SNOWBALLS

Tinker Bell decides to shoot a "Making of..." documentary during the filming of SECRET OF THE WINGS and gets more than she bargained for.

My first attempt at a short, one shot story. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Tinker Bell, Disney Fairies and all associated characters and content are the property of The Walt Disney Company, the character of Tinker Bell originated by J. M. Barrie. This fan fiction parody / satire is not intended for monetary gain or other profit and exists solely for the purpose of fan entertainment.

Tinker Bell is in the makeup room where everyone is seated and being prepared for the day's shooting schedule. She is walking around holding a hand held digital video camera. From the point of view of the camera.

-Begins recording-

Tinker Bell (holding the camera at arm's length and focusing it on herself): Hey, everyone, Tinker Bell here. It is five in the morning and I'm with all of my friends as we are getting ready to do some filming on my new movie SECRET OF THE WINGS. All of us arrived at four in the a.m. so we could be get in as much footage as we can today. It is winter time, so the days are shorter and the director doesn't want to lose any daylight. Since I have light schedule today I decided to shoot my own "making of…" documentary to be included on the DVD and Blu-Ray as a supplement for you, my wonderful fans.

(She aims the camera at her friends. Silvermist, Fawn, Iridessa and Vidia are seated in their makeup stations being primped and readied. Sil, Fawn and Vidia appear to be leaning back. Iridessa is awake, alert and holding several pieces of paper in her hand.)

Tinker Bell (off camera): Silvermist, Fawn and Vidia were out partying late last night so they are catching up on some sleep while in their makeup chairs. You can hear Vidia's snoring all the way over here (laughing). Iridessa, always the one to obey the rules, believes in the notion that early to bed and early to rise makes a fairy healthy, wealthy and wise. You'll never catch her asleep in her chair.

(Tinker Bell walks to the light talent fairy)

Tinker Bell (softly, so as not wake the others): Hi, Iridessa.

Iridessa (also softly): Oh hi, Tink.

Tinker Bell (pointing camera at Iridessa): I'm recording a "making of…" documentary showing how we all prepare. What are you reading?

Iridessa: I'm studying my lines in the script so I'll be ready for my scenes.

Tinker Bell (briefly turning her camera to the others who are asleep, then back to Iridessa): I wish they all had your discipline. It must have been a real blow out party.

Iridessa: I guess so, I went right to bed. Vidia didn't party, though. She had a date last night. She never went home, just came straight here from his place.

Tinker Bell: What? How do you know? Did she tell you this morning?

Iridessa: She didn't have to, I could see it when she walked in the door. She arrived wearing the exact same clothes she wore last night, her hair was a real mess, she was missing a shoe and her blouse was buttoned all wrong. Oh, and she was walking kind of funny this morning, too. I guess she had a really good time.

Tinker Bell: Who did she have a date with?

Iridessa: I don't know, just some guy she met at a bar.

Vidia (groggily, with a scratchier than usual voice): I'm going back tonight to pick up where we left off. Now let me get some sleep.

Tinker Bell (turning the camera on herself): Uh…, I'll just do some creative editing later. Thanks, Dessa. Wow, who knew that about Vidia.

Tinker Bell pans camera around to Fawn, who is sleeping in her chair. The animal fairy is talking in her sleep, mumbling something. Tinker Bell puts the camera in close to hear what she is saying.

Fawn (barely audible): Oh, Raul, do more Jell-O shots off of me. Mmm..., yeah.

Tinker Bell (swinging camera away from Fawn): Uh…, let's try to Silvermist.

Camera pulls in close to the water talent, who is also sleeping and is also talking in her sleep.

Silvermist: Oh, Raul, do more Jell-O shots off of me. Mmm…, yeah.

Tinker Bell: Oka-ay. I will cut that part out later.

Tinker Bell swings camera towards herself again.

Tinker Bell: I think I should try this another day. Well, maybe I can still get some good material from my little sister.

Tinker Bell swings the camera back around again. The camera shot moves out the door, through a hallway and into another makeup room which is kept chilled for the winter fairies.

Tinker Bell: Peri and her friends are also here getting ready for today's shooting schedule. (Focuses on a reflection in the mirror). There is Lord Milori in his chair. And there is Queen Clarion talking to him. Looks like she is going to steal a kiss while the makeup girl is turned around. Oop, the girl saw them. (Sounds of yelling from the girl). Wow, she is giving Queen Clarion an earful. I think the queen smudged Milori's makeup. (Turns camera to herself) You don't hear that often, now do you?

Sounds of yelling and screaming from the other end of the room. Tinker Bell focuses camera on the commotion. It is Rosetta and Sled who are arguing.

Tinker Bell: Uh oh, sounds like trouble in paradise. (Swings camera back around to face the corridor).

Rosetta (walking towards the camera, but yelling at Sled): I have had it with you!

Sled: But I didn't do anything.

