Thor's date.
By: Young Writer at Large.
Pairings: Thor/Jane and Loki/Natasha, hinted Clint/Natasha (one-side).
Disclaimer: Iwon'*tforthedisclaimer.
Thor, Tony, Steve, Clint and Bruce were sitting in the Living Room at the Avengers' Tower with solemn expression on their manly faces. The company of men were discussing a very tricky problem: women. Or rather: how to impress them. Thor wanted to go on a date with Jane and he wanted to 'amaze her'. But finding himself inexperienced at the subject of making good impressions on Midgardian women he thought of nothing better than to ask the group of Midgardian men that happened to be his teammates.
"Thor," Tony had started, "the only way to impress a woman is to show her how rich you are! I can give you an Armani suit, a limousine, tell you were the most expensive restaurants are. Believe me, she'll be amazed."
"Jane does not love me for the money." Thor 'explained'.
"Perhaps not, but it's always a good trick to tell her that you can give her absolutely anything!"
"Tony's pulling your leg, so to speak." Steve interrupted. "You should act naturally and be yourself whatever the situation. She loves you for who you are!"
"Look who's talking!" Tony said, looking at Steve.
"So I should just tell her that I would like to get intimate?" Thor asked straight-forwardly.
"Lesson number one, Thor:" Clint said after choking on his drink, "never tell a woman that you want to get intimate like the way you just did, unless you want to get kicked in the nuts. They hate it."
"And what do you suggest, Legolas?" Tony asked suspiciously.
"Pretend you're Cupid and shoot an arrow over her head, tying lots of flower to it, so that when the arrow flies over her the flowers will fall down." Most of the group were impressed at this romantic idea.
"Thor, don't even try, last time he did that he hit the bloody chandelier." Came Natasha's voice from the doorway. She had just returned from a mission and was making her way to the shower.
"Well what would you advise Thor to do, Miss Romanoff?" Tony asked, suddenly interested.
"If you want to get intimate with a woman of Midgard, Thor, you just follow a good old Midgardian tradition. You drag her to the nearest hay stack and just f*ck her there." Natasha answered just before she entered the bathroom.
Thor was awestruck. He had expected that comment to come from Tony, from anybody else but not from her. Clint seemed just as awestruck as the god: why had he not known that tradition?
"Thor, just give her a pleasant dinner in the candlelight, it's a classic." Bruce suggested.
"Good...afternoon, my friends." Loki said as he entered the room, checking his watch for the time. He looked around the room and slowly asked, "You haven't seen Natasha by any chance, have you?" He took a seat by the window as he studied each of the men in turn.
"She came back a few minutes ago from SHIELD headquarters. Why do you ask?" Clint replied, in a curious tone.
"Just wondering, Barton, just wondering" He said before studying the occupants of the room. "May I ask, to what purpose you are all here?" he sounded genuinely interested.
"Thor wants to get intimate with Jane." Stark explained to the newcomer, "Do you have any suggestions-"
"Nay, Stark! My brother never had any dealings as such with women." Thor laughed.
"My dearest brother," Loki sounded annoyed, "may I be the judge of my own dealing with the female folk." Thor looked at his brother with disbelief. "I'd recommend a classic Midgardian tradition of taking the female to a hay stack and simply, I thing the term is, f*cking her." Most of the company chocked on their drinks. "Have I said something wrong?" he question. "But considering that your lady of choice is Jane, I would recommend a different scheme, something more calm: a dinner, cooked by yourself, a day out, a visit to the planetarium is supposed to be a favourite among most of the women here."
"Since when where you an expert in the ways of women?" Thor sounded astounded. But he never got an answer as Natasha walked into the room.
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" Loki asked her, his face instantly transformed into that of joy.
Natasha stared at him for a moment, while a smile spread across her face, muttered a 'good to see you too, Loki' and turned to Thor with sudden enthusiasm.
"Thor, I think I know how you might be able to impress Jane..."
Loki stood in the dark and damp alleyway, watching the main street. He was waiting for Jane outside her place of work.
