A/N: Please, don't ask where this came from, I don't know myself. I was
just really pissed off with all the cheesy 'James comes out of "hiding" and
Harry is ecstatic at his return, even though, by hiding, he put his best
friend in prison and left Harry to live with relatives that hate him'
stories. THE BEGINNING IS CHEESY. I HAVE WARNED YOU.
Now.when I get four reviews on this story, they can be flames, harsh reviews, even 'you should never be allowed to write anything ever again' comments, I SWEAR ON THE GREAT BIBLE OF ALL HARRY POTTER FIRST EDITIONS THAT I WILL UPDATE: a.) When Day Fades to Night or b.) The Loss of Innocence by the day after I receive the fourth review. Specify which you would like updated first in your review, which I KNOW you're dying to write.
I am having a VERY sarcastic day. Every character will be OUT of character. :D
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own James Potter. I DO, however, own THIS version of a cross-dressing Snapey. Oh, yeah, we're not there yet. Well, read on. And remember to press the blue button when you're done.
~pushes play~ (it's been so long since I've said that, so) ~pushes play again~
~*~*~*~*~*~
A Corny Reunion
Chapter: The One and Only Chapter of this Story
James Potter strolled into Hogwarts after his fourteen year absence and supposed death in Godric's Hollow with his wife, Lily.
He saw his son, a boy that stereotypically looked exactly like his father for the story's sake, sitting with his fellow Gryffindors, telling stories of his heroism and deeds of former years.
James had been gone for many years due to his fear that, suddenly, without warning, Voldemort would spring up next door, conjure up some Death Eaters, and kill him on the spot. He only decided to return to the wizarding world because he'd received an angry letter from Albus Dumbledore stating that if he didn't show himself, he would personally escort Harry to James' makeshift home in the middle of Tahiti where he brought several of his 'friends.'
(a/n: yes, I know, I'm a TERRIBLE person, but, I told you, I was in my sort of sarcastic while morbidly funny moods. Cheers :D)
Albus noticed him from the staff table and stood to make an announcement. The room hushed and sat silent, each student, as always, excluding the Slytherins, with his or her hands in his or her lap looking attentively at the head table with impish grins on their faces. "Ahem, yes. Now that I have your attention, I'd like to turn it to our new guest who will be staying here until he gets a new flat. James."
"Umm, yeah. Hi, I'm James."
The room broke out in laughter. But Harry sat at the table thunderstruck, like any Golden Boy who had just seen his 'dead' father for the first time in fourteen years should be.
"Oh. My. GOD!!! DAD??? Is that YOU?!?!?!" Harry exclaimed, sounding suddenly like a very American girl, even incorporating the 'valley-girl' accent. He walked in front to the middle of the hall and looked at his father.
"Yes son, it's me. I've been alive for the past fourteen years running away from Voldemort, even though that's a ridiculous claim as no one really heard from him until last year, and my other problems. Mainly that problem was that I wasn't willing to face being a father, especially not one to a kid that can't walk twenty feet without killing the person next to him. But after I got past that minor detail, I accepted the fact that I needed to be there for you. Well, that and Dumbledore said he'd show you the last whorehouse I visited."
(a/n: yes, it's a very horny James on top of everything else)
Harry grinned and winked at his father (a/n: okay.horny Harry too) "Okay. Well, you were a big prat and all, abandoning me like that. Leaving me with relatives that hated me just so you could get it on with a slut you'd never see again. It's okay, though. The only father figures in my life were an escaped convict that you could have freed through your own testimony and an old man that can't walk down the hall without offering someone a lemon drop."
"So, you forgive me?" James asked tentatively.
"OF COURSE I DO, DAD!!!" Harry shouted into the silence the other houses had created to give the pair a 'personal moment.' "In fact, I think it's time for a GROUP HUG!!!"
