Ahoy-hoy! Welcome to the crack.
I own: the bar, the bartender, the patrons, Skank, the jutsus used, and Ensign Ricky, for all the good he is to me.
Kurenia smiled and waved as she finished the seals for her patented genjustu, "Clubbing-no-jutsu". Several of the Rookie 9- TenTen, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, her boyfriend Lee, Neji and his cousin Hinata to be precise, were fading out of sight. Kurenia leaned into her boyfriend, Asuma, and watched them go. "They need to go out together more often. I'm glad they were the ones to test my new genjutsu for me." Asuma just grunted in return and shifted his unlit cigarette to the other side of his mouth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sakura was the first to speak when they were fully immersed in the jutsu. "This...is this what a club looks like?"
Sasuke and Neji made noises of disdain at the same time. "Hn." "Hmph."
Hinata tried to be positive. "Ah, well, it's...It's very..." She fell silent as the words to describe the club failed.
Naruto and Lee both went into Good Guy poses. "Yosh! It's..." They too fell silent as Tenten scowled.
"Hey Sakura, look at all the skanks this place has to offer," she drawled, eyes narrowing. Sakura immediatly latched onto Lee's arm and gave him a look that would freeze water as the all of the boys realized that there were lots of short shorts and tight tee shirts in the club.
The club was really more of a bar. The walls were rough boards, the same ones that made up the floor and the stage. There was a band on the stage, playing some song about someplace called Alabama and how it was their sweet home. The bar was taking up the majority of a wall, and had stools all down the length. The stools were about half full with women wearing the aforementioned short shorts and tight tee shirts. The men were all wearing jeans and some kind of patterned shirt with button all up the front. Some of the guys were also wearing odd hats that had wide brims and dips in the middle. There were more guys and gals out in the space between the bar and the stage, dancing to the music. "Ah, should we go sit down?" Sakura finally asked. Everyone nodded their agreement and made their way to the bar. They sat down and waited for the bartender to notice them. At least he looked relatively normal to them, wearing jeans and a black tee shirt. When he finally came over to take their drink orders, he gave them a hard, long look.
"Where the hell are you fags from?" He addressed the group. "And what the hell is wrong with your hair. And your eyes." These last words were sent to Hinata, Neji, and Sakura. Neji glared at the man. "There is nothing wrong with us, and none of us exclusively like other men. Now, get us some sake."
The bartender scowled. "We don't serve any of that fruity shit. We serve Bud, Bud Light, and Dixie beer here."
"Oh." Sakura said. "Then...Can we just have some water please?"
The bartender scowled again and got the water for the group. They sat there quietly, drinking their water until Hinata and TenTen got up.
"We want to dance," they announced. They went off together, arms linked and waited to see who would join them. When no one else did, they began to dance with each other, ignoring the looks they were getting from the males. Finally Sasuke and Neji went to save their group from any further embarrassment and separated the girls. Neji pulled TenTen into a fast dance and Sasuke took Hinata, leaving Naruto, Lee and Sakura at the bar.
As the band started to play a new song, one about someone named Jesus taking someone else's girlfriend, one of the girls in short shorts and a tight tee shirt came up and tapped Naruto on the shoulder. "Hey handsome. You wanna dance?" She asked him.
"OK," was all he could get out. The girl, who introduced herself as Linda Lou, was blond, leggy, and tan. Naruto couldn't keep his eyes off her as she led him to the dance floor. Sakura giggled as Lee punched a fist into the air and cheered for his friend's good fortune.
Meanwhile, as Captain James T. Kirk was on his way to an officer's meeting with his friend and first officer Mr. Spock, he heard strange noises coming from Rec. Room 3. Beckoning a nearby redshirt over, he went to investigate the strange noise. Leaving Spock at the door to guard it, Kirk and Ensign Ricky opened the door.
When the song ended, Linda Lou was leaning in to kiss Naruto and he was leaning in to kiss her. Right before their lips touched, the door hissed open and Kirk walked in. He was surprised to see a country bar, the kind McCoy would feel right at home in, and he looked around for his friend. When he spotted the Rookie Nine and their obvious lack of hologram-ism, he and Ensign Ricky both drew their phasers.
Linda Lou's eyes grew wide as she saw the movement and she pulled away from Naruto hastily.
"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." Naruto repeated, staring at the two new men. He had no idea what they were holding in their hands, nor did he understand what the one in the gold shirt meant when he said, "Phasers to stun Ensign."
The other ninjas quickly gathered around Naruto, forming a tight huddle behind him. The two newcomers walked towards them and Sasuke made a quick decision. Stepping slightly to the side of the group, he quickly formed the seals for a fireball jutsu and let it go towards the one in red.
Kirk was only a little surprised when the Ensign next to him burst into flames- if you looked at a red-shirt crossed eyed and flipped them off something tended to happen that would kill them- but he was more cautious. Licking his lips, he asked, "Who are you and where are you from?"
The strangers replied in a gibberish language. Confused, Kirk kept his phaser trained on them and walked backwards to the door. Sticking his head out, he asked Spock to call for security and Lt. Uhura.
Naruto was very confused when the jealous boyfriend asked him something.
It was Tenten, who gathered enough courage to reply, "We're from Konoha. Who are you?"
The group got even more frightened when the one in gold kept whatever he was holding pointing towards them and backed towards the door. When his head was turned, Naruto did something very foolish. Screaming like a lunatic, he ran past the jealous boyfriend and disappeared. Everyone else stood there staring, certain he'd come back in the clutches of the gold shirted man.
Kirk and Spock stared as the blond teenager from the group of strangers went tearing past them, screaming his head off. He winked out of existence a few steps later.
Kirk turned to Spock and ordered him to call for Scotty too. He headed back into the room as Spock made the call.
Naruto came flying out of the genjutsu almost as soon as he had disappeared into it. "Kurenia-sama!" he sobbed, "I'll be your willing slave for a month, just don't send us back there." He dove for her legs and held on tightly, like a very small, very frightened child might.
Kirk blinked when the rest of the strangers began to flicker in and out of focus almost as soon as the blond one had disappeared. He watched them go completely before turning off the hologram. As soon as that was accomplished, he went back to the hallway to talk to Spock and Scotty. "Well that was weird." He muttered, locking the door behind him.
Meanwhile, in the place of sealing where Kyuubi slumbered, he turned over once, snickered, and went to sleep.
Hehe, soooo...I mentioned there was crack didn't I? Guess the one song that inspired this, get a cookie. Tell me the name of the first song, get another cookie. The first one to tell me the name of the second song gets something special.
Just a note- there's only one pairing here and it's SakuLee. The other "couples" are just products of not drawing attention to yourself, and wanting to dance.