Every morning, the same thing happens. I wake up in a pile of sweat and try to catch my breath but instead make it to the bathroom
as fast as I can and puke in the sink, mostly heartburn as the sour flavor remains in my mouth for a while as I tremble.
I see myself in Titan form, attacking Annie as I lose control off my human self.
I'm turning into a demon. A monster. The truth was that I actually was capable of killing Annie if she weren't to have cried in tears.
It had made me confused, but not remorseful.
I told everyone I felt pity for her at that moment but I didn't. I lied.

I had to lie, what else could I do? tell everyone that my humanity had cracked? and that I lost control and was internally Titan? they would've killed me
within a second. After that she turned herself into ice, unreachable by anyone. These horror memories keeps on depriving me from a good night sleep, It felt like I haven't slept in ages.
It's been a few months now since I stopped Annie from bringing down Wall Sina, yet more report of Titans still trying to reach in on us doesn't stop from coming.

They would sooner or later ask for my assistance again in my Titan form, but I can't.
I have no control on myself anymore. But I can't tell them that, too many had died to protect me as they all saw me as
human kinds greatest gift... and that gift would turn into their doom if only they knew what I had realized just a few months ago.

I stared at the mirror as dark shadows marked my under-eyes more gloomy as ever.
When will it all stop? people always see me as this careless guy but deep inside there is this small hole filled with
anxiety that is growing more and more with each day. Everyone noticed there was something up. Even Mikasa and Armin tried to get it out of me.
I can't tell them. I will not tell them. I will have to flee if that's what it takes to get me out of here alive, I still have something important that I
must do I thought as I grabbed the key that was hanging around my neck and stared at it. '' Father.. '' I whispered.

'' Eren, we're being called for breakfast. '' I heard Mikasa shout.
'' I'm coming. '' I quickly washed my face and mouth with water and dressed myself into clean attire as I opened the door of my room.
Mikasa stood outside waiting for me as we silently made our way towards the dining room to join the members of the Recon Corps.
Every morning was practically the same. Same food. Same drinks. And unfortunately the same continuing curious and worried glances people kept giving me.
I ignored it and stared at the pile of different foods and beverages I could choice from the wide oak colored table, yet the thought of eating something
alone was enough to make me feel nauseous again.

I grabbed a small bowl and filled it with some yogurt and sat down on the empty table next to the large window.
Mikasa sat across of me and chewed on some apple parts and looked at me for a few moments. A bowl of cereal, some fruit salad with a cup of black tea.
Mikasa's usual breakfast, even that was the same I thought as I turned my head towards the window and stared outside. '' Did you puke again? ''
I glanced at Mikasa, and then looked back at the window again and sighed.
I wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with Mikasa. Again.
'' Eren? '' Mikasa spoke, this time with a stern undertone in her voice.
'' Could you for once, just once, mind your own darn business Mikasa? '' I said annoyed while glaring at her. I looked over as
I suddenly noticed Armin came towards us he waved at me and took a seat next to me.
'' Hey guys! '' He said as he took a gulp of coffee and sighed satisfied.
'' How are you both? '' Armin spoke cheerfully like almost every morning.
'' I'm fine Armin, thanks. '' I lied as I forced a small smile. Armin stared at me doubtfully for a few seconds but quickly smiled back and looked towards Mikasa who still had her eyes furrowed towards me. The atmosphere felt uncomfortable after a few long moments as I forcefully ate a few tablespoons of yogurt while staring outside the window again.

'' Just yogurt? come on Eren. That's not breakfast. ''
I turned around and saw none other than Levi together with Hanji standing behind me with his arms crossed as he stared at me.
'' Aren't you hungry? '' Hanji asked surprised.
'' I.. Well, no. Not reall- '' '' He puked this morning, that's why. '' Mikasa interrupted.
'' MIKASA. '' I shouted as I stood up from my seat and stared down at her ferociously.
'' Puking?! Eren Why? Are you sick?! '' Hanji asked hysterical as she placed her hand on my shoulder. As much as I respected and liked Hanji, I just kept from looking back at Hanji and remained staring ahead of me. Every member of the Recon Corps had dropped their own conversation and stared down at their plates and continued eating, thinking they could secretly eavesdrop this way without me noticing it. But I knew they were listening, fishing for some information on what has been going on with me lately.

'' Sick?! he is sick?! how can he possibly be sick! he is a titan! '' One of the Recon Corps member suddenly shouted across the room as everyone stared at his direction.
'' Ahh- I'm sure Eren will get fit again you guys. '' Hanji spoke nervously as she tried to sooth the serious atmosphere.
'' He better be! don't you know how many of our comrades have died already to keep you safe kid? Huh? DO YOU KNOW THAT?! '' The guy screamed in frustration as he threw the iron cup he was holding on the ground. '' Oi.. '' I glanced over to see Levi taking a few steps towards the guy, his facial expression turned into the serious, threatening expression he always carried around as everyone in the room nervously turned their heads towards their plates again, afraid of looking at their Captain again. '' I'm sorry Captain but at this point I honestly couldn't care less! too many have died out there, just...too many... '' The guy's voice turned into a silent sob as he bald his fists and forced himself not to cry in front of everyone. Suddenly I saw him staring at the one table that had remained empty...My eyes widened in shock, my nausea revived again.