The two pulled into a bone-crunching hug and sobbed into each others arms for several hours. The students, with confused expressions on their faces, walked out of the Great Hall, carefully avoiding the pair.
Hours later, James and Harry pulled apart, their robes soaked with a salty residue from the tears. After their faces had lost the blue tint they'd picked up from lack of oxygen, Harry spoke, "Promise you'll never leave again, dad?"
"Yes son, I promise." And they lived happily ever after.
(a/n: see how CHEESY this is? Geez, I honestly don't know what happened)
~*~*~*~*~*~
Until two years later when James became a stubborn drunk and shagged every slut in town. His children popped up like daisies sprinkling Hogsmeade with little 'Jamesies' and 'ickle Jimmykins.' He eventually wised up and found himself replacements in cross-dressers, the most recognizable being Sally Snape and Bertha Binns.
They, however, promptly broke up with James upon walking into rooms containing the other doing 'dirty' things with Harry's father. Not long after this hardship of James', did Harry leave. His son's final words were: "I hope you and you whores are happy, dad." He burst into tears, "Because you obviously weren't happy with me!"
After that word, he turned with a swish of his cloak into a stormy night, often seen in muggle soap operas and corny movies all over the world.
(a/n: can you say 'CHEE--SY')
~*~*~*~*~*~
Epilogue: Yet Another Sarcastic Moment from the Desk of Ciara, More Commonly Known on FanFiction.Net as soleil-luna-day but Occasionally Called Pixie Girl by Herself and Her Imaginary Friends
Many years later and hundreds of his own girls later, Harry found himself married to his long-time lover, Ginny Weasley, now Potter and surrounded by a horde of kids, each with red hair and green eyes. Obviously, and, in his opinion, unfortunately, ALL his.
~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Yeah, I know I went overboard with all of it. It was supposed to be like that. As I said, I feel VERY sarcastic today. Everything I wrote will be completely disregarded and thrown in my cylindrical file (waste basket) later this evening. Though, if you DO want anything else updated, I suggest you review. I only got eight reviews TOTAL on my last chapter of When Day Fades to Night. I got more on the chapter before. This IS the reason I haven't updated, nothing more, nothing less.
REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!
R/R
Now.when I get four reviews on this story, they can be flames, harsh reviews, even 'you should never be allowed to write anything ever again' comments, I SWEAR ON THE GREAT BIBLE OF ALL HARRY POTTER FIRST EDITIONS THAT I WILL UPDATE: a.) When Day Fades to Night or b.) The Loss of Innocence by the day after I receive the fourth review. Specify which you would like updated first in your review, which I KNOW you're dying to write.
I am having a VERY sarcastic day. Every character will be OUT of character. :D
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own James Potter. I DO, however, own THIS version of a cross-dressing Snapey. Oh, yeah, we're not there yet. Well, read on. And remember to press the blue button when you're done.
~pushes play~ (it's been so long since I've said that, so) ~pushes play again~
~*~*~*~*~*~
A Corny Reunion
Chapter: The One and Only Chapter of this Story
James Potter strolled into Hogwarts after his fourteen year absence and supposed death in Godric's Hollow with his wife, Lily.
He saw his son, a boy that stereotypically looked exactly like his father for the story's sake, sitting with his fellow Gryffindors, telling stories of his heroism and deeds of former years.
James had been gone for many years due to his fear that, suddenly, without warning, Voldemort would spring up next door, conjure up some Death Eaters, and kill him on the spot. He only decided to return to the wizarding world because he'd received an angry letter from Albus Dumbledore stating that if he didn't show himself, he would personally escort Harry to James' makeshift home in the middle of Tahiti where he brought several of his 'friends.'
(a/n: yes, I know, I'm a TERRIBLE person, but, I told you, I was in my sort of sarcastic while morbidly funny moods. Cheers :D)
Albus noticed him from the staff table and stood to make an announcement. The room hushed and sat silent, each student, as always, excluding the Slytherins, with his or her hands in his or her lap looking attentively at the head table with impish grins on their faces. "Ahem, yes. Now that I have your attention, I'd like to turn it to our new guest who will be staying here until he gets a new flat. James."
