Stupid Cupid
Note: A KP fanfic focusing on the relationship between Drakken and Sheego. It seems that DNAmy is part of the problem. Sheego threatens to leave until Dr. D makes up his mind. Although he and DNAmy have a lot in common, he comes to the realization that Sheego makes him a better man (in as much as he loathes to admit it).
Chapter 1—But, I…Still Love You
It was a couple days before Valentine's Day and Drakken found himself in quite a dilemma. He had planned dinner dates with both Sheego and DNAmy. He had spent so much time preparing and getting gifts that he had forgotten that the dates were at the same time and in the same place. He wasn't sure how he would explain this faux pas to either one of the women, but he knew he was in trouble when he heard Sheego screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Drakken ! How could you do this ? I thought you were over DNAmy ! What does she have that I don't ?", Sheego hollered, becoming more irate by the second. Drakken wasn't certain how she obtained the information until she came storming out of the bedroom with his personal organizer and threw it at him, harshly.
"Well, dear, I, uh…I didn't realize you…Um…I love you ?", Drakken said, stammering, nursing the bump that had been caused by the PDA's impact to his shoulder.
"You figure it out for yourself, Drakken. I'm leaving until you make up your mind.", Sheego said, beginning to walk out of Drakken's lair. Drakken tried pleading, begging, crawling on his hands and knees to try to pull her back but it was to no avail.
Sheego said nothing more as she walked away, pulling her legs out of Drakken's flimsy grasp. For the first time, Drakken felt like weeping, and not crocodile tears, but actual tears of sorrow and regret. Did he really love Sheego or DNAmy ? At this moment, he wasn't certain which woman he loved more. Ironically, he felt very alone and confused. He didn't know how to combat these peculiar thoughts and feelings. Then, the oddest idea came into his mind. Perhaps if he had a date with DNAmy tonight it would answer some questions for him.
At first he thought the idea was insane, but the more he thought of it, the more it made sense…or in a semblance, a twisted, illogical sort of sense.
Chapter 2—A Toad is Still a Toad
That night, Drakken dressed in formal attire like he would to the annual Villains Ball and the parties that were thrown every now and then. At first he thought the whole idea of a date with DNAmy was bad judgment, but now he was beginning to see he had made a mistake.
He would have to think of something quickly to divert her attention and sneak out. Perhaps if he had his portable hologram device he could trick her into thinking he was still at the table when he wasn't, but he had left that back in the lair. He felt like hitting himself upside the head. How could he have been so utterly foolish ? He sighed, shrugging his shoulders. Like it or not, he had to try to enjoy himself with DNAmy, but he wasn't looking forward to it.
DNAmy began talking to Drakken about all his past achievements and how she believed that he could still take over the world at any given moment if he simply gave it another try. Inasmuch as he didn't want to realize it, DNAmy had so many positive qualities about her that Sheego simply didn't possess. Besides, she was very soft-spoken, but she was terribly bookish, plain, and not very beautiful or in good shape. She didn't make Drakken feel like he could do anything exciting or unusual. She didn't challenge him, and most definitely, he didn't feel any chemistry with her no matter how much they had in common.
By the end of their date, Drakken was feeling bored and wanted to get out of the restaurant as soon as he possibly could. In that short amount of time he had spent with DNAmy he had learned why he needed Sheego so much and how much he loved her.
"Listen, DNAmy, not that it's been a fabulous time and all, but you see, I've got plans to wreck Valentine's Day and time waits for no man…", Doctor Drakken said before DNAmy grabbed his gloved hand.
"I understand that, Dr. D. But I really, really enjoyed my time with you ! I want to do this more often ! You're such a doll !", DNAmy squealed, yanking Doctor Drakken into her arms.
She squeezed him so tightly that he could hardly breathe. The sudden wheezing coming from table #5 had alarmed other people who had been going about quietly eating their dinner. As Drakken squirmed out of her tight, rib-crunching grip, he vehemently said,
"DNAmy, I like you. Like, not love ! As far as I'm concerned, we don't have anything other than our obsession for cloning and ruling the world as common ground. There are no sparks, no chemistry…no passion !"
"But…", DNAmy began, her eyes beginning to become misty behind her coke-bottle framed glasses.
"Frankly, I didn't even enjoy our dinner. I was bored stiff. Now, before you waste any more of my precious plotting time, I must bid you adieu.", Drakken said, taking his leave.
"But, who will pay the tab ? And, what about the tip ?", DNAmy inquired, the tears beginning to flow.
"Charge it ! Buh-bye now, DNAmy. Have a pleasant evening, or what's left of it.", Drakken stated while storming out the door and mounting his motorcycle. In a cloud of dust and gravel, he had sped away into the sunset back to his secret lair. Poor DNAmy was left behind at the restaurant, crying her eyes out. Sorrowfully, she left the restaurant, entered her car and then returned to her hideaway. Surely, she would get over her heartache. It would be difficult on Valentine's Day, which was only one day away now. But, she was certain that through some therapeutic activity, such as making explosions and blowing up a random building. Then again, she had a better idea. She could always make her perfect Valentine, one that would be loyal and true to her no matter what. With that idea in mind, she strapped on the scientific goggles, slipped into a lab coat and whisked herself away to her laboratory.
Chapter 3—Let's Wreck This Wretched Holiday Together
Drakken was in bed, all alone and watching television by himself.
"This is far more entertaining when Sheego is here !", he thought, sulking a bit. He didn't know how he was going to make up this slip up to her, but he knew he had to apologize first. Perhaps she would see just how important she was to the Doctor. Nothing was certain, but he knew he needed Sheego more than he needed anyone else.
Drakken tried in vain to go to sleep, but he didn't have any luck whatsoever. He finally picked up his phone on his nightstand and began to dial Sheego's cell number.
