindly voice, paired with years of suffering silently during her marriage and the image of Elliot's cold dark eyes as he left the house caused Kathy to choke out a sob. Burying her face in her hands she sobbed loudly, not caring who saw or heard because for once she didn't care what others thought, her heart was breaking and life falling apart and the only thing she could do was cry.
"Kathy," Father Xavier's voice pierced through her harsh tears. "Please tell me what's going on. I'm here to help." She felt him sit next to her in the pew and she wished with all her heart it was Elliot instead, coming to apologize for his appalling behavior.
"I'm lost Father, I'm not sure what to do anymore," she managed to say in between her sobs.
"We're all a little lost Kathy, that's why we have each other and God to help us find our path. How can I help you find your path Kathy? Is it Elliot?"
Kathy struggled to put herself together, wiping away the tears and pushing the stray hair behind her ear. "Elliot wouldn't like me talking to you about this Father. He wouldn't like me airing our dirty laundry."
"Yes that sounds like Ellliot," Father Xavier chuckled softly. "He is very private about his home life."
"It's not just his home life he's private about," Kathy stated after a moment of silence. Focusing on her purse in her lap, she began to fiddle with the strap, doing anything besides looking at her priest.
"Elliot is a cop, it must be very hard for you with his hours and the cases he is on."
Kathy let out a harsh laugh, "the hours aren't the issue. Don't get me wrong, I wish he could work a normal nine to five job, but that's not Elliot. I knew when I first met him, he was a protective kind of man. He was a marine and then the next logical step was cop. He loves what he does, the only thing is…he doesn't share any of that with me."
Father Xavier took a moment and let out a loud sigh. "Then maybe it's Elliot who has a hard time dealing with the hours and the cases he's working."
"I know he works brutal cases Father, I'm proud of what he does. He protects women and gets evil men off the street. I know it's cliché, but he really is doing this for his kids and the kids of everyone else, he wants to make this world a safer place for them. I just wish he could talk to me about it."
"Does he say anything about his work?"
"Nothing, we've had a long standing rule that I don't ask and he doesn't tell. It's just, I don't know if I can do that anymore. And that may not be fair to him, I know, but I can't take the silence anymore."
"Have you talked to each other about it? The possibility of opening up more communication between the two of you?"
"That's why I'm here," Kathy snorted in derision. "I told him that I would like to talk about his day, I want to be a part of his life. He blew me off at first but I kept bugging him, and in hindsight I realized I shouldn't have done that but I'm tired of being shoved to the side. He thinks he can put his life into little compartments and expect them not to overflow."
"What happened when you kept questioning him?"
Kathy bit her lip and looked up at the massive cross hanging from the ceiling, Jesus' body nailed to the wood. "I thought…" she took a moment to take in a deep breath and continue with her sentence, even though it felt as if she were cruelly betraying him even by thinking the words. "…I thought he was going to hit me."
"Kathy, I know Elliot is often angry but…"
"I know," Kathy put a hand up and she shook her head sadly. "It kills me that I even thought it, it would crush him if he even thought for a moment I was afraid of him. He knows about my background with my father and vowed he would never be like that and I believed him then and I still do know. It's only that he's so angry now and he bottles it up. I feel he's going to blow up at any moment and it's me and the kids who will be hurt."
"Have you tried counseling?" Father Xavier said after a moment of contemplation.
"Yes, but it's hard to keep an appointment when he's called away on an assignment."
"Have you prayed about it?"
"That's why I'm here," Kathy threw up her hands in exasperation.
"You know Kathy," Father Xavier spoke with a bit of humor in his voice. "God hears you just as well at home. You don't need to be in church before he can hear your prayers."
Kathy's shoulders sagged, "then I'm afraid I'm not a very good Catholic."
"It's not about being a good Catholic, it's about loving God with all your heart and believing that He can help you through any situation. Do you believe that?"
"I…" Kathy looked around helplessly, searching for answers on the walls of the small church. "I believe that God helps those who help themselves."
"Kathy, and understand I say this in love and respect but…that line is the biggest pile of crap that ever swept through Christianity."
"Father," Kathy hissed appalled at his statement.
"Hear me out," the older man patted her hand quickly. "That statement is simply saying that we as humans can do everything ourselves, we can save ourselves, get ourselves into heaven on our own good works, and we say it out of pride. We are all sinners and all fall short of the glory of God, if it weren't for His grace and for the death of Jesus Christ we'd all be lost and without a way home. God is interested in your life Kathy, all you need to do is ask for His guidance."
"Does it work," Kathy asked hesitantly.
"That's the thing about prayer, we always get an answer, but it may not be the answer you want."
"So I may need to leave Elliot," Kathy said with sorrow in her voice.
"That's not the thing you fear most Kathy," Father Xavier spoke softly as he stood, his knees cracked loudly through the quiet building. "The hardest thing is not to leave him but to stay. God will never give you an answer that goes against his Word. He doesn't want you to leave Elliot, He wants you to work things out."
"But Elliot doesn't want to work things out," Kathy spoke in frustration, climbing to her feet as well to stand next to the priest.
"Is that really what he thinks or are you projecting your concerns onto him?"
"I don't know what he thinks Father, he doesn't talk to me."
"Kathy, the only thing you can do is become the wife He intended for you to be. Help Elliot see that you can handle the work he does, that you won't shy away from the gruesome assignments, that you're there to comfort him in his need."
