The Virgin: based on The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe

by jack63kids

Written by Ennui Enigma and jack63kids for Halloween 2012. This is the original version prior to EE making the verses all rhyme together. I don't have a copy of that, so here is our pre-edited version - complete with original humour and not so serious parts. Prepare, however, to be too scared to ever go down the Tube again! Mwahahaha!

The Virgin by Ennui Enigma and jack63kids - based on Edgar Allan Poe's the Raven

-unedited version pre-publication at Halloween 2012.

J (1): Once upon a London tube train, while I shivered cold and chilblained,
Investigating a weird and curious case for Sherlock Holmes,
Hands we're wringing, cases bringing, suddenly there came a pinging,
As of someone gently singing, springing to my mobile phone ...
`'Tis some new message,' I muttered, 'pinging on my mobile phone -
Only this, and this alone.'

EE (2): With certainty I do recall it was in the brisk November
That each distinctly pinging member cut my dreams and my soft snore.
Somberly I sought with sorrow; - trying I did find and borrow
From the pouch with phone and yarrow - yarrow from the case before –
Now the mad and criminal genius whom the devils much Adore –
Ever here to start a war.

J (3): And the creaky, rusty complain of each trusty underground train
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the bleeping of my phone, I stood retweeting
'Tis some old message, Twitter tweeting on my mobile phone-
Some old message, Twitter tweeting on my mobile phone-
This it is, and this alone.

EE (4): Gradually the sound rang stronger; pausing waiting then no longer,
'What!' said I, 'Can't be!,' scarcely looking I texted once more;
So the truth was I went tapping, and so quickly was I tapping,
Rather fiercely it came rapping, rapping while I noiseless swore,
That I ne'er did hear the train's cue' – here I walked out the door; -
Ghostly dark, and nothing more.

J (5): Deep into the tunnel peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, thinking thoughts no doctor ever dared to think - cross a zone
But the silence that so vexed me, and the darkness that perplexed me
And the only word there texted be the tweeted word, 'Atone!'
This I tweeted, and a hacker texted back the word, 'Atone!'
Merely this, and this alone.

EE (6) :Now upon the platform turning, all my mind within me churning
Once again a text and rapping this time louder than before.
'Alone,' it read, 'alone is the future for your lasting status;'
This cannot be, who can it be, I will mystery explore –
Oh I must wait yet a second then I'll embark explore; -
It's mis-texted nothing more!

J (7): Changed trains here, I dressed in denim, when, with many a flirt and venom,
In there stepped wicked Moriarty [/ the arch criminal] of the evil days - the rogue!
Not the least deference made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mode of thief so shady, pinched from me my mobile phone -
Perched upon a bench at Plaistow tapping on my mobile phone -
Perched, and tapped, and that alone.

E (8): This black evil man just texting set me thinking and to vexing,
With a feared and harsh expression on his face he texted more,
'Here's your phone it's done and graven, true,' he said, 'for sure no savin'.'
Angry I grabbed phone taken departing off the platform floor –
'Tell me quickly your ghostly name escaping from hell's deathly floor!'
Quoth he, 'Alone - evermore.'

J (9): Much I abhorred this consulting crook and hear his lies resulting,
Though his answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing who stole his mobile phone -
Thief and magpie he, criminal! who'd pinched my mobile phone,
... And Oyster card* for inner zone!
* standard travel card in London

E (10): That dark maven, floating ghostly in the lucid night, waft coldly,
With no sound, his icy soul with depth implied what I abhor.
Silent flying then he hovered – not a whisper though he uttered –
Fear I scarcely more than shuttered 'other ghosts have been before –
Yes, tomorrow he'll fly away, as such visions have before.'
But cried ghost, 'Alone - evermore.'

J (11): Startled by the ghoulish maven, this vision so cruelly craven,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what he threatens is to only flirt and scare,
Stole from the unhappy Sherlock whom calamitous disaster
Fallen fast and falling faster when he fell into midair -
When the angel of Barts Hospital fell willy-nilly down from there
All "Alone-nevermore." '

E (12): But the maven strange enthralling and all my soul yet fuming,
Still I pressed a mobile key in hope of word that's new of lore;
Then, upon the display blinking, I did try logic and linking
Detail upon detail, thinking that this portentous ghost of horror –
That this cold, forbidding, grisly, bleak, and portentous ghost of horror
Was but joking ' Evermore.'

J (13): There I sat scorning his jesting (but more likely he's molesting)
He's the fiend whose fiery eyes now burned into my aching heart;
This and more I was repeating, his first text baffling, retweeting
On the tube train's lumpy seating that will likely fall apart,
Just some lumpy dirty seating that will likely fall apart,
He shall deduce, nevermore!

E (14): Then, I found, the smog grew thicker, fragrance from some foul condenser
Made by fiendish ghoul with gliding silence and eerie roar.
'Ghost,' I screamed, 'the devil made you – by such spirits he sent you
Release – release from sorrows and my memories from before!
God, oh god, this sharp agony, give escape from life before!'
But said maven, 'Nevermore.'

J (15): `Deceased!' said I, `Arch criminal! - buried still - gaol-bird or harpi? -
Whether Moran sent, or whether Lestrade released you here before,
Desolate yet not half-hearted, on this tube station disembark-ed -
From an underground train darted - tell me truly, I implore -
Tell me - should I change at Aldgate East? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Said the criminal, `Nevermore.'

E (16): 'Devil!' said I, 'beast of evil! – devil still, if dead or alive!
By the Hell that falls below us – or by the God I implore –
Tell my soul with sorrow heavy laden, like the distant god dagan,
Since I'll never woo a maiden, shall I hold whom I adore –
Never woo a radiant maiden, shall I hold whom I adore?'
Said dead craven, 'Nevermore.'

J(17): `Be that word our sign of parting, man or ghoul!' I cried, train starting -
`Get you back under your tombstone and leave us all alone!
Leave no more texts as a token of the lies your soul has spoken!
Leave my Oyster card unbroken! - now I've back my mobile phone!
Take your hand from off my knee, and leave alone my mobile phone'
Said Moriarty, 'What's the score?'

E (18): But that demon, visage galling, still is calling, still is calling
On a ghostly phone of Phallus right above an amber door;
And his eyes are full and scheming of such evils that be screaming,
And ghoulish light o'er him gleaming casts his shadow with its horror;
And my soul from this dark shadow now falls trembling to the floor
To rise again – nevermore!