By Her Side

by stironniganisreal

"He still can't believe she's dead. Gone. Kaiden knows enough, from both Marselle's impromptu assembly to clarify the events of the past twenty-four hours and his own communications with his sister, that Alex was personally murdered by Aven. Just another life thoughtlessly extinguished during the battle at Graevale, like it meant nothing - like she meant nothing."

*GRAEVALE SPOILERS!*

Okay. So. I stated on Instagram that for a twenty-four hour period towards the end of Graevale, everyone thought Alex had been killed by Aven at the battle. Which led him into thinking ...

... How would Kaiden have felt?

Yeah, yeah, he thought the girl he loved was dead. Pretty sucky if you ask me. Lucky for all of us, Alex likes to prove people wrong, so this makes for decent fanfic material.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I am not Lynette Noni

Further disclaimer: Those of us with actual hearts may need some tissues

If he closes his eyes, for one wistful, perfect moment, Kaiden James can perfectly picture her, standing beside him in the Ezera forest. He can picture her, bubbly and energetic and breathtaking as always, laughing at her own lack of coordination as her foot catches on a knotted tree root for the millionth time. He can picture her, their height difference meaning her eyes are level with his chin, her hair loose around her shoulders in a cloud of glossy chestnut brown, her familiar scent that was sweet and buttery and fresh.

But then he opens his eyes, and Alex isn't there. She isn't there, because she isn't at the academy.

And she isn't at the academy, because she's dead.

He still can't believe she's dead. Gone. Kaiden knows enough, from both Marselle's impromptu assembly to clarify the events of the past twenty-four hours and his own communications with his sister, that Alex was personally murdered by Aven. Just another life thoughtlessly extinguished during the battle at Graevale, like it meant nothing - like she meant nothing.

The thought alone is enough to send an icicle of anguish spearing through him.

He's had so much stolen from him already - why did the universe have to take her from him as well? Hadn't the losses of his parents and the burden of the Sarinpox outbreak been enough suffering to satisfy whatever deity had to the power to twist and manipulate fate? Why did her light have to fade, before he ever got to tell her how he truly felt about her, the emotions and thoughts he'd buried so deep down because it had seemed almost wrong, that you could feel so deeply for a person?

She's just a girl, somebody had once scoffed disbelievingly to him. How wrong that person had been, because Alexandra Jennings was more than a girl, more than a simple individual - you could be in the presence of a goddess and the experience would be no different. Because Alex, with all her perfect imperfections, could not be so easily categorised. You could not categorise a girl that had every right to be guarded, to be bitter towards the world, who was instead compassionate and generously forgiving and trusting and loyal. You could not categorise a girl that could leave you in fits in laughter, whose touch would make you crave a second opportunity for days afterwards, who could break anything in your body she pleased, whether it was your bones or your heart.

You could not categorise Alex, just like you couldn't forget her.

And now, he is terrified he will. That time will heal the wounds Alex's death has slashed open, because he gave so much to this girl, a girl that only very recently began to shed her armoured layers for him just as he had shed his own. That without the fortifying memories of what he could have had if she'd been truly been his, like her asleep in his arms and her perfect lips against his own, the memory of her will soon fade from his mind.

Because he could have had her. She could have been his. And yet, she wasn't. Because the universe denied him of the girl that made him so happy and anchored, and not only is Alex's death so terrible not only for his own personal, selfish matters, but it is also terrible due to the lost power she wielded, the fact that she was the only thing preventing Aven from committing whatever atrocities he has planned for the mortals of Medora.

Overwhelmed, and unable to contain the swell of uproaring emotions bubbling within him, Kaiden wheels around and slams his fist into the closest thing near him - which just so happens to be the rough trunk of a tree.

He hisses as the bark breaks the skin of his knuckles, but the pain on his hands is nothing to do with what he can feel in his heart.

Cradling his injured hand close to his body, Kaiden's mind is consumed with a memory, so vivid because it was only wedged in his mind from Combat a week ago, when he'd hurt himself in class. And of course Alex had been there, because where else would she be?

"Are you okay?" Alex's eyes scanned his face anxiously. In the stark golden afternoon sunlight, her eyes were like blazing chips of amber, her touch tentative as she inspected his wrist.