"How did I agree to this?" He thought and remembered how Natasha had proposed this idea. Tony was happy because Loki's ass would get kicked, Steve and Clint were happy because Thor's actions would be more or less natural to the god. Bruce simply smiled but didn't comment. Whereas Loki himself looked at Natasha in shock, totally appalled by her idea. He distinctly remembered the himself saying the words 'I came all the way from Asgard to see you and what do I get in return?' But Natasha had looked at him with a pleading look that softened him. In the end he merely looked to the ceiling and asked Odin what he was being punished for. The moment he left the room Natasha slowly walked after him and rounding a corner she gave him a quick kiss before leading him to Stark's wardrobe and picking out the right clothes from him.
His string of thoughts ended when he saw the 'target' exit the building. As soon as she went past the alleyway Loki lunged himself at her, pulled her into the alleyway and reached for her bag. But he was stopped by a knee that came in contact with his body just below the hip-line. He then felt a bolt of electricity shoot through him. He wasn't sure, but he was fairly certain that he was then hit with a large and heavy object on the head, but he couldn't think what it could have possibly been. He could vaguely hear Thor's booming voice shouting something like 'Get off her, you basta-' before the God of Thunder stopped and looked at Jane.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
"Yeah. I'm fine," she said as she turned to her beloved. She was shocked to see him by Loki's side, trying to get him back out of unconsciousness, by slapping his brother's cheek, making Loki's headache even worse.
"What are you doing?" she asked, slightly confused.
"Curse you, Odinson!" Loki whispered half-conscious from Thor's slaps, before falling into the darkness once more, accompanied by groans and hisses.
"What did you do to him?" Thor asked Jane as he picked him up and hung him over one shoulder and took Jane's hand.
Thor and Jane went to Stark Tower using all the back-ways, so as not to cause suspicion. By the time they got there Loki was about half conscious and Thor had told Jane the whole plan, that went terribly wrong when the company under-estimated Jane's self-defence abilities.
As Thor dragged Loki to the Living Room, with Jane at his side, Natasha came up to meet them. She helped to drag Loki over to the bar-stand where Tony was preparing him a glass of whiskey. Natasha sighed and went to Clint's room. She came back a few moments later with a two-litre bottle of 'home-made' 80% vodka, made by the archer in his free time, to see Thor, Bruce, Jane and Clint sitting at the table laughing their heads off, Tony trying to make Loki drink the glass of pathetic Midgardian alcohol. At her entrance Clint caught the bottle and looked at Natasha with a bewildered expression.
"But-but-but-That-that's-That's mine!-Do you know how long it took me to-" But to his amazement he failed to grab Natasha's attention so he returned to the thoughts of Loki being hit with a trash bin lid on the head. The sad loss was quickly erased, putting a smug expression on the archer's face.
Natasha smiled slightly and sat beside Loki, pouring him and herself a glass of the clear liquid. Loki looked at her, confused by her actions.
"Woman, are trying to get my headache even worse by getting me drunk, or are you seriously trying to kill me?" He asked her, instantly regretting it as the pain washed back to his head.
"You are in a state of shock and from what I know of you alcohol should bring you out of it."She explained, kissing his forehead.
"This is all your fault, woman!" He said emptying his first glass and watching it being instantly refilled. "And mine, for falling for you, but mostly yours. And Thor's." He continued philosophically. "And Jane's." Natasha laughed and kissed his forehead again.
"Tell me," he croaked, slowly coming out of the shock but slipping into drunkenness. "What did that dame find in my brother, who has the looks and the intelligence of a fat-bellied chibis?"
"Some might ask what I found in the second son of Odin." She replied. Loki gulped down his 3rd drink and looked at Natasha with a baffled expression.
"I mean apart from the disgusting handsomeness and the mind of an evil genius." She said stroking a way a few lose looks of hair from Loki's eyes. The god simply sighed and shook his head. "That is a mystery for me, Natalia." He said softly. And looked at Thor, who was still laughing with the rest of the team.
That night all of the Avengers plus Jane couldn't get to sleep till past midnight as the groans came from the north-western guest room of the Avengers' tower.
A/N: So I hope you liked that short fic. I wrote it with one of my friends who is unfortunately not registered on FFN. Just to make it clear-the north-western room belongs to Loki.
Oh and for those who would like something similar: The Misfits on a picnic; Truth or Dare with the Drunk Avengers can be found on my page.
Reviews=love=another fic!