Title: Hope… Realized

Author: Jean (Ulysses1)

Fandom: ER
Pairing: Neela/Ray
Rating: FRT- this chap/ FRT-M next chapter
Disclaimer: The names of characters contained herein are the property of the copyright holder of "ER." No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and said characters are used here without permission.
Spoilers: "I Don't"
Beta: None, so a thousand pardons for any and all errors.
Summary: I really have been sick over how ER ended this season and I have been mulling over my own alternate ending for some time now. Today, it actually ended up in words rather than just in my head. This will be a two chapter story that I am intent on finishing by the end of this week. Obviously, I have toyed with the timeline and events of the last two eps somewhat, but I hope you enjoy and I thank you in advance for any feedback this story may receive.

Ray gulped back his glass of JD and grimaced at the fact that all the alcohol in the world would not wash away the fact that he was downright miserable. That once again his fantasy of getting closer to Neela was flattened. Sure, he felt the cloudiness, the mind numbing effect of the combination of the various liquors he had downed during the night, but the fact of the matter was, he could still feel that he was sporting a fat lip from that asshole and a severely bruised heart. He laughed sardonically at what a pathetic idiot he had become. He had actually felt nauseous when he saw Gates stroking his hand down Neela's face. Like someone had sucker punched him right in the gut. The kiss he had witnessed several weeks ago was one thing. He felt complete anger then, but Neela had been pushing him away during that time. He had not had as much hope as he did after their meeting on the rooftop tonight. Hope, he snickered. It was a lucky thing that Hope had interrupted them when she did. If he had another taste of kissing Neela, he would be that much worse for the wear. Kissing her that night had sealed his fate stronger than ever. What am I doing here, he pondered. I am paying for a buzz when I can just go home and drink myself into a stupor, cheaper and faster. Ray put his money on the bar and turned to leave, stopping momentarily to retrieve his ringing phone. Don't want to lose that moron so that you can stare at it contemplating if you should call Neela later and go off on her.

Neela gazed down at the CD from Ray, a soft, tender smile replacing the tears, anger and complete disbelief related to the mortifying events from earlier. Ray and Tony had been in a fist to cuffs right in the middle of Abby's wedding! This night was mad! Gates had once again proved that he has not in control of his anger. He was a loose cannon and it was clear that his impulses drove him to erratic and moronic behavior. He should have seen that Ray had had too much to drink and left it alone; handled it differently. But that was the problem, he always handled it in a manner that didn't sit right with her, which had made breaking it off so much easier than what she had built it up to be. It was suddenly so clear. She felt excited for where her burst of clarity could now take her. She was going to have the opportunity to be truly happy again. Again? No, happier than she knew how to be before. A simple mixed song CD made her giddy. Her wedding had not made her this giddy. This was what that kind of love was all about. Reveling in the simplistic joys that life had to offer. She wanted to listen to the CD right now and she wanted to listen to it with Ray. She stopped herself and puzzled over why the fight had taken place between Ray and Tony in the first place. Her encounter with Ray on the rooftop had been charged with anticipation and Ray had been mellow, loving. She rubbed her hand over her wrist in remembrance of how tender the stroke of his thumb had felt. Ray was sincerity. His looks, his words, his very being indicated that he cherished her and it was powerful. Why had he become the angry person she had witnessed at the bar? Chuni had said that Ray had egged on Tony; taunting him, but why? She had given Ray hope. Hope, she cursed. If Hope had not interrupted them, she would be enjoying her evening ten times more than she was now because if she had it her way, she would still be up on the rooftop with Ray, in his arms, finding out that his soft kisses she experienced a fortnight ago still made her weak at the knees.

She glanced again at the CD cover. They really looked happy in this picture. It had been a great night: a charity event that Ray had asked her to in support of the Big Brother association. Full of laughter, conversation, and as always, that undercurrent of something more. A strong awareness of the other… She wasn't sure how she had fought it for so long. It had been there through Michael and definitely while she was with Tony but she had fought hard to deny it. Well, she was not denying it now. She needed to find Ray. She had not seen him since all hell had broke loose. As if on cue, she watched as Pratt walked up to the bar and spoke to Morris conspiratorially.

"Greg?" Neela tapped him on the shoulder causing both Pratt and Morris to look at her expectantly, mixed with trepidation. They were certain Neela was going to rip them a new one for letting the fight escalate to the level it had.

"What?" She said defensively.