"I'm fine, pretty sure it's only sprained," Kaiden assured her, gritting on a hiss as her hands slowly manipulated his own into an outstretched position. He'd never had an opportunity to study her hands, but now he did. Alex's hands were rough for a girl's, but slender and supple-fingered. Her nails, cut to a practical length, were coated with chipping dark green nail polish. There was a small assortment of bracelets, hair ties and braided cotton bangles adorning her wrists, brown from sunlight, and she wore several rings - a Shadow ring, a slimmer silver band set with a small turquoise ring, and a simple golden band in the shape of a wave.

His eyes travelled from her hands, up to her arms, brown with the hint of scarring and wiry muscles, and continued from there. Her hair, falling in curls after she'd taken out her tight braid, hung over one side of her face, exposing the amount of earrings she had - a silver sleeper and a stud shaped like a star in each earlobe, a second hoop in her cartilage. Her ankles, like her wrists, bore a variety of beads and anklets. He'd thought of Alex's customary dress code to be a mix of Bohemian and sporty - today's outfit was more on the sporty side.

"Kaiden?"

Alex's knowing gleam in her eyes contrasted with her shy smile and flushing cheeks. He realised, with a mental kick, she must have caught him staring at her. He mentally kicked himself a second time, as he hoped she hadn't gotten the wrong idea, he wasn't staring at her simply because she's a pretty girl he liked, but more because there was a million things to learn about her, and he wasn't not sure if he'd have time to learn them all.

Daylight is slowly leeching from the sky: he can catch glimpses of grey between the thick foliage of the canopy overhead. Knowing he's going to face the pitying eyes of his peers soon enough (annoyingly, everyone seems to know that he and Alex were having a thing), and the awful conversations of how their futures are going to pan out now with her death and the threat of Aven, Kaiden reluctantly leaves the private retreat of the Ezera forest.

As he jogs slowly across the PE field, his mind resorts to doing what it does best - thinking about Alex. Thinking about the dry, wit-filled drawl she delivered her sarcasm with, the way her eyes lidded when she was unimpressed, how her eyes would crinkle and her face would light up when one of her radiant grins crossed her face. Thinking about how she'd fit so perfectly when he put his arm around her, the sweet pressure of her soft lips when she unexpectedly kissed his cheek when he'd walked her back to her dorm following another session with Athora, the effortless way she'd fill a space with her wit and love and energy, bursting with goodness.

He makes his way back to his dorm without any distractions - likely because the hard set of his jaw and his distressed pace indicate it wouldn't be an intelligent idea to engage him right now. Kaiden knows maybe he should try and cool it down a little, but he can't.

Not when Alex is gone.

Not when his heart and mind and soul is bellowing its anger at the universe.

Not when the girl who was more dear to him than anyone, including her, could possibly understand - has been stolen from him.

His ComTCD sings shrilly, so irritating that he's tempted to retrieve the device and promptly do something irresponsible and destructive. But then his eyes catch on the Caller ID - his sister - and he flicks it to audio mode before answering it. Unable to hide the suffocating misery in his voice, he greets his sister with a bland, "What's up, sis?"

Jeera's response is just as blunt as it is immediate. "She's alive."

Kaiden tenses, deliberating who she could possibly be referring to. "Who's she?"

"Alex."

Salvation. For a long moment, he considers snapping at Jeera, denying it - but nervous, bubbling hope opens up in his chest like a springtime flower, its nectar of tentative happiness slowly leaking through him. She's alive. She's alive. She's alive.

She's alive.

Since Jeera cannot see his reaction - how his body jerks with shock and relief, before slumping in withheld relief, finally stilling with frozen tension - she hurdles forward. "You know, that brunette badass you're completely head over heels for, she's best friends with -"

Unable to get his hopes up just yet, Kaiden interrupts in a whisper, "Was it definitely her?"

He doesn't know if he can bear it if this is all just some sick joke.

"Well, unless this is all one bloody dream, then it was her, because I saw her in the palace at a war council meeting less than an hour ago," Jeera says, sounding uncharacteristically snappish. "And as much as I wish this was all a dream, because it's been absolutely hell, because right now I'm with Blake and his dad's dead, so -"

"Wait. Blake's dad as in ... William Ronnigan?"

"Who else, genius?" For a fleeting moment, Jeera's scoff breaks with a watery choke, and Kaiden shuts his eyes, as he realises why Alex's closest friends are absent. "Look - at Graevale - you have no idea what it was like being there, Kaid. I've never seen anything like it. And Alex ... go track her down, because she seriously looked like she just needed somebody for her, and I'm pretty sure she's got nobody at the moment."

