AN: This is my first fanfic. Well, the first one I finished, anyway.
I know quite a few people who think XR may have deep feelings for Mira; that he isn't just being, well, himself when he flirts with her. But many also think she could never like him back. I thought so too - until I saw "42." It seemed to me Mira was acting very strange. And once I started noticing strange behavior, I couldn't stop. This is my explanation for it. Granted, I took a few liberties and added some strange behavior where there was none, but most of it is pulled directly from the episode. (I'd like to think this wasn't all coincidence - I want to give the writers a little more credit than that.)
I feel I should also explain the title - I named it after the repitition device I used in this story. (I seem to like those...) It just seemed appropriate...
This fic is dedicated to HeleMeleNoLiloLover (aka Kila); not only did she call it amazing, it was her contest that got me to write it in the first place. Much mahalo!
Hope you enjoy!
Love.
He'd said love.
XR, the galaxy's most eligible robot, actually said he loved another being.
It was strange. XR drooled over every pretty face that crossed his path. He used every lame pick-up line in the book. He made countless passes. He even flirted with her on occasion. But she had just chalked it up to a desperate need for attention and acceptance. At best. Perversion at worst.
But he'd said he loved 42. 42, who apparently had no body. No body for him to drool over. Love was a strong word, full of implications and obligations. And he'd said it with the utmost sincerity. He meant it.
It was strange for her to hear him say it. Strange to think he would actually allow himself to be so attached to another. Strange to discover that he thought past the idea of mere attraction to something so deep. She had never heard him say he loved someone.
Not even her.
It was strange, that was all. It was different; nothing more. She had never heard it before; that was why it had surprised her. Why it had made her feel so uneasy. Why she had whirled around in her seat and stared at him in disbelief. It was strange, that was all.
She tried to convince herself of that as XR left the room.
XR had gone A-WOL. He had stolen 42.
He was serious.
He was convinced she did exist. He was willing to go to extreme measures to see that no harm came to her.
He loved her.
Mira couldn't explain why her hands shook and her stomach churned.
She was just worried about XR. He was alone in space. Who knew what kind of damage he could do unsupervised. She was just worried. That was all.
She tried to convince herself of that as she boarded 5.5.
Mira sighed as the handset snapped off the control panel.
Perfect. So much for contacting him by radio.
She had been hoping the radio would work. She wanted to reach him as soon as possible, to hear that he was okay. She wanted to know what he was doing.
What he and 42 were doing.
Her imagination had a field day.
She tried to think of something else.
She had no idea why she'd said it. She usually wasn't one to taunt. She wasn't one to point out a person's flaws and use them so blatantly against them.
But when XR had called for a group hug, the words had just slipped out.
So, what're you gonna do now, huh?
She saw the look on 42's face when she'd said it. 42 was shocked. Hurt. It had never mattered to her that she didn't have a body.
It had never mattered to XR.
XR, the mocking over-dramatic. XR, the shameless flirt. XR, who was happier than he'd ever been, who wanted to share that happiness with his closest friends, who was feeling so much "love" he had actually used the words "group hug," had never cared that 42 didn't have a body.
So why should she?
Because it meant that 42 couldn't hug XR. She couldn't hold him. She couldn't touch him… like Mira was doing now. Like she had been ever since their defeat of the Valkyrians, she suddenly realized, as she looked down to see her hand planted firmly on his shoulder.
She felt the blood drain from her face. She jerked her hand away as if she'd just been burned.
She was just glad to have XR back, that was all. She was glad he was safe. She was happy to see him. Nothing more.
She tried to convince herself of that as 42 set course for Star Command.
XR was getting on her last nerve. He hadn't stopped pacing since 42 had gone into "surgery."
And it was driving her crazy.
That constant back and forth, back and forth, the cliché of the whole idea, the annoying whir of his treads…
…the concern etched into his face…
She sat up with a jolt and snatched XR in mid-pace.
Stop pacing, XR, you're stressing me out!
Normally XR would have some snappy comeback. Some cynical counterpoint.
But the robot was silent. He slumped into the chair next to Mira and began twiddling his thumbs. She glared at him. He was testing her sanity with that thumb-twiddling.