"What" they replied in chorus. Pratt recovered first. "Sorry Neela. You alright?"

Neela furrowed her brow. "I am fine now, taken care of a few things I should have long ago. Where's Ray?"

Pratt shook his head in disgust. "We sent his drunk self home." He exchanged a quick look with Morris at the instant flash of anger he saw on Neela's face.

"WHAT? WHY?"

Morris raised his hands in defense and pointed to Pratt with his free finger. "Not me! HIM!" He was silenced by Pratt's look of disdain.

Pratt spoke in a placating tone. "Look Neela, he was drunk and I didn't want him causing anymore trouble so I…"

"So you just blame Ray then?" she countered accusingly. "Why didn't you send Tony home too? He's standing over there laughing away with Frank like nothing ever even happened here tonight!" Her pleasant, happy feelings dissipated. Gates was an unfeeling cad.

"Well no, I uh…"

"Did you hail him a cab then? Is he home now?"

Pratt dribbled the drink he had to his mouth down his chin as he pulled his head up in alert to Neela's increasing agitation. "Ah, no, I just told him to go home."

"So you let him walk, drunk and stumbling through downtown Chicago to get home, where he could get mugged, beaten, run over?"

Pratt reached out his hand for her arm, while Morris shrunk back against the bar, out of range. "Neela, Ray's a big boy. I told him to catch a cab. He has stumbled home before. He'll be ok."

"Really Greg? Is that your assumption? Did he look ok to you when he was bleeding from the mouth? Did you entertain the thought at all that he might go do something even stupider than getting into a fight at a wedding because he was pissed and embarrassed…" Neela glared at the two men. She knew she was overreacting, but once again, the thought of Ray getting hit or injured made her queasy. The night that Zoey's father had trounced him played vividly in her mind. Ray was not a fighter.

Morris looked at Neela quizzically and a slow smile spread across his face. "Oh HOooo!" he exclaimed like a child that had finally figured out a difficult riddle. He clapped his hands slowly applauding her. He was unfazed by the glint in her eye and continued to clap, causing other people at the bar to turn and stare. He stopped abruptly when he felt Pratt's elbow make contact with his ribcage.

"Look Neela, I don't know what happened between you two tonight, but, he was talking crazy. Like every time he feels he gets ahead, he takes several steps backwards and…"

An alarm went off in Neela's brain. What could have made him say that. She hadn't done anything to make him think otherwise, unless he saw… Bollocks! "GREG! Where did he go? What direction?

"Neela, why don't you let him sleep it off. I mean what is so important that you have to talk to him tonight?"

Neela cut him off with a glare.

Morris laughed at Pratt and commented as though Pratt was in another realm. "She's in love with the dude man! Neela wants some Raaaaay."

Hope had walked up at that very moment and squealed. "Ooooo, that explains why they were up on the roof tonight, talking so close!" She giggled excitedly and did a little dance holding on to Morris' hands. "Aren't weddings so exciting!" She stopped mid dance and sucked in some air. "Ohhh, I am so sorry that I interrupted you two. You know, you and Ray could take the suite that Archie and I… OW, Archie!" Hope held her backside and turned on her lover. "You pinched me!"

"It was a love pinch honey…" Neela ignored the two of them with a roll of her eyes. This had gotten way out of hand

Pratt looked quickly at Neela and smiled broadly when he realized she did not deny Morris' observation. "Sooo, my man Ray is coming out victorious, good for you Ne…"

"No thanks to you apparently." Ray had told Neela about Pratt's counsel the night that they had kissed in the car. Of course, she had pushed him away at every turn as well. No wonder he was in such a state. "Now shut up and stop acting like a school boy and tell me what direction he went in!"

Pratt laughed good naturedly and nodded his head behind him. "We went out the kitchen so he headed down Roosevelt St. so I am thinking he may have grabbed the EL down two blocks or…" he sucked his breath through his teeth apologetically, "or if it was me, I probably would have hit another bar."

"GREAT! This night cannot get any madder!" Neela exclaimed. She whirled away from him, flipping her phone open as she did so. "Tell Abby and Luka good bye for me," she called over her shoulder. The last thing she heard was Morris commenting to Pratt and Hope.

"So I guess Barnett was lying when he said they didn't sleep together."

The last thing she SAW was Pratt slapping him upside the head and Hope taking the other side. She had to remember to thank them when she saw them next.