Eld, Gunter, Oluo, Petra... all of them were dead. All to protect me.
The guy held his hand on his mouth as he took a few steps near the table, but dropped himself on the ground on his knees as he cried out to them, and to his other friends who had all died because of the titans, their lives mercilessly taken away. I tried my best not to tremble but instead my whole body was shaking as sweat drops were slipping from my forehead.
I was in my nightmare again, flashbacks of me going berserk through the streets of Sina as I was chasing Annie like an beast.
Not a human.. I'm not a human anymore..
'' Eren..Eren? '' I stared at Armin who was looking at me worried as my breathing had gone faster without me even noticing it as my heart was bounding loudly.

I made my way towards the door to leave immediately. I ignored the many stares that were piercing through me, refusing to look back at them and especially to the guy who had cried in front of the empty table, I couldn't handle the situation any longer I thought as my mind was exploding, feeling a headache arising.
'' Eren. '' I turned around and saw Levi staring at, a stare that was somehow..quite off.
It wasn't his usual expression, as if he was trying to make me understand something.
But what? what could he possibly understand? no one knew with what kind of horror I was putting up with each day, nobody knew what I knew.
Not even Mikasa or Armin. I quickly shook my head and continued my way out as I firmly shut the door.

I felt dizzy but I remained walking in a fast phase, trying to get to my room before anyone would see or notice me. Suddenly I stopped and tried to swallow but my throat was just to dry to even produce enough saliva to do so. I hesitated, but quickly turned a corridor that lead towards the kitchen area. I walked inside and saw a few buckets of what seemed like fresh well water that had been brought in every morning. I grabbed a cup which seemed cleaned and filled it with water and drank the refreshing goodness. I filled yet another cup, and another, and another as my thirst kept on begging me for more water. After the sixth cup my stomach was exploding as I felt heartburn rising up again.
I quickly walked towards the sink and puked the heartburn and the excessive water out of me.

'' Thirsty boy? '' I let out a frightening cry and dropped the cup on the ground as it broke into tiny little pieces. I stared at the old woman in front of me, she was responsible for cooking and tidying up the place the Recon Corps was staying at. I always thought there was something odd about her but nevertheless her cooking was quite amazing. She stared at me with a warming smile,
I noticed she had carried a wooden basket filled with fish and other foods she probably had bought at the nearby market for tonight's supper. She placed the basket on the nearby table and grabbed a broom that was at placed in the corner of the room. '' No please, I'll clean it up. It is my fault after all. '' I spoke demonstratively as I gently tried to pull the broom away from her.
'' Don't worry about it, Granny will clean it up for you. You just make sure you eat properly and get lots of rest around here, you look as pale as ever you know? You need to be fit for battle against those Titans right? We're all counting on you to help us into victory son. '' She said as placed her hand on my own hand that had grabbed the broom as she stared at me with
the same friendly smile. '' Ah yes...thank you then. '' I spoke, trying to contain the anxiety I was feeling again.

'' Here, take this with you to your room. It might help you. '' She said as she grabbed a cup and filled it with some liquid that was inside the boiler on the stove.
I had to admit it smelled really good as she handed me the warm beverage.
'' Lavender tea. It relaxes the human nerves and muscles. '' She said as she grabbed another cup and filled some for herself. '' Thank you very much. '' I said as I smiled at her and smelled the steam that was coming off from it. She simply smiled again as she took a gulp and grabbed the broom. I waved her a goodbye as I walked away and headed towards me own room again.
I sat on my bed and took a sip and breathed in deeply. Inhaling, Exhaling.
That was quite nice of her to give me this, why did I thought she was odd again I thought as I took another sip and placed the tea cup on the ground.
I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes as I tried to catch some sleep again, taking a nap might actually help I thought as I turned
into a comfortable position and sunk my head deeper into the soft pillow.

Something was wrong. I felt it.
I immediately lifted myself off and held my hand on my heart again as I felt my heartbeat bounding more rapidly than before. I felt this painful sensation going through my body as I started trembling again, gasping for air as my breathing went up.
What was going on I thought as the pain kept on intensifying, a cry escaping my lips.
I got up and started walking when my legs suddenly hit the lavender tea, the liquid spilling all over the ground. '' It relaxes the human nerves and muscles ''
My eyes widened as I tried to rub away the pain that was shooting through my legs.
Human...

I cried out from the pain again and collapsed on the ground. It felt like fire was attacking and spreading through my body, burning down my muscles as my body heat kept on rising.
You idiot. I kept on repeating these two words inside my head as tears kept on shedding of my cheeks.
I tried to stand up but my legs simply refused to do anything at this point as the ongoing trembling I felt made feel dizzy and once again, nauseous.
'' H-H-elp. '' I cried out shivering but It was useless. Everyone was probably still downstairs eating their breakfast, nobody near could hear me.
I felt powerless as the one going pain strokes kept tormenting me inside. With nothing that I could possibly do at this point I just started closing my eyes when suddenly someone forcefully burst the door open and that someone was none other then.