"Please be there…wherever 'there' is.", he thought, nervously twirling the chord in his slender finger.
"Yes ?", came a sarcastic answer on the other end.
"Oh, good ! It's you ! I thought I would never get a hold of you.", Drakken said, becoming excited.
"Make it quick, Dr. D. I have an impatient partner that is simply dying to dance with me.", Sheego said, her tone insensitive and playful at the same time.
Drakken suddenly became very jealous and became incensed.
"Very well then, Sheego. I was just calling to say that it's you whom I love the most. I need you Sheego and I really love the way you wrinkle your nose when you laugh.", Drakken said, in his most genteel tone.
"Oh, is that so ? Do you really mean that, Dr. D ? I hope you're not just leading me on only to drop me for that moron DNAmy !", Sheego warned.
"No worries about that, snuggle-bunny. I definitely am over DNAmy…for good. She simply doesn't possess what you do. I can't put my finger on it. It's a certain je nest sais quais.", Drakken responded, beginning to blush softly.
"Alright. I'm going to give you one more chance. But, don't screw up again, or ELSE ! Oh, by the way, Drakky-wakky…I love you.", Sheego said, hanging up her cell phone.
It was the first time in a long time that she had even said those three special little words.
It was obvious that she meant them, even if they were said in anger. Whatever method love was expressed, it was clear that she really did have romantic feelings towards him.
After Sheego came home, she and Drakken kissed and made up (literally). They fell asleep talking about their despicable plans for St. Valentine's Day and how they would ruin it for all the happy couples that were going to benefit from the sappy, disgusting holiday. It was up to them to ruin it and then laugh hysterically at everyone else's misery. Only then would the perfectly villainous couple be fulfilled.
Meanwhile in DNAmy's Lair…
The clone had finally been finished. It was an exact replica of DNAmy except it was a man. "At last, my greatest work is completed !", she shouted cheerfully. DNAdam was his name and he was practically perfect in every way. His only flaw was that he had inherited DNAmy's wretched acne. DNAmy shrugged about that. In any light, DNAdam looked ravishing. She knew that this Valentine's Day and all the holidays that were to follow would not be spent in loneliness.
At long last, she had a partner that complimented her on every level and she couldn't have been more pleased.
Chapter 4—Sour Stomachs
The next day, Drakken sent out his "tainted" candies to different stores around town. The candy would give people the dreaded flu bug that so many hated to catch every single year. But that wasn't all he had created. He had also made candies that would cause the ones who ingested them to loathe whomever they looked at. He didn't consider this a problem until he received calls from villains who mistakenly ate them. They were complaining that their henchmen were getting into fights, throwing things at one another, and being a general nuisance. In other terms, Drakken's sinister plot was taking hold and he liked it. Of course, he owed it to Sheego for giving him the idea of something so innocent as candy and turning it into something awful.
As Sheego and Drakken were relishing the discomfort they were doling out to unfortunate couples, Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable would drop on by to ruin their fun.
"Drat ! Why is it that when we seem to be winning, she has to show up at the most impromptu at times ?", Drakken said, ducking out of the way as Kim leapt to the control council and slapped the Kimmunicator on it. In seconds, Wade had hacked into the system and caused it to shut down with no possibility of rebooting. Angered, Sheego began to fight Kim but Ron accidentally kicked her out of the way.
"Arrrrrghhhh ! You're such a nuisance !", Sheego fumed, getting off her posterior and leaping back onto her feet. No matter how diligently Drakken tried to fix his candy factory he wasn't able to get it up and running again. He knew the effects of the candy wouldn't last much longer, but he had felt a slight victory in this instance. At least he had made Valentine's Day a truly wretched one for all those involved and that was enough to make him happy, in a sense.
Before Drakken could turn around, Kim had taken her Kimmunicator and Ron and shot a grappling hook to the top of the roof. Distracted and knocked off her feet again, Sheego was doing her utmost to blast Ron and her off course. Unfortunately, it didn't work.
"Don't even bother, Sheego. I think we've had enough excitement for today. What's say you and I watch a movie ? I hear The Nutty Professor is on tonight.", Drakken said, smiling warmly. As much as Sheego didn't want to acknowledge, that debonair smile was always enough to make her agree to his romantic plans for the evening. Even though their scheme had gone sour, she was more than happy to snuggle up beside him and watch a movie. After all, she did love him.
Meanwhile in DNAmy's Lair…
DNAdam was savoring every moment of a romantic dinner with his creator DNAmy. Of course, he didn't realize that she had created him, only that he felt compelled to follow her every word and obey her every command. Fortunately, her Valentine's Day had not been a complete waste, and there were plenty of delicious chocolates to share. Fortunately, these chocolates had not come from Drakken's factory when it had been operational. She didn't mind that Doctor D had spurned her for the first and last time. Besides, she had DNAdam to keep her company and he was loyal and true.
Epilogue"So, KP…How did you know about Drakken's sinister plot so quickly ? I mean, it didn't even take us an hour to defeat him.", Ron said as the two walked out from the local arcade.
"You know I always have my portable Kimmunicator with me, right ? Well, Wade gave me the low down on the sitch with Drakken and Sheego. It's a good thing too because a lot of innocent couples were getting sick from their tainted candy.", Kim said, taking Ron by the arm.
Ron turned red at Kim's public display of affection, but he was getting to like being latched onto by such an intelligent, beautiful, capable young woman. Although he had only gotten his first kiss on his cheek by her, he waited for the moment when she would kiss him as their relationship grew in time. No matter how many missions they would face in the future or wherever they went, the two would always remain close. Even if a romantic relationship didn't work between them, they would be forever friends. That part of their relationship would never change, and that's what made them such excellent partners.
The End
By: Elizabeth Berndt
January 17, 2005