Ray stepped out onto the pavement from the bar. Bleary eyed, he checked his phone trying to decipher who called him. He slapped it shut again. He didn't care and besides he momentarily had to remind himself which way to go to catch the EL. Good one Barnett, you are over the top with this bender. He slipped his arm into the sleeve of his jacket and stepped out in the street and felt the ominous feeling of something approaching. Feeling like he was in slow motion, he hastily stepped back up the curb and expelled a long breath at the vehicle that flew past him quite rapidly. Dude, get a grip man. He stepped back out again and his curiosity regarding who had called him got the better of him. He once again flipped open his phone and laughed to himself. Neela…what did she think he was, some kind of yo-yo? The phone slipped from his numb fingers and fell to the ground.

Neela came around the corner looking fervently for Ray. She prayed that she would get lucky and actually find him or that he would already be at his apartment passed out. She stopped in her tracks when she saw him standing in the middle of the road, staring at his phone, shaking his head laughing. A tinge of nausea hit her. What was he thinking standing in the middle of the busy street? Her nausea turned to full out panic as she saw the approaching truck as an oblivious Ray leaned down to retrieve his phone. She immediately ran forward, screaming his name. "RAY!!"

Mid crouch, Ray turned towards the sound of his name and stood up. It sounded like Neela. Now he knew he was drunk. Before he knew what hit him, a hand grasped his arm and jerked him back forcibly at the same time a semi blew past him, the force of it actually making him waver against the body flush up against his own. A shaking body.

Neela clutched Ray to her, her eyes tightly closed. She was certain that both she and Ray were going to be sucked into the oncoming traffic from the force of the wind from the speeding truck. Her limbs were shaking in the aftermath of what could have happened. Slowly, she opened her eyes and was shocked at the hostility she saw in Ray's.

"What are you doing here?"

Neela's jaw dropped at the tone of his voice and at the fact that he was trying to extricate himself from her embrace. Her hand immediately grasped his wrist tightly as she pulled him to the safety of the sidewalk. Once they reached it, Ray belligerently pushed Neela's supporting hand off of him. "I'm fine."

She looked at him incredulously. "You're fine?" Her voice rose even shriller at the look he gave her. "You're fine? You almost got flattened by a bleedin semi Ray! You are NOT fine."

Even in his stupor, Ray realized that he would not be standing here right now if she hadn't come along. The remnants of his phone scattered across the road told him that much. "Well, what do you care Neela? Gates have to run off so you are setting up for second string?" he asked petulantly.

"What?" Her voice came out sharp, yet incredulous. This was NOT going as planned. She reminded herself that he was completely blotto and reached for his sleeve again. "Stop being a nancy boy Ray and come with me."

Ray had the wherewithal to question the name, regardless of the amount of alcohol flowing through his brain. "Nancy Boy?"

"Pathetic…" she countered, enunciating the word.

His juvenile side once again appeared. "So now I am pathetic?" He laughed loudly. Hadn't he just called himself that earlier? "Which is true I guess, because as Pratt would say, I'm hooked on a girl." He laughed again, sardonically.

"What are you on about Ray? Yes, right now you are being pathetic, belligerent and down right nasty. And if you weren't so plastered, I would tell you to sod off and leave your wanker of a self standing here!. She put her hands on her hips, fire burned in her eyes.

Ray wobbled away from her, waving his hand in the air. "FINE. He stopped mid stride when he heard a shrill whistle. Turning around, he saw Neela bringing her fingers down from her mouth and waving to the cab she had just hailed. He made to move on and his head jerked back at the yank she gave him. She was small but powerful. That had always impressed him. He avoided the glare she gave him as she nodded her head towards the open door of the cab indicating that he should get in. She glared again and spoke through her teeth as he opened his mouth to protest. "Don't push me Ray."

Ray poured himself into the cab, his vision swirling in front of him as he heard Neela talk to the cabbie.

"3990 Mallon Blvd please."

His stomach churned as the cab lurched forward. It smelled of sweat, stale beer, and old cigarettes, almost like the waiting room of the ER at three o'clock in the morning. His eyes crossed and he mumbled, "I think I am going to be sick." He felt Neela lean over him, her soft breasts resting on his arm as she rolled the window of the cab down.

"Hey those feel…" The Rasgotra glare stopped him in his tracks, as did the feel of her hand on the back of his head as she pushed his face towards the window, giving him no alternative but to stick his head slightly out the opening.

Neela fumed as she sat beside an obliterated Ray. When he was sober she was letting him have it, both barrels loaded. Plus her Uzi.