Romance with no end
Romance with no end...
"All my life, that's all I wanted, just to hear someone say: It's ok, it's ok... And wipe my tears away for a change. I'm tired of doing it myself every time..."
Standing there in the chair near the window, with her knees underneath her chin, she cried as always, because she felt like only her tears could ease the pain inside her, in that very moment. Sometimes it felt like this horrible pain could steal her tears away, make them also cry, shatter them into millions and millions of other tears streaming down her face...
He stood there, looking at her, without saying a word. In this state, with her eyes drowning in the wonderful yet terrifying storm of tears, she couldn't quite guess what he would say to her. She wanted so desperately to anticipate his every move.
"Go ahead, judge me! Dear to do so! You have my permission... In the end that's what we all do, judge each other... The way I see it, you will never speak to me again or you will try to change me. Yes, because you see, after you will discover my weaknesses, after you will analyze my mistakes, look into my eyes, feel my every move and gesture, you will try to change me... And you will start by saying: You're wrong...
Please don't!"
He still remained silent. But yet, observing her every move, every tear that fell from her eyes, waiting for every word to slowly break the heavy silence between them...
He wanted to say: :"It's ok, it's ok...". At least she wanted him desperately to do so, with all her heart, even dough deep inside she fiercely denied this fact.
Of course it was not possible, because between them there was so much more than just pure, haunting silence. Between the two lied an entire world... Empty, full, fair, unfair, rich, poor, silent, loud, greedy, innocent... Who cared?
"You are so near, but I say you are very far..."
She said, unable to move and sometimes actually wondering if she could only stop time.
We all eventually learn and accept the fact that there are things in our lives we cannot change, just like we cannot turn back time or stop it.
But she wanted to really stop time, his time, to prevent his world from moving, to make him leave it all behind, to forget who she was, to forget who he was. This way maybe, maybe...
How could she possibly explain what she was feeling? In his eyes she saw so much more... Not what other saw, but something only she could see...
And sometimes she feared it was all unreal. That actually, his eyes were her mirror, that actually, her eyes betrayed her as well as her heart. That she was blind from all this pain she felt all these years, long before she knew he existed.
She feared it was all her fault. That it was happening again. That she was falling in love with an illusion. His illusion.
She left her chair and slowly walked towards the door, then suddenly she remembered... It was raining that day. If only rain could wash away every feeling hiding in her heart.
"You know... There's one important lesson I still struggle to learn..."
He turned around, gently looking at her like he was ready to embrace her, but was not yet sure if it was the right thing to do.
She opened the door, by slowly pressing the handle.
"I should never allow my heart to take control over my mind. I always feared this force within me..."
The door closed and so did the one in her heart, one she'd always hoped he would have the courage to open...