Poke
Written
by: Kawaii-babi
Edited by: Schnabel
Disclaimer: As much as I would like it, I do not own CSI: NY or anything related to it. If I did, Aidan would still be alive, Peyton would have been gone long before she went, and Mac and Stella would be together. Also, I would be the star of the show. Also, the idea for this story comes from a talk with the school nurse, which got really funny, so therefore, all the characters are around 16 years old, except for Aidan, who is the 'nurse'. Maybe there might be an appearance from some characters who were in for only one episode cough Luke Blade cough So, now… ON WITH ZE FANFIC!
Danny, Lindsay, Don, Stella, Mac, Adam, Kendall and Peyton walked into their 6th period science class, only to find someone who wasn't their teacher, who was short, balding, gray haired, kind of chunky and a man, but a tall woman, dark brown hair, skinny with a full head of hair. The guys are practically drooling, while the girls were seriously ready to thwack them on the head. The bell rang and they all took their respective seats. Danny turned around to Don, who was trying his best not to drool.
"Yo, Don… is it just me, or did Mr. Bation get hot?" (Get it? Mister Bation? Never mind) Danny asked. Don looked at Danny briefly and shrugged, and then resumed staring at the woman.
"Settle down, everyone. Okay, so… If you didn't know, I am the school nurse, Ms. Burn. Mr. Bation asked me if I could come in and teach you guys about healthy relationships and sex, since you're doing the reproductive system. So, I would like to ask you guys, who here is in a relationship at the moment?" Ms. Burn asked. Danny quickly shot his hand up, and then he saw that Lindsay hadn't, so he grabbed hers and pulled it up. Lindsay glared at him.
"2 people are in a relationship in this class?" Ms. Burn asked cautiously. Stella nudged Don in the ribs. He looked at her, and she sighed and grabbed his arm and lifted it up. Ms. Burn almost laughed at the sight.
"Anyone else?" She asked. Peyton looked at Mac, who was fighting the urge to lift his hand up. Peyton sighed and laid her head down on her desk. In the meantime, Kendal was trying to lift her hand up, while Adam was fighting her to keep it down.
"Adam! It's my hand!" Kendal hissed. Adam glared.
"But everyone will make fun of you!" Adam spat back. Kendal rolled her eyes.
"I don't fricken care!" She said, pulling his hand up with hers. A few other people in the class had decided to raise their hands too. Ms. Burn grinned.
"Okay, so… 9 people in relationships. For you guys, do you and your partner have the same values?" Ms. Burn asked. Everyone raised their eyebrows.
"You guys don't know what values are?" She asked. She sighed and pulled out about 30 envelopes.
"In each envelope, there are words, like 'sense of humor' 'great with kids' 'charismatic', you are going to pick out the six things that mean the most to you in a partner, and then put them in order from most important to least… got it?" Ms. Burn asked. Everyone nodded and went to work. Every once in a while, someone would peak over someone's shoulders to see what the other was putting. Lindsay looked at Danny's 'values' and sighed.
"Seductive, really Danny? Do you have some OTHER girlfriend I don't know about?" Lindsay asked teasingly. Danny rolled his eyes.
"Yes, of course. You see, Don and I, when you and Stella are gone, we play Bobby and Whitney, with me, of course, being Bobby, beating the hell outta my Whitney, right Don?" Danny asked Don, who had fallen asleep.
"Yeah, sure, whatever." Don mumbled, making Danny and Lindsay laugh. Stella, on the other hand, was extremely disturbed.
"I am never having sex with him again." Stella said to herself. Danny choked on air.
"AGAIN?" Danny exclaimed. Everyone turned to look at him. Danny blushed.
"The bear escaped from the zoo again." He said quietly. Everyone rolled their eyes and turned back around. Ms. Burn cleared her throat to get everyone's attention.
"So, does everyone have their six values?" Ms. Burn asked. Most of the class mumbled, so she took that as a yes. Peyton looked at Mac's list and smiled at the fact that seductive was not on there. On her other side, however, Luke's list contained only one word: Seductive.
"You know, Peyton, I think you make my list." Luke said seductively. Peyton rolled her eyes and chose to ignore him. Luke didn't like that.
"Come on, Peyton. Why are you with Mac when you could be with a REAL man?" Luke asked. Peyton sighed and turned to him.
"Mac is a real man. He likes me for my mind and not my body, he respects me, he shares common values with me and he's not you." Peyton said angrily. Mac was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"That's my girl." He muttered, making Peyton smile. Luke rolled his eyes.
"Come on, little lady. You know that you don't mean that. One day you'll wake up and see that you picked the wrong guy." Luke said confidently. Peyton choked back a laugh and turned her attention to Mac, who was currently trying not to punch Luke in the face. Ms. Burn walked around the class and picked up everyone's papers.
"All right. So, now, we're going to talk about the different stages of a relationship. What first attracts you to a girl… uhm… you, the one who's dosing off?" She asked. Stella poked Don in the ribs and he jolted awake.
"SEA MONKEYS STOLE MY TOUCAN!" Don yelled. The class went silent and Don blushed.
"Sorry." Don whispered. Ms. Burn smiled.
"Sea monkeys attract you to a girl?" She asked. Don shrugged.
"I guess… I mean, Stella has 3 sea monkeys. Their names are Kevin, Nick and Joe." Don said. Stella hit her head on the desk.
"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." Stella said in between each bang. Don took her pencil case and quickly placed it on the space on the table where her head was hitting… to soften the blow. Ms. Burn laughed.
"Okay… so sea monkeys… does anyone else have something that attracts them to a girl?" Danny raised his hand. "Yes? You in the glasses?"
"Poking." Danny said with a smile. The whole class cracked up and Ms. Burn tilted her head.
"Poking?" She asked. Danny nodded.
"Yeah. I like it when I'm at a party and some girl just comes up and pokes me. You know… poking? Pokedy poke poke poke?" Danny asked. Ms. Burn raised her eyebrow.
"Does anyone else agree with that?" She asked. More than half the class raised their hands.
"Okay… Poking… odd… Anyone else?" She asked.
"BOOBS!" Yelled Luke Blade as loud as he could, but no one laughed.
"Okay… for the girls. What attracts you to a guy?" Ms. Burn asked. After a few seconds of no one answering, she stared at Lindsay.
"You… what attracts you to a guy?" She asked. Lindsay looked and Danny and smiled.
"Poke." She said happily.