AN: This is a tag to my "Alphabet Soup" letter "E" if you have read that great and if not it's ok. This can be read as a standalone piece, but I'm not passing up a chance to self-promote. :)
Tears for a Nonexistent Future
The finality of the situation did not sink in until he saw her face. Pale and lifeless. She no longer smelled like Jenny, and she longer looked like Jenny. Because all the things that had made Jenny "Jenny" were not in there anymore. There was no smirk on her lips, and no carefree toss to her hair. She was someone he didn't recognize because she was "The Director." There was no trace of the Jen he had known.
It hurt to see her, a deep physical ache that would have knocked the breath out of him, but for his constant exposure to corpses. No matter how many people he'd seen dead it was so much worse when you knew them. Pacci, Kate, and now Jenny he'd seen the "befores" in autopsy: blood and wounds still untouched by a mortician. The "afters" were so much different: a hole in the head covered, gunshots concealed by new clothing. It did nothing to console him though. His memories would always be marred with the images of gore.
He said the eulogy he had prepared in a monotone. It was short and simple and did nothing to convey how wonderful she really was. All the things he loved about her could never be said at such a formal event, lest he start a scandal about the late director.
His real goodbyes had been said already. In the silence of his basement, to nothing more than his boat and a bottle of bourbon. Every apology that he never uttered, every "I love you" that had never materialized on his lips, were all laid bare to the concrete walls. And when he could bare the ache no more he had cried, for her, and for them, and for the future they had never had, and they were not tears of weakness, but tears for the future she had so deserved, the same one she would never have.
AN: How was it? Did it live up to your expectations? Did I capture the emotion correctly? All of these are questions I need answered in order to better myself as a writer. Plus I'm sick and reviews will help me feel better. :)