I thought this gringo was stupid…but not this stupid. I open the door to my house and bam, there Alfred, the personification of the United States of America, is ringing my doorbell non-stop.
"Oye! I can here you the first time, knock it off!"
I swear if he rings that doorbell one more time I'm going to punch him straight in the face. Seriously who the hell comes knocking at a Mexican's, who has a hangover, door at 2 in the morning!?
"Oh! Hi, sorry didn't see you there."
"It's my door, attached to my house…the only one that'll be here would be me."
Alfred stood there for a couple of seconds, looking straight at me with his trademark smile on his face.
"Well, are you going to let me in?"
I should really just slam the door on his face and let Alfred to the chupacabra, but even if he is annoying it'll go against my hospitality rules towards others. After a few minutes of consideration, I let Alfred in.
"State your business." I say coldly (that hangover sure is a bitch)
"Wow, you're sure in a friendly mood"
"Alfred, you're lucky I even let you in"
"Okay, fine I'll tell you why I'm here"
Alfred moves his way to my couch and flops himself on it. I move towards the kitchen to make something to drink while Alfred got himself comfortable. Ay…que me dijo que le gustaba de tomar la otra vez? Alfred sits there for a couple of seconds, in silence. Why is he so quite? Something's up, Alfred can't keep his mouth shut even if it is to save his own life.
"Well, are you waiting for some kind of invitation? Spit it out"
"It's about England…"
"What about your English guy?"
I move towards where Alfred is sitting and hand him a cup of coffee (I remembered). He took it gladly.
"Aw, Juan you remembered"
"Alfred, stop beating the bush"
"Okay! Geez, so testy today…England broke up with me…"
"QUE!? Don't get me wrong it's not like I care or anything…I thought you guys were very happy together?"
"Yeah…that's what I thought so too"
Alfred's face was so sad I could see he was trying to hold back tears. I swear that Arthur Kirkland is going to face my rath the next time I see him. It's not like I care for Alfred's feelings, it's just I don't want an angry Alfred taking it out on me (taking into consideration that we share the same border and all…). Yeah, that must be it. After a few minutes of silence Alfred continued.
"He said I was too childish and that I didn't get anything! And, and, and…"
And that's where it all came tumbling down.
"What do I do? What do I do!? My couch! It's getting all wet…do something, anything!" My head was going a million miles per hour as I saw Alfred crying there. I never saw Alfred this distraught over a broken relationship before, not even after that Russian guy. Now that guy sure knew how to have fun! Too bad for the whole tension thing going on with him and the other countries, I should really ask him if we can go have a drink together sometime. Wait, this situation has nothing to do with Ivan! I could not let this go on any longer. I grabbed Alfred and wrapped him in my arms and began to pet his head.
"Hey, tonto it's okay. Calm down"
I could feel that he calmed down a bit and when I thought he could hold himself together I let him go.
"Okay, sorry to be so cold but why come to me? I can't really help you out very well"
"Well…I-
Oh! I know what I can do.
"Unless, you want me to beat him up! Yeah, I can do that! I just need to contact a couple of people and…" I quickly sat up and tried to get to the door, where Alfred stopped me.
"No!" Alfred tackled me to the floor.
We fell to the floor with a loud thud and with one swift motion he flipped me over so I was on my back. I seriously forgot how strong that boy actually is. You think a man whose diet consists of mostly cheeseburgers and junk food, would be weaker then this.
"Ow! What the heck was that for!?"
"You're not going to beat up England!"
"Why not? I was only trying to help!"
Seriously who those this guy think he is!?
"Not like that!"
"Then how!"
"Like this…"
Alfred reaches into his pocket and pulled out a small, green bottle with a wooden cork. Whatever this bottle had to do with the situation at hand, I don't know, but whatever it was it reeked of England's doing.
"I need you to drink this and help me make England jealous"
"No! I'm going to stop you right there!"
There is no way I am going to drink something strange to help Alfred! Especially if the thing Alfred wanted me to drink is made by England.
"C'mon please~ c'mon Mexico! Please"
No I am not going to get dragged into this! This whole plan of his is ridiculous. No wonder England called this guy childish. I struggled to get Alfred off of me. This brute has seriously gone a long way from when he was a kid. I remember when we were both younger and I would always beat him when it came to strength. Now it's another story. After a few intense minutes of punching and shoving, Alfred pinned me down to floor.