Kaiden swallows thickly. He feels like he should be beyond happy at the news, but hearing Jeera's recount only is just a different sort of pain. He should be with Alex in that moment - he should be by her side, where he belongs, supporting her when she can't support herself.

"Kaid? There's something you should know about what happened to her."

Instantly Kaiden is jerked back into reality. "What?" he demands, almost harshly.

"I don't know who they were, but judging by Alex's reactions to when Aven killed them, they were somewhat ... important." Kaiden's eyes shut, wondering who it was that Alex had lost. "One of them was a woman. We were able to retrieve her body; they're reporting she's a Tia Auran."

Kaiden's chest aches. Aes Daega. Not somebody impossibly dear to Alex, but somebody who had been both a protector and a guide.

"After her death, the Meyarins went crazy. All trying to kill Alex - or at least, let Aven finish her off. It was terrifying. I have no idea how Alex survived - that's when everyone thought Aven had killed her - but it turns out that Shadow Wolf of hers managed to get her out of there before the killing strike."

Kaiden sucks in a rattling breath: she was so close - so close. So close to truly being gone.

"And the second one ... a spy, by the sounds of things, which sounds rather ridiculous because the loyal Meyarins say he was the guy that murdered King Astophe. How Alex was associated with him of all people, I don't know ... Curly black hair, that's all I saw of him."

Niyx Raedon. Kaiden's mind is instantly flooded with images. Blazing amtheyst eyes fastened on his, under a crown of shining ebony curls. The armour of the Meyarins unlucky to have fallen slaves to Aven's rule, this one adorned with half an armoury of varying blades. And mostly importantly, a single silver scroll, handed over with a kept promise and firm instructions.

Kaiden held the Meyarin's cool, calculating gaze, his throbbing knuckles informing him that a lot more force had gone behind the punch than intended. He was mentally kicking himself: lashing out on a Meyarin, let alone one so heavily armed, was about as intelligent as telling Jaxon Stirling that he ought to start considering retirement.

"Not bad, for a human," the Meyarin commented, touching the side of his face lightly with his fingertips. "You know, I've heard quite a variety of things about you, Kaiden James, but nothing ever concerning your fighting ability."

Kaiden focused on holding his poker face, but internally his mind was buzzing. Usually his fighting ability was one of the first things people ever brought up when describing him. Mentally wishing for any sort of weapon - a bow, a sword, a Stabiliser, heck, even a throwing dagger or a whip would be useful - he pointedly kept his distance from the Meyarin.

"What do you want?"

"The same thing as you." The Meyarin dropped his tone, in a way that could have been considered lethal if it wasn't for the appeal of his following words. "To keep Alexandra Jennings alive and safe."

"Kaid? You still with me?"

Kaiden quickly shakes off the overcast of memories, asking quietly, "Any idea of where she could have gone?"

Jeera offers some immediate information. "Akarnae."

He nods, despite his sister not being able to see him. "Thanks, Jeera. I'll talk to you, later? I'm going to go find Alex."

"You'd better," is Jeera's response, with a bite of her usual pointed cheek, before the line disconnects with a click.

Scrambling to his feet, Kaiden frantically searches his half of the dorm before finally coming across the scroll Niyx made him promise to give to Alex, if he ever died. The silvery parchment is hidden carefully from Declan, cleverly disguised amongst a desk drawer of old revision notes, previous assignments, his old ComTCD, a pair of dead earbuds, and other pieces of discarded crap. Cramming the scroll and his ComTCD into a pocket of his jacket, he exits the dorm.

He doesn't have to make his way far before he comes across Nick and Sebastian, evidently heading for the Rec Room, both engaged in terse conversation. They both look up at his approach, and Nick addresses him without preamble.

"Dude. You know how they're all saying Zange got killed at Graevale?"

"She's alive. I heard." Kaiden replies tersely, not wanting to linger, not when Alex needs him.

"Yeah, we saw her," Sebastian's skin has gone ghost white, making his mop of carroty curls even more stark against his complexion than usual. "Seriously, bro, I've never seen Queenie like that."

"Like what?" Why is everyone saying that?

"I don't know how to explain it, bro. She just didn't look like ... Queenie." Wow, very eloquent of you, Seb, Kaiden thinks rather viciously.

"Any idea where she is?"

Nick arches an eyebrow at him, a knowing smirk playing at his mouth. On other occasions, Kaiden could tolerate his classmates' teasing about his ongoing thing with Alex, but not today of all days.