"Umm, yeah. Hi, I'm James."
The room broke out in laughter. But Harry sat at the table thunderstruck, like any Golden Boy who had just seen his 'dead' father for the first time in fourteen years should be.
"Oh. My. GOD!!! DAD??? Is that YOU?!?!?!" Harry exclaimed, sounding suddenly like a very American girl, even incorporating the 'valley-girl' accent. He walked in front to the middle of the hall and looked at his father.
"Yes son, it's me. I've been alive for the past fourteen years running away from Voldemort, even though that's a ridiculous claim as no one really heard from him until last year, and my other problems. Mainly that problem was that I wasn't willing to face being a father, especially not one to a kid that can't walk twenty feet without killing the person next to him. But after I got past that minor detail, I accepted the fact that I needed to be there for you. Well, that and Dumbledore said he'd show you the last whorehouse I visited."
(a/n: yes, it's a very horny James on top of everything else)
Harry grinned and winked at his father (a/n: okay.horny Harry too) "Okay. Well, you were a big prat and all, abandoning me like that. Leaving me with relatives that hated me just so you could get it on with a slut you'd never see again. It's okay, though. The only father figures in my life were an escaped convict that you could have freed through your own testimony and an old man that can't walk down the hall without offering someone a lemon drop."
"So, you forgive me?" James asked tentatively.
"OF COURSE I DO, DAD!!!" Harry shouted into the silence the other houses had created to give the pair a 'personal moment.' "In fact, I think it's time for a GROUP HUG!!!"
The two pulled into a bone-crunching hug and sobbed into each others arms for several hours. The students, with confused expressions on their faces, walked out of the Great Hall, carefully avoiding the pair.
Hours later, James and Harry pulled apart, their robes soaked with a salty residue from the tears. After their faces had lost the blue tint they'd picked up from lack of oxygen, Harry spoke, "Promise you'll never leave again, dad?"
"Yes son, I promise." And they lived happily ever after.
(a/n: see how CHEESY this is? Geez, I honestly don't know what happened)
~*~*~*~*~*~
Until two years later when James became a stubborn drunk and shagged every slut in town. His children popped up like daisies sprinkling Hogsmeade with little 'Jamesies' and 'ickle Jimmykins.' He eventually wised up and found himself replacements in cross-dressers, the most recognizable being Sally Snape and Bertha Binns.
They, however, promptly broke up with James upon walking into rooms containing the other doing 'dirty' things with Harry's father. Not long after this hardship of James', did Harry leave. His son's final words were: "I hope you and you whores are happy, dad." He burst into tears, "Because you obviously weren't happy with me!"
After that word, he turned with a swish of his cloak into a stormy night, often seen in muggle soap operas and corny movies all over the world.
(a/n: can you say 'CHEE--SY')
~*~*~*~*~*~
Epilogue: Yet Another Sarcastic Moment from the Desk of Ciara, More Commonly Known on FanFiction.Net as soleil-luna-day but Occasionally Called Pixie Girl by Herself and Her Imaginary Friends
Many years later and hundreds of his own girls later, Harry found himself married to his long-time lover, Ginny Weasley, now Potter and surrounded by a horde of kids, each with red hair and green eyes. Obviously, and, in his opinion, unfortunately, ALL his.
~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Yeah, I know I went overboard with all of it. It was supposed to be like that. As I said, I feel VERY sarcastic today. Everything I wrote will be completely disregarded and thrown in my cylindrical file (waste basket) later this evening. Though, if you DO want anything else updated, I suggest you review. I only got eight reviews TOTAL on my last chapter of When Day Fades to Night. I got more on the chapter before. This IS the reason I haven't updated, nothing more, nothing less.
REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!
R/R