Disclaimer: I do not own countries or board game. I know you're upset. Go have some ice cream and you'll feel better about it, I promise.

Author's Note: The most perfect pairing ever, I imagine. I've tried to make this in a coversation style but obvious enough that everyone should know who's talking, sort of an upgrade from the other time I tried this. Let me know if it actually improved. This story won't make a whole lot of sense unless you've actually played Risk! and then if that, the one described here is not a modern version. The version I play is from 1975. I would suggest Googling the rules to understand what the characters are doing and why America is so mad at Canada. (Also, no, this is not a CanadavsUS story – more of one of those experiences where that person who had nothing and was on the edge of death somehow wipes the entire board. We've all been there at one point or another.)

Summary: So England, Canada and America are playing a board game…It's all in the name of "family time", really.

"-these cards don't count Alfred, you don't have a cannon. Only three good men for you."

"That's not fair Arthur!"

"I wasn't the one who landlocked myself in Argentina. Now roll the bloody dice."

"6:2."

"6:6."

"Argh, Mattie, you're killing me!"

"Sorry."

"No you aren't!"

"…sorry…"

"Now, now lads – Matthew, you've taken North Africa. Where next?"

"Central America to Venezuela."

"Roll then."

"Oh fine. 6:6."

"6:5."

"One each boys."

"HA! In your face Mattie!"

"One each. As you had one man on Venezuela, you lose her."

"Excuse me, but Venezuela to Peru."

"Aw, Mattie, please…"

"He can keep rolling until he takes a country. And if he wants to keep going, well, with the amount of men that he has on the board, he can."

"5:3."

"Friggen' hell. 4:4."

"You lose two men there Alfred, roll again with only one of the dice."

"%*!$"

"I did not raise you to use that kind of language Alfrid. Roll your dice."

"1:1."

"3:2."

"Well then Matthew, Peru is yours."

"This sucks."

"I told you that if you paid attention to our chess games then the tactics there would serve you well elsewhere. Or, I don't know, instead of laying waste to my armies we could have forged an alliance and dealt with your brother properly."

"How was I supposed to know he'd cash in and get like, seventy men?"

"It's an awfully long game, eh?"

"Just rolls boys."

"Whatever, 5:1."

"6:2."

"Next time Arthur, I pick the game."

"You wanted to play conqueror Alfred. I was all for a game of cribbage or that new card game you two play – Uno? And stop whining, it's undignified. I never whined after losing you or your brother or any of my other colony-children."

"Drink your tea old man."

"Can we play Sorry! next time? I've got it stashed around here somewhere…"

"No, Mattie."