A/N: My quote section on my bio was too long, so I put them here! I didn't come up with these, nor do I claim to. If you have any good ones I missed, tell me! This is a 2 am concoction, and I was just doing stuff off the top of my head or off the internet, so BEWWARE!! Also, I will add quotes at random times, so yeah.
Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? - Mike (the vile one does have his moments)
How opposed are you to grand theft auto? - Alice Cullen
Bring on the shackles; I am your prisoner - Edward Cullen
Of all the things that could frighten you, you worry about my driving? - Edward Cullen
I've decided that if I'm going to Hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. - Edward Cullenf
Nothing more fun than an irritable grizzly. - Bella Swan
And you're worried, not because you are headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct? - Edward Cullen
Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand... - Edward Cullen
I hear voices in my heard and you're worried you're the freak? - Edward Cullen
Do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk? - Bella Swan
You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you and you think it's a joke. - Edward Cullen
Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk. - Edward Cullen
I'm dead, right? I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is going to kill Charlie. - Bella Swan
Here's the thing… I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. - Bella Swan
I wasn't interesting. And he was. Interesting...and brilliant...and mysterious...and perfect...and beautiful...and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand. - Bella Swan, thought
In what strange parallel dimension would I ever have gone to prom of my own free will? - Bella Swan
This was
the time of day when I wished I were able to sleep.
High
School.
Or was purgatory the right word? If there was any
way to atone for my sins, this ought to count toward the tally in
some measure. The tedium was not something I grew used to; every day
seemed more impossibly monotonous than the last.
I suppose this
was my form of sleep - if sleep was defined as the inert state
between active periods. - Edward Cullen, thoughts (the as of yet
unreleased Midnight sun)
Amazing. How can someone so tiny be so annoying? - Edward Cullen
What am I going to do with you? Yesterday I kissed you and you attacked me, today you faint! - Edward Cullen
I may not be human but I am still a man. - Edward Cullen
We're a bit sensitive to blood around here. I'm sure you can understand that. - Bella Swan
It's an off day when I don't get someone telling me how edible I smell. - Bella Swan
No Emmett, I punched a werewolf in the face. - Bella Swan
Oh yes because a vampire sleepover is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior. - Bella Swan
Angry grizzlies are going to look tame compared to what's waiting for you at home. - Bella Swan (Thank you to lizz-cullen for correcting me!)
Just Bella and Jacob, none of those freaky Virgos here. - Jacob Black
I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. - Bella Swan
Penguins. Lovely. - Edward Cullen
I have been tortured. Alice painted my toenails. - Bella Swan
But Jacob?
Jacob, who was just Jacob, and nothing more than that? Jacob, my
friend? Jacob, the only human I'd ever been able to relate to...
And
he wasn't even human.
I fought the urge to scream again.
What
did this say about me?
I knew the answer to that one. It said that
there was something deeply wrong with me. Why else would my life be
filled with characters from horror movies? Why else would I care so
much about them that it would tear big chunks right out of my chest
when they went off along their mythical ways? - Bella Swan
In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police. - Bella Swan
It's a good thing you're bullet-proof. - Bella Swan
I'll give you passion. Murder, the ultimate crime of passion. - Bella Swan
Why did you stab him? Not that I object. - Edward Cullen
I don't seem strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your way…whether it kills you or not. - Edward Cullen
This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather — have some respect - Bella Swan
Breakfast time. - Edward Cullen
You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you? - Bella Swan
If we bottled your luck, we'd have a weapon on mass destruction on our hands. - Edward Cullen
Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner - Bella Swan
This looks like a horror movie waiting to happen. - Bella Swan
You don't get a lot of suicidal vampires. - Alice (not funny or cute, but still, I like the quote for some reason)
They send you out for one and you come back with two…and a half. Nice work. - Alec
I prefer brunettes - Edward Cullen
But if you ever bring her back damaged again - and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head - if you return her to me in less that perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that mongrel? - Edward Cullen
I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember? - Edward Cullen
That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. - Jessica Stanly
It sounded as if you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share. - Alice Cullen
Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over? - Edward Cullen (thank you to Gryffindor'sSlytherinPrincess for the correction!)
Maybe…if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love…well, no, not even then. - Jacob Black
Damn it Bella! You'll be the death of me, I swear. - Edward Cullen
You don't irritate the Volturri. Not unless you want to die, or whatever it is we do. - Edward Cullen
And speaking of Italy and sports cars that I stole there, you still owe me a yellow Porche. - Alice Cullen
But...the...you...I...insane! - Bella Swan
You know, I never had a dog. - Bella Swan
"Was that you we heard, Edward?" "It sounded like a bear choking" - Esme and Emmett Cullen, respectively.
I never thought I needed to teach you how to throw a punch. Guess I was wrong about that. - Charlie Swan
I'm really glad Edward didn't kill you. Everything's so much more fun with you around. - Emmett Cullen
Well, that just sucks! I guess I'm stuck with Mike Newton after all! - Bella Swan
Would you please tell me what you're thinking? Before I go mad. - Edward Cullen
It's hard to tell what a fish is thinking. - Bella Swan
She's got an awful lot of hair. - Rosalie Hale (OUTTAKE)
Will you show up on the film? - Bella Swan
I'm not high. - Bella Swan (OUTTAKE)
In another house, the fact that someone besides myself was cooking would not be a cause for panic. - Bella Swan (thoughts)
As I sped back to Forks doing ninety, I wasn't sure where I was going. To say goodbye to my father? Or to embrace the monster inside me? - Edward Cullen (Midnight Sun teaser)
Do you mind washing your hair? You absolutely reek of werewolf. - Edward Cullen (OUTTAKE) (thank you to tHe GirL wItH tOpAz EyEs for this one!)
Dad, don't you have a baseball bat somewhere in your room? I want to borrow it for a minute. - Bella Swan (thank you to the anonymous reviewer sheisme23 for this one!)
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." "What a stupid lamb." "What a sick, masochistic lion." - Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, then Edward Cullen again. (Sorry! I forgot all about this one! I am so silly at times. Thank you to skybee119 for reminding me!)
Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love. - Edward Cullen (Thank you to Amzie4 for this one!)
This hostage stuff is fun! - Alice Cullen (thank you to crazyobsessedtwilightfan for this one!)
There's something strange about the way you two are together... the way he watches you- it's so... protective. Like he's about to throw himself in front of a bullet to save you or something - Renee Dwyer (Thank you to crazyobsessedtwilightfan for this one too!)
"And Jasper making you fell all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that." - Bella Swan
"Ready?" "Not even a little bit - let's go." Edward Cullen, Bella Swan.
"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually." "You really shouldn't have said that." "You wouldn't." - Bella Swan, Edward Cullen
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a wound. It passes unevenly in strange lurches and dragging lulls. But pass it does. Even for me. - Bella Swan (Streaming Radiant Fire)
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." - Edward Cullen, New Moon. (Thanks to mRs-cuLLeNxxx for this!)
Body armor. Four thousand pounds of body armor. And missile-proof glass? Nice. What had happened to good old-fashioned bullet-proof? - Bella Swan()
Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you? - Bella Swan()
I wondered – would a bullet through my temple actually kill me or just leave a really big mess for me to clean up? - Jacob Black()
You know, Jake, maybe you should think about getting a life.--Quil Ateara()
Maybe he should have thought about all this before he knocked her up with the life-sucking monster - Jacob Black()
YOU NAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER?! - Bella Swan()(All the quotes with a are from Popo-xXxILoveEdwardxXx)