"There! C'mon Mexico just drink it!"
"No I'm not drinking anything strange! Plus it reeks of eyebrow's doing"
Alfred sat on me and looked down at me with his infamous puppy eyes. I swear that look can make anyone jump off a cliff if Alfred asked him too.
"Please, Juan for me?"
Agh, don't look at me like that. Not the kicked perrito look!
"Fine"
"YAY-
"Hey, don't get too excited! Before I drink anything, what does it do?!"
Alfred suddenly looked confused and turned his head to the side a little.
"I don't know…"
"How do you not know?! And you expect me to drink this!? No, estas loco en la cabesa!"
"Hey! No turning back now you agreed!"
"Fine"
I swear I'll curse him for this. I yanked the bottle from his hand and with one big swig at the liquid I drank it all. It tasted funny almost like tequila but smoother and it almost had a sweet taste to it. I could feel the warm liquid slide down my throat and reach my stomach. What is this stuff? I just laid there for a couple of seconds and waited for some kind of reaction, but I felt nothing.
"Well, did it work?" I said.
Wait…was that my voice? It sounded feminine.
I got up on my shoulders to get up from the floor. Alfred, as to snap out of a daze, practically flung himself off me. I stood up from the floor and looked at him. What's up with this guy? One second he was bouncing off the walls and the next Alfred looks like he's seen a ghost.
"Ahora que? Cat got your tong?" (I think that's how the expression goes, right?)
As soon as I got up, I tilted forward. My chest felt really heavy all of a sudden, it was hard to stand straight.
"Juan…I think you need to go look at a mirror"
"Why? Can't you just tell me what's going on?"
"Nope, I think it'll be better if you go look for yourself"
"Alright…"
Trying not to trip over my pants (why was I tripping over my pants?), I ran to the closets bathroom and looked in the long mirror. What I saw in the mirror shocked me. There where my reflection should have been stood a petit woman.
"AAAAAHHHH!"
Alfred ran at full sprint towards the bathroom and burst the door open.
"WHAT'S WRONG!?"
"Look at me! I'm a woman!"
I got closer to the mirror and looked more closely at my (well, female me) reflection.
"…And a good looking one too" I said.
I lift my arms over my head and my sleeves fall all the way down to my shoulders. I thought the female version of me would have a little more meat on her bones, but okay. My short hair was replaced by long black hair that half way reached all my back.
"JA, JA, JA, JA!"
"Why are you laughing?"
I chose to ignore answering Alfred, until a seriously funny Idea popped into my head. I turn to Alfred and giving him my most seductive grin (hey, I'm a woman now. I might as well have a little fun) and put my hand on my hip.
"Do I look sexy to you, Alfred?"
As soon as I said that, Alfred's face turned a bright red.
"JA, JA, JA! Oye, fue una broma"
"It's not a very nice joke, Juan"
"Call me Juana" I said and I give Alfred a small punch in the arm.
"Sure, why all of a sudden?" Alfred looked at me with a confused face.
"Well, you can't be calling me Juan, when we make that eyebrows jealous"
Alfred couldn't contain his over excitement; he pulled me in a big hug and spun me around the room. Alfred's mood was no longer so dark, and for some strange reason I was also happy as well. Looking at his reaction I knew that there is the Alfred I knew that hyperactive goofball of a man.
"Ja,ja,ja, put me down you're going to make me dizzy"
Alfred put me down gently on the floor and kneeled in front of me. Alfred for once in his life looks absolutely serious. We both paused and looked at each other. Once again Alfred pulled me in for another hug, but this one was more gentile.
"I'm glad I have a friend like you, I owe you one"
I gave Alfred's head a small nudge.
"Yes you do, big time." I smile.
I gently pull Alfred's arms from my figure and pull him up to face me.
"Vamos, we got to make a little stop at Puerto Rico's house first."
"why?"
"Well, I can't go around wearing something that I can fit 2 of me in."
Alfred instantly got over exited and threw me over his shoulder.
"Then let's go my lady, the plane a waits!"
"Hey!"
We both left my house and got on the plane to Puerto Rico. I wonder if this plan of Alfred's will even work out in the end or if it will even be worth it. All I know is that Alfred is very confident in his plan; I guess that's a reward in itself, right? That's Alfred for you…always getting himself worked up. I thought this gringo was stupid…but he's my gringo.
My friend.
