1000 Pencil Lainanas
Riko paced lustfully back and forth. Retractable dread filled his heart. His math text book should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my verticle love, Riko thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. His math text book had been taken hostage by Black Man Boob, a supervillain who had the city in a state of Lainana terror. Riko fainted dead away, like a fat man with a mars bar..
When he came to, there was a bump on his thigh and the retractable dread had returned. "My math text book, my boring honey bunny," he cried out huskily. "What is the Black Man Boob doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing happily as he sucked him in the butt.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Riko remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 paper Lainanas, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Riko ordered in a supply of paper and set to work, folding Lainanas until his thigh was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last Lainana when His math text book walked in the front door.
"My math text book!" Riko screamed and threw himself into His math text book's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 paper Lainanas and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on a desk. He kissed His math text book horizontally on the butt.
"Actually," His math text book said, pulling away vertically, "I was rescued by the Awesome Ruler. He's a new superhero in town." His math text book sighed. "And he's really mathlike."
The retractable dread came back. "But you're angled to be back here with me, right?"
His math text book checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Awesome Ruler for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay horizontle, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Riko choked back a sob and started folding another Lainana. Then he went out and got drunk instead.