"Oh shut it," Kaiden huffs. "Just tell me where she is."

Nick and Sebastian share a look before Sebastian speaks up. "Saw her heading for the Tower - probably had to talk to Marselle or something."

... or she was going to the Library.

Offering a few words of gratitude, Kaiden hurries towards the Tower, nudging his way through the careening whirl of loitering students. He makes his way down towards the Library foyer, and it's only there does he realise, how on earth am I supposed to reach her?

Throwing a quick glance around to check there's nobody eavesdropping or seeing him, he says, "Look, I know I said 'just this once' last time, but this is really important. If Alex is in there, is it possible ..."

I would be more hesitant, if it wasn't you of all people.

Uncertain how to respond to that, Kaiden instead murmurs his gratitude as a Library doorway shimmered into existence before him. He's had enough experience with Library doorways to not blink an eye, stepping forward and through ...

... and finding himself directed himself to the cavern.

And curled up nearby, her arms locked around her folded legs and her head towards the river, barely visible through Soraya's protective bulk, is Alex.

He approaches quietly, careful to not startle her. From a distance, she looks relatively okay. Knowing he needs to announce his presence, he says, "I thought I might find you here."

He could kick himself. After everything she's just been through, his first words are not immediately offering comfort and relief and promises, but instead something that makes him sound like a know-it-all jackass?

Soraya raises her head to look at him, narrowing her amber eyes in suspicion before she offers a soft woof. Surprised by the wolf's friendliness, Kaiden reaches to give her a brief pat, as he settles down besides Alex's side.

"How did you get here?"

Everyone was right. Even from her voice alone, he can tell something's horribly wrong with her, like she's been stripped of everything she is and thrust out into the open. Those five words sound so raw and broken, so flat, so unlike Alex ...

"The Library was in a cooperative mood." Kaiden says. Unsure how to deliver what he knows, he lowers his voice. "I heard about what happened at Graevale. I'm sorry about Bear's dad. And I'm sorry about Aes Daega." Suddenly, knowing she is yet to bear it, he drops his voice to a whisper. "But I'm more sorry about Niyx."

Alex releases a choking, whimpering, watery hiccup, still turned away from him, and immediately he is crushed with guilt about reminding her of her pain.

He owes her an explaination - so many explainations. "Jeera told me. She didn't know who they were, but she was in the square at Graevale and close enough to witness your reactions to ... what happened. When she offered descriptions, I knew who she meant." Tentatively, he reached to place a soothing hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Alex."

It is then she finally draws to face him, and he draws in a sharp, silent breath at the look of her, finally takes her in fully.

He's never seen Alex cry - only seen her holding back tears, her eyes sparking with wetness - but now her puffy eyes are glassy and rimmed with red, like she's spent a lot of time recently shedding her tears. Her eyes, usually so vibrant and rich and lively, are as still and lifeless as a tomb. Her face is paler, thinner, one of the few times he's seen her without an expression that's itching to start smiling. Her hair, the only thing of her physical appearance he's known her to be vain about, is carelessly tangled. He's close to catch her scent - but underneath the familiarity of shampoo and freshness, there's the stench of blood and dirt and wind.

"H-how do you know who they are?" she whimpers, suddenly wincing, then adds, "Who they w-were?"

He's never wanted to hurt somebody as badly as he does right now.

Nor has he ever felt such hatred. Aven Dalmarta did this to her. Aven Dalmarta stripped her of the ones she loved, the ones who assisted and protected her. Aven Dalmarta reduced her to this grieving, destroyed shell of the girl that was supposed to be Alex.

"Aes Daega I've met a few times through Athora. But that's his story to share, not mine. And as for Niyx …" he trails off limply, opting to retrieve the scroll from his jacket and hand it to her. As he does, he cannot help but notice her hands. They look like they've been recently damaged, then recently healed, indicated by the bloodied stumps of her nails.

Alex shifts slightly, Soraya uncurling with the movement, as she regards the scroll apprehensively.

Knowing an explanation is more than required, he quietly explains himself. "He approached me right after I returned to the academy from having those medical tests. He told me who he was to you. Your friend. Your spy. Your protector."

Alex exhales, a breath so shaky it took all of his self control to not pull her into his arms and shield her from the world.

