AN: So this is a lighter something. A little bit of fluff, I dont normally write fluff but I was in the mood after reading an amazing book. Just something to help pass the time once again as I put off everything else I should be doing. Let me know what you think.
Enjoy.
She was suffocating by what felt like a heap of bricks. She sauntered towards the end of the confined space and watched as the dress drug behind her, swaying forward and back with every stride. It weighed her down significantly, but then again she couldn't tell the difference between the weight of the dress and the weight of her heart.
In a fleeting glance, she saw herself in the mirror, looking beyond what everyone else saw on the exterior, she shuddered. Just an outline of what used to be—she was decomposing under the illustration she portrayed for everybody else. If only they knew, they wouldn't all be out their waiting. She absorbedly stared into her own eyes, sheets of water causing all that was around her to turn into a vague impression of what she knew was there. She looked at her dress again, it wasn't what she always imagined but she figured it'd do. She laced her fingers through her hair and smoothed out the bottom half of her dress. Fifteen minutes and counting, fifteen minutes and there was no turning back.
She had anticipated this day as a child—a vast church lined with vivid mutli-colored stain glass windows, hundreds of guests overflowing into the courtyard, her father walking her down the isle along to the music of Bach's Pachelbel's Canon in D Major. She had dreamed this day countless times, but now that it was becoming a reality she became conscious of the fact that she had left out the one most imperative details of that desire.
Who was the man waiting at the end of the alter?
In her reverie he was forever the one, but for her in this moment, he was her second choice.
"Sades--" she griped, looking beyond herself in the mirror she met her sisters gaze, "Something just doesn't seem right," she examined her reflection for what was now at least the fiftieth time.
"Everything is perfect Jude, I don't know what more you could want," she sparred from across the room.
There were a million things more she could want—she could name off at least one-hundred of them right now. For example, a dress that weighed less, a stick of carefree gum, more comfortable shoes, but there was one in particular that she sought after more than anything else, the one she would throw her entire life away for, but sorrowfully he was her first choice and he was not the one that was here today.
Jude picked up the bottom half of her dress as she heavily sat herself down on the floor, she raised her hand to her temple as she leaned forward, "I don't feel so great," modest beads of panic were commencing on her forehead.
"Its just nerves Jude, everyone gets them."
"This isn't nerves."
"Jude--"
She shot her sister a look so sinister that even the devil himself would have been petrified—this was her day, if she said it wasn't nerves Sadie better just take note and do something about it.
"I'll go get you a glass of water."
"Thanks," she muttered as she followed her sister's movements out the door, into the crowd outside that was waiting for just a glimpse of her.
She stared at her dress in a mound around her, she observed at the hem a small piece of thread hanging loosely out of place, suddenly, that was all she could see. The whole world was that unraveled piece of fabric. It all became so clear, it's such a lie that people should do what's in their heart. If everyone did what was in their hearts, the world would come to a halt. She heard the doors open again, but she couldn't tear her eyes off the single thread out of place, abruptly there was a glass of water in front of her face, "Thanks Sadie," she took the water from her hands and took a sip.
"Sure."
Looking up, she hastily rose to her feet, "Tommy," it was more or less a question.
She stepped back towards the mirror.
"Jude."
"What are you doing here Tommy?"
"You look beautiful," He walked around the room investigating the very last place she would be considered a single a woman. He roamed in circles, like a lion stalking its prey, frequently stopping every so often to pick something up before putting it back down, "Thanks for the invite," he skewed his head, glancing to his left and for the first time making eye contact with her.
"I didn't invite you," the words slipped almost noiselessly from her mouth.
"Huh," he came to a halt at the dresser, his heart shattering at the sight of her engagement photo.
She watched him from the opposite side of the room.
He picked up her veil and examined it intimately—the fabric ran through his fingers like water.
"Tommy" she whispered loudly, "You have to go," she advanced towards him, harshly resting her hands on his chest and pushing him towards the door.
"You know you don't want to marry him," he stiffened his posture, making it nearly impossible for her to move him.
She scoffed at his allegation, perhaps that was the truth, but he would never know that.
"Oh please Tommy and what? I want to marry you instead?"
"I didn't say that."
"Right."
"They may buy into this Jude," he waved his index finger up and down her petite frame, "But don't think you can fool me."
"It's been three years—you don't even know me anymore."
"I know you Jude and this isn't what you want."
"Tommy, please, I'm getting married in ten minutes and I can't do this right now."
"Now is as good a time as any," he stepped out of her path and walked further back into the room, towards the mirror.
She turned around to face him, her back now up against the door.
"And so was yesterday and the day before that and the month before that and the year before that…" she trailed off.
She suddenly wanted to rip out her heart and hand it to him on a silver platter. If he wanted it, he could have it, he's always had it—he just doesn't know how to treat it. Instead of cradling and protecting it, he dropped it, ran over it and devastated it to the point of no restoration.
"If not now Jude, when?"
"I don't know."
"Once it's too late?"
"I don't know."
"Tomorrow when you're on your honeymoon? Two years from now when you're pregnant with your first child?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" she bellowed at him amidst tears, "I said I don't know, can't you just for once listen to what I am trying to say?"
"It has to be now Jude, it has to be now."
She shook her head in disbelief, she was getting married in eight minutes to her second choice and her first choice was standing right in front her, trying to persuade her otherwise.
"What do you want from me?" she sat down on the cushioned armoire that matched the vanity, wiping away the tears with her hands.
"I want you."
Her head shot up—suddenly he was kneeling in front of her of her, his hand framing her face, his thumbs dabbing away her tears.
"I want you Jude, all to myself, always and forever."
"Tommy," she hiccupped, "I can't."
"Yes you can, you can…" he trailed off.
She shook her head, the tears declining off her cheeks streaking her white dress.
"Just come with me," he stood up, suspended above her, he held out his hand, "Jude."
She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his, how could she say no to the one she really loved, yet break the heart of the one who was waiting for her out there.
"What about—"
"Don't worry about him, he'll get over it, there are hundreds of people here to console him."
"Tommy?" she stood up, meeting him eye for eye, "Just go."
"Not without you."
"Then I have to go," she brushed past him and out the engraved wooden doors into the crowd that was waiting.
She saw her father before her at the end of the vestibule, a grin spread across his face, his hand extended, waiting for her take it.
She wiped the tears from her cheeks and the mascara from under eyes, she took her dads hand in her own as the music began to play and together they made their way down the isle.
Outside the church Tommy walked gradually towards his car empty handed. He pulled his keys out from inside his pocket. As badly as he wanted to wait and watch her exit the church, he couldn't bring himself to endure such pain.
"Tommy!"
His heart skipped a beat and the sound of his name, he turned around so sternly he was sure he'd get whiplash.
"Sadie," his voice was tranquil.
"I'm sorry Tommy, I was sure she'd pick you."
"Thanks anyway," he bowed back towards his car.
"Hey Tommy?"
He twisted around again to face Sadie, "yeah?" he garbled.
"I think you're forgetting something," she smiled.
"Sadi—"
He glanced at her before his eyes fell onto the church doors, they swung open just as Jude in her huge white dress came rushing down the stairs, a swarm of people following behind her.
"Tommy!" she shouted and she ran towards him, she rushed into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing the nape of his neck, "I want you too," she cried, "I want you too."
"Jude," he pulled her away to look at her.
"Just shut up and kiss me," she smiled as his lips came crashing down upon hers.