Rosetta (stops and turns to Sled): You're a pervert, Sled. You better not put that up on the internet or we are through. You hear me? Through!

Tinker Bell: What happened, Ro?

Rosetta: Sled used a hidden camera to record us while we were making love last night.

Sled: No I didn't.

Rosetta: Now he is going to put it on the internet so everyone can see us, can see me. (To Sled) PERVERT!

Sled: It never happened, Ro. It never happened, Tink.

Rosetta: Yes it did (points her finger accusingly).

Sled (To Tinker Bell): The stress of the movie is getting to her and she has been having strange dreams and nightmares lately. Last night she dreamt I put a hidden video camera to record our love making so I could up it on the internet and charge people to watch it. Like those celebrity sex videos that circulate the web.

Rosetta (loudly): AH HA! So you admit it.

Sled: It was just in your dream.

Rosetta: Dream or not you still did it and I am never going to speak to you again until you apologize and delete that video.

Sled (exasperated): There was no camera and there is no video, Ro. Nothing was recorded last night.

Rosetta (turning away from him and putting her hand up in his face): This conversation is over. I'll be on my side of the border. When you are ready to apologize for your cheap voyeurism you know where you can find me.

Sled: But, Rosetta, it was just in a dream. How can you hold me accountable for something I never did?

(Rosetta walks away angrily, not saying another word to him or to anyone)

Sled (mumbling to himself): This is insane.

(Milori walks up to Sled and puts his hand on Sled's shoulder)

Sled: Lord Milori, what should I do?

Lord Milori: Apologize

Sled: But I didn't do anything, it was just in her dream.

Lord Milori: It doesn't matter. Apologize.

Sled: Why are you taking her side?

Lord Milori: I'm not, I'm speaking from years of experience.

Sled: Experience? Did the queen ever do that to you?

Lord Milori: Yes. She once withheld all favors for over half a century because she thought I had misplaced her favorite crown. As it turned out one of her attendants had misplaced it. But that didn't matter. I had to beg forgiveness for something I had never done.

Sled: But she apologized when she found out it wasn't your fault? Right?

Lord Milori: No. And she never will. Let me tell you a little secret I learned the hard way about being married. If something bad happens and it is your fault, it's your fault. If something bad happens and it's her fault, it's your fault. And if something bad happens and it is no one's fault, it is still your fault.

Sled: You can't be serious.

Lord Milori: When I married Clarion I thought, as you did, that she completed me. As it turned out what it really meant was that I was finished.

Sled: Please tell me you're kidding

Lord Milori: I wish I were.

Sled: Why did I even bother to get married?

Lord Milori (jokingly): I ask myself that question every day.

Queen Clarion: I heard that!

Lord Milori: Oh dear!

Queen Clarion (unpleasantly): Do you actually regret our marriage?

Lord Milori: No, of course not, dear. Sled was having some problems…

Queen Clarion: Do I make you feel like less of a sparrow man?

Lord Milori: Never, my love. You complete me.

Queen Clarion: I complete you? Is that code for "you're finished?"

Lord Milori: That was spoken in jest, my beloved. I would never…

Queen Clarion: I'll be on my side of the border. When you are ready to begin apologizing, you know where you can find me. (Queen Clarion flutters away in a huff.)

Lord Milori (Calling out to her): My dear, it's not what you think. Clarion, dearest. Your highness!

Sled: She's going to withhold favors again, isn't she?

Lord Milori: Yes, she is a camel that one. One night of passion can sustain her for decades.

Sled: Well just say you're sorry.

Lord Milori: It's not that easy with a woman like that, my boy. When one makes a serious faux pas a simple apology isn't enough. I must beg her forgiveness through various acts of groveling, gift giving and self-humiliation. Once she believes that I have done enough to atone for the grievous act against her then she may welcoming me back into her bed. But she will remain cold towards me for some time afterwards just to make sure I have learned my lesson.

Sled: Wow. Will I have to do that with Rosetta?

Lord Milori: Oh indeed. Rosetta is not unlike Queen Clarion. Both are very high maintenance, both are very easily offended and both require a great deal of compensation for all offenses, real or imagined.

Sled: Why do I feel like I just lost my snowballs?

Lord Milori: Yes, dear boy. The day we agreed to marry those fairies we both lost our snowballs.

Tinker Bell (turning the camera back to herself): Well this certainly isn't going on the DVD.

-End Recording-

The scenario about Rosetta being mad at Sled for something she dreamed was inspired by something I saw on television. During the Christmas Holidays a couple of years ago I was watching MIKE AND MIKE IN THE MORNING on ESPN2. The two regular hosts were on vacation and one of the guests hosts related a story wherein his wife dreamed he had done something incredibly stupid. When she woke up she was mad at him and stayed made at him for days until he apologized... for real. I know it sounds insane, but that's what happened.

Please review and comment (so I'll know if I should run and hide). Thank you.