"You know that vision you had when you were in the past? The one I dreamed glimpses of?" he continues, suddenly unable to keep away the memory of it. The memory of a fallen Medora. The memory of himself dying. The memory of what could happen. "Niyx said he saw the whole thing, and apparently that included me being in it with you, guiding you through it all."

He has to admit, he'd felt rather smug when Niyx had told him that.

"He heard you say my name and saw that you felt safe with me," he says. "That was good enough for him to decide to track me down."

A faint spark of something flares in Alex's eyes, before whatever's going on with her eternally smothers it again.

"He gave me that scroll to give to you in case anything ever happened to him."

Hating himself for every further inch of pain he was costing her, but knowing how desperately she would need the privacy for what was to come, Kaiden reluctantly resigns himself to telling her, "I'll give you a few minutes."

Then, every particle of him screaming their protest and resentment, Kaiden gets to his feet and slowly walks away from her, despising every single centimetre of distance between them the further he walks away. It seems so abhorrent to leave her, when she was so vulnerable and so broken, when all he wants to do is hold her in his arms and shield her against the world.

But he can't do that. Not only would Alex not appreciate that level of protectiveness, but he knows, deep in his heart, she has a job to do.

Once again outside of the Library, Kaiden wanders aimlessly, watching the numbers of the time displayed on his ComTCD flick by. A message from Declan crosses his screen, but he ignored it. There would be time to talk to his best friend later. Two minutes passed. Then three.

Five minutes … he'll give her another five. But he can't stop thinking about that brokenness about her, and how much time it might take her. So he keeps walking.

When it has reached the fifteen minute mark, he is back in the foyer, and the Library opens a second doorway back to the cavern without comment. His heart wrenches at the sight of her, at the progressing tears that roll down her cheeks and the vacant veil of her eyes, the way she was wrapped around herself like a dying animal trying to put up a final defence.

He doesn't hesitate as he dropped onto the ground beside her and reaches for her.

She moves easily into his embrace, her frame racking with trembles as she nestles in against him, accepting him. He tightly but carefully folds his arms around her, her head finding a space on his chest to rest on … her body jerks …

Then she begins to cry.

Not sobs, but actual, legitimate crying. The type that left wet patches on his shirt and shudders her body and sounded so heartbreaking, so painful, so pitiful, that it makes him want to roar with anger. But he doesn't do that - doesn't do anything except hold her close and wait dutifully for anything she would ask of him.

Hours must have pass where neither speak, where Alex simply sat there curled in his arms, impassive apart from the tears rolling down her cheeks and the choked sounds escaping her. There are no words to describe how helpless he feels, of the anger bubbling underneath, of his frustration of his inability to be of any true assistance.

By the time she finally sits back, Alex's eyes are dry - but still so unnerving vacant - as she folds the tear-splashed silvery parchment and tucks it into her coat, like it is the most precious thing in the world. And to her, it would be. Then she speaks, her voice still so raw, but a little warmer, a little more her now. "Thank you for being here."

He reaches to tuck that stubborn lock of hair behind her ear, his hand cupping to the curve of her face, as he responds in an equally low pitch. "I wouldn't be anywhere else."

He catches the fleeting glimpse of a tiny, tiny smile, before she moved back forwards, leaning into him. Kaiden immediately curls his arms back around her as her head moves to rest on his shoulder. Her hair smells like shampoo and wind.

A few wordless moments pass before she speaks again, this time in a whisper. Kaiden's eyes immediately prick at the sound of her voice, her words washing over him. So he sits there, holding her close and listening quietly, as Alex's voice carries the tale of Niyx Raedon.

She must be so incredibly vulnerable, must have been well and truly been driven closer than ever to the edge, if she was telling him what could have only been her most dearest memories.

But Kaiden sits there, because he knows he has to be there for her. He knows what his place was, at her side, ready to fight for her no matter the consequences, no matter the circumstances. Even if she doesn't appreciate or want what he feels for her, he will never stray from disloyalty. And if the day comes that she decides that she wants his affections, then he would happily step into that position too.

But for now, his role is to be the one of Niyx's. To protect her, to assist her, to fight by her side, to never leave her. He had promised Niyx Raedon that …

… and shortly, that promise means he will follow Alex to Tia Auras. He knows this already, thanks to Jeera's gift, and has accepted it. It is worth it, anyway. He knows it will be worth it, out of honour to his family name, out of moral for his world, and most importantly, out of loyalty to Alex.

Never again will he leave her side.

...

...

...

I think I'm going to leave you to your tears now.