"I try," Kathy said in exasperation. "I tell him that I want to know, that I can handle it but he blows me off every time. I don't know what to say to him."
"Ask God for help, He will save your marriage as long as you let Him. And when you talk to Elliot, don't let anger dictate your words, speak out of love not frustration, and when you sense he's becoming angry pull back and save the conversation for another time. You may not change his mind in one day, but you can change his heart over time."
Nodding her head, Kathy dug for her car keys and smiled up at the priest. "Thank you Father, you've given me a lot to think about and I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me."
"Of course Kathy, it's in my job description," he spoke with a wry grin.
"I better get back to my kids; they're going to be wondering how long it takes for me to grab a pizza."
"I'll see you on church Sunday?" Father Xavier asked as he walked her out.
"Yes," Kathy spoke after a moment of silence, "me and the kids will be there."
"Great, I look forward to it. I have a great homily written, if I don't say so myself," he responded with a short laugh.
"Thanks Father," Kathy imparted a last look before leaving the church. As she walked to her car, she realized she was at peace for the first time in a long time. She drove home with a smile on her face and it didn't even faze her when she realized she forgot the pizza and had to turn right back around.
Walking through the door Kathy barely had time to put the pizza down before her children pounced on the food like ravenous wolves after a juicy rabbit. With a small smile, Kathy hung up her coat and put her keys in the bowl and saw with a start that Elliot's keys were there already, he came back home.
"Where's your father?"
Maureen barely looked up as she grabbed for a second piece of pizza, "he's in the bedroom, I think he already ate."
"I'll be back out, save me a piece would you," Kathy eyed her kids and accepted the fact she would be having a sandwich for dinner. Stopping in front of their bedroom door, Kathy took in a deep breath, worry clinging to her like a second skin. Lord, I know it's been a long time since I prayed but I ask that you help me right now. Please help me save my marriage. With a shaky hand, Kathy opened the door and was pleased to see Elliot sleeping on the bed. It was so rare for him to find a moment of peace and relaxation.
Quietly, Kathy tiptoed into the room and gently sat on the edge of the bed, content to merely look at him as he slept. He really was a very handsome man, and it was amazing that after twenty years of marriage he could still take her breath away. She felt his body stiffen suddenly and knew the peaceful moment would quickly evaporate.
"Kathy," Elliot struggled to an upright position, wiping the sleep from his eye. "When did you get back home?"
"Just a minute ago, the kids are eating dinner," Kathy said with a small smile.
"About earlier Kath, I shouldn't have walked out but…"
"Don't worry about it Elliot, I shouldn't have pushed you so hard," Kathy shook her head and placed a comforting hand on his leg. "But I would like to talk to you, only for a minute, just to get some things off my chest."
"Uh…okay," Elliot looked at her with worry, doubt flickering through his eyes as he threw his legs over the edge of the bed to sit next to her.
Kathy looked straight at him and captured his face gently in between her hands. "Elliot, I love you more than you can possibly know. We have four beautiful children and I am so thankful of that every day."
"Don't do this Kathy," Elliot warned, closing his eyes to hide his pain. He held her hands closer to his face. "Please don't leave."
"That's just the thing," Kathy said with a smile, feeling a sense of calm enter her body. "I'm not leaving you; I'm never going to leave you Elliot. I took my vows seriously and I will stand by you through thick and thin. But I need you to open up to me. You are my husband and we are meant to share our lives with one another, I can't help you if you don't talk to me. I'm not asking you to tell me everything, because quite frankly I don't want to know everything, but I do want you to share your feelings with me. It doesn't have to happen all at once, we can start out small. Tell me one thing that happened at work and I'll feel like I'm actually a part of your life, then when you get comfortable share a little more with me, until you're not bottling up your anger anymore. Do you think you can do that?"
"I'm not going to lie to you Kathy," Elliot said after a moment. "It's going to be hard for me to do that because I'm so used to keeping my work separate from my home life, but I can make an effort."
"That's all I'm asking right now," Kathy said with a small smile. "I want us to be a family and I'll do anything it takes to keep us together."
"God I love you," Elliot said in a husky voice.
"God loves you too," Kathy said with a small giggle.
"That's not what I meant," Elliot said with a quirk of his eyebrow as he stood up and took a few steps to lock the bedroom door.
"I know what you meant," Kathy spoke softly as she looked up at her husband with bated breath. "The kids are waiting for us, I brought pizza."
"We can order another pizza later," Elliot responded as he stalked slowly towards her, sending chills of excitement up her spine.
"Sounds good to me," Kathy said with another giggle as Elliot jumped onto the bed pinning her to the mattress.
"I love you so much," Elliot whispered as he tenderly stroked her cheek.
"I love you too," Kathy smiled up at the man she married. Before he leaned down to kiss her, she closed her eyes and thanked God for saving her marriage.
So, this is a one-shot…for now. I have other ideas to continue this story but I'm working on two other stories right now. If I get enough interest in the story I'll try to eke out a few more chapters, but for now I need to focus on my other Works in Progress.
This story came to me as I was watching SVU and wondering how Kathy deals with Elliot's anger. I thought of the best way they could save their marriage and had to write it down. Hope you enjoy! Please review as it makes me all happy and I even do a special review dance!