My mother opened the door just as I reached it. Her smile halted as I pushed past her and into the living room. I heard her ask my father what was wrong with me but didn't hear his answer. I threw myself down onto the couch and pulled out my iPod to drown out my parents. I laid there and let my thoughts consume me.
Why we had to move I didn't understand at all. This shitty little town called La Push was the same as the same one we'd moved from, so why did we have to move at all? Even though where we used to live held such awful memories, I missed it already. How would I be able to visit Alexander and talk to him every day now? My heart seized up at the thought of him. Alexander, I miss you so much.
I brushed away the tears angrily and opened my eyes. My mother was standing above me looking at me sadly. I glared at her and jerked the earbuds out of my ears.
"What?" I snapped.
"Well, I wanted to show you around the house," she replied. "So get up please and follow me."
I got off the couch reluctantly and let her take me on a tour of the house. Most of our stuff was already here in boxes, having been moved with my mother a few weeks before while Dad and I had stayed back home at a hotel. When she was finished giving me the grand tour I went to my new bedroom and looked around more closely.
The room was mostly square and smaller than my old bedroom. The walls were a light shade of blue and the floor was a dark hardwood. There was already a bed, a dresser, a desk, and some boxes waiting for me to unpack them. I crossed over to one of the windows and looked out onto the backyard. There was a small expanse of grass and then the forest started.
I turned to look at the neighbor's house just as an extremely tall and muscular Quileute man came running out the back door. I could tell even from my second story window that he was visibly shaking. I watched, curious, as he raced into the forest.
After a few moments and he failed to come out again, I began wondering why he'd gone in there in the first place and why he'd been shaking so badly. I wasn't concerned, as I couldn't give a damn about anyone else and their problems. I had enough of my own to be worrying about other people's.
I left the window and slowly began unpacking the boxes in my room. After I finished, since I didn't have many boxes, I laid on my bed and listened to my iPod again. I must have fallen asleep because I was jolted awake by my father shaking me.
"Honey, get up. Dinner's ready," he was saying. I rubbed my eyes absently and shook my head.
"Not hungry," I mumbled. "Lemme sleep."
He looked at me, concerned. "Are you okay? Cordelia, you're not slipping away again, are you? We just got you back."
I stopped rubbing my eyes and glared at him. "No," I said coldly. "I'm fine. I'm just tired and want to sleep. It has been a long day for me."
He studied me for a few moments then sighed. "Don't speak to me like that. I know life is incredibly hard for you, it's hard for your mother and I as well. But we've got to learn to deal with what has happened."
My answer was just to put an arm over my eyes. I listened to his footsteps as he left, fighting off the urge to cry. "Get a grip, Cordelia. He's gone and there's nothing you can do about it." I thought to myself. Dear, sweet Alexander...who would have thought he'd be gone so young?
I rolled over in my bed and cried softly into my pillow. The pain was still so fresh and strong and sometimes I felt as if I couldn't handle it anymore. I cried myself to sleep, wishing I could be with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning I woke up unusually early according to my alarm clock. I groaned and pulled the pillow over my face. My room didn't have curtains yet and the sun felt blinding as it streamed in through my window. I knew La Push didn't get much sunlight and I should be happy about it, but it was just so damn bright and early.
I got out of my bed reluctantly, pulling my dark brown hair into a bun. I started going through my drawers, looking for some comfortable clothes to wear. I pulled out a pair of dark jeans and a t-shirt. I quickly dressed and went into the bathroom to finish getting ready for the day.
Even though it was just past eight in the morning, I could smell a delicious breakfast cooking. I gave myself a small smile in the mirror, noting that I looked like shit, and headed downstairs to the kitchen.
Mom was standing at the stove flipping pancakes. I walked over to the counter and sat down on one of the stools. I watched her for a few moments. When she finished she turned around and smiled at me.
"Morning sweetie," she chirped. "I'm making some pancakes and eggs for us all, to celebrate us all finally being back together."
I didn't bother pointing out that we weren't all here but she already knew that. I was so exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster the past few months had been and didn't want to hurt her. My mood fluctuated a lot but I was beginning to make a better effort at acting happier. I knew how I acted concerned her.
"Thanks Mom," I replied quietly. I gave her a small half-smile and she nodded happily.
"There we go," she encouraged. "Now, is it just me or are you looking a lot thinner? I bet your dad hasn't been feeding you properly, has he?"
I shrugged. "Been fine, I guess."
She didn't look too convinced but went back to cooking. The truth was that I hadn't been eating that much because I just wasn't hungry anymore. I continued to eat because I knew I had to and that people would only nag me about it if I didn't.
She served me a heaping plate of food which I forced down quietly. I still wasn't hungry but I did it for her. She came around and sat by me, rubbing my back gently.
"I know it's been so hard on you, including the move and everything," she said as she stared off in the distance. "I love you, sweetheart. Please don't forget that. I know you're going to miss him and visiting him, I do too, believe me. But this move...It'll help get our lives back. We'll always remember him. It was just too difficult living back home, and then your dad got that job offer..."
I turned my head and just looked at her. I could tell she was fighting off tears and I gave her a quick hug. I pushed my plate away and mumbled, "I'm gonna go for a walk...get used to the neighborhood a little."
She gave me a watery smile and nodded. I grabbed a jacket of my father's and put it on. I went out the front door and started walking. I looked up and saw the man who'd ran into the forest the day before standing on his porch. He was staring at me and our eyes met. I stopped walking.
After a few seconds of eye contact I started to feel uncomfortable so I broke it off. I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled my iPod, which I carried with me at all times. I started fumbling with the earbuds, trying to put them in. Finally, mission accomplished, I chose a song and looked up again. The man was gone.