That stupid back and forth, back and forth, the aggravating buzz of his circuits, the worry so apparent in his features…
He hopped out of the chair and resumed pacing.
She glowered at his back, feeling guilt constrict her chest as she did so. Why was she so mad? Why did XR's concern bother her so much? She should have been happy that XR was so worried. She should have been happy that he cared so much. She should have been happy that he wasn't making inappropriate, sarcastic witticisms, that he was finally treating such a serious situation with the gravity it deserved.
But she wasn't. What was she feeling?
Nerves. That was all. She was worried about 42 as well. Not as worried as XR, granted, but worried just the same. She wanted the procedure to work. She didn't want 42's files destroyed. She didn't hate 42 – why should she? She was nervous, that was all. XR's pacing was just reminding her of how anxious she was. That was why it was bothering her.
She tried to convince herself of that as XR fretted to his teammates.
She had to get out of the room. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't stand to be in the room any longer.
42 was fine. She was better than fine. She was great. She finally had a fully-functional body. And it looked good.
Mira let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. She really had been worried about 42. She wasn't cruel; she hadn't wanted the procedure to fail. She had been concerned.
Though not as concerned as XR.
Or as relieved.
Or as much in awe.
42… is that really you?
Mira heard the emotion in his voice when he'd said it. She heard the wonder, the rapture, the tenderness… It was nothing like the voice he usually used to speak to girls. There was no sleaziness, no innuendo, no forced smoothness, no sarcastic insincerity. He had never spoken to another girl in that way.
Not even to her.
42 finally had a body. But XR wasn't drooling over it. He was seeing her for what she'd always been to him… the girl of his dreams...
Mira's pulse was racing. Her heart was pounding and her temperature was rising. She had to move. Away from here.
Hey, guys don't we have to be, somewhere else? Hmm?
She just wanted XR and 42 to have some privacy. She didn't want to intrude on what was sure to be a private conversation. That was all.
She tried to convince herself of that as she seized Buzz and Booster by the arms and marched them out of the room.
We have so much to talk about!
Mira overheard them – XR and 42 – in perfect unison, just as she left the room. Her throat went dry. She tried not to think about what the "so much" could be. She tried not to imagine the inevitable romantic dribble.
She tried not to hear the emotion in XR's voice.
Booster was sweet. Booster was reliable. Booster was dedicated and loyal and true.
But sometimes Booster just did not get it.
XR was on the verge of short-circuiting. Apparently 42 just wanted to be friends. And Booster didn't understand the implications of that.
Shh! Icks-nay on the ends-fray!
She wondered why she'd felt such an urgent need to shush him. Normally she didn't mind if Booster didn't quite understand something. He usually figured things out in the end, anyway.
But XR didn't seem to have time for Booster to figure things out. He was devastated. He had cared deeply for 42, more than he'd ever cared for anyone. And what's more, she had cared for him.
Supposedly.
If she had, she wouldn't have been so insensitive. She wouldn't have dumped him so abruptly. She led him on, she broke his heart, that no-good, two-faced, lying little…
Mira's stomach did a weird flip. What in the world was she thinking?
42 didn't mean to cause any harm. She hadn't meant to crush XR. She had a new body, a new life, of course she didn't want a serious commitment just now.
The LGMs should have left her in the ship.
Mira shook her head. Why was she having these thoughts?
She pulled her attention back to XR. He was clinging to Booster, who seemed to have gotten the message and was patting XR's helmet consolingly. XR was moaning into Booster's suit. He looked and sounded completely miserable.
It made her heart ache. She wanted to reach out to him, wanted desperately to offer comforting words.
She wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be alright.
But would it matter? Would he hear her? Would he care about what she had to say?
The way he'd cared about 42…
Why did that matter? Why did she want him to care so much? Why did she feel such a strong need for him to understand her?
Because she was his teammate. His friend. One of his best friends. And he was one of hers. They spent all day, day after day together. They faced countless dangers together. It was only natural she would feel close to him after all they had been through. It was only natural she would want him to trust her, to understand her, to care about what she said and did.
Because he was her teammate, that was all. Her friend, nothing more.
She tried to convince herself of that.
I'm not reading too much into this, am I? I mean, when you add it all up, it can't just be chance...
Anyway. Hope you enjoyed! Reviews and criticism welcome.